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I slapped my husband and he hit me back? (Page 2)
Anonymous
(36-45) 
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Maybe you should have just walked away instead of put your hands on him there's no excuse for violence Man or women in my relationship that is a deal-breaker for me I walk away and dump your ass divorce and all citing physical and emotional abuse and I file for sole custody of my son that's what I would have done instead of hiting back
Faith in humanity restored after reading all the comments. Thank you people.
Yeah, making people feel worse about their problems instead of helping them really restores our faith in humanity! Thank goodness
No my dear, encouraging common sense instead babysitting an adult and telling him that everything he does is right and has no consequences.
Lol eek such cluelessness
Please, don't withhold thus phenomenally all-wise slant of yours. Enlighten me my wise lady.
Everyone was so caught up on shaming her. Someone said he wants the husband to take the child and go somewhere safe.. really? He hit his wife and he needs to run away? I think the people here should be ashamed. She didn't get any sound advice, just people bitching about how wrong SHE was. Even though she slapped him and he hit her hard. So they both made mistakes. No one helped her. Doesn't make me proud of 'humanity' at all
Well yeah, it's bad that he hit her properly. It's kind of on his side though that she was the first to lose the temper and instead of calming down used force, being based on the idea that man don't hit back. No one needs to run away, she just should learn how to handle arguments. It's not that hard to say "ok, I don't want to discuss that now, let's continue when we're both not that angry anymore." And back the fk off. So much better for both parties than any type of violence. And yeah, I'd shame her for being unable of such an action if I knew exactly what the fight was about. The advice is common sense. Arguments should be held rationally, not emotionally. Out of the comments she gets that what she did was wrong, and she won't repeat it. Something that was not clear to her in the first place. So it was a piece of advice.
I shame her husband for the inability of calming down as well, but I don't see him around. (And of course for calling her names and stuff.) But not for defending himself. Sorry that all happened, but seems it won't happen again if she learned her lesson. Don't think he'd punch first.
She came here for help and all she got was shame from people who think they're perfect apparently. I'm not happy at all with this 'advice' that people have given her. No one gave her any strategies on how to handle her emotions. She didn't say he didn't have the right to hit back. Don't know why you or anyone here assumed that. Seems rather naive
Well, we agree to disagree. As for my understanding (and the majority of the people) her question was more in the "I'm shocked that he hit me, I was not expecting it! What should I do now?". And for that she has advice at least in those comments.
Barely any advice that will actually help her in her situation. She explained her situation very clearly and detailed and people came to fulfill their own agendas
@05Jueey "Yeah, making people feel worse about their problems"
If this was a man posting that he had hit his wife first, would you be 'shaming him' and 'making him feel worse' or would you also be like, "He came here for help all he got was shame from people who think they're perfect!" ... Somehow, I don't think so.
I didn't find your advice anywhere. Maybe it was anonymous. But I found some good advice from other people. I think she got the msg, and some ideas how to continue.
Have a nice day :)
I'm pretty sure she was told to back off, calm down, then come back later and resolve the conflict in a humane and civil manner rather than resort to getting her "point" across through physical violence. That sounds like "advice on handling her emotions" to me. Most people on GAG agree, which is nice. People got prissy because she thought she was invulnerable merely because she's female, and abusing the double standard that would allow her to hit others but not be hit back - and then reality hit her.
I wouldn't feel very enlightened if I were here. Just because A LOT of people shamed her and didn't help, doesn't mean they are right. Good for the people who actually gave her intelligent advice that would help her though
her*
and I didn't give an answer her. The situation is too precious to give non-professional advice. I think she should look up online articles by professionals
here* can't spell apparently lol
Online articles don't always work nearly as efficiently as negative comments that trigger introspection. You don't develop empathy overnight, unfortunately. Neither do you learn conflict resolution skills and the suppression of the tendency towards violence overnight. You need a paradigm shift in your thinking for it to work.
Or a verbal slap in the face by the community. Sorry for picking up the topic again.
Shaming doesn't help people unfortunately for the majority of people here
Shaming can help sometimes - for example, shaming of racists was actually an important contributing factor to ending racial segregation. (Studies show, though, that shaming can make certain addiction problems worse - e. g. shaming of an overweight person can make over-eating worse - so it's a tricky line to tread.)
If I made the statement that we should "shame men who hit women" would you find it controversial or would you agree with it? Would you say, "no, we should try help those men"?
I think we actually need to do both - people need a kind of 'loving shame' - the carrot and the stick. We can want to help people while still condemning certain behaviors as shameful.
What bothers me is the hypocrisy that men who hit women should be shamed but women who do the same should be "helped". I've almost NEVER heard anyone say men who hit women should be "helped". (Although, they should - sometimes they want to change their ways.)
I think I now have hardly any hope of even wanting a relationship base on all the shaming comments I've read here. Wow just wow...
Why, you were planning on hitting your boyfriend without him hitting back?
What? Thanks a lot for twisting my words and implying something I wasn't even thinking about and never said.
It's the replies that simply makes me lose hope overall.
Apparently this isn't a good place for the asker to be seeking advice.
And if I have to live in fear in a relationship or marriage, it would be over right there. It's not normal to fear a bf/husband.
Ok, sry I'm not having a good day and misinterpreted your words. Pardon me.
Still I already had the whole "good advice" debate in the previous comments. Feel free to re-read them to know my (and most people here) position.
TLDR; It is good advice imho.
Now you're confusing me. Who said something about fear? You just should expect consequences for your actions. Independent of your gender.
I get scared away easier so it wouldn't even proceed further. That would be already over for me. If a future husband, yells in my face like a lunatic and gets more louder and it seems like he's going to do something, I see that as a threat already = fear.
More than likely the marriage would be over for me right there.
If in addition to that, if he then blocks the exit door, I'm going to obviously feel more threatened and possible react by then. I would never react in angry because it's simply not right period. I would however, react in fear. If he confuses that for anger well then too bad, he shouldn't have held me hostage like that.
If you GENUINELY "feel threatened" by a man the last thing you will do is slap him in the face. Quite the opposite, slapping is something you do when you expect you won't get any response for it.
I didn't actually said I'll definitely slap him. I said I would react. How? I don't know. I just might. Ever heard of ''flight or fight'' mode when someone genuinely feels threatened (I'm not talking about just hitting in anger because you got hit first but fear)? Reactions and reponses to fear can take place in many ways.
What happens if you corner a rat for so long? Even that small animal will bite you in fear.
Honestly, I'm actually not a mean person to take advantage of someone that is old-fashioned and does nothing due to his upbringing. My own guilt would be so terrible for me. To me that would be the same as cheating on an exam and knowing well I didn't deserve that good grade. I can't picture myself taking advantage of someone nor being a bully. I've been verbally and emotional bully during my school years and that's just as bad too.
I don't need to get threatened and told ''I can easily knock you out if'', to treat someone good. I would be questioning why he has to even talk to me in that manner and that alone would also be a good reason to leave a relationship or file for divorce.
I think yoda said this before. What you give out, comes back to u like a whipping boomerang. Be da better role model please?
So he verbally assaults you, you physically assault him, and he does it back.
See a marriage counselor
That's a natural response.
The two of you need to learn better ways to solve conflict and control your tempers.
Well how hard did YOU smack him? Because I would somewhat understand if you hardly slaped his face a little and he just rampages at you. It could be overkill.
didn't you had reconciliation sex? This usually make things better. My parents are divorced and it really hurt me when I was a kid. Whenever I see married couples fighting Im sad. Don't ruin your relationship you two. Please stay calm.
Shame shame shame! You need to report him. I understand you knocked some sense right into him but he never should've laid a hand on you!
Rofl no, she deserves to be punched if she punches others. She shouldn't have laid a hand on him in the first place.
If she reports him she will be in more trouble than him, she started to get physical first!
She should never have hit him either.
"knocked some sense into him" just how much further would you be willing to take your rationalization for the justification of physical violence?
Oh so when a woman hits a man it's considered to be "knocking some sense into him" but when he defends himself from a clearly unstable female it's "abuse." I hope nobody has the misfortune of having a kid with you.
She now knows not to hit people physically stronger than her!
Another feminists ^
That's bad
@BC1001
Where exactly has this user claimed to be a feminist?
He shouldn't have laid a hand on her same way SHE shouldn't have laid hers on HIM.
Congratulations, you're a hypocrite.
I will be very blunt and honest. Stop dreaming. From the point where you have come, it will NEVER get better. Be prepared for that.
About the only realistic answer. i agree. It will never get better now with violence introduced in the marriage. The marriage is over IMO.
Please don't take me wrong my friend. I am genuinely sad and feel for you both because I am a BIG believer in marriage and you are one of the few on GAGville who is married. I can only pray that it works out in your case by some miracle and you both genuinely appologize to each other and just look at your child and think about his/her future. Kids need BOTH parents to be raised normal. (I do not mean those who lose parent/s in accidents).
I'm assuming you're referring to the anonymous Asker. I'm not her.
If you hit him first, expect to be hit back. However, if he hits you again without you hitting him first, get out of the relationship.
The same exact thing happened to me a couple months ago. Forget what everyone's saying. It's not acceptable of him to have hit you back. SOMETIMES, some men use the most colorful insults and they don't care when it hurts their girl's feelings. So I'm going to go ahead and be on your side here. He deserves it and he should not have hit you back. He should be nicer to you. Also, next time you can use something a little harder to knock his ass out.
lol what the hell?
These kind of enablers is why stuff like this happens.
They were both incorrect in their actions. Nothing justifies violence, but nothing justifies name-calling.
This answer is laughable and ignorant. :-P
Feminist alert ^
FYI: Men are done putting up with this type of hypocrisy. Deal with it.
You need some mental check up.
This girl is crazy. Lmao
Women and their entitlement complexes never surprise me. If a woman "knocks my ass out", that woman is history. Double standard female trolls and their opinions are garbage.
You should tell him that that wasn't ok and talk to him about how you feel about him doing that. He should NOT have hit you back
I do agree you probably shouldn't have hit him first though, but still
There is no "but still". You hit someone, you get hit right back. That's how it works. Don't like it? Don't hit people.
You should cry and call mommy. You hit someones and you got hit back. It's even.
Are you surprised by this? I hope you don't see yourself as a victim in this case because you're not
Don't hit people. Act right or get smacked right.
Obviously!
Did he slap you or punch you? Because punching isn't right if you only slapped him.
I agree with this..."equal force" should be used in conflict. A hard strike for a slap isn't equal.
welp i agree he shouldn't have been in your face like but at the same time you shouldn't have hit him.
thats what I call equal rights lol :-|
Kindergarten Level Pro Tip: If you hit someone, expect to get hit back.
Lmao, sorry but you've got to watch out for reflexes. I hope he apologized and you too so y'all can move forward ❤
Viloence only brings more violence. You both fked up. Both are to blame.
Did he apologize? What did he do after?
Well, she should have apologized first, and then should have him. Punching others is morally errorenous.
Either way, both should of been the bigger person and walk away or talk like civilized people. Both are wrong. They shouldn't put a child in that environment. He'll grow up abusive and passive aggressive.
Who cares?
Want to slap/hit like a man, it's gonna come back at you
next time dont start it
Hahaha good advice. Lol 😂
you should have kicked him in the jewels
This...
Lmfaooo that's why I carry a pointy comb in my bag, just incase things like this happens...
lmfao but pointy shoes hurt worse I had it done to me with one of my exes
That's assault, and it's a felony. You can do that but if you do, you belong in prison, and don't be surprised if you end up there.
I wouldn't do that. I would leave and file for divorce. Now would this be still consider assault if a man was seriously trying to rape me and I manage to hit him there?
dav only way they can prove that if someone kicks somebody in the jewels and that if someone sen them do it if not cops will tell the man be more carful
to nbe fair is a chick hit me im gonna hit back she kick me in the nuts im probably gonna right hook her in the head.
What should you do? Hit him again
Right. That would have ended well.
terrible advice
@meso - That's y we have a term - kids
*eats pancake* Man, I didn't even remember about this opinion. I think it was my friend who posted this. She's always snooping around my profile. Anyways... meh...
You shouldn't have hit him in the first place.
Don't put your hands on people.
Dumbass...
What do you expect.