Why would my husband have the need/desire to look at other naked women on the computer?

[Anonymous]

I don't mean to sound silly but I am a HOT 30yo woman. I do anything and everything in the bedroom for him, keep him totally sexually satisfied, and we have fun doing it. Our sex life has always been awesome. I am a great wife. We have fun together. We laugh and play and tease each other like kids. I totally busted him when I found some crap he looked up on the Internet (girls with big fake boobs, wet t shirt contests, big asses, muscular legs, sh*t like that). I was beyond hurt. My last marriage ended because of this and he knew what kind of emotional damage it has left me with. I feel like he chose those other women over me. He says that it's ridiculous to think that! Umm hello?! I told him before we got married that I could basically deal with anything BUT THAT! I'm TRYING with all my heart to move past it but I think about it constantly. He wants me to forgive him but I can't, not when he KNEW the extent of the damage my ex did to me. Now we can't even go to the pool together because I feel that he's eye f***ing every chick that may be up there. I don't want to feel that I'm married to a perv. We have 2 kids together. 10yo boy and 3yo girl. Please someone help me get this sorted out in my head. Thanks.

[Bizzaro_Elmo]

Well, it can't be removed from your head because it is YOUR problem. Being a guy, I can understand him looking at porn. From my standpoint (being a guy) you'd have a lot to worry about IF he didn't have porn as an outlet. Notice I didn't say the "only outlet". He has a lot on his plate. The job, you, and the kids to provide for.

And I KNOW "Sex Time" is relevant when it comes to Men & Women's views. What you think is a good pace for your sex lives may not be anywhere near enough for him. And if it is, he still a guy! We have that drive! It's there. It's always going to be there. It starts at 13, for some of us sooner, and won't end until we're in our late 60's from what I've read. Married or not married; kids or no kids it is a NEED FOR RELEASE. It has nothing to do with porn. It went from France to the Underground in Prohibition times to Magazines in the 50s & 60s to VHS in the 70s & 80s and then to Internet porn. All of which just made it easier for guys to satisfy a need when the wife was not in the mood.

You're dad was a disillusioned scumbag. He thought the girls in those magazines could be his. Today smart men have no disillusions about the shaved blonde slavic and califorina barbie types who are a dime-a-dozen in porn. All they amount to is a quick & easy way to get Rosy Palm to be more efficient.

You need to get that through your head. The only way you make it a threat is by making an issue of it. In a backwards way you are going to force the scenario you don't want to happen.

I saw you asked "If a wife or girlfriend got on the phone to talk to some guy to fufill her "needs" then would we be okay with that? And if that was the case then what did the women need thier bf/husband for?" This is where Men & Women differ. You just added a sense that is not there. For men it's all visual; only visual. NO interaction.

It's a what a lot of people refer to as a "guy-thing." Women have thier "thing" too. Like planning Weddings or putting those damn sailor suits( with that damn hat that has the ribbon hanging) on our infant boys! And the insufferable need to stop at Bed, Bath & Beyond 15 minutes before kick-off! But do we pose ultimatums over those towels you hang in the bathroom that we are NOT supposed to use? No! Why? Because we know there's porn. You have Registrys, baby clothes, shoe stores, & Soap. We have sports, Barbeque & porn.

Look, you're obviously (and unjustly. But that's only MY opinion) making your current husband foot the bill over some baggage caused by your ol' man and 1st husband. Get some help and maybe have him go with you. And you two can work it out like that. Because I've read some of your responses to some of the other answers long after you posed your question. You get extremely closed minded when one of the guys is openly blunt and (sometimes) hostile. So maybe getting yourself some professional help, not counselling, is in order.

TTFN!

[Joshua89]

Dude, you’re so wrong it’s pathetic. Porn is cheating. Get that In your head.

[Bizzaro_Elmo]

@Joshua89 , kid, go troll the Fat questions of GAG. Starting drama for the sake of starting drama is not cute. Especially when people are seeking advice for real problems. Grow up.

[Hunterboyz]

It hurts me to know how you feel.

I don't think I'm the best to tell you this because I'm not your age, nor have I ever been married.

I'm a guy, so I know how I feel when I look at these images.

I never really search for it, unless I'm already looking at it through maybe a pop-up or something.

I honestly though, don't think he's in the state of opposition as you are.

I know how much it hurts to see him do something that you don't approve of, but in his defense, its more momentary enjoyment, and trust me, they don't even compare to you in his mind. Why he did it is something of a phase that he was probably going through.

It shouldn't be expected that he wants out of what you two have built.

I know you've told him before how you feel about that, and not that he forgot, but now that he sees the seriousiness behind that, I doubt he'll ever do it again.

I know you feel like he's fullfilling a need else where, but its really not the case.

Maybe he's uses it to get ready for you... just maybe...

Older men would always tell me "Looking is okay".

Men will look...

My thing is "Look but don't touch"

I seriouly hope things turn around for you.

Good Luck

Sincerely,

A Loving Black Man

[Asradh55]

I put this to the test my husband always said it meant nothing to him as wrll just a momentary release. So i also looked up porn naked men (do not enjoy was only to prove a point) and purposely left it undeleted. When he witnessed this he was very unhappy and i noticed a complete change in his self confidence. So men want women to accept this behavior whrn they themselves disapprove.

[alida]

Hunterboyz you can can lovely guy

[alida]

You are a lovely guy, sorry for my spelling

[Joshua89]

@Asradh55 this is true!

[KianX]

@Asradh55 I would not dissaprove if my wife watched porn, I'd be kinda happy she can have and explore fantasies and does not cheat on me with a real person.

[TeresaTiger]

Unfortunately, I see this kind of attitude all too often--still. Why some people choose to embrace the sentiments of the 1950's-1980's is beyond me. This new age puritanical revival fueled by very insecure and overly damaged people (championed by their women and abused and bruised by their men) is over. It's done. Let it go. Women are powerful and are not afraid to grab what they want and do what they want. This includes watching or making porn. This includes doing whatever they wish to do in the bedroom because THEY want to do it, not because they have a wifely duty to serve their man like the 1950's brought back into American culture after WWII, or especially NOT because they fear losing "their man" if they don't. I hate to get into politics here because this is NOT the proper forum for it so I will end my rant there.

Like some of the others have suggested, try watching it with your husband. What exactly is it that you are afraid of regarding him watching porn? All people look at other people (real life, porn or wherever) in a sexual manner. Mostly this is on a subconscious level that one is never aware of but often it becomes obvious (even to others if you drool). This is NORMAL. It is biology. If you don't operate this way then you are abnormal. Healthy biological beings all have this drive. The psyche is also designed to kick in here by giving you sexual thoughts, little fantasies or just urges and attractions to make sure that the biology does what it is supposed to do--MATE.

* You may be a gorgeous woman (to a degree. real attractiveness is mostly attitude).

* You may be a wonderful wife (in a limited capacity. attitude is a great trait).

* You may be great in bed (but being amazing means that everything you do is of your own volition; mind, body and soul). I may be wrong but are you sure that what you do sexually with him is FULLY enjoyed by you? At one point you say that you "do anything and everything in the bedroom for him, keep him totally sexually satisfied, and we have fun doing it." and then you later imply that he is a "perv." There is a major conflict there.

* It doesn't sound like you are healthy. Both of you get advice and get help. You both have two children. Don't you dare follow the party line and split up. Selfish selfish selfish! Get your self (and your husband) straightened out. Get your sh*t together. Your children come first.

* It doesn't sound like the proper communication is being shared from either of you.

* Relax. Try to have more fun. Try to be more open.

I truly wish you and your children the best of success and hope you both find a way to more greatly enjoy life.

[Sarajp]

Teresa,
Regarding: "This is NORMAL. It is biology. If you don't operate this way then you are abnormal. Healthy biological beings all have this drive. The psyche is also designed to kick in here by giving you sexual thoughts, little fantasies or just urges and attractions to make sure that the biology does what it is supposed to do--MATE."

Yes, it is normal to have a sex drive. It is normal to be attracted to people. But, there is a huge difference between looking at someone you find attractive and being turned on, or fantasizing about something or someone vs. watching porn. If someone doesn't watch porn, it doesn't mean they don't have a sex drive, don't find anyone attractive, or fantasize. So, really - this entire paragraph is irrelevant.

Someone who finds porn creepy is not stuck in the 1950's. They simply find it creepy. I find it creepy and I am definitely not stuck in some sort of strange time warp. I live a good life and my loved ones live a good life. I just prefer to not have "teen babysitter gets screwed" running through my husband's mind when he and I are having sex. Gross.

[KianX]

@Sarajp there's no reason why he should be thinking about porn when having real sex even if he watched porn. Also he could be thinking about a different persone while having sex, and that would be much worse.

[AranciaDiSicilia89]

I'm sorry but most of the guy's answers about it being "normal" are BULLSHIT. It is absolutely NOT normal, it has BECOME normalized over the past couple of decades but this species went thousands of years without it! It has also been proven to RUIN relationships, so again saying p*rn has nothing to do with relationships is BULLSHIT. There have been psychological studies which have proven that it rewires men's brains, and watching p*rn just trains the brain to watch more, watch harder, watch nastier, watch more degrading p*rn. It completely changes the way men view women, in molds men's minds into believing that that is what's hot, that's what's sexy, and that to turn men on they need to be complete whores. Men who watch p*rn also have a MUCH harder time getting as turned on by real women as they do by p*rn. P*rn ruins men's imaginations, makes them lazy thinkers (the sexual fantasies they have are based on sh*t they've seen in p*rn, not actually being creative), and it COMPLETELY devalues, degrades and objectifies women. P*rn has turned from a women laying out in a playboy mag to chicks now getting pummeled by a group of guys, used and degraded, and now that it what men have been molded to be turned on by. P*rn addiction is no f***ing joke, it ruins men's minds, it is ABSOLUTELY perverted ( I mean hello sex was designed for procreation and love expression, not 20 guys cumming in some chick's mouth), and it ruins relationships. Any guy who does not want to face the harsh realities of p*rn, what it has done to relationships and to men's views of women, what it does to shape their own f***ing minds, is in denial. They're in denial because they don't want to have to own up to a bad habit, they don't want to acknowledge it as problematic, they don't want to stop doing it. That's the bottom line. Since other guys do it too it's "normal". Well, in China they harvest organs on the black market, a lot of people do it, even the government's in on it, does that make it normal? Absolutely f***ing not. What's perverse and wrong is perverse and wrong no matter how many people are doing it. And not ALL men watch p*rn. Many do, but there are plenty of straight men out there who respect women and CHOOSE NOT TO watch it! Imagine that! A guy with some dignity and taste, imagine that.

[AranciaDiSicilia89]

Oh and by the way, if there's nothing "wrong" with watching p*rn, why the hell are men so embarrassed by it? They're not too embarrassed to jack off to it but they're embarrassed if anyone else sees or knows what they've been looking at. Good deeds are done in the light, bad deeds are done in the dark. If there's nothing wrong with it, why hide it? Why get embarrassed by it? Why have that shameful demeanor? Because it IS wrong, it IS shameful, and they f***ing KNOW IT.

[Hondaz28]

I don't get it. I'm a 32 year old male never married and no kids and I go to bikini stands because I'm single but in a relationship I don't look at other woman even if I'm unhappy. A person only looks if they are searching for someone better or feel there not content and question there position. I see married men in the stand all the time and think they're pigs. Today's society is weird when it comes to that like it should be excepted but in my religion looking or lusting after another is adultery in your heart so it's still cheating. If you're happy then why are they looking? Some just shouldn't be in a relationship and me personally this is why I'm single is I don't think that way so it's like I don't fit in. Look at another guy and if he gets pissed then he's probably already cheated, That's the nature of the beats. Sorry to hear of your situation

[Sarajp]

Well said. I agree with everything you wrote, Aranicia. I've also read plenty of study results that back up a lot of what you've written. I get so tired of men act as if it is okay and normal. Nothing is normal about a group of men cumming all over a chick's face, or watching a grown man acting as if he screwing his "teen babysitter," "daughter's friend," "neighbors wife" ... there is a ton of "teen porn" "daughter porn" "naughty school girl" "rape porn" story lines of men who have some type of authority (boss, teacher, parent, cop, etc.) over women telling women they have to suck their cock or else. Why are there so many titles like "hot teen gets f*ck*d"; or "hot milf gets f*ck*d hard"; etc. Why is it always "gets f*ck*d"? It is demeaning, degrading, perverted, ... why just why?

[Joshua89]

Damn this is soo awesome! I agree 100 percent. I couldn’t have said it better!

[KianX]

You'd need to be a man to understand just how wrong you are. First of all by generalizing, not all men are the same, and your whole idea is like saying watching tv makes people think their life is boring because it's not like some series.

[KianX]

I watch porn, am proud of it and love my wife and enjoy being with her. Sex and porn do not even address the same need, it's like food and candy, they are neither oposites nor interchangeable.

[paigexhottness]

I know exactly how you feel! I told my boyfriend that I couldn't tolerate cheating and I felt like watching porn was a form of cheating. I grew up with a porn addicted father who eventually cheated on my mom and left her along with me and my two younger siblings. My mom was devastated and to this day doesn't date because she is afraid of having another broken heart. She and I feel very similar about the situation. I feel like I'm not good enough, as does she. My boyfriend swore up and down that it had nothing to do with me. He is probably right, but I still feel as if I don't make him happy.

I have a 3 month old daughter now, and I refuse to let her live in the same kind of household I did when I was a child. I remember finding adult magazines hidden all over the house. I remember turning on the computer and finding XXX rated pictures and videos my father had downloaded. My boyfriend swore he won't watch it anymore as soon as he found out I was pregnant because he is afraid of losing his daughter. It's a hard habit to break, I'll tell you that! He struggled with it my entire pregnancy. He has yet to watch it since she's been born. I think our daughter is my answered prayer.

[KianX]

there is no relationship between watching porn and abandoning your family. you're jumping to conclusions

[nymphoman]

Copy and pasting my answer to another dear lady who is in the same boat.

I am a married man, my wife KNOWS I look at porn, does she care, no, do I still shut the pages down when she comes into the room, yes.

You confronting him is embarrassing to him, of course he will get angry because its the only way a man can get out of embarrassment.

I don't see why you get upset really, it's not as if he is doing anything physically with these women and newsflash dear, he doesn't find them as potential next wife or a bit on the side, I'm sorry to be blunt but it's just for a good old classic masturbation time.

Men are turned on by porn, it's natural and when some guy scoffs at porn "oh I don't need that sort of thing" I respond with a resounding "yeh right" because its bull.

ALL straight men look at porn from the very basic to the bizarre and the taboo, we look at women in the street when your not looking, we fancy the neighbour across the street, don't be surprised to know we fancy your sister or your friends, we deny it but trust me, its what we do.

Now then, the difference is, do we act on it, that is the thing that separates the loyal from the cheaters, if you are scared that he will eventually take out his lustful fantasies in real life by having an affair then believe me, no amount of censoring him will prevent that from happening, if a man will cheat then he will do so porn or not.

Also if that is your fear then wouldn't you rather like my wife have the knowledge that no matter how many busty ladies I see being bent into awkward positions and entered by 3 men at a time that I lay next to her at night and the only woman I love and have sex with is her.

At the end of the day your man is a hot blooded male, he needs to masturbate as we men folk do and porn or not he is doing so and its a little unfair for you to prevent him from doing so, in the long run he is with you, he loves you and knows how to separate the tarts on the screen who he couldn't recognise in a line up because they are just objects of sexual entertainment from the woman he loves and cares about;

Be a dear, leave him alone, if you don't want to know but will leave him be then tell him to download ccleaner to clear his history to prevent you from obsessing over controlling his need to toss off, stop embarrassing him, women don't realise that men actually need to masturbate otherwise they become agitated, aggressive and annoying.

They aren't real to him, you are and have nothing to worry about.

Trust me.

[Viper172]

It sounds like you both have very healthy sex drives. Your husband also has very very mild taste in p0rn, considering the range and depth of what is available.

This really does sound like a problem for you. You seem like a perfectly nice person, and your husband sounds like a normal human being.

But this problem is one of your own making. You say you told him that you would stand for anything except him looking at p0rn. And then you say you “busted” him by going through his search history. So he wasn’t doing it in front of you. He was doing it secretly because he knew how you felt about the subject. And you went out of your way to find out the details

Most men, and many many women use p0rn. Does this make them “pervs”? Of course not.

Guys who rig cameras to look up dresses at the mall are pervs.

Guys who google “wet-t shirt” are not.

There is an old saying –“it doesn’t matter where you get your appetite, as long as you come home to eat”.

Are you really (and I mean REALLY) saying that you never cast a secret look at the guys at the pool and think “Oooh. He’s yummy”? Never, ever?

Because if you haven’t you may need apply for sainthood, or seek counselling about your repressed sexuality. And if you have, even once, then it is pretty hypocritical to call your husband out for the same behaviour.

Is your husband really comparing you to these images, or are you just worried that he secretly is? Is he actually saying to you “I wish you had boobs like this girl”? Or are you just annoyed that you aren’t the exact centre of his universe 24/7?

Because if it’s the former, that is something you should both sit down and talk about. If that is the case, he has the problem and you are right to be concerned.

But if it’s the latter, then YOU have the problem. And you need to get your crap together , and take a really good long look at what is causing you to think like this. Or you risk losing the man that you obviously love, and the father of your kids, over such a trivial and normal behavior that it’s hard to believe that you’re even asking the question.

Relax and listen to his side. He is NOT your previous husband. It’s time to move on passed your last marriage, and make your present one work.

Good luck. I hope it all works out for you

[jas4ever]

Hi Ladies, I am going to be frank with you'll. Guys you have to stop lying to you'll women. Most guys looks at porn for different reasons. For example, it has nothing to do with the lady they are with. Guys just don't want to feel like they are the lesser dogs and be called a dummy when they don't certain things like different sexual positions. Furthermore, it natural for guys and girls to look at other people it is called quasority. To be frank, I think all women should know what their men like about them. But on the other hand most women uses this as a weapon against them to get what she wants. Most guys are turn on by different things like the breast, lips, hips, ass, hair, facial feature, eyes, and the way she walks or sits. For me, several years ago I had a serious problem I just believe that are girls were slut even it God said that they were a virgin, this was due personal experiences and because of catching girls lying to many times. But to keep on the subject, I does look at porn but I cannot remember what I saw as soon as I close the browser. However when I look at porn, for example I would used to girls that I have seen during the day and try to look for girls that look like them or a beautiful girl that I am trying to talk to and see what they would look like naked. For example, if I see a girl sitting with short skirt on and has on no undies, because if I would look at her to long and she sees me I would be pervert to her so I just check the Internet to see what a girl v's look like in that position and how it look. You see most girls thinks that guys are perverts if they are sitting down bad and he look at their product but that not true. They are just so happy to see it, they forget to look away so girls think they are when they just want to capture how beautiful it look. As for me I don't care about this, just want to see if you have a 10000 girls if all their v look alike. I think people or girl should sit their children down and tell them that it is ok to have small breast, or 3/4 of all girl insert things down their even if they have not been with a man. Also, that 98 % of all girls masturbate whether or not they admitted it. When I look at porn I usually get a cac girl , negro and a Asian girl and see the different in their v's. However most guys looks at porn just to knowledge about a women body because most girls never let their boyfriend sees them naked. stastic shows that only 20% of all women are comfortable with letting their boyfriend see them naked so to fulfilled this lust to see their girlfriend naked they turns to the internet to get whet they want. To be frank, if you want your boyfriend to stop looking at porn go sleep naked and walk around in the room naked when he is there and he will stop. There are certain things men wants to know about a lady but because they don't want to offend you'll they turn to other sources. A guy just want t see V's when they want to see it and not bagging every time for it. That's why God created us naked!

[mapleleafsucker]

... I have my own issues with porn but mostly when I feel bad about my body image and how I think I look.

I've also been molested, raped, sexually assaulted, etc and for me, so often, the idea of men getting off makes me want to vomit because it seems the "getting off" is all they care about and it doesn't seem to matter who gets hurt in the process.

I have asked, "If these women were in front of you, would you stare at their naked bodies and Jack off to them?" The answer I got was no because they aren't me. In my traumatized, female mind, there is no difference if it's on TV, in a movie or, the girl is right there in front of them.

Sometimes I'm ok. Sometimes I'll even watch with him, or at least I used to but, now, I feel like I'm not enough. I'm not pretty enough, I'm not sexy enough, I'm not thin enough, fit enough, tight enough in all the areas that matter... im just not enough. He needs them, not me.

Ya ya, I get it, the poor man who gets dinner cooked, his home kept clean, his laundry cleaned etc by a woman who helps him with EVERYTHING, even if it means putting my needs on the back-burner, has his job stress and ex-wife stress and heaven forbid the woman who does everything for him feels like shit about herself when she finds out about porn and because she now views herself as not being enough in Amy capacity, has lost her sex drive and no longer wants to touch him Sometimes.

What's the point? He clearly loves what he sees in the movies, on the computer, phone or wherever he views that trash more. So much so that it doesn't matter that someone is hurting over it.

Some of the excuses I've heard from men:
Life isn't exciting anymore. Poor baby.
I want sex all the time and, well, she doesn't. Poor baby.
He wants an orgasm. She wants romance. She's been putting out, even forcing herself to put on the BEST ACT when deep down she doesn't want to have sex, and he's still viewing porn and not romancing her.

Men whip it out and expect us to just be turned on. In real life that never happens. So, then they turn on the 4 min porn clips on their phone because right away, a sexy, naked woman can be seen and he pretends she really wants him right then and there and he didn't have to try.

Sex is in our faces all the time! Ads, music videos and so much more just constantly telling us we aren't good enough and the next product is going to be the real WOW factor.

I've decided to suffer in silence. I cry when he's not around and I mean really cry. I was made to believe as a child that the women in porn and the sunshine girls at the back of the newspaper were what men really wanted and my entire life I strove for that. When men touched me inappropriately I struggled with knowing that what they were doing was wrong because I didn't want it to happen but he must be touching me in these ways because i am genuinely "enough." Pretty enough, sexy enough etc

I think I will forever struggle with this. It will never be easy for me to know he looks at other women who are far more attractive to me and gets off. I will never be ok with it.

I've accepted that it's the nature of man... that he does what he wants and it doesn't matter if someone gets hurt in the process because he doesn't mean it the way she's taking it...

Do you see how it's a vicious cycle that just never ends.

[guyscrytoo]

Only you can get over it. Is he sleeping around with women? No? It's pictures that stimulate him - get over it - YOU are married - he loves YOU - he makes love to YOU - women are beautiful - let him have fun - would you rather him get bored with you? Then take it away and keep confronting him.

Porn isn't the best thing around - but the fact is people do look at it - with or without their partners - if you can't accept that - then find somebody that won't do it. Get a divorce.

You are married, you have two children - it is porn. If you feel he has a problem when it's 24/7 before and after sex etc. - talk to him and don't be confrontational - your feelings are natural.

If you can't accept it - then divorce him - or understand that it is simply a way for him to fulfill other urges. It sucks, but that's who you married. Love him, or leave him.

Sorry to be so straight forward - but you need to be an adult and decide to look past it - if it is truly a problem - suggest he get help - but he isn't going to change because his wife "nags" him.

[beefpatrol]

Men are wired that way. Their eyes will follow the human female form without their conscious permission. This doesn't mean that he wants you any less at all, or that he wants those other girls at all. Masturbation is just physical stimulation -- it cleans the pipes and causes relaxation, but it isn't satisfying. Porn is just a visual part of masturbation -- it can aid in stimulation but it doesn't replace a real woman even one tiny little bit. My opinion is, you don't need to worry about the porn itself because a sexual relationship with you and porn aren't replacements for each other at all. If there is any reason why he didn't just come to you to have his pipes cleaned, (lol,) it is probably because he just wanted to orgasm and didn't want to bother you or maybe you weren't available or something. He still wants you just as much as he did before. The fact that he knew you were really disturbed by this in the past and did it anyway is a little disturbing, but I can say that porn is like junk food. It is very hard to resist, even though it doesn't satisfy you at all.

There is also the possibility that he's got some performance anxiety or something else is bothering him and he didn't feel comfortable going to you with his orgasm need.

I wish I knew what to tell you about this, as I was with a girl for a while that felt the same way about it, and I know it really bothers some women. I guess all I can say is that if he loved you before, he loves you just as much after looking at porn and if he wanted you sexually before, he wants you just as much after looking at porn, (possibly even more because his sexual neurons have been stimulated.)

[eatokash]

Hey, I've been porn free now for about 3 years.

Yes, it is an ADDICTION.

I keep on reading guy excuses that it has to do with testosterone... but that is major B.S.

How many guys look at porn an then just go reading their morning paper right afterwards WITHOUT taking a stop at the bathroom to relieve themselves of the pent up pressure?

I don't really know any guys that do that.

Besides, it's a known fact that if a guy want to increase his T levels he needs to refrain from slapping the monkey AND any other sort of activity which will make him ejaculate.

He's not doing it for the T.

And no, having a steaming sex life isn't going to help him.

He could either go seek therapy, or heck... get him to talk to a Jehovah's Witness! That will straighten his morals a bit.

The first thing is for him to understand that he's addicted.

Did I mention I used to have an 80K pic porn collection when the internet wasn't yet saturated with the stuff? (1995)

Willpower is the key, just like in any other addiction.

Let me know if you need any other hints to get him to stop, I did it... so can he.

[hlmendezjr20]

how did you stop your addiction?

[nice_guy7]

this will sound harsh, but I see this tpe of question a lot and it makes me sick thinking that people are breaking up over it.

LET IT GO. you ruined one marriage already, don't do it again. ALL MEN ALWAYS LOOK AT AND APPRECIATE EVERY HOT GIRL THEY EVER SEE EVER!

if you think otherwise you are kidding yourself and all girls need to get this through their heads.

stop trying to police people's minds. he doesn't tell you what is okay to think about and look at, so don't tell him. that fact that it bothers you so much speaks volumes about your mental state. you have a serious insecurity issue. some girls see sexuality as unseperable from love and relationships, but this is JUST PLAIN WRONGHEADED. I'll masterbate to pictures and the thought of my girl's own friends or anyone else I find sexy. big f'n deal. I never cheat on her. I never do anything gross or inappropriate.

let him get the stuff from porn that he doesn't get from you. would you rather get fake boobs or let him jack off to it once in a while?

guys just really don't get the problem with this. we don't feel lie we are doing anything wrong and it is because we aren't. it has nothing to do with our wives or relationships at all, it is just jerking off. stop confusing the two.

[TeresaTiger]

Women too. A lot of guys need to stop saying "..all guys look at porn..." Tell all your friends: women love porn too. All men AND women look at other people (porn or real life) sexually whether they are conscious of it or not. It's basic biology and psychology.

[Bruce]

Well, "Lady Nike", there you go again.........why do you ALWAYS have to come up with the best answer.................damn, give me a chance once in a while.

FYI............I have not see you post in quite a while.........hope you are alright /

Bruce

[mapleleafsucker]

She ruined one good marriage? And you base this off what she said in that porn destroyed her marriage, right? The problem too is that most men don't know how to listen or try to understand.

[jacquesvol]

Because they are there. Women are beautiful. Sexy women even more beautiful. As simple as that. Nothing "pervert" about that.:

Endymion ( John Keats)

A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:

Its loveliness increases; it will never

Pass into nothingness; but still will keep

A bower quiet for us, and a sleep

Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.

Therefore, on every morrow, are we wreathing

A flowery band to bind us to the earth,

Spite of despondence, of the inhuman dearth

Of noble natures, of the gloomy days,

Of all the unhealthy and o'er-darkened ways

Made for our searching: yes, in spite of all,

Some shape of beauty moves away the pall

From our dark spirits.

Read the complete text here: link One of the most beautiful English texts.

You can't expect a man not to look at girls on the beach or near the pool either.

He's looking, but you call it "eye f***ing". That's the difference.

"My last marriage ended because of this"

Then I suspect the one who has a problem is you.

"I am a HOT 30yo woman."

Yes, probably.

"I am a great wife."

Are you that sure about it?

Jealousy comes from fear, fear of being inferior (that fear -or feeling- hasn't to reflect a reality! ! Just fear or the feeling is enough. )

I'm NOT saying you are not a great wife, I'm saying you're not sure about it at all !

Think about it. Seriously.

[TeresaTiger]

I agree.

[Alexab]

Hey,

I am a girl and I will admit that I look at porn and I don't feel I am doing anything wrong.

I do not look because I think that they have something my boyfriend doesn't I am just looking because I enjoy it.

I love my boyfriend and I know he has looked at porn and that he checks out girls. It is natural to look at other people and I don't feel he is doing it because he wants to be with them or that they have something that I don't I feel it is normal and he is just looking for fun.

I understand that it makes you feel uneasy knowing he is looking at other people but I honestly don't believe that there is anyone out there that hasn't looked at anyone else. There are poeple that will lie and try to hide but there isn't much you can do to have someone look at other people.

You should be happy that he loves you ,is attracted to you and wants to be with you instead of any other girl he has ever seen.

That is just my opinion I wouldn't leave him for this if it truly upsets you and he seems to understand then I think you can work through this.

Good luck,

[Mr_Fantastic]

Your last marriage screwed you up to an insecurity issue...Now I'm a big fan of internet porn to an extent and I have an awesome girlfriend. At this point...if your homeboy is talking, communicating, chatting, or got the skanks in your home. You shouldn't have nothing to worry. If you are that secure in your marriage that is. But think of the reason why you married this guy...then ask yourself has he gone too far? What is too far? Texting, chatting, skank in your home is too far...none of that is going on. And you are probably in a better marriage anyways. Think, us men will look at a walk-by chick at the pool, beach, or computer...its how we re-act to the "walk-by" situation. At most times its innocent...Geez, when guys go to a live football game do you think they would actually ask their wives "Honey, may I look at the cheerleaders perform at half-time or should I go to the toliet and miss that routine for you?"...thats how lame it sounds. If he is looking its innocent on the computer...what he is doing with it is totally different. My buddy's wife won't let him look at porn...but he can have risky photos of her in his Iphone...so you decide. Get back if you need more advice.

[Emberlynne]

I understand what you mean. I was using my husband's phone to look up some gaming stuff, but when I went to good to look it up, the first thing that popped up what a p*rn site, so it was pretty obvious. He doesn't have an addiction and doesn't do it often, but it doesn't mean it didn't hurt. I think it's just because men and women have such different viewpoints and perspectives with what it means. It's hard for women because we don't have a man's mind, so we can't really understand the real "WHY" of why they do it.(unless you're a female who enjoys looking at p*rn, then you'd have an understanding) For me it felt like a personal attack. It made me feel like I wasn't sufficient for him, that he wanted to cheat on me with other girls, and in a way it felt like he was cheating on me. HOWEVER. That's not the way he see it whatsoever. For him, he was in a mood and I wasn't around, and p*rn is a quick and easy way for men to come to completion. But, I also feel that if your husband respects you enough, then he will stop if you ask him. To me it's no different then asking your husband or wife to stop smoking cigarettes if you're mother passed away from lung cancer, or asking them to stop drinking alcohol because your father has been an alcohol abuser since you were a kid, or any of those sorts of things. You are justified in feeling hurt, and some people are just more sensitive than others, and HE probably knows that since you've been married for so long, so he needs to be sensitive to how you feel. I think that it's bull and just an excuse to say "I'm a guy so I do it" or "i need it" because you don't. Just because it HELPS you and helps relieve your sexual feelings, does not make it right in any way. And if you look at it religiously, there is absolutely NOTHING okay about it. Lust is not good medicine for a marriage unless it's between the husband and wife. Just know that you're not alone in your feelings.

[nature2000]

You want honesty? Everybody's "normal" is different. I'm not going to press my beliefs on you but answer your question. Truth is you were up front with him about how you felt. He obviously agreed or you would not be in a relationship right now.

Yeah, maybe you have issues. I mean the reality is this is fantasy pictures on a website. But the truth is what it represents to you is more than an image.

You had a devastating past experience to your ego. It matters. It effects your self image and by the comments you made you obviously try hard in all areas of your life to please your guy. You need that affirmation to give you empowerment. Your sexuality seems to feed off that. So the fact that he looked elsewhere made you feel the hit. Why can't you be enough?

Am I on the right track?

You are a beautiful, strong woman fighting against a world of accepted human behavior. Unfortunately you are going to have to sit down and decide,

Can YOU buy into your own empowerment or not?

If you can't and he cannot give you what you need you will just battle yourself for all the issues and no one wins.

Bottom line- Respect yourself enough to give yourself a break. You are amazing but you cannot hold yourself to the comparison of a fake person in a fake internet world. If you can't reach that place in yourself to let it go then this "normal" behavior is not YOUR normal. If it hurts you then you have to remove it from either your brain (coming to terms) or removing it from your life.

[fallenangel25]

He knew you didn't like p*rn when you met him you was open and clear on that so if he knew that was something he had a problem with that he couldn't stop then he shouldn't have proceeded with the relationship I'm sorry but I'm in a relationship and we are both very open was talking about things with each other when I met him he had thousands of p*rn pictures videos online chat dating things but he was a single man 2 so understandable I believe all men do it but when you're in a relationship I'm very old fashioned when I believe that obviously if you need to look at p*rn and other women while you're in a relationship you're not satisfied and there's something wrong the world is so screwed up the way things are today and the way a lot of these mens point of views on things are, Its very sad!! You are a person and your feelings DO matter and the way women are presented these days makes it very hard for your normal everyday woman to live up toand it is very damaging emotionally. Many women feel this way so you are not alone just many is Sept it because they think that's what society wants and says we have to do. Screw just accepting something that is hurtful to youI know it's hard to just leave someone in jump to another relationship but if he can't respect your feelingsand be more understanding I'm even be shown as enough to sit down to understand your point of view then he's not worth it because there is a man out there who will and he will love you and be completely satisfied with you!! I have seen some of these men post on herein which they have said something wrong with you and it specially if you haven't checked me out yourself so not true of course we noticed when there's a good looking man but as for when I love the man I'm with I don't do double takes I don't even play on it in my most certainly dont act upon it. just because I see its not that bad of a handsome man doesn't mean I'm going to click on a link and check him out! For what?

[ConfusedChicka]

* READ ME THIS WILL WORK! *

I had the same problem. It was driving me nuts everywhere we went I was constantly thinking about what he was thinking about! but that's different now... what I did was I toke pictures of myself, like if he was searching for example wet t-shirt I toke a picture like that and put it on our computer desktop under DON'T OPEN.. (I knew he would open it ) and every picture he searched there was a picture of me, and if he searched videos there was a video... the second thing I did was I had another item on our desktop called DON'T OPEN 2 (once again knew he would open it) and in that document was a little msg from me telling him how if he wants to see more to leave a document on the desktop marked OPEN. This really helped save my relationship and it sparked a little bit of excitement for the both of us.. it was fun! and when he got home and I went on the computer there was a document marked open with a little msg inside. I talked to him about it that night and asked if he would be cool if I left those pictures for him instead of him searching and giving us viruses! lol he agreed and I haven't had that problem since! but if you can't use your computer because of the kids... ViA text ;) its a huge turn on for guys or even leave picutres on his phone for him but just let him know that they are there. so that he does'nt go showing co-workers pictures of the kids and OOPS ! trust me if this doesn't work I don't know what will!

best of luck!

[sumina7]

All men look at porn of some sort or other, except those men who are psychologically or emotionally neutered. Men's brains are wired to instictively get sexually excited upon "SEEING" a sexy female.

On the other hand, women are not visual. They like emotion. When you watch soaps on TV and feel sympathy for some man who is being mistreated by his girl, is that emotional cheating?

Both these feelings are merely for entertainment. What happens when people watch sex scenes in movies? Don't they feel excitement? Is that cheating? Do you want to cover his eyes when such scenes come up?

Understand that your relationship is more than just sex. You have children together. You are husband and wife. You are soul mates. These are very strong bonds.

[andrzeznik]

Very well said.

[carla25]

Women are visual! we just hide it better! do you really think I watch soap operas and all that? I love looking at hot guys, and I'm not weird. And also, do you think we don't fantasize of other guys, the neighbor, a workmate, your father, etc.? Wow wake up.

[sumina7]

Hey that's great to know!

[mapleleafsucker]

Sex scenes in movies, like the slight one on Titanic, vs specifically choosing a porno movie to watch fully knowing naked women will be on there who are probably physically sexier than the woman he's got... totally different.

Women are extremely visual creatures. We just aren't pigs about it. I have little fantasies too but I don't feel the need to watch other men naked fucking other women who I don't love...

This subject will always be an issue

[Rahim517]

Testosterone is a hell of a drug. Men checking out women is not perverted behavior, IT'S BIOLOGY! Now, in a marriage, a man is wise to hide his natural curiosity from his wife, but just because he's checking out internet porn doesn't mean he's cheating. Every healthy man with a pulse is doing likewise.

Trust me, you wouldn't want him if he weren't a masculine man. You'd be on here calling him a p*ssy, a wimp and every other derogatory term you could think to type. It's understandable that you don't want porn shoved in your face, but this is just part of the deal with men. You can't want a man to be masculine and then demand that he shut off his sex drive. Doesn't work that way.

Good with the bad.

[mcali2]

That is a pathetic answer from a addict to porn.

[Rahim517]

You really have a whole sexual shame thing going on. I feel very, very sorry for you.

[NoName5]

I agree with Rahim517. Porn isn't a big deal unless it controls your life. It can be really fun. :P

[Snorkledorf]

> You can't want a man to be masculine and then demand that he shut off his sex drive.

Well phrased. That's basically it.

[Littletad]

You have every right to feel upset. While some people will tell you that porn is "normal", it's also your RIGHT to be with someone who shares your view and only wants you. If he knew from the start that you didn't like porn and how it felt for you, then he should have respected that. In this case, he didn't.

[spinalittlefaster]

I feel the exact same way

[SkinnerOne]

I answer this same basic question a lot here and in real life too.

I personally feel that it has NOTHING to do with desire or intent and EVERYTHING to do with primal instinct!

Very few species on this planet actually practice monogamy. If you look at the natural world you see males mating with as many females as they can. Why? Diversity. Spreading the strong genetic characteristics that allowed him to get the females in the first place.

Well, News Flash. Human Beings live under the same natural laws that the animals do. Yes, he have opposing thumbs and walk upright... but according to a lot of scientist dudes we didn't always! Our lives are made up of our experiences AND our instincts! Every time we try to mold the laws of nature around our humanity and our MASSIVE human egos it ends up in disaster.

Then again, I could be full of sh*t!

[the-love-guru]

My heart breaks for you. I can't imagine what it must've felt like to discover what was going on. While men are naturally visual, there's a very big line drawn between curiosity and obsession. bikini girls in a magazine is one thing, but pornography crosses the line. Porn addiction is real, and it ruins marriages. Confront him, and tell him that you want counseling. Your concerns are warranted, and even a counselor would have something to say about it. If he respects you he'll consent.

Best of luck. Stay strong.