Is mental illness a deabreaker?

[PhilaPenn]

Say you meet someone and there is an instant attraction. They are hot, and extremely talented at something that you find interesting. The only drawback is that the person has a diagnosed mental illness. They take meds,maybe go to therapy as well. Is it a deal breaker for you, or would it not make a difference?

I'd probably be cool with it if they were in treatment and controlling the problem. Obviously anxiety or depressio, ADHD are different from schizophrenia or anorexia. But what do you think?

Updates

+1 y

Update: For the guy who didn't believe that scientists have pin pointed the differences in the brain of a liberal person versus a conservative person, check this link: link brains are intolerant to uncertainty and more more sensitve to fear.

[Jazmine453]

Absolutely not. We're all a little mental in the head if you think about it. This person just has a reason, and is actually doing something about it. How could I possibly want someone to accept me for my flaws if I can't accept theirs? In fact I used to know someone with a uncontrollable stutter and I found it to be the most adorable thing ever. I'm rambling aren't I? Sorry lol but to answer your question no it would not bother me UNLESS that mental illness is being ignored by them, and because of them refusing to get help they accidentally/ purposely harm or abuse me.

[PhilaPenn]

I agree with you. As long as its managed I don't see it as any different than dating someone with asthma or diabetes. But they have to manage it, can't be in denial about it.

[emzy-89]

I'm studying to become a psychologist and have dealt with meany friends and family members, as well as myself having some sort of mental illness For me, as long as they're either getting treatment or are willing to get treatment then no, definitely not a deal breaker for me; yes it may be difficult at times, but hey, life was never meant to be easy.

[PhilaPenn]

My sentiments exactly. It's a lot different when you have someone close to you affect by something like this. You get educated on the subject. As long as the person is committed to their treatment plan and not in denial about their condition. I wouldn't care.

[Michaelmwm19]

Maybe like what mental illness are you talking? if she takes her schizophrenia out on me and is always suspicious of me and always yelling at me causing drama then no I wouldent.

[PhilaPenn]

Any kind really. I understand where you are coming from with the schizophrenia. That's difficult to handle. But I think with most things medication and therapy can allow a person with anything to lead a pretty normal as successful life. It's just about sticking with the treatment. But I wouldn't expect anyone to be with someone who wasn't controlling their disease. But with meds you have a fairly normal person. Perhaps a bit quirky, but nothing dangerous.

[Michaelmwm19]

Sounds like you have experienced the schizophrenia first hand? lol but yeah then if it wasn't anything dangerous or psycho yeah ide give it a shot.

[PhilaPenn]

Yeah, Unfortunately I know someone who is. It's the worst disorder a person can have IMO especially when it's not treated. But on meds things like bipolar and schizophrenia are well controlled. You'd be surprised at how many famous people live with bipolar or schizoprenia, especially artists. The person just has o stay on top of things.

[Michaelmwm19]

Ide have no problem with it than

[Yellowsmurf]

I don't care, at all. If I love her she can have whatever, literally, and I'll still be by her side.

[PhilaPenn]

I agree. That's love.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

I'd probably hook up with a mentally ill guy but I wouldn't get into a serious relationship with him or have kids with him because 1) the illness would cause conflicts in our relationship and (2) I don't want to pass crazy genes onto my future kids

#yeahisaidit

[PhilaPenn]

I don't like the word "crazy". It's really general, and everyone has something. Whether it's depression, or OCD, or being bi-polar. Everyone has something. But I understand about having kids, that's a legit point.

[vmw2008]

It would depend on the condition. I have my psych degree so I learned a bit about each one and how it will affect their daily lives. Schizophrenia would be a definite no, but anxiety if treated wouldn't be a deal breaker. Depression is about 50/50. It all depends on how I see the person managing it.

[PhilaPenn]

I pretty much agree. Again, it depends on you feel about the person. I don't think that anyone who isn't on top of things is datable. But I've heard of practicing therapists who are schizophrenic but simply on too of the disorder. It's all about how they manage it. In my area, art...it's seems like all of my friends arena little weird. I love them for it though, sometimes its part of what makes them so talented.

[vmw2008]

Being weird is a plus in my book lol If I can't bring out my weird side and feel comfortable with it, I'll never end up with the guy. I agree with you though, it's all in how they manage their illness, just like anything else.

[iheartradio]

Yes. I grew up with a mentally ill mother and honestly it sucks. It's overwhelming and stressful and at the end of the day, they're hardly even accountable because it's a neurological problem. I don't want to get attached to someone mentally ill and I don't want my future children ever feelling the way I do.

[PhilaPenn]

I understand where you are coming from. My best friend is recently diagnosed as bipolar. It's a mean and difficult disorder. It can out a family through the ringer. But it's fam. I won't abandon him no matter how he treats me. But of course I've known him for more than 20 years and 90 percent of that time he was perfectly fine. If I hadn't known him so well before it might be different. I can't judge your stance, because I know where you are coming from. It's a tall order.

[iheartradio]

Bipolar disorder is not that bad. Seriously, some people act like bipolar disorder is some serious, impactful issue that is going to effect them from day to day life and it really isn't. I've done work in a mental hospital and there are way more serious, impactful mental illnesses than bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder is very minor compared to the types of mental illnesses that criple people. and "a tall order"?

[emzy-89]

Wow, clearly you haven't got any idea about Bipolar, there are differing severities and some are dreadful.

[PhilaPenn]

You are so far off base. Bi polar disorder can be absolutely crippling. Trust me, I just saw my best friend hospitalized on account of it 48hours ago. When you have racing thoughts hitting you plus multiple responses to any given situation it can cripple a person. It becomes dangerous because nothing is more terrifying than being confused plus afraid. Patients have a high suicide risk when cycling rapidly between manic and depressive states.

[iheartradio]

A very extreme case can be, but most cases are mild and don't have crazy effects like that.

[PhilaPenn]

Huh? If you are bi-polar at all, and you do not take medication to correct the chemical imbalance in you brain, you are going to cycle between manic and depressive. Sure you might not want to kill yourself (but there is a pretty high suicide rate if a patient is experiencing manic and depressive symptions at the same time), but I've seen people in manic states max out credit cards on shopping sprees. Do things that they wouldn't normally do, its like being really high. You really have no clue.

[iheartradio]

I do have a clue. You're a pain in the ass; you don't know how to communicate effectively unless someone is co-signing you and kissing your ass. Bye.

[PhilaPenn]

@iheartradio...you're a real winner

[Anonymous]

It's not automatically a deal breaker. It depends on the mental illness, the severity of it, and how they deal with it. There are some things that I just wouldn't be able to handle, and it'd be better for the both of us if we weren't together.

[PhilaPenn]

I respect that. Its honest. You're right. I wouldn't think that a person who is bi polar and someone who has a major depressive disorder would be a great match.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the illness and how it's being managed. Some people with something like anxiety wouldn't be datable if they weren't on top of things and were a needy mess all the time. But then an uncle of mine is bipolar and it's so well managed you can't tell.

[Moonrisekitten]

i would hope not! haha..

lord knows I am depressed to no end. but my boyfriend still loves me

[PhilaPenn]

Sorry to hear you have depression. But the truth is that at least you are aware of it. So many people have it but ignore the signs.

[Moonrisekitten]

Yeah and a heavy dose of Prozac really helps. It doesn't make me "happy" but it levels me out so can rise and fall naturally

[PhilaPenn]

Prozac. One of my brothers takes that. He has a major depressive disorder stemming from multiple concussions (skateboarding), I think he takes it with like Welbutrin? Idk, he's okay when he takes it. But I've heard that it can leave you kinda "flat". I dk, I feel like psychiatry is tricky when it comes to depression or anxiety. I told my doctor I was stressed out after my mom and my brother got sick at the same time and a few other situations at work. She give me celexa?Which is for depression?

[Moonrisekitten]

Yeahh I don't know I've been on meds like this or over ten years now. All I know is for me taking them is a LOT better than not taking them.

[PhilaPenn]

I feel you. Same with my bro.

[britannny]

Wouldn't make a difference to me. My family has a history of mental illness. My grandmother has been receiving regular electroshock treatments since he 70s. My mom has borderline personality disorder.

I myself have an eating disorder.

[PhilaPenn]

Hate to hear it. I hope you can successfully manage it and go on to be happy and fulfilled.

[Anonymous]

No it would not be a deal breaker. If managed correctly like you said with meds and therapy. Even if they get a little crazy sometimes I would just embraced the chaos and love them for who they are.

[maiez]

as long as she's not bullemic. And I probably wouldn't date a girl with terretz or schizophrenia.

[vertigo1201]

I could deal with depression and anxiety, but I wouldn't want to get involved with someone who was schizophrenic or had a personality disorder.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely steer clear, they aren't playing with a full deck and you could never really rely on them (relapse and medication refusal is very common). I need a partner who can support me when I need it.

[emzy-89]

what if you were married for 20yrs and then they developled a mental illness? What would you do?

[PhilaPenn]

I understand your reservations, but the way you've stated them makes you seem a little ignorant on the subject. Relapse and med refusal are on a case to case basis. Some conditions can be successfully treated without meds and therapy alone. Basically you've kinda made a big generalization. No more correct than if someone were to point to a woman PMS or fluctuating emotions as a disqualifier for holding leadership positions. Or a man's high blood pressure as a disqualifier for being President.

[Opinion Owner]

If they developed a mental illness after 20 years, that's a different story and I would support them with it but the psychotic illnesses are generally developed by the twenties.

@QA- actually, I know about the subject more than you. I have a bachelor in Psych and work as a psychosocial worker. I said medication refusal and relapse is COMMON, this is because after a peroid of time they believe they are better, so they stop taking it/doing therapies and have a horrible episode.

[PhilaPenn]

Yeah okay. Knowing a few licensed therapists, I've heard a mental health professional speak in such a cavalier manner about people suffering from a serious illness such as to to say "aren't playing with a full deck". It all depends on the person, there some functional people. Idk, maybe if you had a few more letters behind your degree you'd carry more weight. But really, who didn't take a few psychology courses in undergrad?

[Opinion Owner]

Lol, I have the qualification and the industry experience to back up my opinion unlike you. I chose not to continue on to higher studies because I wanted to earn money. You really don't have a clue about me or the industry.

[PhilaPenn]

Okay. Because psychosocial workers are clocking $150/hr plus. God help the people you're assigned to. FYI I been dealing with effects of having someone close actually battling a psychotic disorder I've seen how successful and productiv a person can be when they are on top of their ish.

[Opinion Owner]

Actually it's really good money, I'm bringing home about $900 after tax per week.

Whoa, hold the phone! DEALING WITH ONE PERSON WITH AN ILLNESS? Chuh, I had no idea you were an expert.

Btw, if you had a clue about anything, you'd realize my refusal for going with someone who has mental illness is also because they are vulnerable people within the community and need to be protected. Dating someone with a mental illness when your healthy is like taking advantage of someone.

[PhilaPenn]

You're pulling in around $50K a year...idk maybe the cost of living is low where you live. First of all, I don't simply deal with "One person with a mental illness" or "lacking a full deck", actually it's plauged a lot of people I know and care deeply about. Which is why I know as much as I do. Kinda what happens when you are an arists and run with creative types. Thin line between genius and insanity. But for an "alleged" professional, you are pretty cavalier. I hope you don't work with kids.

[Opinion Owner]

Well if you've dealt with a lot of people who have mental illness, you certainly haven't acquired much knowledge about it.

I am a professional which is why my attitude and opinion isn't sugar coated. I know exactly what I'm talking about which is why I'm frank. People with mental health issues have enough on their plate dealing with their condition, the demands of a normal romantic relationship is added pressure on their situation and can lead them to completely breaking down.

[PhilaPenn]

A professional...social worker. Not a licensed therapist. Not a psychiatrist. Not a medical doctor. You know you have the disposition of a disgruntled public employee who's probably overworked. Typical really. Therapists and psychiatrists have a much more mature and honest understanding ofnthe subject. Probably having something to do a graduate school education.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol whatever dude, keep on believing your delusions. You don't anything about the industry, my job or my attitude. All you have and know is the fantasy your brain has dreamed up, which I seem to have shattered and now because you can't disprove me (due to you not knowing anything about the subject) you're trying to attack me personally.

Can't say I'm surprised, that's generally how idiots and Americans behave.

[PhilaPenn]

Like I said. I think that therapists and pyschiatrists have better perspective than you. I've seen people live normal lives after being diagnosed schizophrenic. There are bi-polar and Schizophrenic therapists who are very successful. I called you out for a lack of sensitivity. You tried to act as though you were more of an expert than you are. I have no fantasies, these are hard conditions to live with. But people overcome them all the time. Some don't. But you generalized and you were wrong.

[Opinion Owner]

They don't have better perspective than me, they see their patients once a week give them either pill or give them some technique to practice and send them on their way. I work with them daily and actually it'a people in my job who keep clients and the community safe, we're the ones who notice when things aren't working and who intervene at a crisis.

Generalisation occurs when the majority behaves in a certain way. People do not overcome mental illness, they learn to live with it.