Pre-marriage counselling is a nice idea and so is talking about marriage and relationships and how each of you perceive other's marriages the grandpas/grandmas that are still together and the broken/divorced ones. Just saying. Talk about it regularly.
Yeah, I've known my partner for 8 years, we've been together for 4 of those, and I wouldn't want to think properly about us getting married until our fifth year considering how young we are.
you sound like my friends who just got married after dating for nearly 15 years. They met freshman year of high school, through college, and then after graduation due to some cultural and religious issues, the families would not "allow them" to get married, so it was a whole long ordeal with that, but finally they tied the knot and it was basically magical.
you are welcome to feel that way, but I'm not trying to convince anyone like yourself who doesn't want to get married, to get married. This is about the people who are thinking about it and do want to get married.
@MargaritaPeach It's not the marriages that I see that put me off of them, it's how the state handles divorce. There's massive bias against men in family courts, men's rights to autonomy are regularly breached for the sake of the ex-wife's CONVENIENCE and COMFORT, as though she is entitled to continue to live a certain lifestyle even after divorce.
And 60% of marriages fail, and 70% of divorces are initiated by women under 'no-fault' circumstances.
Even with the "right" woman, that's a bad risk. Even if it doesn't end in divorce, the entire contents of the marriage are spoiled by the power differential that the state puts in the wife's hands.
If I were married to a woman, I wouldn't love her. I would fear her.
Interesting reply in regards to the fear factor. Yes, I suppose it's true that divorce us financially crippling. It's also emotionally crippling. You can sign a pre-nuptual agreement to alleviate one; not sure about the other. As far as the courts go, you are correct; they are incredibly biased towards women. However, it's not completely due solely to preferential gender bias. It's primarily based on a history of dessertion. Men decide to abandon their wives, homes and families, and their are natural consequences to that; just like there are when one deserts their military company.
Dang it! I hit the 'submit' button on accident and it didn't allow me to finish typing or correct all the errors in that first reply. I wanted to say at the end that I think it sucks the way that the courts treat men when it's the women filing for the divorce; everything should be divided equally, and there should be NO financial gain for anyone in divorce. Also, I wanted to add that I know women abandon their homes and families a lot of the time, too. My point was that people in general should NOT desert their military companies or their families, period. No matter how tough it gets... you fix things, you don't walk away. (Granted, in both cases, sometimes things cannot ever be fixed) :(
@MargaritaPeach I agree at least in part that part of the reason there's such bias against men in family courts is due to bad male behavior in the past. But things in the past don't justify retribution -- they justify correction. That'd be like saying whites should be the slaves of blacks in America because blacks used to be the slaves of whites (even though those statements are highly reductive and not really accurate).
I don't think things should be divided equally -- I think they should be divided fairly. If the man produced most of the assets in the family his take should be proportionate. Women (or the one who produces least) shouldn't automatically get half.
But, I don't believe in the idea of union, either. Two people married are still two separate people.
My husband proposed a month after we met and had begun dating. Two months after proposing we eloped. Been married nearly 6.5 years. We are often told our marriage is better than many others who had been together for years. I've had a few friends marry high school sweethearts and divorce after a year.
I have a friend whose parents dated for 2 days before deciding to get married, and they've been together for over 25 years. Not saying anyone should do that, because it's rare that actually works, but just saying that something like this can happen.
Date as long as you have to make sure you are making the right decisions. They day it's one year from the date you asked her to marry you. At first I thought there was no was in hell I was going to wait that long. One year to the date I got married Flee by and was over in no time
I think more than 1 year works for young couple from high school but if we are financially stable & above 25, then why wait? I go with 6 month or less.
you do know marriage is much more than if you can pay your bills together or not, right? This is someone you're committing to presumably for the rest of your life. You might want to actually know more about them then just their bank account status. That doesn't tell you if they want kids, or how they will handle a verbal fight with you, or what their life plans for you are, how they treat others, etc. That's the case I would make for waiting longer than 6 months, but of course, to each his or her own.
There are no definite times that will work for everyone b/c we do know that one couple who did or didn't last with each of these time frames. My only real advice over all else, is if you haven't taken the time to sit down and really get to know the other person above just favorite color and food, it's going to be a tough road if you just jump into I do. You need to know you can trust, and rely on them, and that you do in fact love them more than anything.
I honestly don't think there's a huge specific amount of time, cause there tends to be a lot of "surprises " that happens over those so called 10-20 years that you were in relations then get married, then divorce.
@POTAYTOPOTAHTO Yes, after 22 years of marriage, she is an ex
We were hanging out one day, and i asked her if she felt like eloping and have our honeymoon backpacking Europe. We had discussed doing this previously, we wanted to cycle to Israel and work on a Kibbutz
My husband and I were married after 1 year and 2 months but apparently he knew he wanted to marry me after the first date, it took me a couple months for him to convince me of that. We got engaged at 3 months and would've been married the next day if we could but I had already planned to move the next month so that made it complicated.
Regardless we didn't know each other very long but we are very happy together because we promise to always work out our issues and talk about them.
@funny_strange_man Ever since 'no-fault divorce,' women have initiated over 70% of divorces with the vast majority of them being under 'no-fault' circumstances (that is, he didn't do anything wrong, she just wasn't satisfied). Right now the divorce rate is up around 60%, and when you get divorced as a man you face systemic institutional bias against you. You are most likely to lose half of your assets, your children, be stuck with ongoing alimony payments, and a whole host of other negative outcomes.
There's literally NOTHING in marriage for men, and women have supported the feminist movement which made marriage what it is today.
Dating is not the sane thing as an exclusive relationship. Dating is not exclusive and allows the person to see other people. An exclusive relationship is when they only see each other and it's a committed relationship
The older generation in my family sees dating as a non-exclusive thing that you can do with anyone, while the younger ones of the family feel that a date must be specified as a date (including romantic intentions), and there WILL be feelings of jealousy if they were to date anyone else. It would be basically "unofficially exclusive"
Hahahahaaaa cute! Waiting to find the right tools to yank off this chastity belt that's what I'm waiting on πππafter that... your ass is MINE!ππππ @Takumii
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Pre-marriage counselling is a nice idea and so is talking about marriage and relationships and how each of you perceive other's marriages the grandpas/grandmas that are still together and the broken/divorced ones. Just saying. Talk about it regularly.
Yeah, I've known my partner for 8 years, we've been together for 4 of those, and I wouldn't want to think properly about us getting married until our fifth year considering how young we are.
you sound like my friends who just got married after dating for nearly 15 years. They met freshman year of high school, through college, and then after graduation due to some cultural and religious issues, the families would not "allow them" to get married, so it was a whole long ordeal with that, but finally they tied the knot and it was basically magical.
If you're a guy you shouldn't get married at all.
If you're a girl, you should get married ASAP.
Marriage is a bullshit institution as implemented in the western world today. It's nothing short of complete ownership of the man by the woman.
you are welcome to feel that way, but I'm not trying to convince anyone like yourself who doesn't want to get married, to get married. This is about the people who are thinking about it and do want to get married.
I'd say you've been influenced by the wrong kind of marriages! Mine isn't like that at all.
@MargaritaPeach It's not the marriages that I see that put me off of them, it's how the state handles divorce. There's massive bias against men in family courts, men's rights to autonomy are regularly breached for the sake of the ex-wife's CONVENIENCE and COMFORT, as though she is entitled to continue to live a certain lifestyle even after divorce.
And 60% of marriages fail, and 70% of divorces are initiated by women under 'no-fault' circumstances.
Even with the "right" woman, that's a bad risk. Even if it doesn't end in divorce, the entire contents of the marriage are spoiled by the power differential that the state puts in the wife's hands.
If I were married to a woman, I wouldn't love her. I would fear her.
Interesting reply in regards to the fear factor. Yes, I suppose it's true that divorce us financially crippling. It's also emotionally crippling. You can sign a pre-nuptual agreement to alleviate one; not sure about the other. As far as the courts go, you are correct; they are incredibly biased towards women. However, it's not completely due solely to preferential gender bias. It's primarily based on a history of dessertion. Men decide to abandon their wives, homes and families, and their are natural consequences to that; just like there are when one deserts their military company.
Dang it! I hit the 'submit' button on accident and it didn't allow me to finish typing or correct all the errors in that first reply. I wanted to say at the end that I think it sucks the way that the courts treat men when it's the women filing for the divorce; everything should be divided equally, and there should be NO financial gain for anyone in divorce. Also, I wanted to add that I know women abandon their homes and families a lot of the time, too. My point was that people in general should NOT desert their military companies or their families, period. No matter how tough it gets... you fix things, you don't walk away. (Granted, in both cases, sometimes things cannot ever be fixed) :(
@MargaritaPeach I agree at least in part that part of the reason there's such bias against men in family courts is due to bad male behavior in the past. But things in the past don't justify retribution -- they justify correction. That'd be like saying whites should be the slaves of blacks in America because blacks used to be the slaves of whites (even though those statements are highly reductive and not really accurate).
I don't think things should be divided equally -- I think they should be divided fairly. If the man produced most of the assets in the family his take should be proportionate. Women (or the one who produces least) shouldn't automatically get half.
But, I don't believe in the idea of union, either. Two people married are still two separate people.
My husband proposed a month after we met and had begun dating. Two months after proposing we eloped. Been married nearly 6.5 years. We are often told our marriage is better than many others who had been together for years. I've had a few friends marry high school sweethearts and divorce after a year.
I have a friend whose parents dated for 2 days before deciding to get married, and they've been together for over 25 years. Not saying anyone should do that, because it's rare that actually works, but just saying that something like this can happen.
Date as long as you have to make sure you are making the right decisions. They day it's one year from the date you asked her to marry you. At first I thought there was no was in hell I was going to wait that long. One year to the date I got married
Flee by and was over in no time
I think more than 1 year works for young couple from high school but if we are financially stable & above 25, then why wait? I go with 6 month or less.
you do know marriage is much more than if you can pay your bills together or not, right? This is someone you're committing to presumably for the rest of your life. You might want to actually know more about them then just their bank account status. That doesn't tell you if they want kids, or how they will handle a verbal fight with you, or what their life plans for you are, how they treat others, etc. That's the case I would make for waiting longer than 6 months, but of course, to each his or her own.
Just to get to know them and be financially ready could be less than a year or 3/4 years
There are no definite times that will work for everyone b/c we do know that one couple who did or didn't last with each of these time frames. My only real advice over all else, is if you haven't taken the time to sit down and really get to know the other person above just favorite color and food, it's going to be a tough road if you just jump into I do. You need to know you can trust, and rely on them, and that you do in fact love them more than anything.
I honestly don't think there's a huge specific amount of time, cause there tends to be a lot of "surprises " that happens over those so called 10-20 years that you were in relations then get married, then divorce.
I knew my ex-wife for 2 weeks before proposing to her
Is that why you're exes? That's not meant to sound bad by the way, I'm just wondering if you think that was part of the problem.
And I have another question. How did you propose that fast?
@POTAYTOPOTAHTO Yes, after 22 years of marriage, she is an ex
We were hanging out one day, and i asked her if she felt like eloping and have our honeymoon backpacking Europe. We had discussed doing this previously, we wanted to cycle to Israel and work on a Kibbutz
That's a surprisingly long time to last. Did you get to go backpacking?
@POTAYTOPOTAHTO Yes, we backpacked for 6 months across Europe, great fun
My husband and I were married after 1 year and 2 months but apparently he knew he wanted to marry me after the first date, it took me a couple months for him to convince me of that. We got engaged at 3 months and would've been married the next day if we could but I had already planned to move the next month so that made it complicated.
Regardless we didn't know each other very long but we are very happy together because we promise to always work out our issues and talk about them.
I think it depends on the person. For me, I think it's a compromise. What do you think, @hifromkai?
Years. Also a long engagement. But I ditched the idea of getting married. Marriage is dead and women killed it.
@TwentySomething please explain your theory on how you think women killed marriage?
@funny_strange_man My opinion is because of divorce.
@Throwaway420 Are you saying women are the soul reason for divorce? I know men and women both can be the cause for divorce.
@funny_strange_man Ever since 'no-fault divorce,' women have initiated over 70% of divorces with the vast majority of them being under 'no-fault' circumstances (that is, he didn't do anything wrong, she just wasn't satisfied). Right now the divorce rate is up around 60%, and when you get divorced as a man you face systemic institutional bias against you. You are most likely to lose half of your assets, your children, be stuck with ongoing alimony payments, and a whole host of other negative outcomes.
There's literally NOTHING in marriage for men, and women have supported the feminist movement which made marriage what it is today.
Dating is not the sane thing as an exclusive relationship. Dating is not exclusive and allows the person to see other people. An exclusive relationship is when they only see each other and it's a committed relationship
you are welcome to define what dating means to you, but it means different things to different people.
*same thing
The older generation in my family sees dating as a non-exclusive thing that you can do with anyone, while the younger ones of the family feel that a date must be specified as a date (including romantic intentions), and there WILL be feelings of jealousy if they were to date anyone else. It would be basically "unofficially exclusive"
@DaniJ yep that is how I see it. And I do not have sex with the guys I date
Just married last year but I waited until she was of legal age so we could marry.
https://s2.dmcdn.net/KlI_0/1280x720-UaR.png
@ Anonymous (30-35) Good luck.
@jacquesvol cheers
Mmmmm solid 2 to 3 years for me to even begin thinking about it
For me personally I would date for a year and a half to two years
I will for 3+ years before marrying at least because I only plan on marrying once, if I do xD
I refuse to wait 3 year's for penisπ’π’π’π’π’YOU'RE MINE takummi so stfu and come love meππππππ
@Afro-dite9
Who said that penis has to wait? >_>
Penis can do whatever bit wants :p
XD lmoa
Lmaoooo cause I don't want to have to take itππ and hear u saying"Hellooo OFFICER!" #NoPrisonForMe
@Afro-dite9
Sounds like roleplay O___O
Love that shit.
Hey, if u like it... I love it πππ @takumii
@Afro-dite9 then what are you waiting for?
media2.giphy.com/media/ykUYsNYRvrprq/200w.gif
Hahahahaaaa cute! Waiting to find the right tools to yank off this chastity belt that's what I'm waiting on πππafter that... your ass is MINE!ππππ @Takumii
@Afro-dite9 I didn't sign up for this D:
@takumii the day you first tagged me... u gave all rights up Lmao π #PrepareForSexSlavery
@Afro-dite9 I never tagged you >_>
Lmao it was a joke bro π that's why put.. L-O-L π§π₯π€ u ruined my creep factor now wtf π
@Afro-dite9 u can never creep me xDxD xD
you date someone when you KNOW the person inside and out and can trust them
Don't you mean marry?
@sunshineguy Yes. But also they still can take you to the cleaners
there's no set time for these things