Why as a society are we becoming so superficial?

[palomajoa]

I find it interesting, that almost all of us, including me, are becoming so superficial. I mean, even now there is a topic specially made for encourage us to be more confident only by knowing if we are hot/pretty or not. What happened with personality and good manners, with being a good person? And this is not a problem that happens only here, it happens everywhere. Having a good apereance (clean and healthy look) is important, of course, but why feeling pretty has so much to do with confidence and sef esteem? When that became more important than feeling good about ourselves because we achieve goals and are becoming a good person?

It all came to my mind with Tinder. I saw so many responds that it made feel proud. And also turn down so many people because I didn't liked the way they looked. How shallow is that? Of course that attraction is important, but why is more important the way someone looks than the personality? Why not show first the kind of person that is, and then the picture?

What do you think that has helped the society to make us so shallow?

And what do you think will help us to become more enthusiastic about principles, and not beauty?

[paxamor]

I don't think we're becoming more superficial necessarily--I just think that it's become a lot more obvious with the introduction of social media and mass media. Women were just as concerned fifty, a hundred, even a thousand years ago whether or not they looked good. Looking good has immense social importance, and women in particular I think pay more attention to that than men who are usually judged, at least in my experience, based more on talent, skill, and/or resources than appearance. Obviously attractiveness is an important factor for anyone, but I think that due to societal norms that have been in place for millennia--the expectation that men are meant to provide stability and security and women are meant to provide offspring--it's still less important in the scheme of things for a man to be attractive than to be talented or financially stable, whereas for a woman, appearance is a far larger component even in daily life. 'Attractive' women often get paid more, promoted faster, treated with better customer service, offered better tips, and in general receive more opportunities than others. Often times, physical first impressions tend to lend a mental portrait of that person's personality, whether it's accurate or not, based on past experiences. For example, a man or woman wearing shabbier clothes generally looks less financially capable, less self confident, and less successful than a man or woman in nicer clothes--putting effort into your appearance gives the impression that you put effort into other areas as well. Naturally, we are usually drawn to physical traits that are considered healthier or well-off, in addition to any specific personal preferences to the contrary. That can't really be changed, though you can certainly try to meet people in person and then make judgments and doesn't give one the right to be a rude asshole. That being said, I actually think that given the current social climate of 'PC'ness, whether you find it to be good or bad, means that less conventionally attractive women by Western standards are being treated better and gaining more self confidence, which may be where the impression of increased superficiality is coming from. People, women especially, in the past tended to be far more quiet about that sort of thing, keeping it within the house. But now we are able to post pictures online to express their confidence (or lack thereof).
TL;DR: Society isn't getting more superficial, media just makes it more apparent.

[ItalianDarkStallion]

What do you think that has helped the society to make us so shallow?

The answer is simple for a complex problem: the society is build around empty objects (accumulation) and appearance (looks) rather than content and mind.

People go crazy to buy uselss objects, go in debt for houses they never use fully just to show off. Not to mention crazy cosmetic surgeries, women starving themselves to look like teenage girls when is obvious they have a body of a woman. The list can go on...

When people will realize objects don't make them happy, they'll change the approach. However, it seems very few notice that.

[HardToDescribe]

I believe that true beauty comes from who we are inside. And the older I get the more obvious it is. And I believe one person can make a difference in the world by doing the right thing even if it isn't popular. I live by my own morals, I don't care what anyone else says or does. It is just one rule, do onto others as you would have done to yourself. And I truly believe that it works. People will respect you and love you if you just try to be a good person, not a perfect person. Because there is no such thing as perfect. We are all on the same rock together in this lonely cold universe. We need to appreciate peoples differences and flaws as much as the parts we believe are "good". That is what makes every person special! If we learn to accept people the way they are, then they often get better with time. Don't judge people to harshly, we all make mistakes and long to be forgiven sometimes. Life can be so beautiful if you look deeply enough. It takes practice, but it is totally possible to change who we are just from our attitudes. :-) Don't give up!

[palomajoa]

Well, you're one of the few ones that lives by that standard! And I´m as harsh on the world as I'm with my self. I believe that we can only become better if we seek for true beauty instead of superficial beauty.

[HardToDescribe]

I haven't always been so positive with my view of the world, I had to learn things the hard way! I once got a great piece of advice from a friend. If you want to be someone different or better yourself, fake it until you make it. And I doubted it, but honestly it really works. A positive attitude gives of positive vibes. People seem to pick up on these vibes, because it starts to bring positive things after while. And the opposite is true with negative attitudes. I really had to learn this the hard way. Maybe you are smarter, and might not have to go through the misery I did. :-)

[Noxifer626]

I do see your point. Most men and women I coexist with seem to judge others based on their fashion preferences, brand of shampoo they use, etc. Which I think makes no sense, since I consider acceptable almost anyone who shares some of my interests and is not outright disgusting.

What has made the society so shallow is that since the invention of Facebook, Instagram and Photoshop everyone has been trying to outdo everyone else in the beauty department.

The solution will be complex. On one hand, I sincerely wouldn't date someone who I don't find attractive. But then again, "attractive" to me is anyone with an average face and body. If your expectations are p*rnstar level, it's going to be hard to stop being superficial.

[cipher42]

Ha. "Becoming"? This isn't a new phenomenon. Nobility during the renaissance used to spend huge amounts of money, and sit still for hours, just to have portraits of themselves painted. I mean, the ancient Greeks even embraced the idea that physical beauty mirrored inner beauty, so more attractive people were naturally just better people. How's that for superficial?

[PiuBelloAmante]

well said, great take
Superficiality is rampant because of social media and a constant need for attention
people love showing off what they have and are so insecure about what they don't have
Instagram is literally a bunch of people who are showing themselves off
and Tinder is evil too...

i think people have lost sight on what is really important, instead of looking outward i think we need to look inward

[molan]

The reason you react so superficially is, what else could you do on Tinder!!!

You can’t date them all just to find out if they are great guys or not. So to choose people based on looks initially, then date those nice looking guys to see if any of those are great guys.

If you have had far less options, you would have been less picky. All humans want the best, we are as picky as we can afford to be, northing more or less.

[palomajoa]

Yeah, I guess. But still, what about other topics? I mean, why should we feel more valued if we are considered hot/pretty?

[molan]

Hot/pretty is a positive trait just like intelligence, something we value and can use in various situations.

We all want to use wherever we have to get the best our of life, some a pretty look, some have intelligence, some have athletic abilities etc., we all have to use wherever we have.

It's a fact, young pretty girls have it far easier than old unattractive women, so it's no wonder why girls want to be as pretty as possible - it will bring you in a far better position with job, boyfriend, popularity etc.

PS: I can see on your picture why you can be picky ;)

[Mesonfielde]

Ideally, we will always care about both appearance and the combination of values and behavior. You need both.

[Anonymous]

As humans progress we become less shallow. This conversation would not have even been a thing about sixty years ago and you'd be seen as an idiot. Now you live in an age where you're seen as observant and deep. Keep this in mind.

[abundantlyrich]

Too many average minded people but not wanting to work on themselves. To a higher calibre.