Men, why do you only go for skinny dingy women instead of real women with a brains?

[MistressZea]

I have been told I am mentally stimulating and very pretty. I am not a size 2 (thank God) but I am not huge either, but every guy I meet doesn't want a relationship with me. I know I'm a good catch but most men won't give me a chance because I'm not super skinny. I love who I am and I have confidence in who I am, so what am I doing wrong?

Updates

+1 y

Ok I can really spell just had my son in one arm.

Updates

+1 y

Ok just because I have kids has no bearing on this question as stepnicwat has said I am not looking for a dad for my kids but a partner for myself. My question is about why do most men go for the skinny dim witted women,(no offence to smart skinny women

[Anonymous]

Those man are just shallow people, who have appearance as a high priority. It could be that you're looking for relationships in places where you're not going to find like minded people. I was in a similar situation to you/ sort of. I'm a good looking guy who was pretty smart, but I was looking for relationships in places where people would want to hook up with the wildest stud or drunkest girl. I was clearly out my of element and wasn't even making any sort of intellectual or physical connection, for the most part.

But I started hanging out more a friend of mine, who I'm guessing like you is pretty curvey. Even though I was really attracted to her, she wasn't the usual kind of girl that I would go for considering the places where I had originally been looking. But I slowly began to realize that not only was there physical attraction, but also a mental connection and that meant a lot to me. It was a bit of a shift in my priorities and comfort in myself. I was more comfortable in my relationships and didn't care what most of my friends would have said about the relationships. Truth be told, I thought they would be very shallow and critical of my choice in women. However, they met her and saw the way she carried herself and the better qualities that she brought out in me. So they couldn't have cared less if I was dating a skinny or larger girl.

I think you should try to find places where more like-minded people meet up. Then you'd probably be able to find people who can look past any physical flaws.

[Anonymous]

1) You're a single mom with 2 kids. A lot of guys do not want this baggage. It may sound rude or unfair, but it's reality. If a guy's looking to settle down and have kids a lot of the time he'd prefer to do it from scratch with a woman rather than becoming a step dad. This can be for any number or reasons including actually being the father to them, experiencing all parts of child rearing, not having to deal with another "dad" in the picture, etc.

2) We know you're not a size 2, but your book character (which we have to assume is modeled after who you want to be) looks like she is. You don't post any pictures of yourself other than a badly taken face shot. It's true that you can't judge a book by its cover, but first impressions matter a lot for both sexes.

3) You come across really strong in your question, that may be translating into how you interact with people. They may get the wrong idea from this and/or it may turn them off. Obviously I can't say for sure as I'm only speculating and you haven't given a lot of details.

Anyway, those are just my thoughts.

[Stephnicwat]

Ok, for someone who obviously has a superiority complex, I find it interesting you sign on as anonymous. Maybe because you knew you were being a jerk when you wrote this? Yeah.. I'm thinking so. It also kind of makes you sound shallow that you think all men have issues with women who have children. Sure, I can see your point that maybe they'd like to start their own "bloodline", but why should it matter if she has kids? I'm pretty sure she's not looking for a dad for them, but a partner.

[Opinion Owner]

"I'm pretty sure she's not looking for a dad for them, but a partner."

These are not two separate issues, they are joined together very closely. Her partner MUST be a dad to her kids on some level if she expects him to be in her life for the long haul. Similarly, her partner MUST want to be a dad to her kids if he wants to be in her life.

[Tamikaze]

A reply to your update:

1. Having children does make a difference. I understand what you are saying about looking for a partner for you, not a dad for your kids. My ex-husband is a great dad and my daughter does not need a dad. However, dating a woman with children is different than dating a woman without. I cannot pickup and go when I want. I have times I am unavailable to date and, if a man were to be in my life seriously, there is no doubt he would need to interact with my daughter. Some men have strong opinions on how children should behave and some just don't want to deal with someone else's children. For some men, this is a deal breaker. They will not consider a woman with children to be a catch.

2. Men first must have a strong physical attraction to a woman, which sometimes equates to "skinny", but sometimes not. Once they find you sexy, then comes the topic of intelligence. Some men completely, absolutely, do not want a woman that appears to be smarter than them. They will never admit it. They may not even realize it, but I have seen it in action. There are a good number of guys who appear, on the surface, to be confident and secure, but underneath it all they are very insecure. They don't a woman who is more successful than them or more intelligent than them. Luckily, there are guys who require an intelligent woman. They are out there. They are the ones that you have to wait for. Don't even waste your time on trying to date a guy who prefers airheads. It just won't work.

[Tamikaze]

There is nothing anyone can do to be guaranteed a relationship. I have been told I am a great catch, and, you know what, I think I am too...for the right guy. Not only am I intelligent, I have a great career, I am financially successful, own my house, am in great shape, sexy and attractive. And, guess what, I have been single for 2 years now. I have met many men and have been dating regularly. But, some guys are obviously just interested in me physically, others are intimidated by me and so far the rest have not been my type so I stopped dating them.

My point with all of this is, there are no guarantees. We can work our butts off to be the best, most amazing "catch" we have been led all our lives to believe we should be and it won't get us the guy, at least not when we think it should or the particular guy we have our eye on. Also, there is not one of us that doesn't have aspects of our lives or ourselves that definitely make us un-dateable for some guys, maybe many guys. I have a 9-year old daughter, I am 47 and I am a very independent woman. That makes me un-dateable for a good number of men. Be who you are because it works for you, change what doesn't work for you, remain social so you have the opportunity to meet single men and eventually you will be back in a relationship.

[selfishstars]

Not all thin women are "dim-witted" and not all curvy women are intelligent. All guys have different opinions on what they find sexy, both physically, intellectually, and personality-wise.

And I would say that you children do play a role, as even if you're looking for a partner for yourself (and not a father for them). If someone has children, it's a package deal. Even if they were to never meet your kids (which probably wouldn't happen), you still have a responsibility to your children which takes away a lot of your freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want, since you have to worry about their well-being.

[InquisitiveMale]

I thought a smart woman such as yourself would have put the pieces of the puzzle together by now...

Men go for skinny dumb girls because their easy. If I'm simply looking for some fun am I going to hit up the beautiful, confident, intelligent girls? nope. That would be a waste of time. I'm going to go for the ones who are gorgeous but don't know it, and perhaps someone with a little space between the ears where the brain should be.

However, if I'm looking for something serious I'm going to hit up the skinny, confident, intelligent girls... why? because I see no reason to play outside of my league. Let me brake it down for you... you're 35. single. with kid... you've got your life already laid out for you. We are men after all... what man what's to conform?

Reading over my response I can see it's blunt and maybe a little abrasive but it's honest. You ask and I answered.

[tina031]

slim people have brains as well you know..

but I know what you mean. slim girls do get quite a lot of attention because they are in all the magazines and stuff.

but in london curvey brainy girls are who the hot guys go for! I get jealous of their curves!

men like something to hold on to. rather than just skin and bone! and brains to top it off makes you their perfect women.

trust me, don;t get upset and angry about other girls. truth is your more beautiful than half the women out there inside and out!

[MrNameless]

Not all men are attracted to something like pencil thin models. I sure as hell don't. Curvy/busty women are sexually attractive, and I think a majority of men agree on that.

And a man will only go after a girl with brains if he's into intelligent women and having the same intellectual simulating conversations as her, which plenty of educated men are interested in!

[oxidizer235]

cuz all the men you have been around lately are like that

[ronangel]

Some men just don't want women with baggage (children/grand-children). I don't think it's necessary to be a size 2. You're blaming the wrong thing.

[briven]

skinny dingy women are better in bed..