Is it wrong for a man to have an issue if his wife doesn't want to change her last name after marriage?

Question

In some cultures, married women don't change their last name, but I would have an issue with that. The wife inheriting her husband's last name after marriage is an American tradition, and it's a tradition I want to live by. I want us to be Mr. and Mrs. Smith, not Mr. Smith and Mrs. Johnson. People would think that our marriage is unofficial and we would constantly have to explain the reasonings. Also, I'm old-fashioned when it comes to relationships. I wouldn't harass her or force her into it or anything, I'd just have a problem with it.

By the way, Smith is not my last name and Mrs. Johnson doesn't exist, their just sample names I used.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I come from a Mediterranean culture where women can keep their last names so am indifferent.

But you raised a good point. I worked with a husband & wife team last year that owned a business. Common-law. Different surnames. It worked in his favor as he wouldn't get into trouble for having his wife as HR (hard to prove that way).

The good point you raised is having people question the legitimacy of the relation. Even, I suppose, the people in that relation.
I, I suppose I was stupid but I was expecting far, far, far more intelligence out of someone with three degrees, made a passing comment that as the husband & I are of the same education/background I understand him. From a professional standpoint. Made it very clear. Next thing I know the wife / HR had a vendetta against me.

Jaylaaa2000 · Accepted Answer

This is an important conversation to have before taking that step.

If this is a deal breaker for you, it's something that should be discussed around when the relationship is ready for marriage.
The problem becomes when someone just assumes she will change her name without confirming.

Miristheiss · Accepted Answer

No, not at all.
People can feel however they want.
He can want her to change her last name and be disappointed if she won't.
She doesn't have to if she doesn't want to.
If it is a huge issue for them then they don't even have to marry.
Relationships are negotiated. No one has to do anything... change names or even stay in the relationship.
I always balk at the idiotic "advice" people always give of "if they truly love you then they should just accept when you do X, Y and Z".
No one is obligated to stay. If you aren't in the relationship you hope to have you are always free to leave and look for another if your partners are doing stuff you hate or won't give you what you want... or they demand you change your name or they won't change their name when you ask... etc.

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

Is it wrong to have issues with your wife? yes it is always wrong to have issues and problems with anyone... lol.

If you are this traditional then you probably have other traditional ideas, so just go find another traditional person to be with, less problems will arise that way.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I only date traditional women, so it will not be an issue for me.

Anonymous · Answer

I think we're all entitled to want what we want, and for the record, I totally see your point. But to play devil's advocate, women, especially women with a strong career history, can be negatively impacted by changing their name. They are often recognized among their network and previous colleagues by their maiden name. If they no longer go by their maiden name, this can make it difficult, or even impossible, for former colleagues to find them/connect for job opportunities. Women who are real estate agents may have their names plastered all over signs and billboards, and changing their name would make them lose their name recognition.

Also, I am the last person in my entire family with my family's last name. My dad had two girls, and his brother only has a girl. I'm the youngest, and the only unmarried one. Therefore, our family name ends with me if I choose to take my husband's last name. Letting our family name end feels like a big decision and a big responsibility.

Personally, I do plan to take my husband's last name, but I completely understand women who choose not to.

Alpha09 · Answer

Not wrong necessarily, I understand some people like tradition. However that's all it is: tradition. It's not like your giving her father 50 head of sheep for her to come live in your castle. Its not the end of the world if she doesn't take it. My advice would be to talk about this before marriage, and get with someone who is into what your into.

Agape93 · Answer

It’s not wrong it’s just frankly stupid.  Would you be good inheriting her last name, as a compromise?

Searlas · Answer

And why should a woman change her last name after marriage at this age? Unless she is strictly to be a house wife I guess. That’s history, (used to happen before as most women were never career women but house wives). What about her academic papers, travel documents, driving license etc? It makes no sense considering there is 80% chance that there would be a divorce later if it involves a career woman.

sixtyeightplusone · Answer

if she doesn't want to change her last name this is a very good indicator that she will be generally uncooperative and want to "run things". Unless you are a self identified cuck, run the other way dude! Divorces are expensive both financially and emotionally

Ez-Bri-Z · Answer

Iunno. Doesn't seem like a big deal not to do it but I get why some people like it

Anonymous · Answer

I mean if you are traditional, you should get a traditional woman. So not really wrong but it does not make sense to date a non traditional woman. My problem with changing last name is, that you have to change your name on everything which is kinda waste of time/energy to me

KatherineJ · Answer

You are not wrong. But you need to find a woman who shares similar values. Maybe that’s one of the reasons so many relationships fail. People trying to put square pegs into round holes.

Slartybartfast · Answer

I should have taken my ex wifes last name.  Because I'd have the same name as a famous tv detective and that would be cool.

yourbabygirl921 · Answer

I hated my father, and I have his last name so I would love to be owned by my future husband and have his last name 🥵

Sarahr123 · Answer

I won’t take anyone’s surname and nobody can make me because he doesn’t own me.

Newhead · Answer

I am not taking the man's name. He will have to take mine.

Adam1978 · Answer

Yes it's wrong to expect that or make an issue of it.

GirlyGal20 · Answer

not really wrong just more traditional. I'd be ok with it

bamesjond0069 · Answer

You have to be a leader and a man. Have some damn boundaries. Just say my wife has my last name. If you dont have my last name you're not my wife. Your choice not mine.

Anonymous · Answer

He has a right to feel like that. Why get married then?

zagor · Answer

I wouldn't care. For women with professional credentials it can be a pain changing names.

fred_durst · Answer

yes , only retard men care about trivia matters like that

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

I wouldn’t say who but it’s just kinda dumb

robocop666 · Answer

dunno it will make things awkward but its ok

Is it wrong for a man to have an issue if his wife doesn't want to change her last name after marriage?

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