I've been giving this some thought the last couple weeks.
Its obvious why I drink really. Its self medication and an extremely unhealthy coping mechanism.
Regardless of whether I drink or not I feel like a worthless piece of shit,
I'll never have a career
I will never find someone
I will never amount to anything in life.
And there's more but these thoughts run through my head on a daily basis, and the truth is I don't know if any of that is true but a large part of me believes it,
But when I drink, I get a moment to breath figuratively speaking, the thoughts they leave me alone.
And the fucked up part is, that since I feel like those things I mention above are true. A large part of me doesn't see the point in sobriety,
Why be miserable, lonely, and worthless sober when you can be lonely and worthless while drunk as a skunk and not feel so miserable.
I think its why I have a hard time with sobriety,
because on some level I just don't see the point.
Its been 7 days since my last drink and tomorrow will be 8 and Wednesday will be 9 but god if sobriety doesn't suck sometimes.