Would you date somebody with mental health issues? or is it too much baggage to take on?

[Anonymous]

Im currently suffering from PTSD, depression and alcoholism which stems back to my time in afghan and the army.

Im getting better and have managed to get my drinking down to twice a week but sometimes there are weeks where i loose all self control, drink every night and the only time i get out of bed is to go to the shops to get more drink. I then snap myself out of it and get back in the gym etc.

The thing is, when im like that i only have myself to bring me out of my rut. However lonliness and boredom are another factor when im like this so If I had a girlfriend i would have a reason to pull myself together. I dont think I would have these episodes as often, nor would they last as long.

I've been thinking about getting back into the dating scene, but my confidence is rock bottom, and my self esteem is pretty much 0 right now.

Obviously i wouldn't open up about all this on the first date, but girls would you date somebody like me?

Updates

+1 y

guys opinions are welcome too of course :)

[Closet_kinky]

Well, for starters, make sure that another person isn't the only reason you pull yourself together, because people change and relationships can be extremely stressful at times. When you depend on a specific person for anything, the second you lose them or you start to lose feelings for them, you get an immediate relapse. I believe you need to get all the help that you can and resolve as many issues as you possibly can, before considering entering a relationship. I'm sure there are a lot of understanding girls who would date you regardless of your problems, but you wouldn't want to hurt someone else with them.

Also, I've had my share of dating someone and finding out they had major problems I couldn't deal with after I started developing feelings for them. So, resolve your problems to the best of your ability, and be completely straight forward about them when you decide to date. You might feel like any girl who heard these things on a first date would naturally freak out, but that's probably because she's really not okay with it. Later on into the relationship, she'll think she's okay with it, but constantly have regrets and feel trapped, if you're not straight up about it.

As for your confidence and self esteem, those are absolutely key, not only for dating, but for living a normal life. If your problems with confidence are related to your illnesses, then you should try to look at it from a positive light. Realize that your problem is nothing to be ashamed of and that, unlike so many people who are destroying the people around them with their problems, you're trying to fix yours. Never compare yourself to other people, and try to point out all the things that you like about yourself and improve those, as well.

[Anonymous]

It depends on how far along they are in the process of managing it and also if they become dangerous at any time. I have anxiety and depression, but still function pretty well, with the help of exercise, meds, a few therapy sessions and self help.

I would like to date someone who understands how hard it can be, so I would totally be open to someone with similar struggles. However, dating someone whose condition is not being managed - especially if they are prone to violence or emotional manipulation (I have had relatives with either/both of these problems) when they are struggling is hellish.

My strongest suggestion is to start by getting the alcoholism under control. I've had to cut way back on my drinking, personally, despite not being a big problem drinker, because it is known to lead to more anxiety and depression.

[Asker]

hi, thanks for the reply. I dont get violent at all when I drink. I literally drink and pass out. My time is spent in my room watching crap on YT and listening to music. Its more a stress release and a sleep aid really.

you're right though, i need to get my drinking under control before i can solve the other issues.

[Opinion Owner]

Not being violent or crazy when you drink is definitely hopeful for you! I had a friend who had a similar problem with not being able to sleep without being drunk after he did a tour in iraq, but after a year or so he managed to get it sorted out. All the sugar in booze, as well as its effects on our serotonin/dopamine/etc type chemicals makes it hard to handle when you're having depression and/or anxiety. I've developed some insomnia after a family death and have been taking half a benadryl type pill to stay asleep. My pdoc says it's one of the less dangerous options and non habit forming, if that is helpful in anyway. I wish you the best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Hi mate, I know I'm a bloke and not going to directly address the question you asked the girls but let me tell you this.

At the moment I am absolutely besotted with a girl who was involved in an road traffic accident last year. She has a brain injury, memory limitations and sometimes does silly things. She also has problems with anxiety and PTSD.

I am very worried about how me declaring how I feel to her may be received, by both herself and our mutual friends. I am scared people will think I'm taking advantage of her when she is not herself.

In essence what I'm trying to say is that there are people out there who can want to date and be involved with someone who has mental health issues. I am one of them.

I hope although not directly answering you question this will be of some reassurance to you that you current predicament is not permanent and you may we'll find a woman who is willing to not only overlook but help you with your problems.

Open up to them when you are ready (I know that's easy for me to say) but it's probably the best course of action, only when your ready of course.

[Asker]

thats nice to hear. im glad to see that is isn't a deal breaker for everyone and I hope things work out for you and your girl. you sound like a decent bloke who will take care of her!

[PublicEnemyNumber-1]

Nope, I shall not date any person with problems due to the fact that I have zero tolerance for practically everything. I do have problems myself however; Megalomania, misanthropy and perfectionism are among them. (Full list on my profile page, there are a lot. Nothing serious though.) So if a woman has my problems, than I would date her due to the fact that we share that in common.

[Asker]

that would be one hell of a relationship lol. surely though, if you suffer from misanthropy then you are generally incapable of being in a relationship as you hate other humans?

[PublicEnemyNumber-1]

I hate other humans, that doesn't mean I do not find them attractive.

[Asker]

true, but if you hate them could you stand to be in a relationship with them?

Im kind of curious as to how severe it is tbh. I've briefly heard of the term before in college psychology, but never actually gave it much thought or how it affects people.

[PublicEnemyNumber-1]

I could stand being in a relationship, but I wouldn't feel anything considering I am aromantic. Mainly use her for sex.

[Wondahwoman]

My boyfriend and I are both recovering addicts with bipolar disorder. It's a hell of a ride at times. While I greatly appreciate someone who understands how my mind works, sometimes we can have episodes where all hell breaks loose, and it can take a few days to a week for one of us to say "this is enough", stop and also pick up the other. Sometimes it can feel like too much, but deep down I know he is worth it and we work together. Sometimes I feel like he is the only one that can work for me. The only one that will ever really understand and accept me for me. That being said there are a few deal breakers. If one of us decides to go off the rails and drink for days we know it will cause the other to do so. We have a two day limit because by day three the other is drinking. So while we avoid drinking and drugs at all costs, we understand that the minor slip up can happen... But if it goes on longer than two days the other is there to give a good kick in the ass.

If there weren't limits we wouldn't work. If we weren't trying to better ourselves and taking our medications we wouldn't work. We know this and it's part of what keeps us motivated. It'll never be perfect, but who is? I think that as long as there is a connection there, and you are working on yourself women would date you. You just have to find one you mesh with. Not many would put up with excessive drinking though. Some do for awhile but it gets old.

[Kiwedin]

I think it's best to work on yourself before thinking about including anyone else in your life. This isn't to say that you shouldn't date or that no one will want to date you, but what you've described is a bit serious. I don't know you personally, but I feel like your mental health should be your number one concern right now. My father is a police officer, so I've witnessed him go through PTSD, depression, and anxiety so I know how hard it is to both deal with it and witness someone else deal with it. If he were to give you advice right now, he'd probably tell you to focus on yourself, get the help you need, and heal yourself. Dating when you don't feel completely comfortable with your own mind is not something you want to do. Who knows, you may meet someone and she may love you and all that good stuff, but don't make it a priority.

[Polswedgirl]

I want to say yes, but I don't think I'd handle it, because my best friend's mental health issues already takes up most of my time and energy, he needs me, and I already think it's too much responsibility. I'd probably not handle a boyfriend who also has problems. I wish I could though. I know how much my friend suffers, and I don't want people who have mental illness to feel even worse knowing that people wouldn't consider dating them. But I guess that's part of the cruel world.
:(
I hope you'll find the one for you. I know she's out there.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely help my boyfriend if he suffered of depression at some point in our relationship. I don't know if I would start a relationship with a guy who suffers of depression... but I would definitely help him as a friend. And then who knows.
Depression is one of the worst thing that could happen to a human being. I've been there. My boyfriend would not understand depression and he dumped me because of it... making me fall deeper in the dark hole I was already in. I know how lonely one can feel in this situation... but have faith! Never lose hope. You'll get out of it.

🌺

[SirenDep]

It's true that when you feel loved, you are more motivated to make changes in yourself. Though, a relationship will require both people to help each other. It would make sense to get in a better place before you commit in a relationship, and get to know women as friends, at least initially.

[Marinepilot]

You're getting help and that's the first step. Thank you for you're service. It's no shame to have PTSD, I'm glad to see that they are finally treating it. I'd say get your house in order before you get back into dating. But I'll give you this caveat, many people are judgmental about mental illness. In many ways they aren't wrong. I dated some nut cases and I had to leave, Good luck.

[ElissaDido]

Honestly, I don't think that I would be able to handle it :(
But thankfully depression and alcoholism are 2 curable problems, I'm sure you'll get over it :)

[Asker]

thats fair enough. Before being diagnosed I probably would have felt the same way tbh.

[Anonymous]

I'm messed up and the guys who are into me seem worse. It's fun, scary, and sometimes pretty bad. At least I feel very wanted...

[Princessofpersia]

I have PTSD too so if he can handle me I can handle him

[Ihav2fart]

It really depends on how crazy the issue is.

[Anonymous]

Yeah if he listens & accepts help and advice.

[Anonymous]

i can take it, i would date them.