Husband look at pictures of naked women?

[Anonymous]

I have explained how this makes me feel and I have begged him to stop doing it. I've been open minded and told him that he can tell me why he does it and I promised not to get angry. He just shuts down and says he doesn't know why he does it. He has made endless promises to stop and he is not the sort of man to break a promise. It is tearing me apart. He is now angry because every time I see the pictures on the computer I confront him and he is angry that I don't trust him enough not to look at the history! I found the first 2 lots of pictures by accident trying to get back to a webpage I had used and since then I have checked the history. I hate myself for it. Last week he was angrier than ever and I finally promised to stop checking. Last night I was trying to do research for a meeting and needed to get back to a webpage I had used and yet again there are more pictures. I kept my promise and didn't go further back in the history and I am now waiting for him to come home from work to confront him about it again! What can I do to make him realize that he's breaking me every time he looks at them?

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+1 y

This question is irrelevant now because my husband has left me...apparently he hasn't been in love with me for a while. So I say to all those people who blamed my insecurities and told me to get help...what a load of rubbish! I knew there was more to it

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+1 y

and I have been proved right! This was never about getting attention from people I don't know this was a genuine question in a bid to see things from the other side and quite frankly I'm sickened by most of the newest answers. Thanks to everyone who took

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+1 y

the time to reply. For the record I never wanted to control my husband, I just wanted him to keep the promises he made to stop just like he expected me to keep my promises! I pity those who feel a life led with broken promises and naked women on your

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+1 y

computer screen is enough...do yourselves a favor and take into consideration the feelings of the people around you!

[jawssy]

for those that can't understand why this bothers a woman... it is bothersome because we want to be the one whom our man directs all his attention and affection towards. we want to be his image of the 'perfect woman'. we don't care if his friends or family think we are the hottest thing on earth, but we do care if he does. when a husband looks at other women for sexual fulfillment, it is a crushing blow to the wife's self-esteem BUT even more-so it is a blow to the foundation of the relationship. as the woman goes about her day thinking of the husband and missing him and thinking of ways to please him (not just sexually, but overall just to make him happy), and then she finds that rather than him thinking about her in return and ways to make her happy- he is instead too infatuated with big boobs and air-brushed vaginas to even give his wife a second thought. then, yes it bothers any normal woman! it's also proven that p*rn releases a chemical in the brain that is the same as drug addiction and every time of looking at p*rn, desensitizes the person more and more until they need more vulgar images to get it off the next time they are looking at it. sex is an expression that should be shared between two people, not one person and a computer screen or magazine poster. for those that think masturbation is a requirement, then fine but the person can think of their spouse during that time... not some girl who wouldn't give you the time of day unless you were paying her by the minute! think about that when looking at the pics and then tell us how turned on you really feel. the way I see it, is if you want someone who looks and acts like a hoe on a magazine then go find them instead of wasting someone else's time and instead of pretending that person was everything you ever wanted. another thing when you are 'wacking it' to these images is to remember that 99.9% of these women wouldn't be standing up there nude if they weren't sexually abused growing up. so, as you look at these women- picture yourself as an abuser cause at that moment as dumb as she is for taking her clothes off for the camera- she is still a victim. she doesn't know anything else except to be a victim and what does that make you? you guessed it- you are the abuser. does that thought make you wanna go masterbate? well, if so then you have even bigger problems than you know. either way- to the guys that think p*rn is cool and everyone should be OK with it- why don't you all just meet up somewhere and take pics of each other in thongs and high heels. sounds to me like you are about that desperate and it would save any woman from getting suckered into thinking she is the one for you, only to find out she will never, ever measure up to your masterbation requirements. yeah, looking at it is embarrassing and shameful for a reason- because it's GROSS to be so desperate that you can't even make an honest connection to another living person, but instead you have to make love to your own hand!

[zagor]

Yeah, well, the hand doesn't nag or get headaches...

As for all those "victims", a lot of them are making damn good money shakin' it fo the camera.

The whole "wankin' is cheating" complex some women have just totally eludes me.

[tinagasolina]

I feel very conflicted on this topic because I get both sides of it...the husband and the wife. As a wife, I felt very insecure about what he was viewing online and in magazines (all of which he tried to hide from me of course and I understand why...it's private and he knew it would piss me off!). I have to preface this by saying that some kinds of images bothered me and others did not. I was bothered at the images of beautiful bikini clad models. I was not bothered by real p*rn, showing people having sex. With the former, these images threatened me. I did not look like these women and could not compete with that and it made me feel less and like I was not what he REALLY wanted...it made me feel like he preferred these women (these images of highly sexualized and perfect looking very young women) over me. Keep in mind, I'm not a bad looking woman and definitely not prudish, far from, but I am not 20 that's for sure. We had looked at p*rn together and I didn't and don't feel like that is abnormal or immoral. I don't feel threatened by this kind of imagery...only the imagery of what I mentioned above...the sexy pin up type models not "having sex", just showing themselves in a sexual way. I also get this is natural and beautiful and don't find there is something wrong with a man (or woman) who enjoys it. One of the reasons it was an issue for me was that there were things terribly wrong in other areas of the marriage and this just added and spoke to those other things. He always found a way to "check out" or blame me for everything, even if he was the guilty party. When I told him this bothered me, it was MY fault..not his. He didn't try to understand or respect it and he certainly didn't try to stop because he knew there was an issue there...he only hid it better. Now that the marriage is beyond repair (for so many other reasons than this topic), he is way more blatant about it and doesn't even try to hide it that well. I just discovered all sorts of cut outs from magazines of bikini clad women pasted inside the cupboard doors in his "man cave". I opened them looking for some duct tape and there they were. Pissed me off but all I thought of was, "Is this guy f***ing 16 years old?" Just pathetic for a man of 51, I think. Anyway, I don't feel like a husband should be so insistent on having to plaster this sh*t up to look at in the home he shares with his wife...I think it IS disrespectful to me, especially if he knows it bugs me. I also think that's a little different than trolling around online...it's just so pervasive there. Whatever, look at it and have your little wank and then get out and keep it private! Don't put up these pictures in the house, even if it is in your man cave! And boys...at least try to understand how we may feel a bit threatened, especially if you're generally dismissive to the woman no matter what the conflict is.

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

That's a toughie. My husband looked at porn as well, all the time. The first time I found it was right after we were married. He was ordering it on demand after I'd go to bed at night. His excuse was "Well you were asleep, and I was horny". I told him how it made me feel unwanted and very unappreciated. I eventually tried to be ok with it, especially while he was deployed. Yeah, didn't work out. Just about a month or so ago, he was listening to a video of it, and I lost it. I told him that I did my part on trying to be ok with it, and now he needed to try to stop looking at it. I spent two years trying to be ok with it, and I just can't be. So now he's no longer looking at it or ordering it (and he doesn't hook his laptop up to the internet at home or even use it so he's gotta use my computer and I know he's not looking at it). And I get the cable bill sent to me in my e-mail so I can pay it so I keep track of what's ordered.

For some people it's that easy to overcome. I really can't tell you what to do about it. Everyone is different and reacts differently to confrontation. My husband isn't the type to immediately get defensive, so it's a little easier for me. The last time I promised him that if those women were so important to him that he just HAD to look at them, then he was done with sex with me. That might have done it, especially after being deployed and sexually deprived for a year. For now we're doing ok with it. But porn is an addiction, and if he decides to stop, and really tries but falls back once in a while, be graceful with it. Addicts sometimes go back to old habits when it gets tough, no matter how hard they try. It's when those fall backs become less and less and farther apart do you know your making real progress :)

[Asker]

Thank you....I'm also an Army wife by the way!! I did wonder if it was a backlash from an Afghan tour but he assures me it isn't! I'm trying so hard to be understanding but he's just not helping. I wouldn't be so angry and upset if it was once every few months but this is practically every week!! I confronted him last week (weds) and last night there were more pictures on the computer!! I'm running out of patience and to be honest I'm wondering if in a way I'd be better off leaving!

[SarawakDevil]

(Question Asker) And now we know you're an army wife. Do you not feel you're giving us more and more information about yourself? And that you get some satisfaction from exposing his 'wrongs'? What about you confiding in us here about your marriage problem? Lady, in case you didn't see it, you're PROSTITUTING yourself to us here!

[nymphoman]

Brilliant topic.

I am a married man, my wife KNOWS I look at porn, does she care, no, do I still shut the pages down when she comes into the room, yes.

You confronting him is embarrassing to him, of course he will get angry because its the only way a man can get out of embarrassment.

I don't see why you get upset really, it's not as if he is doing anything physically with these women and newsflash dear, he doesn't find them as potential next wife or a bit on the side, I'm sorry to be blunt but it's just for a good old classic masturbation time.

Men are turned on by porn, it's natural and when some guy scoffs at porn "oh I don't need that sort of thing" I respond with a resounding "yeh right" because its bull.

ALL straight men look at porn from the very basic to the bizarre and the taboo, we look at women in the street when your not looking, we fancy the neighbour across the street, don't be surprised to know we fancy your sister or your friends, we deny it but trust me, its what we do.

Now then, the difference is, do we act on it, that is the thing that separates the loyal from the cheaters, if you are scared that he will eventually take out his lustful fantasies in real life by having an affair then believe me, no amount of censoring him will prevent that from happening, if a man will cheat then he will do so porn or not.

Also if that is your fear then wouldn't you rather like my wife have the knowledge that no matter how many busty ladies I see being bent into awkward positions and entered by 3 men at a time that I lay next to her at night and the only woman I love and have sex with is her.

At the end of the day your man is a hot blooded male, he needs to masturbate as we men folk do and porn or not he is doing so and its a little unfair for you to prevent him from doing so, in the long run he is with you, he loves you and knows how to separate the tarts on the screen who he couldn't recognise in a line up because they are just objects of sexual entertainment from the woman he loves and cares about;

Be a dear, leave him alone, if you don't want to know but will leave him be then tell him to download ccleaner to clear his history to prevent you from obsessing over controlling his need to toss off, stop embarrassing him, women don't realise that men actually need to masturbate otherwise they become agitated, aggressive and annoying.

They aren't real to him, you are and have nothing to worry about.

Trust me.

[SarawakDevil]

I seldom can agree with people's views but this time I agree with this person (nymphoman) from his first line to the last. Everything I wanted to say in response to the question has been said out aloud by him. I can only add this -- Pornstar can never take the place of the wife!

[SaucieMaMa]

If a porn star can never take the place of a wife.. then why WASTE your time with it? Serious, that comment was rediculous. If porn is an "embarassment" then why bother with it? "be a dear leave him alone"? Be a MAN and a loving respectful HUSBAND and quit with the BS

[da5id]

I agree as well

as nymphoman said: please do question where this is coming from inside of you...

he is not diverting any resources away from you, not any you need anyways, and guess he still loves you.

1. people don't understand what urges are, and for some: if you have to get off now you have to get off and if you are not there at the moment, or can't fulfill his wishes right away he has to vent where its easy access.

2. IF you think of sex as a mean to control him... you can't and won't so accept it

[nymphoman]

Just to add a quick comment to those that seriously think its a good idea to act as your partners wank prevention then would you really prefer him to con you into thinking your getting some love sex only to find he 'accidentally' blurts in your mouth, because that's what will happen, you stop him from having meaningless sex with his hand will result in that meaningless sex being directed towards you.

Either way you can't watch him 24/7, or do you wipe his ass too?

Stop interfering with nature.

[nymphoman]

For SaucieMaMa:

It's embarrassing to have my woman walk in on me taking a crap, I certainly aren't stopping opening my bowels just to prevent any further embarrassment.

My wife isn't so pathetically insecure as to think I see porn as anything other than simply a meaningless wank.

Men need to masturbate, women suggest they don't need to and some deny it completely, I can't say if this is true but I bet there would be hell to pay if we stopped you resting against the washing machine on spin cycle.

[peace-love-couture]

Porn is made for entertainment and to get people off.Men and many women are visual.All it is is a computer or tv screen.It runs you on to allow you to masturbate.Your partner can't be there every waking moment of your life,every single time you're aroused.Masturbation can help release built up tension,anger,stress and emotion,all by yourself.It's like telling a guy "you can't masturbate due to my insecurities"

[nice_guy7]

Great answer!

except that I don't see anything wrong with women joining in with it with their guys. my girl has given my head while I look at pics of porn girls, models, her friends, other girls we know, whatever. if it gets you off and is legal then why would you ruin that for someone? take part in it and it will be great for both of you. I think we need to embrace each other's sexual pleasure.

[Crazycanuck]

Ok he looks at porn because he's a dude...It doesn't change the way he feels about you at all. Guys will always be attracted to other girls and girls will always be attracted to other guys regardless of what state of relationship their in. Its just human nature. I'm pretty shore that you found yourself attracted to/ flirting with other guys. I know that it's not at the same level as what he's doing but I hope you understand my point.

I understand you feelings about it and I give you props for keeping your promise to him. However as long as he has a penis I highly doubt he will stop looking at those images. Like I said before it doesn't mean he's lost his feelings for you it just means his a guy.

The only solution I can is have a don't ask don't tell policy between you to. This way he feels less guilty and you don't get as hurt. Get your own computer, have him get himself a laptop or ask him to erase the history when he's done. I know its not much but at lest its some common ground.

If it has turned in to a full blown addiction or it's starting to effect your sex life then I recommend that both of you get in to couples counseling and he gets some help. Hope this is helpful

[Asker]

Looking at porn because he's a dude is an excuse when he's on a course and away from home for weeks at a time. I can deal with that. What I can't deal with is the fact that I go all out for him and try to mke him happy and I have broken down and told him in so many ways what he's doing to me and yet he doesn't seem to care. I've asked if he's addicted and he laughed at me. Now because I have a valid excuse for actually finding them he's ignoring the whole thing and pretending it isn't happening

[Crazycanuck]

If its that bad then seek couples counseling...cus it seems like he is addicted. Get him some help.

[rwb0027]

Its not the same because flirting with people is real and interpersonal whilest porn is purely imaginative/media.

[bersaba]

Copy and paste from another question virtually the same (my answer).

========================================================

Porn + masturbation is different from sex.

I could quite easily be in the mood for a quick wank, without wanting sex. Masturbation is a purely selfish act that's 100% stress free. You don't have to worry about:

- Do I smell ok

- Did I brush my teeth

- I should have trimmed my pubes

- Is she enjoying this

- Am I going to fast

- Damn I should slow down

- Will this lead to a relationship talk?

And so on. You can just sit back and look at whatever fantasy you happen to like at that moment. The internet (and the porn) allows for us guys to fulfil our generally rapid fire switching of turn ons at will. For instance I might start of, say, wanting to look at Jennifer Love Hewitt pictures, and during the course of a wank, that migrates into big breasts - bouncing big breasts - jumping - skipping - jogging - girls on a beach jogging - sex on a beach. Within the space of a few minutes.

I honestly don't think the majority of girls understand that, or indeed how the male fantasies work. From what my girlfriend has told me, her fantasies when masturbating are long drawn out elaborate scenes. Her favourite is about being a saloon dancing girl in a wild west tavern and being taken by wild bill, the local bad guy. She's been masturbating to the same fantasy and imagined image for years.

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All guys are different. All guys have different porn tastes and levels. I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND intently, but at the same time I still watch porn. My friend however, when he started going out with his now wife, he deleted all his porn on his computer (but did admit to watching it still online at times anyhow). Another friend of mine as more porn than the internet! (Seriously, spindles of dvds, all categorised) that he and his girlfriend watch.

Talk to your boyfriend about it, talk to him and say how it makes you feel. But in doing so, try to understand that porn to a male, and masturbation for that matter, is TOTALLY SEPARATE ENTITY to sex with a loved one. I cannot stress that enough.

[InquisitiveMale]

I realize I’m much too late to be of any help but I couldn't resist putting in my opinion. This topic has evolved past the intentions of the host and gone on to be a debate about masturbation and pornography.

Masturbation...

Health Benefits for Men

Research summarized in a 2007 article in Sexual and Relationship Therapy found that masturbation helps men by:

Improving his immune system’s functioning.

Building his resistance to prostate gland infection.

Making for a healthier prostate.

Australian researchers have reported that frequent masturbation may lower a man’s risk of developing prostate cancer. A survey of men found the more frequently a man masturbates between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to get prostate cancer. In fact, those who masturbated more than five times a week were one-third less likely to develop prostate cancer.

Health Benefits for Females

When it comes to a woman’s health, self-pleasuring serves her well by:

Building her resistance to yeast infections.

Combating pre-menstrual tension and other physical conditions associated with their menstrual cycles, like cramps.

Relieving painful menstruation by increasing blood flow to the pelvic region. This will also reduce pelvic cramping and related backaches.

Relieving chronic back pain and increasing her threshold for pain.

Health Benefits for Both Sexes

Masturbation rewards both men and women because it’s:

The safest kind of sex, keeping you free of sexually transmitted infections.

A great form of stress relief.

A mood booster in releasing endorphins.

A natural sleep sedative.

A mechanism for building stronger pelvic floor muscles, which can lead to better sex.

A natural energetic pick-me-up.

Once we get over our sociological ways of thinking you have to realize masturbation is a perfectly normal and healthy thing to do. Self-pleasuring is the second most common human sex act.

As for pornography; it’s part of being human.

Pornography is one form or another has been around sense the dawn of man. Ancient civilizations from all around the world divulged in the knowledge that sex was a beautiful thing and depicted in many forms from encryptions on walls to paintings and statues. If given today’s technology, yesterday, they would have done no different.

Ancient civilizations may have been to slack with sex having it a common public occurrence but today’s society is much too strict as if it’s a forbidden fruit even in the privacy of your own home. Sooner or later the cloud of ignorance will fade and the mass will accept human nature for what it is.

Pornography is a tool to get your jollies; nothing more. Without visual stimulation reaching a climax can take hours and really, who has hours to spend masturbating? There is not ethically wrong with it.

MY opinion, not yours.

Cheers.

[yoyougogirl]

To the author of this plea: I feel for you. Please know that your concerns are very valid and very correct! The majority of the responses posted here are from those who have no idea what they are saying except repeating the propaganda they've been taught. From their responses it it clear they have done no research whatsoever and are defending destructive behavior to all humans by shifting the blame from where it should be, your destructive husband, and attempting to distract by shifting the blame to the innocent, namely, yourself. Just because they allow their brains and bodies to be prey to manipulators doesn't mean you have to fall for their "sheeple" and weak character. I recognize your responses to be strongly adhering to taking personal responsibility...something which most of those that commented know nothing about. Their responses are extremely self-absorbed and have nothing to do with true human living...in fact, if they would do the research they would find how destructive it is to themselves, those near them and, in fact, the world in general. Please know that you are not alone in defending your true nature of respecting others body, mind, and soul. Even tho so many have been lazy and succumbed to even the most obvious manipulations, there are those that have not. Stay true to what you clearly know and allow those that are against true human behavior to fall by the wayside as its been clearly proven in time that they will eventually implode. Rather than risking yourself and those near you by being close to those destroyers, its wise that you remain strong and true to your clarity that respecting yourself and others is the only constructively pro-human way to live and be happy. Yes, its difficult to be hurt by those you love especially when its so clear how lost they are. The temptation is to "help". The only way they can be helped is to leave them be, remove yourself from the situation, and let them learn their own lessons. He left you because you did not agree...he desired to disrespect himself, you , and all of humanity while you chose to respect yourself and humanity...disagreement! When a relationship is in conflict or disagreement it cannot survive. Because you stayed true to agreeing to constructive human living, you will attract others that do as well and you will be happy associating with them. its sad to see anti-humans destroy themselves especially when they act like they haven't a clue or when they are unwilling to have a clue.There's nothing anyone can do for them. They need to learn at their own pace and/or implode. I'm so happy to see you choosing the intelligent path. Congratulations!

[admiral4her]

As a guy that has been in two divorces both the causer and the victim I wanted to comment on this. First, guys are very much stimulated visually. Because of that we often find ourselves in trouble when we see someone attractive to us and pay attention to them with a look. It doesn't mean that we aren't in love with the woman in our life. It's how we were programmed. Second, woman are stimulated verbally and romanticly. They need the forepaly, kissing and warmed up before they progress. That causes so much issue between a man and woman. Not that either is right or wrong. If all men are honest they will tell you that they enjoy looking at photos of attractive women and sometimes even nude women. It's not that they want to be with them, but adds to the fantasy aspect for them. With that said, it would have been the right thing for your husband to have talked with you about it or even looked at it with you to help you understand what he was doing and why. The fact that he shut down and close you out was truly the wrong way to handle it. I was once told by a person very smart in turns of relationships that we should never "check up" on our partner. This has more to do with "us" than catching the other person. This causes us to become angry and confrontational with our spouse. Thus, talking stops resentment starts and turst goes out the window followed by divorce. No man will stay in a relationship where he feels "checked up on" not trusted and consumed with restrictions. Its our programming. Good luck.

[CuddlyCarla]

Why should he have to explain it and why is it so odd to you? Speaking from the perspective of a grown woman, I expect it to be human nature for a man to look at pictures of women. They are photographs, not real people. He's not cheating on you by looking online or at a magazine. At the end of the day, you are the one he shares his bed and feelings with. Why make someone feel guilty for their human hormonal tendencies? Of course he's going to shut down, it's embarrassing. It's healthy to let your man have a fantasy outlet, as long as it remains a fantasy. Unless he's running around with other women, you shouldn't feel threatened at all. It doesn't mean you aren't enough. This is only destructive if you put it in your mind that it is. You are just going to end up driving him away by preventing him from being who he is. Unless you want it to go from pictures to other women, I'd let it go. If you notice anything pertaining to phone calls to your house you don't recognize or legitimate cheating behavior, then you can be worried. This sounds like a personal insecurity on your part and not a problem on his. Have you never once had a fantasy about another man? It doesn't mean you are any less in love with your husband, it's just human nature and isn't meant to be acted upon in any other way. Find a way to compromise or learn to let this one go.

[bersaba]

Meaning no offence to the question asker. You can't assume that the porn lead to the break up, or that the porn caused the break up. It could have been a multitude of different reasons.

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It's already been said about a thousand times but, in a nutshell.

1: Men will always masturbate and (most likely) look at porn. Even in relationships. Porn and masturbation for males is the same as Mills and Boon for females.

2: If you are uncomfortable with this, for pits sake talk to your partner about it, not bottle it up and ask questions online.

3: However, don't expect them to just stop 100%. That's not going to happen, and not fair.

4: Porn does NOT negate love for a male. They are completely unrelated in our eyes.

5: Masturbation is not the same as sex. Sometimes I want sex, sometimes I want a wank. They serve different functions and the mindset is different.

I love my girlfriend. I love her because she's beautiful, because she's funny, because she treats me great 75% of the time, and 25% of the time she nags me gently. I also love her because she seems to understand male sexuality. We have a good sex life, but we also both have private time. If she sees me looking at girl on TV she knows it in no way reflects upon my love for her. And I dare say it's probably because I make a habit of telling her I love her. (6yrs into the relationship).

Communication is your friend here.

[skurge65]

Nothing destroys love's initial infatuation faster than the realization that our partner's energies, especially sexual, are/have been focused in a direction other than us. In that moment you want to yell, "Hey, What am I, chopped liver?!" Then of course, you ask, "What if I am chopped liver?"

Well, off of the top of my head I can think of a few reasons why we have to vent our sexual energies in directions other than our partners. If you think of more, please let me know:

-Too much sexual energy and their partner can't handle it all.

-Too much sexual energy and their partner doesn't know how or want to manage it all.

-One is upset with their partner and doesn't want to be with them at a moment of coincidental lust.

-Partner is unsatisfying in some way, appearance, performance, respectability.

-One has been tainted by the taste of variety and/or better quality and is greedy. For what ever reason, you’ve been settled for. This last excuse may be a reason. It may be the reason almost all relationships are doomed. I sure hope not though.

At any rate, the person left unfocused on feels betrayed, insufficient, and disrespected since they had been sending all of their energies in the direction of their partner while their partner was directing their sexual energies elsewhere. What may follow? Hardly anything good. The betrayed person may feel entitled to focus their sexual energies elsewhere also. Hence, the relationship breakdown begins to cycle.

[rolfen]

Because you are pushing him. He needs some space, and maybe some things are bothering him.

I used to do that when my girlfriend was here, now she's away in Italy for a month, and I've totally lots interest in that. I miss her (in a painful way).

Could also be that he is doing that to make it easier to stay with you - maybe that's his way of having his "space" or makes him feel like he's single, something he misses or longs for for some reason. Please don't take this bad, I'm being frank with you, but I think it's rather the 1rst explanation I gave - lack of space - and that's not physical space.

Good luck, and I hope you don't go into the "addiction" thing and start calling him an addict, etc... that's just ugly. There is no such thing as p*rnography addiction being a big problem, otherwise the majority of guys are in serious trouble. I have read a study that says that most (it was like over 80% - forgot the exact numbers ) guys watch p*rn several times a week. It was made in canada - so don't worry.

[rolfen]

BTW - I registered under the wrong sex - I am a GUY

[Clair]

men love to look at naked women. Why? I have no idea, I don't know why I and I'm sure many women like the sight of a well toned fella on the beach. If you try and supress human nature you end up with unhappy humans. I do not believe that your opression of your ex's desire to look at naked women is the reason he left, but perhaps your harping on about it didn't help. When we human beings learn and accept human behaviour and needs we will all live happier lives.

I think you have focused on this irrelevant issue and blamed his need to look at naked women as the reason the relationship fell apart but really it was just an excuse to ignore other more important issues that you were un willing to deal with. Relationships do need work, both of you need to put it in, it's not fair to be blaming it on him and a normal desire in humans to see naked, attractive flesh. I'm sure he's a d*** for what ever reasons but it's nothing to do with looking at naked women.

if you want to try and save your relationship you have to be honest with yourself and ask why it went wrong and try and fix it, if you really want to, if you don't then just move on.

[Anonymous]

Wow just reading this and it scares the sh*t out of me cause I too think this is a problem and my guy told me he would not do it and I am afraid to look in the history just for the simple fact He is the one who told me he would stop and if I look I might find what I don't want to. I don't want to get myself into this to much but I feel if you make it clear to your partner how you feel and he still does it then yeah he don't respect your feelings. I'm giving my guy the benefit of doubt that he has stopped but It something All guys do and its just a matter of how much am I willing to deal with it. If this guy does it and the next guy does it and the next guy maybe I should find security with my man now cause beyond the looking at pictures he is the best thing to me.. I can't be home all the time and I guess men have bigger needs than to wait.. Honestly it don't make a lot of sense to me why they do it either but its what they do. The world has made it so easy to be tempted and everything is right there with the click of a button.. Good luck to you and me to find and be with men who respect feeling ...

[dave216]

Men look at naked women's pictures because they are beautiful and we enjoy them. Other people may enjoy looking at pictures of flowers because they are beautiful they enjoy seeing them. I like naked females and flowers. :)

A better question might have been "Why do I have this irrational need to control what my husband looks at?" It would seem you have a real problem with insecurity. You would be well advised to get some help with your insecurities and to stop wasting time trying to control your husband. He is a free male, supposedly able to make his own personal choices.

My wife is a nut for watching CSI programs. I do not like them at all, but I have no right to impose my choices on her, so she watches them any time she likes and I watch what I enjoy. If you try to control someone too much, they will often look for a means to escape. Maybe keep that in mind next time you are deciding what your husband can do or look at.

[SaucieMaMa]

She doesn't have insecurity, nor is she in need to control... are you serious? your pathedic EXCUSE is an embarassment... do us all a favor and don't speak for anyone but yourself, not ALL men do this. SOME men respect their wives, and follow the Lord. ANY believer of Christ wouldn't do such madness. And any respectable loving man, wouldn't do this to their wives.

[dave216]

Sorry Saucie, religious fanaticism precludes you from understanding normal people and how they think. My advice was right on point, but too late. She had already driven him away, before she sought advice.

[peace-love-couture]

Actually he is right.It's natural to look at someone or something attractive.The second you start trying to control a man and his action,is the second he will fell trapped,will resent you and will pull away from you.Him watching porn has nothing to do with respect,his breaking his promise is the issue and your insecurity is the issue.I wouldn't be surprised if she pushed him away with all her bs,although,if he wasn't in love with her,that is a separate issue

[drakal76]

Why did he leave you? Did he give you the real reason, or just sugar coat it? Or did he just avoid the fight all together and run, tale tucked firmly between his legs?

So often it is that men are criticized for the thing we do (wrong and seldom for right), but how often do women really put the shoe on the other foot and really look for the reasons for why their husband would leave? I told my wife once before-> I know my flaws and how terrible a man I think I am, and that I at least know the only thing good about me in my life is that I am a good, loving father and a loyal, good employee of the business I work for. Then I told her, when was the last time she looked into a mirror? When was the last time you did?

[nikral]

get over it, guys look at porn, that's the way it is. he's not doing anything with the porn star in real life and probably wouldn't even if given a chance. the idea of porn is that its imaginary, its not real, doesn't really happen (do you get the point?) guys look at porn and that's never going to change. it doesn't matter how long you have been married, some times you just have to get off on something and porn is so easy to do that. he still loves you, still does things with you...so why would you care if he looks at porn? have you ever just been horny and wanted to do something about it? cause that's all he's doing.guys get horny and jerk it asap

[SaucieMaMa]

Youre discusting, and a pig. I feel bad for your lover.

[nikral]

I guess most guys are pigs then cause most guys do exactly that

[peace-love-couture]

Stop pushing your religious views down everyones throat.it's natural,even women look at porn and pictures

[nikral]

Thank you evangelina214 for agreeing with me.

oh and SaucieMaMa, I don't know why you would feel bad for my lover, she also looks at porn, sometimes we look at it together

[SarawakDevil]

Listen to what 'Nymphoman' said and also other people who argued along the same line. It's not the end of the world for you and him. So please don't make it as if it is. It is a great embarrasment for him if the marriage failed because of some porn. But I will lose all respect for you if a wife left a husband because of some porn. Because of some porn?! Please, don't we already have better concern in the world today? Imagine what he is feeling now that you come to this site to ask for opinion and advice from any Tom, Dick and Harry? Actually, it's more like you're CONFIDING in us, you're seeking comfort from us strangers. How would he feel? Imagine this is not a virtual place. Imagine this is some dark alley somewhere in the outskirt. You need someone to talk with. Fine! We can cry with you. Then we f*** you. There's over 20 of us here. It's a gangbang! I do you first, I insist. Now imagine what he's feeling that you're coming to us? WOMAN, THINK BEYOND YOUR SELFISH REASONING!

[the-love-guru]

Completely disagree. I fully understand that men are incredibly visual, sexual beings. That's fine. Women are told they must understand that. But hear this- many women are hurt beyond belief by their husband looking at another woman with the intention to imagine her as part of a sexual act. That's technically cheating. Now, I'm not crazy or obsessive, but I believe that a man should remain faithful to his wife at ALL times, that means with porn addictions as well. If he won't quit, leave him.

[SarawakDevil]

"I believe that a man should remain faithful to his wife at ALL times, that means with porn addictions as well. If he won't quit, leave him." You know what they said? Woman can take it when his man has sex with other woman for as long as he doesn't fall in love with her; man doesn't mind his woman falling in love with any michael jackson or keanu reeve on TV or hunks in their neighbourhood for as long as she don't have sex with any of them! Speaking of 'faithfulness'...

[peace-love-couture]

If porn is interfering with daily life,your relationship,work,family and that is all he can do an think about,then he may have an addiction

Look,you sound jealous and insecure

Porn is porn.It's made for entertainment and to help get people off.It doesn't mean he doesn't love you,isn't attracted to you or that his feelings have changed for you

You're only going to push him away,cause you're turning something that is normal and healthy(if done every once in a while) into something embarrassing and a problem

[davyjones]

take it easy. it don't reflect on you. its probably more a case of fantasizing about emotional freedom then comparing you to them. look at it this way he has invested his life with you, with them he has invested 3 minutes and a hanky. most guys are polyogamous to a degree and its so innocuous compared to an affair or otherwise. big him up in bed. tell him you mss his wild side etc. but don't compete with a wank puppet. its silly. it means nothing to him, unlike you telling him what he can and can't do which will p*ss him off.

[SarawakDevil]

Agree! Don't try to compete or compare. For a wife to try to outdo Kitty Yung or Brandi Belle is an insult to the wife. Why would the wife want to stoop so low while she has attained the crown of the household?

[davyjones]

Yeah. its not the same for guys as girls on this one I think. women have imaginative fantasies that relate to them whereas a lot of guys have boring fantasies that relate to shagging figures that are not in their hearts. its a bit of a generalisation but its also a bit true and relates in no way to reality. mostly. its just an extension of the external internal dynamic.

[MadHatterni]

What feelings, you learn from this experience. To tell a guy to stop looking at other naked chicks that they get paid to do online is awful. If you really cared about him you would watch it with him and take down some notes and try some of it in the bed room so he knows your there for him and want to expand ideas of what can happen. Not treat him like a little kid and make him promise to stop doing it. He's a male, we have more urges then woman and its been proven, That's why ads, and music video strip the girls to barely nothing because its not a choice its in our genes. If you don't see how your wrong then I'm really sorry for you and no offence.

[rdabby]

All men like to look at naked women pictures that doesn't mean that they have anything to do with them. its gross to you but its natural they re just penises walking around US women.

If I was in your shoes I would tell him not to hide it from me I wouldn't ask him why because its obvious why he does it.. I would actually sit with him and look at hot pictures with him and perhaps show him some hot guys too maybe that would let him know why it p*sses me off. if he doesn't get the idea then watch porn together..

[EnlightenMe]

Hmm. Idk, I thought it was normal for men to look at porn. I don't think that his looking at porn means that he loves you any less or thinks you're unattractive or inadequate. It would be different if he was obsessed with the stuff though and was unfaithful. Do you feel that this is an issue because your husband is addicted to porn, or because his looking at porn unsettles you? If you don't suspect your husband of having an addiction, do you think it's fair for you to ask him to stop looking at porn?

[Dorby]

This is very usual for many men, and it doesn't mean that he likes 'them' more than you, this is just a behaviour that he got into, probably for a pretty long time ago.

But it seems like he is addicted to this, and there is actually help for it, just like for drugs and gambling etc... there is help for all kind addictions.

Ofcourse, this kind of things can embarress most men and probably he dislikes the idea, but it could be necessarily to start seeing someone that can help him to lose this behaviour

Good Luck!,

[JustDance]

Lmao, you are way overexaggerating the situation :D

Its just a habit or a compulsion to look at porn/naked ladies.. just like any boy would do in his teens. to me, its just a visual aid or something that is "nice" to look at lol. face it, a woman's body is a beautiful thing. but this guy doesn't need "help" lol, he simply needs to discipline himself, its not hard if what you are fighting for is worth it, sadly, he's a being a dick so. :/

[Dorby]

Dont know about that, but what should he do if he simply just can't stop doing it and that he doesn't have that dicipline. It seems to bothering her, I just suggested it just in case if he's a 'weak' guy. :) lol

[rwb0027]

If he can't stop doing it, its not because he's addicted, its that he doesn't want to stop. And why is that so bad? Do you not think of other men when you masturbate?

[Dorby]

Guys masturbate most do, if I wouldn't do it I would probably die... No matter if you're stressed, restless, needy or bored at the wife/girlfriend .

Sometimes girls say that guys have hard to understand them, how they work emotionaly and also sexualy. This is just one example of things that girls/women don't understand about men.

Maybe I took it too serious, maybe it isn't a problem at all for him, rather it's her wife...