Why I Won't Marry Someone From My Race or Country

[Anonymous]

This is my decision at the end of the day so you can go ahead and tell me I'm selfish and stupid and too young to think about marriage but I know this is what I want.

1. I dont want to be the traditional African wife

The traditional African wife cleans, cooks and looks after the children whilst working a job too. I like having free time and I'm already having trouble cleaning, cooking and studying....imagine adding another whole two things which require more time into this list. It's not traditional for men in my culture to help with these sort of things.

2. I don't like the food!

I don't like the food from my country and it's like I'm the only one who doesn't. My cousins don't. My family, my brother and people in my school. I can imagine my husband liking the food and I'd have to cook it.

3. I can't cook African food

That's all there is to it. Especially pap. It really hurts my hands to make it.

4. Corporal Punishment

This one has been a huge factor to my life. Whenever I did something wrong...I'd be scared to get hit by the belt. Or if I made a mistake. The fear and the scars from corporal punishment will forever stay with me. And it's normal in my culture to hit children....and I don't want that for them.

5. I don't find black men attractive

I mean it's really rare for me to find black men attractive. I've only met one attractive black guy in person who I found attractive. And I haven't had any celebrity crushes on black men besides A$ap rocky.

6. The expectations

I'd be expected to have a traditional African wedding. I'd be expected to take my spouse around Africa so they can meet thousands of relatives and I can meet theirs as a honeymoon. And honestly I don't mind meeting them but that would be tiring...couldn't they just come to a family reunion to make it easier.

7. Traditional African weddings

So here we go. Everything wrong with African wedddings. If you're African you know damn well that Africans NEVER stick to time. So the weddings are always terribly long and they are always in the mother tongue which I can only translate some words and say some. The couple is expected to dance, seperately in a huge circle, together and with other people. I cannot dance and I don't want to be dancing in front of everyone. The wedding would also be filled with African food! Andddd....it's usually in a church and the dress code is always African attire. That is not how I imagine getting married. I want a pretty white dress...maybe at a beach near sunset.

8. Music

What if he likes African music and that's all I get to hear. I'd literally die. I hate African music soooo much.

9. Going back to Africa

I'm expected to go back to Africa and find a husband there. And I might have to live there with him which I would hate. They never have wifi and rarely electricity, there aren't proper roads so car rides are bumpy, people mostly have a job of herding animals, killing their animals at their own farms and growing crops.....I seriously prefer my life not to be in Africa. Finding a husband in Africa would also be hard because they either marry for looks or money.

10. Finding a husband in Africa is hard

I cannot explain how many times that an African man has tried to get with me whilst I walked down the street. Some shamelessly in front of my parents.

[RolandCuthbert]

Can you imagine the response if this was a "White" woman or a "White" man?

No wonder you are anonymous.

And one more thing. I didn't know that African Cultures were so similar. I was always told by Africans that well. . . Africa is a continent.

:D

[myTake Owner]

most of them are common actually

[RolandCuthbert]

No, actually they are not.

:D

Since it is home to the oldest groups in humanity obviously it has the most cultural and genetic diversity.

"Africa has 3000 distinct ethnic groups, 2000 languages. Home to the most genetically diverse people on Earth. So diverse that two Africans are more genetically different from each other than a Chinese and a European are from each other."

[dothejohnwall97]

Well Africans do share common history (not the Horn of Africa they are much different , same with North Africa)

[RolandCuthbert]

@dothejohnwall97 Uhm are you the owner of this take? Are you talking to me or to her? And what is your point?

[dothejohnwall97]

To you and , historicaly , my tribe came from central west Africa and went to east and South Africa , so depending on what tribe you are, you may be similar. Like the Bantu people are originalally from west Africa but now live in central, east and South Africa in different tribes ex luganda , Zulu etc

[RolandCuthbert]

@dothejohnwall97 Sir, I appreciate your view. Uhm, are saying you are a member of an African tribe?

I can't really render an opinion on different tribal traditions and cultures from the standpoint of an African. I am African-American. I don't think I have that kind of experience or exposure. But i can speak from viewpoint of cultural anthropology, that is the science of studying human behavior.

And from the viewpoint of cultural anthropologists, African remains the continent with the greatest cultural diversity. And as a counterpoint to your view, I would submit, that it is easily the continent with the most ethnic and tribal strife. One of the things we learn in cultural anthropology is that diversity is defined in what human perceive as differences.

If you wish to discuss more about this field of scientific study, it would be my pleasure.

http://www.americananthro.org/

s3.amazonaws.com/.../...with%20colors_Desktop2.jpg

[dothejohnwall97]

No my family members back home are in tribes not me,

[RolandCuthbert]

@dothejohnwall97 So would they consider their cultures/traditions similar to other tribes in their nation. . . and in other nations of Africa?

I mean when the Europeans came to Africa, they just saw a bunch of "Black" people. They didn't see diversity. I understand that viewpoint. But that isn't the reality experience by those people who live in those cultures. They have a different view of themselves that is more valid than any viewpoint coming from outside of their cultural framework.

I hope I am being clear. Africa has over 2000 different languages. That is one of primary building blocks of culture, cultural lensing, cultural framing, etc.

slideplayer.com/.../...s+learned+and+universal.jpg

[dothejohnwall97]

Yes but in Africa there are family languages ex “niger -Congo “ language family which includes various languages that are spoken in west Africa ex Nigeria, Ghana then in central east Africa like Swahili

[RolandCuthbert]

@dothejohnwall97 How that different than language in Europe? Or in America pre-European conquests or Asia?

You can say the same thing about every continent, that there are language "families". Even in Europe where I have traveled extensively, you can note similarities between Spanish, Italian, French, and German.

en.wikipedia.org/.../List_of_Indo-European_languages

upload.wikimedia.org/.../...doEuropeanTree.svg.png

[xXiTacoXx]

It seems like you have a problem more with African culture than actual black people. Not all black people follow African culture and traditions. If you go to the America's you'll find things a lot different here when it comes to black people. :T

[myTake Owner]

Yeh but I'm not in America. And if I marry a black person my parents expect me to follow the culture

[xXiTacoXx]

Have you thought about doing a study abroad program? Also, even if you do marry someone outside your race they still might expect the whole house wife/traditional African bride thing. There are racial fetishists out there who look for that.

[RolandCuthbert]

Perception is reality for a lot of people little one. I don't think her issue has anything to do with the actual behavior or culture of African people.

:D

[Guy13]

You are brave but you sound like bridging cultural difference will be easier than maintaining your original customs.

[lilaqua]

You're in a unique situation that a lot of us will never be able to face or understand and I sympathise with your point of you 100%. I hope you get exactly what you want in a partner. On a lighter note, how fucking hot is A$AP though.

[myTake Owner]

I know right. He also has the hottest smile

[JDavid25]

So basically you don't like African culture, and you ain't attracted to "Black" dudes... Gotchu..

[myTake Owner]

Some of them can be good looking tho

[Grayce]

First of you are under 18 so its more than likely you are speaking out of immaturity, also it seems the environment you grew up around has negatively influenced your views about we Africans.
And if you think being an African is a bad thing then i suggest you go around the world, and you will discover that there are some countries where you will regret even existing (especially as a female).
And for Christ sake how can you not like the African cuisine, even foreigners love our food.
Lmao you seem to be a wannabe white person (i suspect you are not an African, that's why you saying all this) in that case on behalf of all Africans (including the mixed ones) we hereby denounce and reject you.
And seriously ''traditional African wife'', hello this is 2018 most wife's have maids and house-helps who do that for them, no one says you have to be a "Traditional African wife".

[myTake Owner]

you know every African culture is different. 2018 doesn't matter to real African parents

[Grayce]

Seriously "real African parents" really? just because most are more open minded than others does not mean they are any less of being "real" African parent.

[Grayce]

But anyway that's your own opinion, and i respect that because not everyone is the same.
But that does not mean you should be painting Africans in a bad light as if we are the worst people on earth, if you don't like where you come from then fine, but stop giving others a bad image of us. There is good and bad in the world, there are things to like and not like, its not only in Africa.

[Josht13]

I like some African music but it's not the ONLY thing I listen to also it doesn't found very hard to find a husband if they walk right up to you also what country are you in?

[LadyAvon]

So marry a Westerner then. Sounds like you'd rather live like them.

[myTake Owner]

yeah actually

[likelyOK]

I would not want to cook clean and work either I believe in sharing the responsibilities I’m grateful to be American, a lot of this sounds hard and like the men run everything, sad.

[Anonymous]

Lol I knew that you were black before I clicked on the take. Well its not a surprise because so many people that are African or of African descent hate their own race and anything about it they're literally the only people on earth who would go out their way to say that they don't find their own attractive you never hear any other race saying this nor would there even be anyone else of a different race going out their way to publicly put down their own like black people do but go ahead , black people and black men in particular will be fine without you, its not like they're really losing anything or missing out , buy some skin bleaching cream while you're at it and straighten your hair so the you won't look black, maybe that will keep them away from self haters like you.

[myTake Owner]

im not a self hater because i don't find my own race attractive. It's good to have opinions and besides i said i didn't find most of them attractive. some black men can be attractive. I imagine the American ones are but not the ones here

[Opinion Owner]

Well you said black men meaning those in America as well. Maybe you should of said just men in your country and not black men it makes it seem like you're a self hater I'm from the USA by the way so which is it? You just stated that you don't find black men attractive that includes black men from the USA but then you say American black men are I don't get you It seems like you are unattracted to culture NOT race but i could be wrong

[myTake Owner]

hm okay let me explain. I don't find black men attractive. But I have seen a couple of black guys who are pretty attractive. But I think America could have pretty attractive black guys... I wouldn't know because I haven't been there but I think they would be attractive

[Opinion Owner]

Well that means black men in America as well then right?

[Anonymous]

That's your preference, and you have good reasons for it.

[TheFlak38]

"The traditional African wife cleans, cooks and looks after the children whilst working a job too. "
Yeah good luck having a lucky marriage. As if this is just an African thing.
All I see in this article is me me me me me.
You're selfish and a traitor too. No man would want a wife like this.

[myTake Owner]

i am not a traitor

[myTake Owner]

and just because i want to be happy doesn't make me selfish

[SuccessfulHornDog]

You post a lot of good reasons. You have nothing to apologize for

[Anonymous]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQaqEIM-bsI&lc=z23ffzga2p2uhr0j504t1aokg3nmvcmbzw5hzmp2oucsrk0h00410.1520514117745807

^ listen to that

[RolandCuthbert]

Oh that is beautiful!

Have you ever heard Omi before?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1Jp-V4jalI

[Opinion Owner]

@RolandCuthbert yeah bro, Omi is good and that song is fire , I still bump it, but aside from that I love African music

[RolandCuthbert]

Well, I am really liking "Champion" too. It is just awesome. Thank you for posting it.

[Anonymous]

You don’t like anything that has to do with Africa huh? The music is good the food is good, mama Africa is beautiful. Go eat shit you ungrateful happy headed bihhh. I wish I could rip the black skin off of you for dissing me and my African people. I take pride in being an African and I can’t believe an African out of all is poking down on our culture.

[Opinion Owner]

Nappy *

[Opinion Owner]

Looking * down

[myTake Owner]

I can have an opinion you know. Yeah so what I don't like African music. Heck I don't even like western music. I like Korean Pop. And I have a right to poke at my own culture. I don't wanna be restricted and stay in my parent's house till I'm married. I won't be allowed to go out or wear whatever I want to, trust me... my cousins who still live with their parents aren't.

I don't wanna be a traditional wife, I have no time to be cleaning after anyone. And we all have different taste buds. I like ice cream and watermelon and I don't like African food just like another person wouldn't like ice cream or watermelon. What's wrong with that?

[RolandCuthbert]

Whoa! Look, I am not African, I am African-American. I know it is probably very insulting to hear a person talk about an entire continent like that. But here in America, I know a lot of people who are insulting of the continent. I defend it. I call them ignorant, racist or other.

But there is no reason to get violent with folks.

[Opinion Owner]

@RolandCuthbert yo, no offence I have mad family in USA my dad is African American, and black Americans are the most ignorant dumb people alive, I’m a black Canadian who was born in the USA but I lived my whole like in Canada and I can tell you, those folks are dumb ( generally speaking) statistics prove. So I’m not taking any insults from people who can’t even graduate high school and who live in poverty

[RolandCuthbert]

Wait a minute, you claim the poster is African-American? She claims to be from Africa or living in Africa.

As for African-Americans, you realize I am African-American and I was trying to defend Africa. But now you are just insulting African-Americans for some weird crazy reason.

Well, whatever.

I certainly don't hate Africans, even those like you who curse my name.

Good day and good luck.

[Opinion Owner]

@RolandCuthbert I’m afrian American but lived in Canada my whole life, I’m not disrespecting you, I’m saying our American black folks in General are less educated as compared to Canadian black peoples

[RolandCuthbert]

And I am telling you that you are insulting. But I won't take the bait. This is GaG, so most "Black" people here will be hateful of themselves, other "Black" groups or of the overall "Black" experience. This isn't the place where one hears good things about Africans or African related cultures. For that, I have other forums and venues that I attend.

So again, good day and good luck.

[Anonymous]

But you don't have to be a traditional wife.

[myTake Owner]

oh i was so young when i once thought that

[zagor]

What country are you from? Where do you live now?

[red07net]

what ever you like lady. everyone has choices

[Rainychoc]

Its always your choice

[Surely]

WOW! Hope things work out the way you want.

[PrincessVV]

I am happy that you know what you want!

[Mediterranean35]

Lmao gl.