It isn't going to plan like it should have?

Anonymous
SO let me throw this out there, when I was 17 and about to graduate high school my father died of cancer, on my prom night, and I had to leave the dance and my date there to see him before he passed. after that she wouldn't talk to me at all, I figured because she was scared and didn't know what to do with a person like that so I've moved on since. then after that happened I graduated high school and tried to attend college. people told me I should have waited because I was a nervous wreck but I went any way. about a month or 2 into it I dropped out and its been like 5 years. I have no clue as to what I am going to do or any thing. I still live at home and I feel that if I met a girl and she heard that I am a college drop out who still lives at home with out knowing my back story she is just going to move on. I don't want a pity party I just want to be noticed, all those events f***ed with my head for a very long time. I have no true intention of going back to college, I just can't concentrate or grasp any material at all. wtf am I to do? I want out of my dead end job, but I have no where else to go. its seems that my friends are moving on with their lives but I have no motivation to want to do any thing. I don't have health insurance so I can't afford depression meds and I hate being on them I'm no the same person, I can't qualify for state aids and wouldn't want to because I would end up trying to live off of that and screw that kinda life. I have no clue where I am taking my life to. please help some advice or something.
It isn't going to plan like it should have?
2 Opinion