Concerned about his health, how to talk to him?

[Anonymous]

I am legitimately concerned about my boyfriend's health. When I met him he weighed 220 pounds, he's 6 foot 6 so it made him a little bit chubby and that never bothered me.

Over the last two and a half years he has gained quite a bit of weight. He now weighs about 280 pounds. He has asthma and he smokes and I often get super worried when he breathes really hard from doing something physical, whether it is going for a jog with me (which is rare), or working on something in the garage.

He always pokes fun at me because I have lost a lot of weight since we started dating. It hurts my feelings when he points out "all the bones" he can see. It makes me nervous to talk to him about his health and how it would be BEST for him to lose some weight. I do not want him to think that I am not attracted to him anymore, because I still am and I still think he is the most handsome man I have ever met. I don't want him to think I'm being superficial.

I love him so much and it makes me sad when he says he probably won't live much longer than 20 more years because he is "fat and out of shape". I honestly don't know how to bring up the issue.

What would be a good way to talk to him about it? If he wants to remain the weight he is that is fine, but I want him to stop telling me that he is going to die because of it. It really scares me. It's not funny to me.

[Darkfairie17]

Actually 6 foot 6 and 220 isn't that bad. My boyfriend is 215 and 6 feet. He is not fat, just a little chubby but with some muscle. It depends on your guy's body type. Most guys I have dated were like 130lbs, but they were really thin, and athletic but not muscular. So think runner type, thin, light build. My current boyfriend could bulk up nicely if he wanted to. He already has some decent muscle tone. About medium build for a guy :)

But if you are concerened, just say "I really love you, but have noticed your having a lot of health difficulties. I don't want you to take this the wrong way, I mean this to help you not to hurt you, but I think that your weight is really being a big factor for your health problems. Along with the smoking and what not" Hopefully he will understand. Say that you want a long and happy healthy life with him. Hopefully that will convince him to change :)

[Anonymous]

It may hurt his feelings,but if he brings up your weight,you could always say,well,I'm a bit worried about your weight,I love and care about you and I want to know that my boy is healthy..If you're finding it hard to say that,then you could suggest that you both starting exercising and going on walks and see how he feels about that and see lets get fit..That way you don't have to say anything..

[Opinion Owner]

I meant to say start exercising and say lets get fit ,to him lol

[ShishKabob]

Normally I'd say be straight with him as that's the only way to get through to a lot of guys. We're slow in that department. But it's clear that he's using your weightloss (good for you, assuming it was on purpose!) as a defense.

I'd say bring it up and don't drop it until you can have a serious discussion with him about why you're worried and how it's a legitimate concern. Hitting him with it and forcing him to talk about it once and for all is SOOO much better than hinting at it all the time. At that point it's nagging, and we can not stand that.

I wish I could help you more, but you know him better than we do. But I reiterate that in general we hate nagging, and don't like to feel that we're being forced to change. Maybe suggest weightlifting so it's not all fat. It does burn some calories too.

[Anonymous]

Funny. When I read women wishes for men height and weight on online dating sites most say 6 feet tall and 200 pounds which corresponds to a BMI of 27, meaning pre-obese.

Why? Because most women are fat and don't want to face the fact.

Men are more honest. Tell him straight up that you think it's time he gets back on the health path because if you don't he'll end up with a heart attack. If you love him, tell him, and mention how you love him no matter what. But let's call things by their names, he's fat and needs to get back to a healthier weight.

[Asker]

I was never "fat", just chubby too. Most times when I tell him we should eat healthier and exercise more he just goes "What, so I can be anorexic like you?". But honestly, he needs to lose weight at this point, it's just hard to bring this subject up with him because of the comments he makes about my weight.

[Opinion Owner]

He's argumentative as a defense. That's why most fat women criticize healthy women too and call them names. Give him his BMI and show him yours. Facts are harder to dismiss.

[WoIIie]

Just don't allow him to eat unhealthy foods. Raid his refrigerator and throw away all the crap and find alternatives. It starts with proper diet.

After that, talk to him about joining a gym.

[Habakkuk]

tell him that you love him so much that you're really worried about his health, he should appreciate that

[Anonymous]

Good luck with that, I hope everything works out.