I was always the smart, quiet kid in school growing up. I also had poor social skills, anxiety, and depression growing up, so I was never able to have friends. I thought it would get easier when I began college. Instead, my laziness from never having to study in high school to get good grades caused me to fail many of my classes, coupled with crippling depression from any lack of intimacy in my life. I feel uncomfortable being intimate with or trusting other people. Not sure why, this is just how I am and always was. I'm 27 now and am only now about to graduate. I can't force myself to study in class and have trouble concentrating or caring about what the professor is talking about. I actually have the same problem when talking to a lot of people. I start zoning out, hyper-focusing on whether I will say or do something to make myself look stupid. My social skills have improved by a lot since I was young, but I'm just not motivated to live life. I have an apathetic sort of depression that makes it very difficult to get anything done. I can't help but feel jealous that other people have it so much easier than me. I've felt a tremendous lack of motivation to try in my classes since I got here. It's because I'm not happy in my life and I don't know how to motivate myself to live a good life for myself. I feel like I won't ever get anywhere in life unless something fundamentally changes about the way I live my life. How can I be happier in life? And motivate myself to get through a tough year? Any help would be appreciated. Thanks a lot.
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