Could I be bipolar/depressed/other mental illness?

[StewieRH]

Luckily I haven't felt so bad in a while but a few months ago I kept getting depressive episodes where I'd feel really low, kept crying over little things, overreacting over certain things, losing all motivation, feeling like my life was going no where, like everything was going to go wrong, everything was boring to me, I was looking at all the bad things about myself and overlooking the good, feeling like I was a bad person who deserved punishment and so inflicted pain upon myself (e. g., hitting myself), wondering what the point was in anything including my existence, feeling like everyone was going to lie, leave, replace or betray me in some way and was just generally in a low mood. I was so scared of feeling that way forever.

When I'd get angry I'd get really angry and hurt myself by digging scissors into my arm and leaving marks though did not draw blood, biting my arms so hard it left bruises, and digging my nails into my arms.

I also worry a lot, mainly about my boyfriend - what if he likes someone else but doesn't break up with me because of it so I'm stuck only being 2nd best to him? What if he's disloyal in some way? What if he secretly fancies another girl? What if he's hanging out with her? What if when he goes to college he finds someone else he likes more but doesn't leave me and I'm there being loyal and making a fool of myself when he wishes to be with her? What if he really was lying about those things I got him to promise my life on because he doesn't actually believe anything will happen if he does?

I also get jealous easy - like any mention of another girl from him?

My brain: OMG he likes her! How can he do this to me? He should just break up with me if he likes her more!

I also get upset if I feel he is not giving me enough attention - there is more to this to but I'm running out of space. I have to wait to get help. My Dad is bipolar and thinks I could be too since he recognizes how I react to things is like him.

[kungpow89]

Well first off neither I nor probably anyone else here has the qualifications to properly diagnose you. That being said, it definitely sounds like you may have some sort of mental disorder (s). What you've described here seems to be severe enough to negatively impact your life. I can't really tell if you're bipolar or not. From what I understand about bipolar disorder is that it involves alternating periods of depression and mania. So far, all I've heard you describe is depressive episodes. So unless you've also experienced periods of mania, then you probably aren't bipolar. Again, I'm no expert, but what you've described actually sounds a lot more like borderline personality disorder (BPD). I mean you pretty much match all the usual symptoms (self harm, extreme insecurity, unstable relationships with other people, extreme sadness, extreme anger, obsession with abandonment, etc.). I'm not saying that you have BPD for sure, I'm just saying that it could be. Most people with BPD are female. I suggest that you look up the proper diagnostic criteria (from say the DSM-V) for bipolar disorder, BPD, etc. and see if any of those seem to match. Regardless, you'll certainly want to see a doctor about this. What you've described is rather worrying and is not normal at all. If you do have some sort of mental disorder, know that it will not go away on its own. Only therapy and/or medication can fix that. So yeah, please get help. Best of luck.

[StewieRH]

Thank you. I have been to my doctor about it a few times briefly and has been suggested I get counselling so I did at college then my sessions got cut short due it being half term. It was advised I try to get in contact with "Off the record" or something but am still having to wait, I don't know how long.

I have looked up BPD now though and you're right, I can relate a lot more to what that's saying than anything about Bipolar. I know I can't take it as a proper diagnosis unless a professional says it but I'm just looking for ideas of what I may have to see if I can find others who relate or what can help if you have a problem like it. I just want to put a name to what I've got so at least then it'll be easier to get help or find out why I am like I am.

[kungpow89]

Thought I'd just follow up. I'm glad to hear that you've been feeling better over the past few months. However, I think that you should be aware that there is a good chance that the symptoms will return again sometime in the future. No need to freak out or anything, just be prepared. This is why it's so important to get checked out by a doctor. It's a shame that you have to wait to get help. If nothing seems to go anywhere or the symptoms worsen, I strongly recommend seeking help elsewhere (possibly off-campus). It may take a while to find the right doctor/therapist, the right therapy, the right medication, etc. (assuming you do have a disorder). However, once you get the proper treatment, you can feel so much better (believe me, I know). You don't have to feel like this, you can get better (perhaps not "cured", but improved to the point of living a happy, normal life). Whatever you do, don't get too discouraged or feel hopeless. Many people have overcome this, so can you! Take care.

[StewieRH]

You're right - It did come back! It's gotten kind of worst :/ It happens sometimes where I get a break from it and think I'm getting better then it comes back. Luckily, I am going to this "Off the record" place on Friday to get registered, then hopefully I will be able to get help with this. Thank you for answering and replying, it has been helpful :)

[kungpow89]

I hate being right all the time lol (jk). Sorry to hear that the symptoms have returned/worsened. I can't say that I'm terribly surprised though. The problem with a lot of mental disorders is that they never truly go away for good. At best, they go "dormant" and no symptoms are shown. A lot of people make the mistake of assuming that no symptoms means they're fixed. An even bigger mistake is when they stop attending therapy, seeing a doctor, taking medication, etc. because they think they're fine. Once the symptoms come back (probably because they stopped taking their meds), they panic and overreact. So yeah, my advice would be that when you get help (and I do hope you get help soon) that you stick with it. Even if you feel fine, keep doing what your doctor tells you to do (therapy, meds, etc.). If you do this, you should be in pretty good shape. If you have any questions/concerns or just need someone to talk to, feel more than free to message me. Trust me, I won't mind. Good luck :) !

[StewieRH]

Thank you, I will do that and really appreciate your advice and offering to speak to me :)

[kungpow89]

It was no problem at all and it was a pleasure talking to you too. I'm glad to hear that I helped you out. Take care :).

[Hans222]

It's of course hard to say if you really have an issue... most GAG members are no doctors :o
But when I'm feeling like that, I immediately make sure I get myself a goal and work towards it... that helps giving me confidence again and the feeling gradually disappears.
You'll have to dear and ask a doctor for advise... I may be a confronting idea but even if you have problem help may be underway than!
Wish you the best with it :D

[bumblebee14]

You know, sometimes when you think you COULD BE bipolar too, your mind uncounciously will make it as if you ARE bipolar even if you're actually not.
I have been depressed before. I have been depressed for 7 months. I know how you feel. And I put my insecurities on my boyfriend too. As you know, it's hard for us to handle our own depression, but when the boyfriend still always stay strong for you, means they really love you because they need so much strength for their own to be able to give you strength and support. You know how I got out from the depression? Even with big support of my boyfriend, I WAS THE ONE WHO TOOK THE DECISION TO WANT TO BE BETTER. Depression/bipolar/mental illness can be healed when you, yourself, want to be better. YOU are the one who is responsible for your ownself. your own happiness. Do things you love, Go out, have fun, enjoy life, stop trying to please people. Enjoy yourself, FIND YOURSELF again, and then you will be happy again.

[NJ_Casanova]

You sound like an average women, LOL.