Girl I'm friends with has a drinking problem?

[Anonymous]

its tough to all explain but basically the drinking age here in this part of Canada is 19 so I think that's when she started to drink and got into bars when off at college , she's now like 21 so has been drinking for a couple years now.
I'm not sure exactly what her problem is , if its a medical reason she can't handle the alcohol or genetic or exactly sure. but she seems to get drunk very easily and other girls at same bars are never is drunk is her. she's a small girl so that might be part of reason.
she's at the age where she likes to go out and party with friends and finds it easy to get free drinks from guys as she's pretty. so that allows her to drink more alcohol when out.
but she just doesn't handle it well and always seems very intoxicated if she's had more than a couple drinks. and seems to enjoy being drunk for some reason and it seemed like she was always drinking last summer even if there was no reason to be. and she makes fun of it on Facebook . I also saw pictures that indicated she might of drank an entire bottle of wine with her 1 gf than gone out to a club. she also lives very close to the liquor store in town so that doesn't help.

I realise there is likely no way to stop her from drinking entirely at this age but I'd wish there was some way to convince her to drink responsibly as I fear she is putting her long term health at risk if this behaviour is to continue for future years of her life.

[ironeddie]

It's nice that you are concerned. But you don't know how much she is drinking. You may be making mountains out of mole hills.
You say she is small, that would be a reason for a lower alcohol tolerance. Her metabolism or if she is taking medication for something could also be a factor.
It could be her college life style. Once school is done and she gets into the real world, chances are her party possibilities will be reduced. It is not unusual for people to drink a lot more when at school. And the majority will become "social drinkers" only. When, as I say they get into the real world.
As for long term health problems it will take many years of significant consumption to start causing problems. Most experts say 10 years or more.
All you can do at this point is say you're concerned and leave it at that. If you are lucky she will say thank you. But the odds of it accomplishing anything are slim. If you're not lucky, she'll tell you to f**k off and mind your own business.
At this point and time until you have facts of how much and or how often she is drinking. I believe you should do nothing. Making an assumption on how little you know, and then acting on it. Would likely be VERY detrimental to your relationship. Keep an eye on her and wait until you know more.

If a person does have a drinking problem. The ONLY way they will stop is when THEY decide. Nothing else will work. Including something like AA. In fact long term success rate for AA is low. Somewhere between 25-30%. Why? Because they do not give proper information on how to stop/control the alcohol cravings. All they do substitute something else for it. And push religion. People crave the sugar that is in alcohol. That is why AA has sweets at the meetings to substitute. But the people still are craving sugar, which is why the majority will drink again. Sugar.
Trust me, I'm a dry alcoholic of 14 years. Who drank 2-3 40 oz bottles of bourbon a day. For many years. I know what I'm talking about.

[Asker]

I agree I'm not 100% sure how much she drinks in an average day/week as I've only been seeing her the odd weekend and saw posts on her Facebook . but from what I've seen there has been a lot of drinking going on in her life. I do agree it could be a college thing and she might tone it down once that's over. I'm just frustrated cause she is such a nice girl and for her to potentially turn into some sort of crazy drunk chick is disappointing. sober she is relationship material but drunk you wouldn't want to waste your time with her

[Asker]

want to add I did mention last summer that I though she might of had an issue with alcohol and she pretty much ignored my concerns. so yeah nothing is going to happen till she decides she's drank enough and its time to move on to something else in life. which might not be till like mid 20's when party years start to fade when she finds a job or has a kid. I don't see her stopping anytime soon she's way too into it. also to its possible she is sober a lot of the time and more just drunk on weekends / nights. but still how many coolers could one girl drink at once I saw a picture of her with a funnel ( used for binge drinking) once at country music festival , I can't imagine it be healthy to drink such large quanities at same time. I just hope she survives these wild years and is something left when she's ready for real life

[islands7]

Her liver will stop her and the only healing solution is a transplant, after months+ of medical torture. You may have to get a gang of people to present her from time-time with photos of what's happening inside her, what people look like when the liver strikes.

Here's book somehow she needs to read or be read to her:
Women and Men over 65 are limited to ONE drink/day, giving the liver ONE day/week to rest/recover. No blood tests accurately predict WHEN the liver gives up its magic of recuperation - it's just "light's out" one day and she'll be urping blood to the ER surprised. Wssn't THAT the end of Genghis Khan or another notable? Alcoholic throwing up blood in his sleep & drowning in it?

Should be convincing enough to make abstinence HER idea (AA meetings may be required - they reportedly can be fun... also required to be on the medical liver list) she may well find another addiction. Smoking would be AS BAD = heart attack, guaranteed. Think of a physically fit person with relatives living to 90 - die before 60.

Addicts thins they will simply die in their sleep but that is reserved for the healthy in old age. Nooooo medical torture will try to intervene for years, making their once fantasy life into worse than the opposite, all w/o benefit of of their numbing crutches.

[islands7]

mmmm GAG deleted the book title? It is
I'M GLAD YOU'RE NOT DEAD

[Asker]

I was reading about the medical causes and issues around this and it says women often have it worse if they drink too much , bodies can't handle it as well in the long term. I find people aspect the fact impaired driving is dangerous but most don't view drinking excessively as dangerous for whatever reasons

[islands7]

yes the tip of this iceberg... NOW how to motivate her?

[Asker]

I have no idea , you think a smart / family orientated girl like herself would care about her health. she is a nice girl and in her 3rd year of university so must be smart. if you meet her outside of a bar you'd never guess she was an alcoholic on weekends. the drinking thing just doesn't seem like her at all

[islands7]

No idea? IF you really want to get involved, then be the RR switchyard she needs... become her buddy, even if only bar-buddy is the only opening. Slowly ask her to go-with you to events SHE would like outside the bar and gradually WEAN her away from the bottle.

[Asker]

some good ideas but I don't know what she does that doesn't involve drinking. everything from concerts to weddings she drinks at not just bars. at college she parties and doesn't seem to do any sports and not sure if she goes to the gym. even her summer job involves selling alcohol as she was bev cart server at golf course. I think she might golf a little so that might be an idea but she could order drinks there too on the course.

[islands7]

the fewer, the better... there's no bev cart at the lake on a boat if none is brought, use two hands on tennis court, hiking remote places = water, church events, maybe she converts to Mormon. Maybe her new bar buddy - you - asks what her previous life was like and reintroduce her to past fun experiences that excluded booze

[islands7]

dance classes are sans alcohol and some of the parties... name a gal that can't be hooked by dancing

[Asker]

her life before she turned 19 didn't seem to involve is much alcohol. I think she used to be into swimming and was lifeguard/instructor at local pool once. I have a gym membership , that wouldn't involve drinking if I could convince her to go with me. maybe I need to think of places that at very least don't involve as much drinking as bar but she could still have a drink but wouldn't be getting wasted

[islands7]

suddenly you need help with swimming
everyone in a triathlon does...

[Asker]

I mentioned last summer I had been doing some swimming but she didn't seem to pay any attention to that but still a possible idea for us to do at some point and wouldn't involve drinking

[islands7]

YOU need help from her is the hook

[Anonymous]

Tell her that you're concerned for her health. That's all you can do. People will do what they want to do so.. she'll do what she wants but hopefully she will take your advice and care more about her health.

[Asker]

I mentioned my concerns last summer and that seemed to get through to her a bit but during her time at school from what I've seen she's been doing a lot of drinking and I can see her doing a lot more come summer as that's the big party time around here and she plans to go to country music festival where she did a lot of drinking last year , drinking all weekend with gf's and saw pictures where she funneled large amounts alcohol all at once , which can't possibly be healthy for smaller girls like her to do. its like everything she does socially she finds a way for it to involve drinking

[Opinion Owner]

:/ She may be an alcoholic. I hope she gets help.. maybe time for her family and friends to stage an intervention.

[Asker]

mostly only seen her at bars lately so not sure how much she drinks when not partying , may just be a social drinker but does a lot of socializing so doing a lot of drinking last year or so. I do wonder what her parents think of the whole thing , I've never talked to them about it. she also has a younger sister around 18 getting into drinking as well , she's not even old enough to go to bars but drinking a lot during 1st year at school too. not sure what the answer is. I like to go out myself and have no issue with people drinking responsibly , I just find it really dumb when people drink so excessively especially young women with such potential like them , they could do so much better things with there lives. I like country music too but don't see the point in getting smashed out of ones mind for an entire weekend just cause there at a festival

[Opinion Owner]

I agree, everything in moderation.. Maybe she's just going through some stuff and is self medicating? maybe it's just a phase? That's sweet that you look out for your friend :)

[Asker]

well true college is a phase and only lasts for a few years then she'd be out working and much harder to party all the time. but she seems to be really into alcohol and anything she does socially involves having a drink. she doesn't smoke or do drugs to my knowledge but got into drinking. its odd she hasn't developed a tolerance for it as she's been drinking for a few years now that's something I don't understand as most alcoholics have to drink a lot to get drunk but she needs very little

[Opinion Owner]

It's probably a genetic intolerance of some sort to the alcohol and the fact that she's on the smaller side... Which, is not good, believe me... The only thing you can do is voice your concern over and over.. she has to make this choice on her own though. It will help when she knows her friends and family give a sht..