Dealing with a miscarriage?

[Anonymous]

I was taken to hospital yesterday and discovered I was having a miscarriage. I had a feeling I was pregnant a few weeks prior to this and took two pregnancy tests a week apart and both came back negative. I just put my late period down to stress and depression as I have just recently been put on anti depressants. Now I feel completely guilty like its my fault if I had known I was pregnant I could have looked after myself properly and stopped drinking. My partners says it's nobody's fault and I shouldn't blame myself but I can't help but feel terrible. I've been signed off work for the next two weeks to recover, it's painful to even walk and I just have to rest and let nature take its course. Can anyone help me out with ways on how to cope with this mentally and physically? Any advice is much appreciated.

[popsickle]

It's not your fault, my dear. Your partner is correct. 1 in 4 pregnancies results in miscarriage is the statistic I believe. The most common cause? Unknown. Unknown is the most common reason , and none of us can be blamed for that so don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes women become pregnant and took precautions and weren't trying. They'll come to the doctor freaked out because they were smoking and drinking. The miscarriage may not have been caused by the drugs. Sometimes your own body will initiate a miscarriage if say the fetus was growing improperly or a cell mutated and was gonna create an unviable or extremely disabled baby. There are many, many causes.

Please just take care of yourself and let yourself heal. It's hard. Every woman takes the news differently. I've met women who were like "oh okay, we'll keep trying," and others who are deeply devastated and some who feel guilty and some who are relieved because they hadn't known they were pregnant and weren't ready for it. Just trust that your body knew what it was doing.

I'm a med student and I've done my Ob/gyn and pediatrics rotation. Take care... you'll be okay. If you feel concerned for future sex/pregnancies, there is plenty of info out there of how to play it safe and that may help alleviate your concerns. For now, not your fault!

[crimsonqueen]

It's not your fault. Miscarriages in the 1st trimester are extremely common in any case. If you wanted a baby you guys can always try for another down the line.

Don't beat yourself up. The fact you care says a lot. Just take it easy, get your rest, let your body heal. Feel whatever emotions you need to and don't listen to people who say it's not your right to feel them <3

[dogbert444]

This is a really tragic time for you and your partner. Sadly, I don't believe there's any magic cure for the emotional anguish you are going through. The only people that might be able to help are ladies that have been through it, and found their own way through the emotional maze to emerge OK on the other side.

It's so easy to say it's not your fault, but convincing you is much harder. People feel guilt for all sorts of reasons, like having pets put down. You know you're doing the right thing, but it doesn't stop that feeling of, "What if...".

All you can do is to take it day by day, hour by hour. Shed some tears if it helps. Lean on your guy for some support. It will get better, I promise. What I can't promise is when. Just stay safe and take care. You will have learnt a lot about your body from this, and I'm sure you will be a lot more prepared next time.

[dogbert444]

Thanks for MHG!

[Anonymous]

Miscarriage happens more often than you think. It is NOT your fault. I read somewhere that doctors (not sure if its 100% true) dont even know what causes them its just something that happens. Perhaps it was not your time to be pregnant. If you and your partner want a child later on you can always try again. The human body is a mystery and you can't beat yourself up about it. It does say a lot about you, you feel bad and wished you had known so you could get the proper care. You will be ok girl.