Mental health disorder?

[Anonymous]

i have been struggling with intermitten explosive disorder since i was about
13 years old. it was severe in my younger years, because my immaturity made me
almost seek out unfavorable situations, and not avoid them like i do now. its
better now, only due in part to the fact that im able to avoid it pretty well.
but in the rare instances where i can't, like the other day, i was going the speed
limit, actually 7mph over, and this piece of trash human has to ride inside my ass
IN THE RIGHT LANE, could've got over and passed me, which he did, but then he swerves
infront of me and brake checks me, i cannot even begin to explain, how badly that
destroyed me mentally, i followed him for awhile, but i think he realized that and
called the police, and in the 15 mins i was following him, i came out of it enough
to just leave it. im only fourtunate enough he didn't pull over, shoot me, or get his ass
beat, or beat my ass.

today i had a normal convo with my girlfriend, she then bagan nagging me for something minor,
something a normal person wouldn't blink twice at, but it made me MAD, so i did what i always do
and stormed off to calm down, but she kept following me, and started yelling, then it was just
lights out, broke my right had so badly that i might never have full dexterity in pointer/middle
finger ever again punching my refridgerator, punching things is probably the best coping skill i
have outside of storming off. but im getting older, and my body can't hold up to this shit anymore.
and in my rational mind, i can see how cancerous of a mental dieses this is, and at 26, dealing with
this for over 13 years, hiding, avoiding social situations, always being ready to blow, its wearing
on my ability to rationalize existing anymore. its horrible when im angry, horrible when i freakout,
then even more horrible after i calm down and feel the guilt.

Updates

5 mo

i decided to just end things with my girlfriend of over 4 years. she's extremely upset now,
and begging me to talk to her, i guess she figures im angry at her, but i just dont feel
like i can maintain a relationship with anyone anymore, its not her, its me, literally.
and i tried explaining that, but she keeps acting like her nagging me is why im angry at her
but im not angry at her at all, im just defeated once again by my lack of intellectual function.
i just have no idea what to do anymore

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn bro, that IED shit sounds rough as fuck to deal with. Props to you for recognizing it and still trying to manage it after so long, that can't be easy.

What you described with the brake-checking asshole and the argument with your girl, I totally get why that would set you off. Shit like that would piss off most people!

It's good you were able to remove yourself from that driving situation before it escalated. And from what you said it seems like you've learned storming off alone is the healthier response than staying and fighting when you're mad.

Do you see a therapist at all? If not, maybe it could help to get some professional strategies for coping and control. Things like meditation, journalling feelings, exercise when pissed - stuff to burn off steam without hurting yourself or others.

Don't be so hard on yourself though man, mental stuff is a bitch to live with. Just keep working on it day by day, that's all any of us can do. You seem self-aware which is huge. Hang in there bro, it'll keep getting better I'm sure! Hit me up if you ever need to vent, I gotchu.

[236color]

Okay, I had to look this up because I wasn't familiar with it. So yes it is a recognized condition. Are you getting treatment? I don't think you're going to be able to avoid anything that makes you angry for the rest of your life.

As for the girlfriend thing, I understand you're concern. When you say "it's not her, it's me." This isn't just a dumping line, it's literally true, and I feel for you brother. I think maybe it would help if you told her this is a real mental health problem, and you are in fact, concerned for her safety and that's why you're breaking it off.

I know it's hard to seek help, but please do it, things won't get better unless you do.

[IslaTheWitch]

The first thing is to seek therapy. Having problems with social interactions is not a disorder itself. It's collateral.

As Asperger's, my social interactions are shit :/ but still, after years of therapy, I can distinguish between important and minor things. I also have much better anger control and learned a lot of stuff about how to contain and release my emotions safely.

[Gent207-2]

You need professional help