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I am a feminist and I don't really think there is anything wrong with taking your husbands last name. Just because he wants you to take his name it doesn't mean he thinks women should be stuck in the kitchen and sweep and mop after their husband and make you cater to his every need. Think about this rationally, not all tradition is sexist. If you're going to cry sexist at everything you see then you aren't feminist you are simply an unreasonable person. You aren't going to marry your fiance because he wants you to take his name? Its not about you in this scenario. It's not about your image. It's for him. he's going to marry the woman he loves and all his life he's dreamed about having a woman love him enough to take his name as her own and that would be a sign that they will work together AS ONE to get through thick and thin it's a sense of being completely bonded together. Sure, the reason you take the guys name is because of tradition but does it really matter? Why pick a fight about that? If you are not comfortable with taking your husbands name then that is your choice, and a lot of women do that nowadays! It can be due to business and how it would complicate a lot of things should you take his name. But allow your fiance to feel disappointed and upset without pulling the "YOU ARE A SEXIST" card. If you are a feminist and your fiance has made it through those barriers and rules and conditions that youve set up and youve loved him since high school then why are you letting such a stupid thing make you reconsider getting married? He has a right to be disappointed and you have a right to not change your name. This isn't the fifties anymore you have a choice but he is going to feel a little upset about it and that is the reality. As a guy this is what he's seen around him and what he's expected, just like how a girl EXPECTS a guy to buy her a ring for when he proposes. Because that is tradition and that's how it works. The guy has always been the one to propose, it's tradition and there is no harm in it. Like how a guy pays for the first date. Maybe you should really think this over before you do something that you're going to regret because guaranteed if you call off the wedding because he was initally upset that you refused to take his name then it's going to be a one in 7 billion chance that you are going to find a guy with all of his "perfect personality qualities and physical qualities" that you love and won't be even slightly upset at this. :)
I am not a feminist but
"If you're going to cry sexist at everything you see then you aren't feminist you are simply an unreasonable person."
Then what is the point of a feminist if they aren't fighting to make things equal. That doesn't make sense at all.
"You aren't going to marry your fiance because he wants you to take his name? Its not about you in this scenario. It's not about your image. It's for him."
I never said it only about me. And obviously HE cares about his image since he wants me to change my last name to his. How is it only about him? :/
"But allow your fiance to feel disappointed and upset without pulling the "YOU ARE A SEXIST" card"
What about me? Am I supposed to only care about his last name? I'm confused
" As a guy this is what he's seen around him and what he's expected, just like how a girl EXPECTS a guy to buy her a ring for when he proposes"
So he only cares about his image? I didn't want to get married. I am only getting married because he wanted me to
Even though I am getting married because he wanted me to doesn't mean I signed up to take his name. I didn't except him to buy me a ring. As I said, I didn't want to get married.
So you aren't a feminist but you're fighting for equal rights? you do realise that those are the same things right or is that another thing you want ignore? You literally ignored every thing that I wrote and picked out the things you didn't like (the truth) and placed them out of context.
A) Fighting to make things equal and fighting just for the sake of fighting over every single thing that you misunderstand and take wrongly is different. Thats the difference between feminists and an idiot.
B) You didn't say its about you? "But what about me? DOn't I matter, doesn't my opinion matter? I'm sick of people telling me my opinion doesn't matter!"
He is not thinking about his image! He's doing exactly what I said in the first message but then again that didn't really sink in with you did it?
C) "What about me? Am I supposed to only care about his last name?"
Shannon Noll? I feel like thats your response to everything. "what about me?" what about your husband? You do realise he's marrying u
I quoted the sexist stuff you said and asked you questions about them. I didn't placed them out of context.
A) How is that a misunderstanding? He want me to take his last name. There's nothing to not understand about that. How I am being an idiot for wanting to keep my last name?
B)"He is not thinking about his image! He's doing exactly what I said in the first message but then again that didn't really sink in with you did it? "
He is thinking about his image. If he wasn't he wouldn't care about me taking his last name. What you said in the first message was a bunch of sexist stuff about how I should just take his last name and everything isn't about me. Me wanting to keep my last name to you is only thinking about myself? Wow. you're a hypocrite because obviously he's thinking about himself by trying to get me to take his name. But you didn't admit to hows he's the one caring about himself making you a hypocrite for pretending
C) "what about your husband? You do realise he's marrying u
No. We are marrying each other. doesn't seem like it because he wants me to take his name. I am asking for anything form him. HE want me to change something that has been with me my whole life
OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! I wrote in my first message that changing your name is not a problem! A lot of women do it nowadays! And why is everything based off image with you? Do you think that maybe your fiance thinks about other stuff? You honestly aren't getting very far in your quest to prove your non idiocy at this point.
Changing your name is not a problem and not at any point did I say it was bad to. But I was answering your question "what do you think ladies and gents? Is he a sexist?"
And to that I responded with many examples on how sexism goes both ways if you want to see everything as sexism. How you are completely overreacting and calling your fiance sexist because of this. Everyone is trying to sugarcoat it for you and you reply with te same copy and paste message of "what about me? Why don't I matter? This is sexist?" Your question wasn't asking about you! It was whether we thought your fiance is sexist. He's not!
Spare him and just call off the wedding.
"And why is everything based off image with you?"
What are you talking about? I just want to keep my name. How is that wrong? And how is that me caring about my image? It has nothing to do with image. It has to do with ME wanting to keep MY name
"what do you think ladies and gents? Is he a sexist?"
No. You were being sexist and hypothetical throughout your entire comments
"Everyone is trying to sugarcoat it for you and you reply with te same copy and paste message of "what about me? Why don't I matter? "
You obviously have no read my other comment because I haven't copy and paste anything and I am not saying the same thing. Mostly everyone is being sexist and hypocritical like you so i am asking them questions to prove how sexist they are. After they can't answer my question, they start cussing me out and using caplocks
Okay this is my last comment for beating this dead horse.
This is your quote:
"I am only getting married because he wanted me to"
THAT says it all. Cancel the wedding. Neither of you are mature enough to make a relationship work.
@FatherKnowsBest Just because I dont value marriage doesn't mean it can't work for us. After we're marriage, its still gonna be like we're boyfriend and girlfriend. No piece of paper can define that
Alright, you know what? I'm sick of trying to discuss this with a brick wall. You asked for people's opinions and you got them. Not our problem that you don't like to listen to the truth. There's absolutely nothing wrong with keeping your own name. You've blown it incredibly out of proportion. Hey, here's a thought. Instead of seeking advice from people online how about you go get a counciller or a relationship advisor to help you? No ones holding you back from doing anything except yourself. What do you want to hear?
"I don't think he's sexist, it's just a tradition."
You- tradition is sexist. You should know that.
"Just don't marry him them."
We can make this work! I love him!
"Who care? it just comes with marriage. DOn't do it if you dont want to."
I didn't want marriage in the first place! WHy does it come with the marriage? What about me?
Grow the hell up. You asked for opinions and you got them. Don't like them too bad.
People blaming me for not wanting his name is not the truth. It's actually sexist and y'all are all being hypocritical.
"Who care? it just comes with marriage."
you're pretty stupid. Taking your husbands name does not comes with marriage. Its about LOVE not a d@mn name. Besides we already discussed it so the people that keep blaming me for not taking his name looks stupid. You people are all sexist hypocrites smh
I don't necessarily think it's sexist but if my boyfriend insisted on me changing my last name to his then I would feel hurt, it would feel like my feelings on keeping my last name mean nothing to him. I could never marry or be with a guy who puts a last name before my feelings.
I could understand a guys point of view/feelings about wanting a girl to change her name but he needs to also understand your feelings on wanting to keep yours.
I would honestly see it as a red flag if a man insisted on you changing your name and didn't bother to understand or respect your side first. If he's dictating a name before marriage, imagine what other petty bullshit he will find important after marriage.
People need to stop doing what everyone else tells them to do, it's just a name in the end, it means nothing and it says nothing about your relationship.
I hate when people say "it means you two are connected and a family now". No it doesn't, you two being together, respecting each other and loving each other makes a marriage, not a shared name. And if you can't understand that, then you're probably not ready for marriage.
Thank you soooooo much. You are truly awesome. Wish I could hug you I swear!!!
It went great! At first he was upset that I didn't vent to him and I that I thought he was sexist. He laughed at me literally. I know not to ever do that again, I was so embarrassed. I promised him not to keep anything inside anymore and to talk to him first when I have a problem. I'm gonna do that too. He's my best friend and love of my life
Agreed. Thank you soo much. You deserved mho, your answer was awesome and totally reasonable.
I totally agree with your standpoint Asker, it's your name - why the fuck should you change it? Are you going to change as a person? Why is your name worth less than his? It's bullshit is what it is - bullshit. You aren't leaving your family and becoming his possession, you are still your own person so why on earth would you need to change your name... it's yours, the only one you have and it links you to your family. Are you supposed to just get rid of your family name because you're married? I hate the idea and my boyfriend seemed a bit upset when I said I wouldn't take his name. I suppose some people like to be Mr & Mrs Smith or whatever, but I'm all good keeping my marital status to myself. It is no one else's business, that's also why I am a Ms and not a Miss.
@Thor696 I have my mothers name so that's the name I would keep, but either is your family name. It's your family and you're supposed to just let it go like it's nothing while at the same time giving up your name because a man can't have a wife with a different name to his... I said it before - it's bullshit is what it is. It's part of your identity. It's your name for fucks sake.
@GirlScout Thank you! An actual woman that understands. Most of all the women commenting are blaming me and calling me selfish for wanting to keep MY name
@Thor696 Actally its my mother's last name and my mother's mother kept her last name. We go wayyyy back of women keeping their last names. Thats why its so important to me. People aren't understanding that though
Thank you. Bless you :)
Definitely not ready for matrimony.
@FatherKnowsBest not with a man who thinks I have to change my name just because that's what people do. Fuck that. He can change his name if having the same name is so important.
Thank you. Tell him again. I dont know why people dont understand that
@GirlsLie You got me there! You are correct, her boyfriend's name is actually his father's name. So my point there was bunk. LOL
Guess, in the end... all I can fall back on is tradition and typical gender roles. Oh, and I'll also include the fact that MOST WOMEN prefer to take the name of their new hubby (over 90 percent do).
I've already said she has a right to keep her name. Don't know why I'm getting so much hate on this - other than the fact that I must think differently from the asker. I respect her opinion and she posted the question - so I guess she only wanted re-inforcing feedback. Had I known that - I would have skipped this question entirely.
@Thor696 well I was just honestly curious and thank you for answering.
I've seen a lot of men say that as a reason for taking a man's last name and I never understood why people can't see why a woman's last name may have importance to her.
Especially since it was given to her by her own father, who she knows far better than her boyfriend's father lol.
It's odd to me how people consider a man's name, his name but a woman's name is her fathers.
@GirlsLie My name isn't my father's. Just saying
I suspect in his family and the area he lives and grew up in not many women have kept their maiden name and he is used to them taking their husband's surname. If true, he probably feels like you feel there is something wrong with him or his family. I know you don't think this, but this is what he feels. I really think you both desperately need some couples therapy to learn to communicate. This will help him identify what's going on inside and you both can learn to listen with the intent to understand and not with the intent of simply replying to buttress your argument for what you each want.
He might be a sexist strongly, mildly or not at all. But, let's be honest, if he were and you have known each other for so long and so well, you would already know it if he were (e. g. his actions would have been a dead give away many times and long before now). Nope, it sounds like this has something big brewing about his sense of identity or family history. He may not even know what it is, and if he does he may not have told you (honestly, with your steamroller approach to "my way or the highway" in your relationship this would be no surprise).
You view this issue as more important than being with a man, in your words: "He was everything I wanted in a man. He never struck me as a sexist guy ever. I've known this guy since Middle School. He was my best friend and lover." But this issue is so important that you say "Now I can't help but feel cheap that he expect me to take his name. I dont even think I can marry him anymore." You are willing to pitch it all, because of this. I am not saying that you should not keep your name. In fact I think with couples therapy you could work this out to the satisfaction of both of you (yes, that means he might change his mind and you would learn and he would learn why he is not on board with keeping your surname and then your could remember you love him and why and work this out. The problem is not simply resolved by getting what you want The solution lies in your both having a loving and supportive relationship enough for you both to be willing to hear things that hurt, but love each other enough to work it out and care even more for each other). I also think that for you, based on your life, this issue has so much significance because of other issues involving family history and identity. If you are not willing to fight for your love, don't waste the time getting married.
I understand why you wouldn't want to be expected to take his last name. He might be worried that other people might judge him for not following tradition by you taking his name. It might not be because he doesn't care about what you want or anything like that. It's just the most common thing so he might be wondering why you don't want to do it.
To answer your question, it's not misogynistic in my opinion but it may be slightly sexist. In his defence, if that makes him sexist than so is 99% of the rest of the world. That said, he may be worried about other people's reactions or your reasons for wanting to break with tradition which aren't really sexist.
Thank you for not calling me selfish for wanting to keep my name. you're the only guy that understood.
To you comment though: He has wondered I think but its not what most people here are calling me. They are calling me a feminist for wanting to keep my name. That doesn't even make sense.
Honestly I believe tradition is sexist. Look at it and actually think about it
You're welcome. :)
Feminism is a weird thing in my opinion. It has very vague definitions and most are positive in my opinion so I wouldn't worry about it. I think they believe you are overreacting and you are creating the problem by breaking with tradition which is something feminists do. But their mistake is that this is not their marriage, it is yours and your fiancees and it is up to you two. What's right is what works for you both. Forget what other people say (including me). The only people you should really listen to in this situation in my opinion, is your fiancee and, most importantly, you. The only solution I can see is you two talking about it. It could be good practice for future arguments you will (almost definitely) have.
Most tradition is sexist I agree. Unfortunately it's all we really know and trying to find something else can be scary.
I agree. Thank you soooo a million times such. you're a lifesaver. You have no idea how much I appreciate you saying all that. You are a great man. You future gf/wife will be very lucky
@Red_Arrow ok whatever. What's the word for taking your husband's last name? Because that's not common outside of the English speaking world.
@Red_Arrow not common in China or Belgium either.
@Red_Arrow technically, in North America, your name is not legally changed upon marriage. It's a legal courtesy to allow you to assume your husband (or wife)'s name upon marriage.
@9mfeo It is not a legal requirement to change it (and I never said it was) But your name is legally changed if you go with the new name, not just a courtesy. My wife had to fill out many forms with taking my last name. You do not need to file the regular name change stuff, since marriage is recognized as a legitimate name changer. But if you decide to go back to your maiden name you will run into requirements to do a legal name change. For instance, to collect money based on her married name, a woman is required to show divorce papers or legal name change paperwork.
@Red_Arrow must be different in the US, because it's a courtesy in Canada.
Lmao sure. Hopefully I won't forget
Opinion
38Opinion
u Perhaps he feels cheap that you don't want to take his name. When you have a family, life is simpler - especially for little kids - if everyone has the same last name. Tradition in our culture says the woman takes the man's last name. Maybe he thinks you don't want to take his name because you are not so dedicated to the idea of marriage. . . and maybe he is right.
Well I am not asking him to take my name, its the other way around so he doesn't have the right to feel cheap. Yes we can have the same last name but why can't he take mine? And not taking his name has nothing to do with being dedicated to marriage
In our culture, e have a tradition on this subject. You probably expect to have a wedding with certain features because that is what you have always anticipated and dreamed about and you wouldn't want anyone to take that away from you. In the same way, a guy thinks about a girl taking his name.
You want to argue some points based on logic but this is an emotional topic; it doesn't matter what your logical arguments are. Logically, you should go to the courthouse and get married and save thousands of dollars by not having a fancy wedding. How's that for logic?
I dont care how you or any other sexist in this comment section feels. How's that for not giving af?
@asiag299 Last time I checked believing I should take my fiance's name because I am a female is sexist
@asiag299 Yeah. Dont think do so
You don't think he would do that for you if the roles were reversed? I imagine that if he's this adamant about tradition then if the roles were reversed that he would take your last name because tradition means a lot to him. Or are you saying you wouldn't let him take your last name if the tradition was reversed?
@asiag299 If he wanted to take my name, I wouldn't care. If he didn't I wouldn't care or make him do it
There is a line between being a "sexist" and believing in tradition but you can define "sexist" however you want if you just want to call people names. You asked for opinions and now you are angry because people disagree with you. You sound like an angry woman and this is the very caricature of a feminist. If it bothers you that much, don't marry him; maybe you will be doing this guy a favor.
No. I am not angry because they disagree with me. I am angry because they are sexist, hypocritical, and rude to me. BIG DIFFERENCE. I am not a feminist for wanting to keep my last name. Thats a very stupid thing to say.
And yeah sure, for people like you ill be doing him a favor even though I just want to keep my name. Makes sense smh
Relationships are about GIVE and take, not just take.
People who respect and honor traditions are not inherently rude or hypocritical.
If everyone is telling you that you should go along with the tradition, either you are right and everyone else is wrong, or everyone else is right and you are wrong. Have you considered the possibilities?
All I have to say is tradition is sexist
If your fiancée is a traditionalist and you are just now making that determination, you two got engaged too early. And. . . all traditionalists are not sexist, but if it makes you feel better to call people names and have the last word, I will allow you to have that privilege.
All tradition is sexist somewhat. And people were people rude to me first. I defended myself. You dont know anything about us. We have been together a long time
I believe that you asked for opinions. I replied.
Not DISRESPECTFUL replies
If someone gives you an honest opinion and it is not what you want to hear, that does not make it DISRESPECTFUL. You have engaged in gross over-generalizations (everything traditional is sexist) and called other people names. On occasion, you should try to take a few steps back and look at yourself objectively and you should make yourself more receptive to constructive criticism, OR you can insist that you are right and everyone else is wrong.
"If someone gives you an honest opinion and it is not what you want to hear, that does not make it DISRESPECTFUL"
THAT'S not the reason they're being disrespectful. They are being disrespectful by being hypocritical plus saying I should take his name because I am a woman and its tradition. They're basically being sexist to me and sexist people disrespect me as a woman
"you can insist that you are right and everyone else is wrong. "
I am right. Any smart person would know tradition was made by sexist people. Therefore tradition is sexist itself
Can you please define "sexist?"
My definition of "sexist" is a person that believe they are more important than another person because of their gender. There are MANY meaning for THAT statement alone
Ex: A man thinking his name is more important than his wife's name. Believe she should abandon her identity just for an image to have the same last name. Having the same last name is fine but why does he believe she should and supposed to take his name because she is a woman
Another ex: Tradition. BECAUSE of tradition women were fukked in the past. Sold to the highest bidder, had their lives planned out for them, raped, treated terrible, no say in anything, no rights, and more. So if those traditions believe men is better than me because he has a penis, I will NOT follow them and refuse
Has anyone suggested that you be sold to the highest bidder, have your life planned out for you, be raped, treated terribly, have no say in anything, have no rights, etc.
Marriage is a tradition, so it must be sexist, according to your logic and definitions. Therefore, if you are willing to participate in a marriage, you must be sexist.
No anyone has not done those things to me but that wasn't my point dude. My point is tradition is sexist. Why are you not understanding that? Is that all you took from my comment? If so that's sad
No lol. The thing is I don't not value marriage. To me marriage is just like being boyfriend and girlfriend, the only difference between the two is marriage is on paper. I am marrying my fiancé because he begged me to 2 years ago but I always refused. I refused not because I don't love him but because like I said I dont value marriage. I think it's stupid but like I said "it's like being boyfriend and gf" so nothing will change
And participating in marriage doesn't make ME sexist. Whats makes it sexist is someone making their partner take their last name or excepting them to
So marriage is a stupid tradition based on sexist values and you don't want to get married but you agreed to it to make him happy. Doesn't that make you a submissive little girl doing what your boyfriend says just to keep him happy? Why in the hell did you ever say "yes?" You two sound like you have some fundamental differences that are going to be enormous problems in a marriage. You can't - and you shouldn't - give in to him on everything, so how will you resolve the differences that arise? Engagement is like "sneak preview" of what will happen in a marriage, how you will work together, how you will make plans together, how you will handle your differences. Everything you have said so far does not bode well for a marriage between you two.
TO BE CONTINUED
My comments are not a reflection on, or an evaluation of, the extent of your love for each other. The truth is that it takes much more than love to make a marriage work. It takes trust and respect, it takes two people working together toward common goals, and two people making compromises for the sake of their union. I cannot see how you will make this work, and that is sad, but it is better to face those truths now than 10 years from now when you have 2 kids and you are arguing constantly and you blurt out, "I never should have married you!"
"Doesn't that make you a submissive little girl doing what your boyfriend says just to keep him happy"
Hm kinda but when you love someone its OK to do a huge thing like that. Getting married won't make me a slave. We're still gonna be boyfriend and girlfriend (to me). Also my fiancé KNOW I am farrrrr from being the submissive type lmao. Even when we first met in middle school. He said he loved my independent brilliant mind. Besides getting married isn't so bad, its just like being boyfriend and girlfriend as I said.
" Why in the hell did you ever say "yes?"
Already told you
"You two sound like you have some fundamental differences that are going to be enormous problems in a marriage"
As I already commented to someone on here already. We worker it out. And we are good. Believe or not. We KNOW each other too well
"how you will work together, how you will make plans together, how you will handle your differences. Everything you have said so far does not bode well for a marriage between you two"
We plan everything unless its a surprised. We're pretty fair. We don't make a big decision without consulting the other. We get to the bottom of it. Best advice person wins
We are everything you said. We know each other likes and dislikes. We talk things out after the other person is done being upset. That's the way we are.
"I never should have married you!"
That will never happen. Marriage doesn't change anything between us except we are 'together' to the government
I wish you the best of luck and good fortune.
Thanks.
I am Georgian, in my country married couples keep their name. We have no tradition like that to take husband's name. Of course woman can do this if she wants so but in many cases it is not problem. I fully understand yours. When I marry, I marry as an independent woman, who has her own identity. So I believe that tradition of keeping man's name is really surprising in 21th century. When I marry someone, it doesn't mean that I lose my past. I Was, I am and i will always be same person with same name. It is not game, I was born in this way, I am not going to change my name everytime when i marry (I hope it will happen once in my life). Just try to find compromise, do not lose love of your life just because he doesn't think about this in the same way as we do.
Thank you very much. Very reasonable indeed, more than most women that answered my question. Thank you for being such a independent strong woman. I know we're strangers but I totally respect you
Thanks.
Wish you all the best!
Yeah. We worked it out already
Is the woman taking the man's name a patriarchal thing? Yes.
Is it sexist? Not necessarily.
Is his expecting you to take his name sexist? I'd say no. It's the traditional behavior. Sharing the same last name shows a united couple. It binds you. I don't think he's sexist. It's what like 95% of married couples choose to do.
Did you explain to him why you don't want to take his name?
Men can see it as an insult if you don't. It's like saying you don't love them. So if you show him that's not the reason behind keeping your name then maybe you two can come to an understanding.
Honestly I don't see much Love in this conversation. Lots of "F" bombs and anger, but no attitude for compromise. They need to end the charade.
Tradition is sexist itself. Sharing the same last name is fine but I dont understand why people believe I am supposed to take his.
"Men can see it as an insult if you don't"
I am insulted too so we are both insulted
"It's like saying you don't love them"
Really? Over a name thats MINE? Weird.
It's the mentality.
I'm all about equality and I have feminist ideals and I'm all about understanding why one would want to keep their last name. But even I would want to take my husband's name if we got married. Even though I am very attached to my own and my name holds a lot of weight in my area.
There's nothing morally wrong with wanting to keep your last name. If you want to keep it, then keep it. But do not hold it against him if he wants you to take his. Will it be something that ends your relationship? Maybe. But if you both feel so strongly about it then perhaps you're not meant to be in the first place.
@FatherKnowsBest So because I am cussing out a bunch of sexist disrespectful people that means ill be a bad wife to my fiance? Makes no sense dude
@asker - that's not what @FatherKnowsBest was getting at.
I get what he's he's saying-_-. Why are you always commenting to me?
I have no idea who you are. If you weren't anonymous perhaps I would realize the frequency with which I comment on your questions.
Whoops wrong person
When did women have to change their name when they get married? It's a silly idea anyways. Historically, women don't take on new family names unless they are from noble families where clans are extremely important. However, this works for both men and women. A man might need to take his wife's name if her clan is stronger.
A fair bit of the world population doesn't change their name but use a double family name. The child takes either one family name or both family names. My mother didn't change her name but I took my Dad's name. I am still recognized as a relative to my mother's clan (same family name) if they know my grandfather.
You're very rare. Interesting indeed
Having the same last name identifies people as being related. Taking the husband's name may have roots that are sexist, but having the same name, regardless of who takes the other's name, just identifies the two as family. The reason I would be concerned is that children notice when they or a friend has a name different from the mother. It can bring thoughts of being adopted or a step child. Friends at that age will question it and cause some discomfort. It just is easier on all matters, especially for the children, for both to have the same name.
The only times that I think it makes sense to keep original names is when both have professions established under their name, whether doctors, actors, whatever. Then it is important for them to keep their names. Otherwise, life is easier in our society if they both have the same last name.
Thanks for not calling me selfish
I agree with you but I am confused on why I have to take his name. People are upset because I dont want to
@Gommers Growing up has to do with knowing what you want dumb@ss so you "grow tf up"
@GirlsLie Well yeah I know but it's weird how mostly everyone is upset about it and making it seem like I'm the bad person
I am very progressive in most ways.
However I am very much solid on tradition for the name issue. If tradition was that I changed my name, I would. But history is that the woman takes the mans name.
I would not have married my ex wife had she not taken my name. I would never marry any woman that won't. and all those women that have Hyphenated last name... THAT IS JUST STUPID... arghh...
if you really loved him it would not be an issue.
you could try the old "well if he loved me he wouldn't ask me...".
well he isn't asking you to go against history and accepted customs of.. well.. everywhere.
If a woman doesn't love me enough to take my name, then she should find someone she does.
What is going to happen when you have kids? are you going to demand they have your last name also? good luck finding a floormat to agree to that.
You sound stupid. If he really loves me he wouldn't care about me not taking his name, same with you. Obviously you didn't love you ex wife enough. There are lots of women that keep their names and the husband change his name. He's been begging me to marry him for 2 years now, I can get him to do that. I bet sexist men hate that huh lol
Also what did changing her identity get you EX wife? Divorced with the name of her ex husband. Thats pathetic lol considering you wouldn't have married her if she didn't take your name. Seems like she married you for nothing and still took your name LMAO
you can twist it all you want. When you get married you become one family. What your proposing always throws it in his face that you didn't love him enough to want his name. Again, if it was tradition the man take the name, I would say it to him, but it is not. The women that keep their names are just saying up front "We are going to get a divorce anyway so I don't want the added step of changing it back later". So hopefully you don't get married as if a name is causing this, no possible way your relationship is strong enough to last. Mine lasted 25 years. more then half my life was spent with her and I would still be with her if I could. What it got her was a much stronger sense of family then she ever grew up with. Unfortunately her mother and family (which is probably about 75% divorced) taught her to give up instead of fighting for your family. I can still count on 2 hands how many people are divorced in my family from my parents age through our kids and out through 3rd
cousins. that is several hundred people. All with single family names. n
Well I guess he didn't love me enough to want my name huh?
"The women that keep their names are just saying up front "We are going to get a divorce anyway so I don't want the added step of changing it back later""
No I proved a point that you wouldn't marry you love if she didn't take your name but it seemed to matter to you since you are divorced now
" I can still count on 2 hands how many people are divorced in my family from my parents age through our kids"
I'm sure you can. Marriages does last longer when the woman is being obedient. What does that tell you. The man's mentality is "its either my way or the highway" and the women are OK with that so the marriages last
Besides we already discussed it so the people that keep blaming me for not taking his name looks stupid. Sexist hypocrites indeed
Historically married couples have taken the husband's name. In more recent times some women have chosen to use a hyphenated hybrid name as does
'Hilary Rodham-Clinton'.
Other professional women choose to keep their maiden name since changing it would affect their careers. (Imagine if Sandra Bullock changed her name when she got married. She would lose her identity because all her movie credits are under the name "Sandra Bullock".
This should not be a showstopper. If this is such a controversy then maybe you two aren't ready to get married. You seem to be very close to your family and not willing to begin part of a new family. If you cannot resolve this minor issue, how will you tackle larger dilemmas in your future?
BTW: Where did your name come from? Mother or father? Ask your mom what she thinks.
What about my identity as a person?
"You seem to be very close to your family and not willing to begin part of a new family."
Why can't he join my family? its not about being apart of a new family. Its about him wanting me to change my identity
My name came from my mother and my mother's name came from her mother and so on. My family has generations of women keeping their names. I want to continue that
My God girl you are unmercifully misguided. When you marry, you are beginning a new life with a life partner. The impression you create makes one think your taking on a new brother or roommate. Getting married requires you to break from your current family and start a new life TOGETHER. You can keep whatever name you want, but your insistence implies you're only half into this.
I try to choose my words carefully, but I have a strong sense you are being pushed into something you are not ready for. If you are not ready, don't do it. It's better to wait.
But he's been begging me to marry him for 2 years now. I can't let him down. I love him, I just to prove that to him. I just personally believe marriage isn't important which is something I always felt
@asker why not start a new relationship with someone who has the values as you. You shouldn't have to change your values for someone no matter how much you love them. It's not hard to fall in love again and I'm sure you can find someone similar to him or even better who feels the same way you do towards marriage and the changing of names. I don't believe he or any of the other commentors are being sexist it's just his tradition and what he believes in and just as you believe in keeping your last name he believes in you taking his. It's obvious you guys have different beliefs and values and maybe you guys aren't as compatible as you think. Which isn't that bad you can love somebody as much as you want and still not be compatible. Flip this around and he could say you not taking his name is selfish just as you think him wanting to take his name is selfish. You have to look at the bigger picture :)
@asiag299 He's faarrrreeee from stupid but to prove a point
Him saying me not taking his name is selfish will make him stupid and a liar
"Calling someone a hypocrite or sexist because they don't agree with you is rude "
I agree but they were first
To the rest of you comment: I love that man too much to leave him. he's not religious so there is no beliefs disagreement we have. We can both atheist. he just wants me to take his name. I guess I blow it out of proportion because I was upset about thinking the guy I love soooo much is sexist. he's a understanding guy. All I have to do and should have done was talk to him in stead of coming on here to get hated on for wanting to keep my name. It made me even more mad at him which is terrible. Some people gave reasonable advice and I am taking it. Thank you
ohhh I'm glad you're taking the problem to the source you definitely shouldn't have let others anger you as this relationship is between you and him. I wish you the best in your relationship. Although if you don't like the idea of marriage I think you should talk to him about that as well. You don't want to get married but you are so in that case maybe you should keep your last name and the children just have his name. Who knows maybe you can talk him down to a common law marriage. :) I have to ask though if you didn't get married and just stayed as what you are now would you change your name then? That's possible too if you didn't know. @asker
@asiag299 Not gonna happen
To me it implies that he was expecting you to be subordinate to him after the marriage. You are right to think twice. I think your values are incompatible. He's conservative and traditional, you are more liberal and egalitarian. You should seriously consider cancelling the engagement and meeting a bunch of guys before accepting another proposal. There are plenty of guys who will understand why you don't want to change your name.
Thank you sir. We already discussed it the other day. He is changing his. We had a huge conversation and we understand both POVs. He only wanted me to change it because he thought I was into the whole tradition thing. He doesn't even care about his last name. He just wants to marry me and want us to have the same name for our children to be a family. I told him its OK and he doesn't have to do (change his) but he insist on it. It's his choice and I am OK with him changing his
His name will be mine after the wedding. The kids name will be mine which will turn to ours
I think y'all need to slow down with all the hurt feelings.
Sit down and talk about it. You talk about why keeping your name is important to you, he talks about why you adopting his name is important to him.
In general, the West is patriarchal, so you taking his name is the norm. That's not to say that it's the best way or the only way to go about it, but that's why he's upset--you're going against a norm.
Talk to him. Surely something as unimportant as this can be worked out without throwing away a potentially loving marriage, right?
We already solved out problem but thanks
Also going against the norm is great. That's what people with a brain do
Totally agree and thank you
I don't think that this disagreement should be enough to cause you to just not want to get married - if that is the case, there is a good chance you don't really want to marry him anyways and were looking for an out.
However, I think that the two of you should have an adult conversation about this and you should explain to him the reasons why you would like to keep your name, and that because it is your identity on the line, you should get to decide which name to keep or take. If he refuses to accept that, then to me that shows a sincere lack of ability to compromise on his part.
Great. I'm glad I don't have to explain. Thank you very much by the way
No I don't feel that he is sexist. Like you said he has never made you feel like this up until now. He's not sexist because he wants you to have his name it's just something that is important to him.
He loves you and he wants to share that with you and make you apart of his family. Are you really going to let something as small as that get in the way of your love, life, and future with him?
I'm just curious why are you opposed to taking his name? Are you a feminist and even if you are why not just hyfenate
No I am not a feminist. I just want to keep my name. It's mine. wouldn't I want to keep MY name:/
I understand I really think you're blowing it out of preposition to even consider not marrying him because of it. If you really love him it shouldn't matter and if it does maybe this is your wake up call that it's not meant to be.
But really think you take sometime, relax, and think about it once/if you realize you love him and he realizes he loves you you both can meet in the middle. You can accept his name for his sake but you can keep your name for yours.
"If you really love him it shouldn't matter and if it does maybe this is your wake up call that it's not meant to be."
That doesn't make sense considering HE wanted me to change MY name. So basically it mattered more to him for me to change my identity
Besides this is over. We already discussed it so the people that are blaming me for not taking his name looks idiotic.
I'm not blaming you I said you should meet him half way you're both to blame.
And I don't know any other way to explain what I meant. I was saying it shouldn't matter to you because love and your relationship is more important but if you disagree and think keeping your maiden name is what is really important and letting that get in the way of you marrying him you're clearly not meant to be married or have a life together. Get it now?
Well it doesn't matter you guys patched things up regardless.
"you should meet him half way you're both to blame."
To change MY name? IT'S MY NAME. Are you not getting that. I'm not asking him to... give me his leg or anything. Marriage is not about a freaking name. It's about love and being a team. Not a name
"it shouldn't matter to you because love and your relationship is more important "
Exactly. A name shouldn't matter to him either. It's my identity. I have a right to it you know. Not changing it for my lover does not define our love. I just value my name like HE values HIS except it is still my name
We already discussed it the other day and yes, he is changing his. We had a huge conversation and we understand both POVs. He only wanted me to change it because he thought I was into the whole tradition thing. He doesn't even care about his last name. He just wants to marry me and want us to have the same name for our children to be a family. I told him its OK and he don't have to do that but he insist on it. It's his name so I am OK with him changing his
Yeah. He's the sweetest guy I have ever known. Thanks
I dont think he is sexist at all. It is quite the norm for a woman to carry a man's last name and he probably was looking forward to you having his last name. It may even hurt his pride. Men really relish the fact of calling you their wife and knowing that you are truly theirs and I guess the name thing is big factor.
Its only considered normal because women were supposed to be submissive.
"It may even hurt his pride."
I may hurt my pride too that he want me to change my name. What about me?
"Men really relish the fact of calling you their wife and knowing that you are truly theirs and I guess the name thing is big factor."
I know that out relationship will last but what about all those marriages that end in divorce. Those women still had their husbands last name WHILE being divorced and he went off to marry someone else and gave her his last name. Guess another woman was truly his too
@asiag299 Even if thats true, they are STILL divorced
@Asker so is this really about fear of divorce or just the last name? A successful relationship and marriage will depend on both parties... even tho you said you know that your marriage will work out , it doesn't have to be so but still that shouldn't stop you. Normally when you divorce , you use back your maiden name but if you are not sure , I wouldn't advice you to go through with it, Still I hate the idea of you guys having a disagreement over the lastname.. sigh
"so is this really about fear of divorce or just the last name?"
Lmao seriously? A woman wanting to keep her name just HAS to mean something bad huh? You women are so... ugh. See these words loud and clear-----> I. WANT. TOKEEP. MY. NAME. BECAUSE. ITS. MY. NAME. ITS MY INDENTITY AND I WANT TO KEEP IT. Understand NOW? NO? Idc
Our relationship is more than great. Marriage will not change that. Being married is like being girlfriend and boyfriend, only difference is the government considers us together now. Which we don't need their approval to know we are together because we ARE
Do I find it unusual.. YES , but it is your opinion and if you so desire to take this course of action then by all means but you would have to run it by your husband because a marriage is not a one way street and you must be considerate of other people's feelings. So if he says yes or no... I don't know... just wish y'all the best thats all
Of course relationship/marriage isn't a one way street. We make decisions together. We already discussed this last night
i mean you took the diamond ring and gave nothing back in exchange... thats pretty fucked if you ask me
The least you can do, is take on his name
you cold just do this
Maria Hernandez-Fillipo
or something lol!
I never wanted to get married anyways so your comment is irrelevant
then why the fuck do you have a fiance?
lol my comment isn't irrelevant at all, you could have turned down his hand in marriage yet you took it!
Stop talking about things you know nothing about. You people are annoying. I agreed because he has been begging for 2 years to marry him and because I love him, I want to prove it to him. Marriage means nothing to me. I am doing it FOR him
Good luck with the divorce :)
Yeah. Not gonna happen. Bet you and others want it to though lol. Too bad it won't. Ill love to keep you updated to piss you off :)
oh please do! it would be great if you could invite me to the wedding as well :p lol!
Lmao please. Strangers that disrspect me, coming to my wedding? I dont think so
Lol! can i be there for the divorce then? lol!
Sure. Come to the very non existent divorce. You'll be there by yourself looking stupid 😂
Nah I will be there laughing at your stupid decision to get married even though you didn't want to and your pathetic excuse for a husband while you take half of his hard earned capital
First all dumba$$ we work. I am not gonna be some housewife so shut up. I dont need anything from him
At least I am not dumb enough to marry someone when I don't want to get married 😄😂😂😂
I dont want to get marriage because I think marriage is stupid. I want to be with him and feels like a piece of paper doesn't define that. Its not like its an arranged marriage so and I'm OK with it so hush
I don't get why people are so hard on you. You want to keep your last name, I can understand that. However, this is a good practice for marriage. There will be things where you don't see eye to eye, where you both feel you are right. To you, it may be that this thing is about knowing that what you want matters, too. That your feelings and desires are important. To him, it may be a disappointment - he may feel rejected that you refuse his last name, like you don't want a part of him. He doesn't mean to hurt your feelings just because he wants you to take his name. Listen to each other, try to understand where the other person is coming from. Learn to communicate. Communication and understanding the other's point of view is really important in a marriage. Good luck!
Thank you for not calling me selfish for wanting to keep my last name.
I understand everything you're saying but I dont understand how me changing my name is so important to him (and other people in the comment section). I would never reject him, I just want to keep my last name. I dont know why everyone thinks its sooo bad and calling me a feminist because of it. I am not one of those.
I don't know about sexist, maybe he's just a traditionalist, but if he thinks anything of you he has to respect your decision. Hopefully he will come around to the idea in time. Tell him how you feel and why you feel that way, then give him a few days to process it all and see how he feels then. I hope you can come to an agreement. :)
Thank you. We discussed already
I don't know, I would have to know more about him to be able to answer. But the point is - if you don't feel confortable getting married then don't. Trust me, this is the kind of thing that you can't have doubts about. When in doubt, don't marry. It will save you a life of miseries and frustration.
You're being ridiculous.
You don't have to take his last name. But if you're going to let something like this fuck up your relationship, then you aren't mature enough to be getting married to anyone.
Don't go around calling him sexist and projecting "evil" qualities onto him just because YOU have it in your mind what a man should/shouldn't be.
Talk about it with him. Both of you need to fucking grow up and get past this complete non-issue.
And if you can't, so much for the better -- because you'd only get divorced anyway, given how unseemly and immature your thinking is.
How is my thinking immature? If I was immature I would be OK with taking his name considering I wouldn't think for myself. Plus he started it with wanting me to take his last name so I asked the here. I am not doing anything to harm or control him
I've read some of your comments and discussions with others here.
You came on here to paint your fiance black so that people would tell you what you wanted to hear -- that he's sexist and that you shouldn't marry him.
Well I'll tell you *part* of what you want to hear. You shouldn't marry him.
It's clear you don't want to get married. So act like an adult and tell him that.
But to top that off: you are NOT ready to get married to **anyone**
--again, you're painting him black to stir sympathy for your "side"
--you're being rude and abusive to people here
--you are LEADING HIM ON to avoid tough, adult decisions
--you're conflating sexism with his sense of traditionalism (NO, they are NOT the same thing)
If you get married, you'll only end up divorced anyway. And you'd paint him black then, too. Which will only harm him, and likely cripple him financially.
Stop. Just stop. Act like an adult and stop putting both of you on a path to bitterness and misery.
Everything you said is very idiotic smh
"again, you're painting him black to stir sympathy for your "side"
No. I wanted answers from non sexist people to give me advice not idiots blaming me for wanting to keep my name
"you're being rude and abusive to people here"
They were rude to me first
"you are LEADING HIM ON to avoid tough, adult decisions"
The the heck am I leading him on? I might not want to get marriage but only because I think marriage is stupid NOT because I dont love him. What adult decisions am I avoiding? :/
"you're conflating sexism with his sense of traditionalism (NO, they are NOT the same thing)"
It is the same thing. Tradition IS sexist
"If you get married, you'll only end up divorced anyway"
We love each other. Been together years. Besides being marriage is just like being boyfriend and girlfriend. We never had problems with that. This is the only issue I ever had with him. We are happy. Just because I dont want to take his name doesn't mean anything
no he's not sexist it's just what he's used to in the world.
try to just have a conversation with him about it. find out why it's important to him and explain why it's important to you. I'm sure his perspective is only from the standpoint of what he's seen in traditional society for so long. it is only our relatively recent history that women stopped taking their husband's name, so unfortunately some are still coming out of those darker ages
Yeah I will do that when he gets home later. Thank you
I don't think that makes him a misogynist. I think it's very difficult for some men to let go of the traditional customs in favour of the things you're more comfortable with. Have you explained why you don't want to take his name?
Not yet. He begged me to marry him and I refused 2 years ago because marriage was something I never wanted. I didn't want to tell him I changed my mind because I really love him. Im doing this FOR him and people are calling me selfish because I want to keep my name. They are such hypocrites smh
Ok. He is very understanding and respects me 100%. This was just shocking to me and coming here has really made me realize just how sexist people are. I can't believe the females were calling me selfish and being hypocrisies.
I am being called a feminist for wanting to keep my last name. People are favoring hijm even though he's the ones wanting me to change my name and sooo much more. How is that not sexist :/
People are not saying that at all. Only about 4 people said something like that along those line of me having a right to my name
This relationship is over. You don't get married FOR someone, you marry because you love the other and would be willing to die for them. Don't see much love here. Can't even get out of the starting block.
@FatherKnowsBest yeah, I find that concerning also. The name thing has nothing to do with it, but getting married to please someone else instead of loving them is stupid.
The name change is the least of their problems. Being so divided over an issue that would for most couples be a side discussion, it has blossomed into gridlock. It is indicative of how ingrained each of them have become over petty matters. What chance do they have of resolving serious matters? Sorry to say this but IMHO, these two were NOT made for each other. It would be better they part company now and go their own way.
@FatherKnowsBest Thats how I feel. He's the one that wants me to change my identity
@FatherKnowsBest Well believe what you want
Women never question parentage for obvious reasons. To make up for that marriage was given the standard of the woman taking the man's name.
Men are asked to provide 100% for children, satisfy a wife who won't care about him, and now men don't even get the most basic reassurance of at least giving children they don't know are biologically related their last name.
Maybe your boyfriend is sexist. You obviously have made very little attempt to understand his perspective.
Well I am questioning it because I have a working brain. Women can take their husbands name if they wish. I will not
Not true all. Me and my fiancé are a 50/50 couple. We do mostly everything together unless the other is busy. Women most of the time satisfy a man that doesn't even care for her. Your crap goes BOTH WAYS. IT IS BOTH OF THIER CHILDREN NOT JUST HIS. If the woman is working hard to possible die after giving childbirth I believe the child should take her name but that wasn't my point. My point is I want to keep my name and I am
I understand his POV. We already discussed it and worked it out. We're fine now
To question parentage means to know doubt your biological role as the child's father. Women don't do this because... well no duh the mom is the biological mother. Apparently that working brain needs to work harder because you just completely missed my point as to WHY women are asked to take a man's name.
Well if men are sooo insecure about a child not being his why don't he get a dna test? Huh? Sounds smart to me. Why be blind and get the child to have your last name to 'prove' she/he is yours? That's idiotic af. Just because the child has your last name doesn't make she/he yours 100%.
Who needs to work their brain more now? Definitely not me
Fun fact: if the mother doesn't want the dad to get the child DNA tested, they can refuse and men can only test the paternity of their own child if they get a court order, which are virtually never granted.
Extra bonus: many men who have been lied to by their wives and girlfriends and tricked into raising another man's child are STILL HELD LIABLE FOR CHILD SUPPORT because they "accepted a fatherly role"
Fun fact: It's the woman body and she doesn't have to let that happen to it if she doesn't want it to.
Are you sure that's true? That's dumb af. Where's the proof?
falseallegations.com/...-nonbiological-fathers.htm
All this privilege is overwhelming me.
That's pretty messed up
He's not a sexist.. He just wants you to have his last name. Why wouldn't you? Unless there's a serious reason why you won't I don't understand why you wouldn't do that for him. It's important for some people. And if you are honestly about to not marry him because he wants you to have his name when you marry them I think you need to rethink yourself because that is an awful small reason and shows a lack of the ability to compromise on your part.
"that is an awful small reason and shows a lack of the ability to compromise on your part."
Funny you say that considering him wanting me to change MY last name.
Well you're clearly just looking to argue with everyone on your beliefs. If him wanting to share a name with you to help signify togetherness and traditional senses then why don't you just not get married
Getting married has nothing to do with me changing my identity to match his. Besides we already discussed it so people that keep blaming me for not taking his name looks stupid. I didn't ask for sexist people to answer my question with hypocritical nonsense. Sad world indeed
Sexist is the wrong definition for what you're calling people. I'm not going to respond anymore because you're just wanting to argue with everyone about their different opinions on the matter. You're clearly not looking for advice or perspective so I don't know why you even asked.
CHECK THE MHO UP TOP. She gave me good advice WHILE putting how she felt still AND got mho. Talk what you know
Shhhh I don't care.
Than shut up and stop saying I'm not looking for advice and want to argue with people with different opinions than my own
Well you are. Bye !
You're so slow smh
It's not sexist, it's more of a traditional mindset. If he's upset by it then well it's probably a insecurity thing or a feeling of rejection. It may not be logical, but sometimes those feelings crop up. I wouldn't call off the wedding, if being upset over not taking his last name is the only issue you have, it's one you can get over. Maybe consider a hyphen?
Nope. I am going to keep my name
Well that's easy then, maybe just sit him down calmly and explain your feelings as to why this is important to you. He might just need to know that it's not about him or anything like that, but it's something that's important for you because of _____ . Good luck though!
Thanks for the advice. We already talked
Plenty of wives keep their names and plenty change it, so I don't think either option really has any deeper meaning or detracts from the relationship. I don't think that he's sexist, but it should be up to you whether you change your name or not. The issue isn't nearly as important as being in love/married, so try not to let this ruin your relationship.
People comments are really making me lose hope in everything. Im doing this FOR him and people are calling me selfish because I want to keep my name. Smh it really makes me sad that people are making me out the be the bad person for liking my name and wanting to keep it
Exactly. Thank you for being understanding
No, why would that be sexistic? This is a tradition that carried on in millions of families, and millions if not billions of women are cool with that, only his woman isn't. Why? isn't he good enough? isn't he worth it? Why are all the other men worth it but he isnt? Why does it have to be so complicated? Why can't he just continue a tradition like everyone else and fullfill his dream giving the woman he loves his family name? This isn't sexistic, I can totally understand
Women were cool with it in those days because they were told what to do. They had no choice. So because I won't take his name that means I dont think he's good enough. Am I not good enough for him? :/. I never wanted to get married, I am doing it FOR him but I didn't sign up to take his name. HE want me to change MY name and I am making it complicated? He is not me. And it is sexist
"Women were cool with it in those days" a lot of women are still cool with it nowadays. Actually they are the majority.
"I do it for HIM"
Thats the worst reason to marry someone and won't last long, also it'll be unfair cuz you'll use it against him whenever you two have fights "I dont wanted to marry, I did it for YOU!". So thats stupid. Marry him if you want to as well and not because you think you do him a favor, because you dont, you really dont if you dont want it as well.
"Am I not good enough for him?" You are you are even so good that he wants you to take his name this is the max level of "being good enough". You can't ask this question both ways because he thinks you're good enough to continue a tradition with him but you dont think he's worth it losing your name. If he's cool with it, fine. But its not cool calling him sexistic because he wants to fullfill one of his dreams. I dont know him, so I dont know if its actually his dream but my dream is to give the woman I want to share my life with my name.
"a lot of women are still cool with it nowadays. Actually they are the majority"
Thats because its considered the norm
"Thats the worst reason to marry someone and won't last long, also it'll be unfair cuz you'll use it against him whenever you two have fights"
I believe to be together we font need a piece of paper telling us we love each other and is together. I would never throw it in his face because marriage isn't a big deal to me
"You are you are even so good that he wants you to take his name this is the max level of "being good enough".
I honestly dont believe that at all
I think it is completely fine for a woman to keep her name, it is her identity! Her name has nothing to do with how I would feel about her, why make it a big deal?
Thank you for your reasoning. I appreciate that. Lots of women and men on here are upset because I want to keep MY name smh
Keeping one's name is such a small issue in life... I think people need to focus on the bigger issue, keeping each other happy!
Agreed
I would say that he sees it as a lack of commitment. Like you would be saying you are married, but you don't even share a name. He sees it as a lack of willingness to go all the way. My advice: Offer to hyphenate. That would probably be the best option.
That's the thing. I can say the same thing.
You probably should have discussed taking of the last names before you got engaged. If you don't think you can marry him anymore, don't. Regardless of who takes who's last name, it's a petty reason to drop an engagement. You don't need to be married to him.
I never wanted to get married that why we never talked about it
I am but not taking his name
I don't think it's sexist to like the idea of sharing a last name with your spouse. It provides unity and implies a symbol of togetherness. You are no longer 2 separate individuals and are now coming together as one. I'd love to take my future spouse's last name for that reason and don't find the idea of to be sexist on any level.
I agree with the unity thing but what about me. Does what I want not matter? I am so sick of people telling me because I am a woman, what I want doesn't matter. I am not the bad person here
I didn't say you are a bad person nor said your opinion doesn't matter. If you don't like sharing a last name with your life partner then it's OK. I just don't see how it's sexist in any way.
WTF what country are you living in where they tell you that because you are a woman your opinion doesn't matter? And why does everything evolve around you? It's a working partnership, thats what marriage is! Just because you are a woman does not mean you don't get equal rights. It also doesn't mean that you get special treatment! and all this because of your name?
@ XRabbitHeartX I just asked a question. I felt like it was sexist because he expects me to change my name
@MissLebanon Everything you said is sooo backwards. You JUST described my fiance but trying to describe me
I live in Texas by the way
"And why does everything evolve around you? "
I never everything evolve around me. Its MY last name. Why I HAVE to change it?"
"It's a working partnership, thats what marriage is!"
Funny you said that. If that was true should he not care about me taking his last name? Since I am the one changing something I have lived with my ENTIRE live. How is that partnership?
" It also doesn't mean that you get special treatment! and all this because of your name?"
I think you're confused. How is that special treatment? ITS MY NAME, is it not? HE wants ME to change MY name for him. It sounds like he wants the special treatment
You are such a hypocrite. You're saying I should care about my name and should give it up. you're basically calling me selfish for wanting to keep my name. he's the selfish one for wanting me to change my name. All you people are hypocrites smh
It's not sexist to want to be in union with your partner and share a last name. If anything it's really romantic.
Yes its very romantic I agree but I dont understand why I have to change my last name. People are calling me selfish for wanting to keep my name. he's the selfish one for wanting me to change my name but no one admitted to that. Thats messed up. Humanity is gone
On one end you say you think it's romantic and you agree with it being a symbol of unity but on the other end you say you don't understand why you'd want to change your last time...
Yes change my name to HIS name. Why can't he change his last name to mine? People are blaming me
It's always been the custom for the woman to change to her husband's because of the idea that he's the leader in the family and the one who is the rock of the household.
Well he isn't the leader, we both are
So? In a marriage it's always give and take. If the idea of sharing someone's last name is so unequal and unfair then maybe you aren't ready to get married cause there will be many times things might not be 100% fair in a marriage.
Just know you are unfair and I will talk to him later
Life isn't fair. Never has been and never will. Secondly it's my honor to someday take my husband's name and I'm happy to do so. It's not about "fairness".
Life may not be but fair but I am standing up for MY name. It's my identity. Shun me idc. You can take your husband's name, its not affecting me in any way
Then why come on here asking for people's opinions? 0_o
I needed good advice and for people tell use their brain and tell me if he's being sexist. WHICH didn't include people calling me selfish for wanting to keep MY name, being rude to me, and hypocritical
Where did I say you are selfish?
Please tell me exactly where I said you are selfish in those words please.
I was referring to the other people. They implies I was selfish.
I don't think he's sexist. He may just think you like everything about except his last name. Plus in a small way it comes off as a woman choosing not to take a man's name means that she's not fully invested in the future of the relationship. At least to their friends and family.
That doesn't make sense. His name is just a name, not liking someones name is stupid. I just want to keep my name since its mine.
"a woman choosing not to take a man's name means that she's not fully invested in the future of the relationship"
That doesn't make any sense. I can also say "him not taking my name means he's not fully invested in the future of our relationship"
"At least to their friends and family."
My family and friends can think the same thing about him not taking my last name
he's not sexist but you are kind of dumb. hell a man gives up everything in marriage and marriage is for women lets not forget that. the least you could do is take his last name.
Is he the only one giving up something? Stfu dumba$$. I am not taking his name now
I wouldn't marry a woman who doesn't want to take my last name or hythenate my last name with hers.
That's part of the classical marriage deal. Men don't get much out of marriage compared to women, and you're taking ONE of the few advantages he gets compared to you.
I totally side with him.
Lmao did you seriously just say men don't get anything out of a marriage? What do women get than? :/ . Also obviously you dont love the person enough to look past them not taking your name. She'll be lucky to not marry you.
Tradition is sexist fyi
@GirlsLie Exactly! Thank you. I dont know why people insist on this, which is nothing. Tradition can make some people happy I guess.
@Prof_Don
Man: You have to take me name
Woman: Why? :/
Man: Its tradition, I love you too so you have to take my name, and you are a woman
Woman: OK
How is that being happy and a TEAM? Its not
Women who have a problem with traditions should then not just "cherry pick" the ones they like and that are beneficial to them.
This... is selfish...
"I want him to pay for the courtship, and pay for all our dates... but I won't take his name when we're married."
"I want him to spend six or more months of his paycheck buying me an engagement ring... but I won't take his name when we're married."
"I want him to get down on his knees when he asks me to marry him... but I won't take his name when we're married."
"I want him to open doors for me... but I won't take his name when we're married."
"I want him to sacrifice his life for me if an intruder breaks into the house at 2 am... but I won't take his name when we're married."
Just a bit of perspective. Unfortunately, there are a lot of beta males out there and women often do pay for everything on dates... and don't get an engagement ring... and their boyfriend can't defend himself let along her. Don't take his name.
@Thor696 "I want him to pay for the courtship, and pay for all our dates... but I won't take his name when we're married."
Who tf said ANYTHING about me making him or expecting him to pay for our dates. You're making stupid assumptions. We can takes turns paying sometimes and split the check so shut up. I have to MAKE my fiancé let me pay for our things because he insist on him doing it all. You don't know sh! t about us or me
"I want him to spend six or more months of his paycheck buying me an engagement ring... but I won't take his name when we're married."
I didn't ASK HIM TO MARRY ME SO STFU. HE begged ME to marry him for 2 freaking years so stop acting like you know me
"I want him to get down on his knees when he asks me to marry him... but I won't take his name when we're married."
I don't value marriage so shut up. I didn't make those stupid marriage rules.
"I want him to open doors for me... but I won't take his name when we're married."
WE OPEN DOORS FOR EACHOTHER
@Thor696 "I want him to sacrifice his life for me if an intruder breaks into the house at 2 am... but I won't take his name when we're married."
I never asked him to. He'll do it anyways. If I was physically strong to beat tf out of a burglar I WOULD
@Thor696 Also there are LOTS of things women give up for marriage so stop being idiotic and thinking you know everything because you dont
Glad you can stand up for yourself cause this is some serious bullshit @asker
@aoifeislovable Yes. I had to endure THIS for 2 days smh. Everyone was basically being hypocrites and sexist themselves. This world will never be fair, even the women were being sexist. How sad is that? It made me hate being a woman knowing women lower their standards like this. Nothing is wrong with taking their husbands names but their reasons were fukked up
Fine then dump him. All you're doing is complaining about how you're right and he's wrong regardless of what others say so dump him, be a cat lady and keep your freaking name. He wants to marry you but you don't want to get married fine let him find another girl in all honesty I'd take him off your hands and I wouldn't mind changing my name. You are acting like a spoiled brat and I can't fathom why someone would want to marry a jerk like you. GROW UP!!! It also doesn't make him sexist so please find another reason. You're just a feminazi and don't come at me with the you're a woman you should know about sexism because I couldn't care less about the crap that feminism is rioting for today. Or even what they rioted for in the old days. Let's not forget feminism was all about females and yet it wasn't advocating for women of color. SMH forget you and forget feminism. I never wanted to vote any darn way.
"He wants to marry you but you don't want to get married "
I dont want to get my married but thats not the point. The point is I want to keep my name and people are calling me selfish for it
"You are acting like a spoiled brat and I can't fathom why someone would want to marry a jerk like you."
you're so stupid!! How am I acting like a spoiled brat for WANTING TO KEEP MY NAME. Do you know how you sound?
"You're just a feminazi "
I'm not even a feminist lady
you're just a sexist and a hypocrite smh
You're being selfish what do you expect you don''t want to get married and you don't want to change your last name that's cool then let him go that way he can find someone who will appreciate him as well as let go of there stubborn pride and change their last name I'm not a sexist nor am I a hypocrite. How am a hypocrite I'd change my name you won't.
Do you know how you look going at everyone's throat who doesn't agree with you in case you didn't notice we can see your replies to other's opinion.
You look a SPOILED BRAT!!! As well as an annoying woman how the hell did you even get a man. Why do you care so much if we call you selfish or not it's our opinion you idiot! If you didn't want people calling you selfish you shouldn't have asked this question. Newsflash not everyone is going to agree with you and you're being a brat about it.
Well g my bad for thinking people wouldn't be sooo sexist about me keeping MY name. And I am replying to others because I am suck of people telling me I am selfish for wanting to keep MY name.
Well considering that he won't let up you have two options.
1. You change your name because you love him and then you get married and live happily ever after.
2. You don't change your name he gets fed up breaks off the wedding and you end up wondering what if. Or you get three cats and live out your days in the creepy old house down the street.
Changing your name isn't that bad seriously It's a last name it's not going to kill you to change your last name. Besides once you get married you drop your middle name and instead your middle name is your maiden name so essentially you'd still have your last name it would just be your middle name instead.
Exactly its just a name so why would he care soooo much about it? Hm and loving him has nothing to do with it me not taking his name. I am sick of explaining this to you people
I'd answer, but you seem pretty hostile towards anyone who doesn't tell you what you want to hear on this. Seems you've reached that conclusion already and reject all arguments to the contrary.
No. I am hostile to people that are rude to me. I asked people questions that make sexist claims to make them realize how sexist they sound. Mostly everyone commenting is hypocritical
I don't really think it's sexist
Have you tried asking him why it's so important for you to take his last name?
No. I kinda got upset and didn't ask. I will ask him though
Yes it's best to ask him since it might have a deeper meaning as to why.
Thank you
If I dont forget. I'll let you when he comes back home, if you're interested
What? That does not mean he is sexiest at all! That has nothing to do with that so stop thinking that! He just wants you to be a, lets say a CCrawford. He wants you to be a Crawford like him so you guys will be Mr. And Mrs. Crawford. I would hate not to have my fiances last name! If you want to keep you name and he wants you to have his also you can get both. Example with both last nanames: Angie Belt Crawford and Bob Belt Crawford. Its equal.
It is sexist. its not equal. His name will be at the end while my last name will be my middle name
@Octavius thats my actual last name lol but "Diehl" is my future fiances last name so yeah.
Stop blamming him for wanting you to take his last name. Its not his fault at all and its not sexist. If you are going to accuse someone for being sexist then point your finger at the person that made up the taking the last mans name in marriage. It is not his fault, taking the mans last name has been tradition for many many many years so stop thinking that way and stop being a jerk to him! Just take his name.. thats the least you can do for him!
I am doing a lot for him first all of and I'm not taking his name. We already discussed it so the people that keep blaming me for not taking his name looks stupid. You people are all sexist hypocrites smh
I am not sexist. Don't get an attitude with me. You are just over dramatic or some shit. I am sorry for being a bitch but I'm just trying to give you advice. I wish you and your fiance the best of luck and hopefully the two of you can work things out.
Thanks for wish of luck BUT of course I am going to be
upset about people telling me I should take his name because I am a woman. Sounds pretty sexist to me. And this is a big deal. Sexism IS a big deal
I am sorry. I really hope you guys can Work things out! This shouldn't hurt your relationship!
We worked it last night. I am just replying to people because they are still being hypocritical. And it's fine. I am just annoyed with people on GAG now
Oh I'm sorry
You're good. I don't agree with you but you're good
Well we have our own opinions lol.
Agreed
Why don't you want to take his name.. Are you sexist? Or are you just so indoctrinated into the feminist fallacy that you think you need to keep your name to make yourself feel powerful.. If you love him.. Why the he'll wouldn't you want his name.. If you don't want it.. You clearly don't love him.. Or understand what love entails, is and what it contains..
You're idiotic af smh. How does me wanting to keep MY name make me sexist? Retard people LMAO. THIS has nothing to do with feminism. It have to with KEEPING MY NAME!! If he love me he would take my name dimwit
"You clearly don't love him.."
you're simpleminded lmao. Who th actual says that smh :/ :/
Lastly he's taking my name. Suck on that
It's pretty normal to take a man's last name when you marry him.. why don't you keep yours and take his..
Actually it's not normal, it's just considered normal and he's taking mine
well duh
Then don't say it normal -_-
it's actually normal, but whatever.. you have your views of the world and I have mine
Fine think it's normal for women to change their identities for their husbands
jesus it's just a last name not a cure for cancer chill.. if you want to keep yours keep it, no one's forcing you to change it
That's the thing YOU don't know the rest of the situation that happened FOUR DAYS AGO
last name thingie got you little upset? chill.
Of course it had my upset. Read some of the comments and you'll see why
I am read some of the comments and i have to ask, would you call me sexist because I would take my future fiance's last name?
Of course not. You can do whatever you want. Me personally will not but I won't bash another woman for doing it. More power to her. Idc. We are strangers. What you do with your life does not affect me
Okay thanks for the clarification. As for your question I believe it's only sexist if he forces you to take his last name. I believe that he wants you to take his name because if you don't, it leads to awkward questions if you're divorced or separated if your kids are adopted or even if worse, if you're brother and sister do want you want but you can always hyphen your name.
So because I wanted to keep my name, you thought I'll shame a woman for not wanting to keep her name? Wow ok
We know what we are. Those are terrible reasons to take your husbands last name by the way
no honey i thought you would shame a woman for wanting to take her husbands name because you think its sexist which is hilarious because i am a feminist. call it what you want but there are bigger problems in the world including child marriage, genital mutilation, or having your family member forcefully hold another member down and flatten her breasts with a hot iron. but again do what you want. and if you're going to argue over a last name maybe you shouldn't get married
Please. Gtf. Tell that to men that want their wives to take their last names
again its only sexist if he is forcing you or thinks you are inferior to him and i do what i want
Whatever. It's sexist and people on here are soo darn hypocritical
Seriously while people are getting beaten and abused mentally and physically by partners you find this to be worried about. Maybe he is just proud of you and wants future children in his name too. Why is it so important to you. Why is it important to him. Instead of labelling him sexist for one thing why not find out his reasons.
Sexism is a BIG thing. you're a woman, you should know that. Guess not
OH MY F*CKING GOD! YES SEXISM IS A BIG THING BUT I HAVE BEEN READING THROUGH THESE COMMENTS AND YOU ARE A GOD DAMN FEMNAZI! YOU aren't EVEN TRYING TO FIND OUT HIS REASONS YOU ARE JUST SITTING HERE COMPLAINING ABOUT IT! "you're a woman, you should know that. Guess not."
OOps apparently a women who doesn't let every single little thing that no one gives a shit about and there are pretty good reasons to piss you off? EVery woman experiences sexism. Im trying to join the armed defence force and i do mma and i love my guns and my motorbikes and my cars and quads and it is so freaking hard. Harder than it has to be. Life happens okay, and this is the way it is. We are changing the social injustices done to women and laws are changing. You are complaining about changing your last name when surprise surprise its actually not about you. It's about your husband. it doesn't affect decision making in your family sweet heart.
@MissLebanon Ok yes I am only getting married because he wants to but that didn't include me talking his name. I am not a feminist. I asked someone else this, How am I a feminist for not wanting to change my last name? Thats very confusing. Is has nothing to do that feminism. I just dont want to change my last name. Why is that sooo bad?
Don't change it then don't get married if you don't want to. Why is it such an issue. And no I don't experience sexism too much because I don't look for it. If I hear a snide comment etc il stop them in their tracks but anyone who knows me respects me. You do realise it works both ways. You asking him to move a fridge or pull out a washing machine or change a car tyre can be considered sexist!! Or are you one of those feminists that pick and choose what part of sexism bothers you?
@MissLebanon hey best wishes on joining and keep going there are many guys that will encourage and support you to get you there too. Well said by the way :)
Its an issue because its my name and people want me to change it. I dont look for sexism either but if someone is being sexist to me I will not hold my tongue like most women.
"You do realise it works both ways."
I know sexism goes both ways. I never treated him like I was better than him, ever. I love him too darn much for that.
"You asking him to move a fridge or pull out a washing machine or change a car tyre can be considered sexist!!"
How is that sexist? if I am busy, I'll ask him to do something for me. If he's busy, he'll ask me the same. He's strong, of course he can move it. When I try to help him he refuse but I still help, may not be much help but we are a team.
"Or are you one of those feminists that pick and choose what part of sexism bothers you?"
Again idiotic lady I am not a feminist
So it's selected feminism I see. When it suits you then you throw the word sexism around
By the way I don't care if you take his name you could always use a double barrel name but people that choose not to its not because of sexism. You're using a word you don't have a clue about
LMAO you had nothing else to say because you KNOW am speaking the truth. Sexist women like you are just... ugh smh
Lol you think I'm sexist now. I'm beginning to feel sorry for your fiancé now but seriously iv nothing else to say because you can't argue with thick psychotic dramatic bitches. Common sense and logic doesn't work also stating facts doesn't work so good luck with everything wish you all the best
Idiotic bi+ch you are the dramatic one. I am speaking truths while you are being a sexist dirty a$$ trick! Suck on that ho
I don't think it's sexist. If it's that big of a deal breaker then don't marry him and let him go. But just know you'll possibly lose the love of your life over a last name.
Its not a deal break. What is a deal breaker is sexist people. We agreed to talk later when he gets home
@Prof_Don It's not feminism. Its me wanting to keep MY last name
The thing is I think I blew it out of proportion, I don't know. I'll see later
We already discussed it. Thanks for the advice
Not sexist maybe he would just like it u should take his name
Which is sexist. It depends
Well why marry him if he's that bad
You don't know the situation or the rest of anything like the other people that commented 4 days ago, that's why
Don't complain he's sexist if he's your fiancé pointless
No... he probably feels really upset that you don't want to take his name
If we didn't resolve this issue already I'll ask you "why" but it doesn't matter anymore
Thank tho
No problem, don't let him pressure you though
Nope. No pressure. Turns out he thought I wanted tradition lol
Lol you two fighting over who should choose whos last name is the dumbest thing i have read all day. There are far more concerning issues when you get married... this is fucking nothing. grow. up
You're obviously dumb. We are not arguing. HE made the suggestion and I disagreed. Besides we already discussed it so the people that are calling me selfish for not taking his name looks stupid
I am obviously dumb when I called you out on your shit?
But eh why not just break up with him, it should work out for you in the long run, he can go his way, find someone who is willing to understand him, knowing full well that situations like this aren't trivial and you can go complain about some other dude being sexist. problem solved.
The 'shit' you called me out on is untrue therefore its NOT mine. Understand that!
Too bad for you we are still getting married so whatever. Everything you said is very hypocritical
Grow up and get your act together.
My act is together. Thinking for myself and knowing what I want IS very mature
He might just be traditional. Perhaps he's very proud of his last name, and you not taking it might be an insult to him. Also if his family is very old school, then that could also be a factor.
Well I am proud of my name too and it's a insult that he wants me to take his. What you have to say about that?
Then you two are at an impasse. Up to you two to break if off or make it work.
We already worked it out. My questions was just to see how much of a hypocrite you were
It gets old
Sure lol
No, he's not a sexist. It's convention for a woman to take her husband's last name.
No its isn't
it
...
it isn't.
My name isn't good enough. You are too good for my family? Are the first things I can think to say if some one said they did not want my name. And I am sorry but my name represents who I am where I come from it comes with the ring. Just how I feel...
Well she can ask those same questions. Is her name not good enough? or her family? Her name could represent her too? Do you not care about that?
Well I'm traditional that's just how I feel. You must really not like his name very much. Its good you guys are talking about this because if something like this gets in the way what happens when something hard comes along?
Also I want my kids to have my name. To carry on the traditions of my family not my father in laws. And I most certainly wouldn't want to - next to my name
Tradition is sexist by the way. Besides we worked it out already. We're good and happy
"what happens when something hard comes along"
We tackle every problem together. The reason I didn't go to him about this was because it was a inside problem. Plus he had 20 mins til he was leaving for work
And I had about 5 mins til class
Just had a read through your opinion comments on this... I really hope you're a troll. Otherwise, you're making me lose faith in humanity.
By not wanting to change my name? :/ People is telling me I am selfish for wanting to change MY name. ITS MY NAME. I am the one losing hope in humanity
It's got nothing to do with not watching to change your name. Do what you like. It's you calling everything you might not like 'sexist'. A guy wanting his wife to take his last name? Not sexist.
Whatever. it is sexist but idc anymore. You people dont get anything
Well, my wife took my last name.
I loved that!
I didn't ask her to. I even told her she could keep her own name. She said no, she was excited to take mine.
VERY HOT.
And thats fine. More power to your wife but I want to keep MY name. It's my identity
Nope. I'm good
He's not a sexist, simply wants a symbolic gesture. I, myself, would like my wife to get my last name.
img.pandawhale.com/...ess-gif-NOPE-robert-zNif.gif
Are you serious? This has to be a joke.
If he is truly a decent guy then break up with him. He'll find someone better.
Good luck finding a better guy!
Poor guy, his fiance is deluded.
How is it in anyway sexist? Does he believe he is superior to you because he is a man?
I do not feel like explaining this to people like you anymore. If you want some answers, read my comments to the other people
Does he believe he is superior to you because he is a man and you are a woman?
No but he wants me to take his name BECAUSE I am a woman I believe. Ugh whatever. I guess I blew it out of proportion I guess. I am talking to him later when he gets home. You people gave me a headache and actually made me more mad at him. Thats terrible so I am just gonna quit
If he doesn't believe he is superior to you then he is not sexist. End of discussion.
Don't get his name if you don't want, he's not forcing you.
You're just mad because you're deluded, hope you break it off, for his sake!
Well too bad for you because he wants to marry me
You mean too bad for him...
... don't even know what sexist means!
Nope too bad for you because you and the other sexist people here doesn't want him to marry me
I don't think men are superior over women, I believe they're equal.
How does that make me sexist?
And before you ask, when I get married my wife doesn't need to take my name!
How can you say that but tell me I should take his name. You didn't say it specially but you implied it. You definitely disapprove of me not taking his name and having a problem with taking it
"Don't get his name if you don't want, he's not forcing you."
My issue is you misusing the term sexist, accusing him of something bad.
It basically means that though. Tradition IS sexist
No it doesn't. How is tradition sexist. Sure people were sexist in the past but I'm not and your fiance isn't.
Sexist people MADE the traditions therefore the tradition is STILL sexist. How can you not understand that?
It's not sexist to take the family name, traditionaly both men and women took names!
Its not sexist to take the name. The point is a guy expecting the woman to take the name is sexist. The whole marriage thing is messed up anyways
No its not, its just customary.
Don't get married then. Geez you're so easily offended.
Of course I am offended! It affects me as a woman
We're talking later today
How? How does it affect you as a woman?
Because marriage shouldn't be about a freaking name. It should be about love, happiness, and being a TEAM together. Not me taking his name because I am a woman. I dont value marriage but I know there's more to it than a freaking name
You're over thinking it. Just calm the F down and don't take his name.
That's not over thinking. It's common sense. Besides we already discussed this last night when he came home from work
Whatever, just hope you be aa half decent wife!
What's a half decent wife? I was a GREAT girlfriend so I'm sure I'll be a GREAT wife. There's honestly no difference between us. Only difference is, the government see us as 'together' now which we don't need approval by the way
Can you at least compromise, hyphenate it? My mom did that, she's about as feminist as you can get, but was still willing to compromise
I am not a feminist. How am I a feminist for not wanting to change my last name? :/
How is it not
Its not because is has nothing to do with me not wanting to take his last name. Now you answer my question, bet you dont even know the answer thats why you asked a question with a question
I'm pretty sure I answered your question, and by the way, yes, you're coming off as a feminazi now, bitch
Actually you didn't answer my question stupid b! tch. My question was "How am I a feminist for not wanting to change my last name?" and you didn't answer. You reverse the question on me. Go back and read it yourself
I'm pretty sure I answers it, you just refuse to see it
You're now considered a feminazi, rather than a feminist, hell in a feminist, but even I k ow when to draw the line
You never answered my question. If you're sooo wanting to prove me wrong, tell me how. Answer my question that you never answered
I'm pretty sure I did
I wish I could screenshot it to you -_-
Do it
Show your face, and I'll show mine so that you can "send it to me"
I have no problem going unanonymous, if you do too
I am not going unanonymous so people can hate and flag me for wanting to keep my name. And all you have to do is go back and read and you'll SEE that you did not answer my question. You reversed my question back to me but you did not answer it
Still seems to be you're scared of trying to prove me wrong. So shut up, or prove me wrong
That reverse psychology crap doesn't work on me. You KNOW you didn't answer my question. Trying to convince me you did, won't make me believe you. My major is psychology
If you can't prove me wrong, then shut up
Until you do, I'm right
Whatever helps you sleep at night liar lmao
You too
Liar
Lol whatever. We both know who the liar is
Ya, you
LMAO. you're a terrible liar
try again
Whatever dude smh
How much did the engagement ring cost? And who paid for it?
I didn't ask him to buy me an engagement ring and I didn't make the stupid rules for marriage either
So maybe you can go buy him something of equal worth as an engagement present. Like a car mustang maybe.
"I didn't make the stupid rules for marriage either" you ignore the rule about talking his last name but insist that he buy you a diamond ring. You can't have it all ways when it suits you, your guy is probably thinking why bother getting married if tradition can be thrown out the window.
"So maybe you can go buy him something of equal worth as an engagement present. Like a car mustang maybe. "
I buy him things all the time. Like I said I didn't ask him to. He INSIST on me taking it. If you read through my comments to others, you'll see I never wanted to get married and he begged me to marry him for 2 years
"you ignore the rule about talking his last name but insist that he buy you a diamond ring"
Once again idiot I didn't insist on him buying me a ring. That doesn't even make sense considering the fact that I never wanted to get married
"your guy is probably thinking why bother getting married if tradition can be thrown out the window"
Lmao well you're wrong because he AGAIN insist on taking my name instead
Lmao no wonder you dont want to marry him. Dump him and move on but dont be cruel.
Buy him the mustang to soften the blow.
Dude you don't get it. Just because I didn't want to marry him doesn't mean I don't love him. I've known him since middle school. We have been dating for a while, I love him more than life itself, and he love me. Our relationship is more than perfect. The reason I didn't want to get married was because I don't value marriage (that's why I call the tradition stupid, there's no point in it to me)
Do you guys live together and if so how long?
We've been living together for 3 years. He got his first apartment when I was a freshman in college. After having his apartment for a year, I moved in his apartment the next year
You both are what is called common law husband and wife or domestic partners.
A wedding is just church, government and family recognising your union no matter how its dressed up.
Exactly. My point is, we don't need all of that to be considered together. We already are and we love each other. HE wants to get married and because I love him to bits, I'll take that huge step for him
Ok but you should still buy him a mustang.
We already have cars that are nice -_-
Yeah but no mustang. Nothing says I love you like a mustang for your birthday lol
I'm not buying him a mustang, I'll buy him something else for his birthday. If his car messes up THEN I'll buy him a car. I'll have to see because I don't even know if he likes mustangs. He'll most likely pretend to love it then take it back. That's the type of guy he is
He's obviously not sexist. It's normal for the woman to take the guy's name. Most people expect that to happen. Just tell him your gonna keep your name and give your reasons why. He'll get use to it
It's considered normal because women in the days didn't have a choice at anything. That tradition carried on to 2015
And most women don't or still don't have an issue with it. I'd rather have separate names but it's not a big deal to me.
I agree. Most women dont have a issue with it. About 10 proved it today
No he's a traditionalist. Why don't you hyphenate it? Compromise
Hyphenating it will still have his name at the end of my name so it's pretty much useless and that's not compromising
Red Flags popping up everywhere. If this is such an issue, it's time to put plans on the back burner.
@FatherKnowsBest Why because I want to keep to keep MY name. All of this for MY name. Smh you people are unbelievable
I didn't want to get marry anyways so it didn't matter
Fukk you. You people dont know anything about us on why I agreed to marry him or anything so shut up
Marrying someone has NOTHING to do with not wanting to commit to them idiotic lady
No that isn't your point. If it was you never would've said and I quote "You should never, regardless of situation, say yes to a marriage you don't want to commit to"
Plus it doesn't matter. Yours and everyone else sexist opinions means nothing. We discussed this already (the same day btw). We're still getting married and he's taking my name
If you think he is sexist for wanting something you don't, you're never going to be happy.
You dont anything about us. Just because I want to keep my name doesn't mean I am going to make him wash my car or something. I really tired of talking to you people
Oh, I thought since you were asking for opinions that you wanted opinions.
Not non sense ones, people that are sexist, rude, or hypocritical
Maybe if you took the consideration that the reason he wants you to take his last name is because if his background or religion, you'd realize that it's childish to think about calling off the marriage. That's not even him being a sexist
It is sexist but that doesn't even matter anymore. We already discussed it the other day. He is changing his. We had a huge conversation and we understand both POVs. He only wanted me to change it because he thought I was into the whole tradition thing. He doesn't even care about his last name. He just wants to marry me and want us to have the same name for our children to be a family. I told him its OK and he doesn't have to (change his name) but he insist on it. It's his choice and I am OK with him changing his
How does taking his name make him sexist? I
Because he think I should take it because I am a woman and women in the old ages where told what to do. Do you not know your history?:/
Maybe it's because it's tradition and not because he hates or thinks lowly of women.
Tradition IS sexist. If you believe in tradition like that, you're basically sexist
Don't talk nonsense marriage is a tradition too is that also sexist? Get a grip on reality and stop looking for drama asker
@Conflustered Marriage tradition is sexist. I never wanted to get married anyways. I love him and want to do this for him but that doesn't involve taking his name. Reality? You wonna talk about reality? You are a woman yourself, you should know how sexism is working in society.
If you don't want to get married, don't get married.
@NerdInDenial I didn't ask for peoples opinions on me not getting married
It appears that since you don't want to take his name, and he is adamant about it, why would you want to get married?
Taking his last name has nothing to do with wanting to get married. What are you people talking about :/
If the issue of taking his name is a big deal, why would you stay with him?
Because I love him to death of course
If you truly love him, why don't you just swallow your pride and take his name?
Its not pride. I want to keep MY last name. It my name. Why wouldn't I want to keep it? He seems to have the pride wanting me to take his last name and abandon mine
You said you don't think you can marry him anymore because of this then you contradict yourself by saying it's nothing to do with marriage. Yes I'm a woman thank you for noticing just not a crazy psychotic drama bitch type of woman :)
@Conflustered
"You said you don't think you can marry him anymore because of this then you contradict yourself by saying it's nothing to do with marriage"
I said that because the guy said "It appears that since you don't want to take his name, and he is adamant about it, why would you want to get married?" so shut up and read
You people want any reason to make me seem like the bad person when I just want to keep my name.
you're suck a idiotic hypocritical bi! tch!
He's obviously a very lucky guy to get you. <-- by the way see how I can make coherent sentences. You should try sometimes :) take out a dictionary too then you might know what the words mean that you are using :)
@Conflustered Bi! tch I dont have prove anything to sexist cunt like you or anyone else. I am getting my degree in a couple months trick. I impress my professors not you. you're a no body and my fiance knows me as a person. I knew him since middle school. We started dating when I was an 8th grader so shut up
What school are you graduating from?
@Conflustered Yes, if my children wrote the way she writes I would have had them left back two years in school!
@FatherKnowsBest oh don't set her off again she's a total nut case. Apparently I am a nobody and a cunt so that's nice. She's a classy lady going places, graduating and everything isn't that impressive I'm in awe of this incredibly balanced woman that has diagnosed me a sexist 😂😂😂😂😂 oh lawdy I needed that laugh. She doesn't consider it sexist to get a man to pull out washing machines or change tyres in her world sexism only works one way. She's so clever
@FatherKnowsBest A&M
@FatherKnowsBest I dont have to prove anything your old a$$ either
@Conflustered You're making assumptions bi! ch. you're not funny trust me. I laugh at retards that believe they know on the internet
I apologize for the intrusion, but what you said is incredibly important. Did your fiancé actually tell you that you should take his name because you are a woman and women are told what to do? Or, is this your assumption. If he actually told you that you are a woman and therefore he gets to tell you what to do, he is a sexist a$$. If not, well, you are not approaching this truthfully nor rationally.
@duckshark He didn't say it specially. I admit I did blow it out of proportion a bit but people really made me upset. They were being totally hypocritical and sexist. They didn't even notice it, its pathetic
How is this a sexist thing?
Read my comments to others (that asked your question) if you want to know
I think you are supposed to take your husband's surname when you get married
Well I am not taking it
Because of a name LMAO. Gtfo.
he's just a traditionalist. it's not a sin.
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