Why do some married or engaged men say that he and his wife must have the same last name, but if she wants to keep hers, he refuses to take her name?

Question

If it means that much to him, he's free to take her name

TheSpaceGnome · Accepted Answer

The only reason to take a spouse's last name is if you intend to have kids (or already have kids), because then the kids have 3 names instead of an endlessly growing amount of them that adds a new name each generation.

The reason men are usually the ones to keep their name, is because last names used to be sir names, ie titles of your trade.

If your last name was smith, its because you were a smithy/blacksmith.

Most laborers back then were men, and gradually you saw last names being used as brand names instead (like disney being named after walt disney).

So it made sense for a long time to have the guy's last name carry their brand as advertisement, and since pretty much none of us wanted our kids to have 150+ names, but we wanted to show who the parents were easily, the wife always scrapped her name for his.

Nowadays it's slightly less useful for any of that, and if the woman is the breadwinner, her name makes more sense to keep, or if both parents work, then either last name is just as effective as the other.

SnowedIn · Accepted Answer

This is a great question. This statement "If it means that much to him, he's free to take her name" is true; you're not wrong. Linking that to your question, the answer is in how we've always done it; it's convention. I'm not saying that's the right answer or that we have to continue it, but looking back, that's what mostly always been (there are a few exceptions). So people grow up with it. Interestingly, my wife hated her last name and was desperate to change it.

I think this is one of those things where a man and woman can communicate and perhaps work this out, but it doesn't have to be her taking his last name.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

To be honest it's a struggle to get most men down the aisle to begin with. I think for most men if you weren't going to take his name as is tradition they would rather forgoe the tradition of engagement rings, a church wedding and signing a government form that recognises your married all together.

For me it was as much as I was taking my husband's last name, that was mine, I took it as much as he gifted it to me. I showed him I was committed to him and our marraige. I also wanted our future kids to have their father's last name rather than my father's last name.

Everyone is different but I like being "Mrs Jones" or "Mr &Mrs Jones" or "the Jones"

alcorriher · Accepted Answer

take it the simple route. take the mans last name

abc3643 · Answer

Insecurity. I told my wife that she didn't need to take my last name and, to me, it didn't matter. However, SHE wanted to. To her, that was one more bond, like a wedding ring.

Ghostykill3r · Answer

Like many things in our society, it's because that's the way it has been, so people think that's the only way it should be.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Because it's not the man who follows, it's the woman who follows and the husband is the head of the house... It is sacred that the woman holds her husband's family name...

Berethor · Answer

Because a man should be in charge? and some men do it if the wife is wealthier than them.

Asking_for_knowledge · Answer

It’s forbidden in my religion to change a wife’s last name to her husband’s

bamesjond0069 · Answer

If she doesn't want my name then I just wouldn't get married to her. Nice and simple.

Breanna_nonbinary · Answer

It’s an outdated toxic masculinity ideal.

Anonymous · Answer

No idea. Those are too weird guys.

KerriH · Answer

Double standard

Why do some married or engaged men say that he and his wife must have the same last name, but if she wants to keep hers, he refuses to take her name?

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Should a wife take her husband's last name?

Why do some married or engaged men say that he and his wife must have the same last name, but if she wants to keep hers, he refuses to take her name?

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Should a wife take her husband's last name?

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