Is taking the man's last name in marriage outdated?

Question

JessicaEarl · Accepted Answer

Nah. The family needs something to hold them together. Is it fair that it’s the man’s name? I mean maybe not, but historically it makes sense since it was the man that had the professional life and dealt with the public more often. Is it worth going through a huge social Revolution to choose it? No. Last times are just to help us organize and keep track of people and families. Destroying it in the name of some heroic equality will make things more confusing for everyone. Especially with the kids? If the parents have different names, who’s name do they take? If both, when do THEIR kids do? Take four names? No one is actually getting hurt in this arrangement. Let’s go find real injustices and fight those

Brainsbeforebeauty · Accepted Answer

No, you take your husband's last name and your kids have his last name because you're a family... Why would that be outdated🤷🏼‍♀️

Wraith_Cemetery · Accepted Answer

I don't care if something is considered "outdated". I'll do whatever the Hell I want to. I don't follow trends, especially not trends in regards to what's considered appropriate or not. I dress like it's still 1920/1940, my values don't match "modern" values, and my traditions are old world traditions.

If you want to get to specifics though, not all places do that anyway. In Scandinavian countries the last names are dependent on the father or mother. In many Muslim households, the man and woman keep their last names. Spanish women have been keeping their names throughout history. Other European countries, like Netherlands and Belgium, women keep their last name.

godfatherfan · Accepted Answer

Seems younger women and divorced then remarried women are doing this more and more. I am very progressive in many areas, but very traditional in others. This is where I would be very hurt if she did not take my last name. Now, at my age, if I were to remarry and she didn't want to take my name, there would be 1 question. When she married the first time, did she take her husband's name? If she says yes, and refuses to take mine, I would end the relationship. If she is my age and has always kept her name, then I would still be very hurt, but I could probably live with it.

Apple1996 · Answer

No not outdated but also not necessary to take his last name either. Personally I kept my last name cause I didn't want to do all the paperwork to change it. I always thought I wanted to take his name till I realized how difficult of a switch it actually is.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. But the problem is finding an alternative. Most people still want their family to all have the same last name.

I think that a couple should just decide together whose name they want to take, or if they want to hyphenate, or make a new name altogether. But you'd be hard pressed to find many guys who are even open to the conversation.

Personally, I'm probably going to take my spouse's name anyway, but that's mostly because I don't particularly like my own surname. I will keep my own name as well, informally, but I wouldn't give it to my children. Because the family that it's associated with has a pretty messy history. And it might have been part of my journey, but I don't want my children's to be anything like that.

TruthBringer · Answer

No it isn't. It shows the commitment a woman has for her husband who has committed his love, resources, time and even life to her. My girl is free to keep her last name, but she does very much want my last name and I appreciate that. You will find the women who bitch about women taking men's last names to be incredibly hypocritical. So it's not okay for a woman to take a man's last name because that's "OpPresSiOn" by the "pAtRiArChY", but vice versa they see no issue in it.

A good way to distinguish a good woman from the femiNazi is by asking her this very question.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Not really but I don't think it has to be a mans, could be the woman's. Whatever the two of you can agree on.

I believing having the same last name though is best for the kids. If you keep your own, what do you give the children? Rotate every other child with each of your last names or some other method?

nice-girl · Answer

I would take his last name. I think it is important to be a family and to have my children's last name too. I don't think it's outdated.

lilyanony1 · Answer

I think it depends. I don't even have my dad's last name.
I did consider changing it before he passed. He's not even on my birth certificate and my mum messed that up too.
I on the other hand can only say this the children would always have their fathers name.

Babybebe15 · Answer

I don’t see the point in taking his name legally tbh. (None of my four sisters did and all of their husbands don’t have an issue with it.) I wouldn’t mind being referred to as his last name though. Taking the mans last name isn’t really a thing in my culture and most women keep their dads last name out of respect.

menina · Answer

This picture is triggering to me 😂😂

Anyways I wouldn't say it's outdated but it's certainly sexist. Whenever a woman takes her husband's name is like she's becoming his property. I never understood why can't he take her name too. Sadly most people, including married women see no problem with this. It's one of these things that will never change...

okayk · Answer

Personally I never will take my husband's lastname but it's really up to you. I'm an individual and I prefer being in a marriage as two individuals... not just the Mrs.

DizzyDesii · Answer

Even if it wasn't, i dont feel like changing all my files and dealing with SSA paperwork. People can call me by his last name but on paper it’ll still be mine

Littlemissbrat · Answer

He's gonna be the breadwinner and provider, I don't think it's outdated to have the kids take his name.

MountainMike · Answer

I also noticed that the couple is interracial. So, no, it is not outdated. In my case it's a moot point because I don't want to get married, but if I did, I would insist on two things: 1) a prenup (unless she makes more money than I do, then I would still agree on a prenup for her benefit, not mine)
2) She takes my last name. If she doesn't, it defeats the purpose of marriage. If she takes my last name, then she is telling everyone that she is my wife. If she doesn't, then it says she's ashamed to be married to me. I don't want to read any crap about how "I don't want to have to update my licenses, degrees, diplomas, and whatever accomplishments I decided to cook up". I changed my last name to my original family name. My great grandfather immigrated to America and for whatever reason, he changed his name. So, I changed it back. To my knowledge, I am the only living member of my family with this last name.

the29thhuman · Answer

It doesn’t cross my mind, to not take his last name, the only time though it has is when people put it on the Internet and turn it into a meme or to shame guys. When I was younger, sometimes you’d see a woman’s last name with a hyphen then her husbands last name. But it was not a thing to doubt or create something out of.

Anonymous · Answer

It makes a lot of sense, for a lot of practical reasons, for the husband, wife and children to all share the same last name. Some would argue then that it could just as easily be the wife's last name, and that's true.

However, marriage is becoming less and less attractive to men. There are more risks and fewer benefits in marriage to men these days. Having his family all share his name is one of the few remaining benefits for a man, and taking that one away may well be the final nail in the coffin for the institution of marriage.

Having said all that, I would never marry a woman who wouldn't enthusiastically take my last name. If she wanted to keep her name or hyphenate, that tells me all I need to know about her character and worldview to know she doesn't deserve to be my wife.

ElizaPam · Answer

Nah it's something girls want unless they're feminists

sage2021 · Answer

I know this sounds kinda weird, but I would use whichever name is better. Like if my last name was Rose and his was Weiner, I would keep 🌹

Cherry234 · Answer

No, not at all. I'm traditional in some ways (I've been called conservative once or a few times) and I don't believe in breaking this tradition. However, if I ever get married, I may or may not hyphenate my last name. I'm in favor of married women hyphenating their names if they don't want to lose their maiden names.

Electmen · Answer

The whole marriage thing sounds like an old scam to men in modern times, but If I ever get the get married, I would be really disappointed If my lover didn't want my name, at the point of calling it off and finding another woman to give my last name to. This is very symbolic to me, it's an statement that you become part of your man's soul and that he has the obligation to take care of you.

RolandCuthbert · Answer

My ex still uses my last name.

I don't know if she will stop using it when I remarry. I have not thought about it. I guess it is only outdated for those who think it is outdated.

It is just our society has changed so much. There was a time when all a man had to do was to provide. Then we made that unfashionable and impractical.

Anonymous · Answer

No, I’d take his last name.  It think it’s being more accepted that men take their wives last name or that the wife keeps hers and husband keeps his.

RebeccaBI2000 · Answer

To some yes. Most people I know did a hyphen of their name.

Anonymous · Answer

Nah it's not an doubtful any girl out there has a name as historically meaningful as mine anyways. I want marriage for babies that will carry my last name. If she's not down for that I'll find another to replace her. The fant name is one of the most important parts and I'd rather stay single than be in a relationship which is work if that isn't my pay off at the end. Any guy that would take the girls name is a beta birch boy anyways.

bear926 · Answer

No? It’s still the most common thing in society. I think it’s ACCEPTABLE for men to take a woman’s last name, but I wouldn’t say that’s common. Taking the man’s last name is still very common.

PAcc92 · Answer

Men literally get nothing in marriage. Marriage is a net negative for men. Men risk 50-100% of everything they have, custody of their children, their home, their car. What do women risk? Literally nothing.

Don't get married, let Women die alone. Marriage was created to the benefit of women, it exists so that as women age they aren't left for younger more attractive women. Fuck that noise, make good business decisions for yourself. Never should a man marry.

Moose304 · Answer

Almost every lady I know that is in a profession uses her birth name in the business but uses her husband's name as her legal name. I also know several women that hyphenated their names. In fact, my primary care physician uses her name that way. As a personal comment, I think this is a lot of hubbub about nothing!

Drumlin2001 · Answer

My kids have a double barreled name, as me and partner not married and she didn't want them to lose her surname (our son is the only male grandchild of her father so will carry on family name). If we get married, me and partner will take double barrelled name as our family name.
Whilst taking on husbands name isn't necessary I do think it's easier with kids if you all have same name

hi_it_is_me123 · Answer

You dont have to? You both can keep your last names (in my country) The point of marriage is getting benefits from state like paying less taxes, child support etc. which help the family with kids. It is also not recommend in religions like islam

Anonymous · Answer

Perhaps. But I don't see anything wrong with doing something just because it's outdated. As long as both partners are fine with it, then it's all good.

Personally, It's important to me that my wife take my surname. Either that or we make a new surname together. But if we won't have the same last name, we might as well not get married, and remain as we are now.

Northernlights25 · Answer

It seems quite arbritrary to suddenly now say "it's outdated now, we shouldn't do it". No it's tradition. And while to others who aren't Christian like myself the explanation of God's divinely arranged order might not suffice I feel like it still comes off as natural to most.

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

No, I am divorce but I am working on going from married last name Longoria back to Clark.

Anonymous · Answer

Marriage is outdated, at least for men who get nothing from the arrangement, except allegedly regular sex but that doesn't survive the first year as entitled women begin to use sex as a lever to bend men to do as they instruct them to do. Once your children and assets mature they both leave the house, your assets awarded to your wife by a court implementing laws that overwhelmingly favors females.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

Its... traditional.  I would say that it's still pretty common and unless the couple has opinions on the topic, it's a default.

Mehgfh · Answer

I don't feel it is. Personally I believe if two people as a couple are happy with it, then do it. I am very traditional in the sense that I have given my daughter my finances last name as I am planning to take his when we're married, but that is just because I feel its right for me.

adidas0169 · Answer

No its traditional and there are some traditions that should be kept. stepping away from things that have worked for hundreds of years bc you dont like them is pretty stupid. like the old saying goes if its not broken dont fix it well its very true in many ways.

Jay3344 · Answer

I don’t care but I think it’s kind of a decent way to be like “hey they’re a Gillian and you’re a Gillian. Be friendly and don’t get married to each other.” Honestly though names are just identifiers, I don’t care if people get married and make up a new last name. No big deal

OfDeath · Answer

I don't see how it matters. It does make it easier for record keepers and family tree researchers. It also helps decide what last name any children born to the couple might have. However, why do children have to have their parents last names anyway? I see no reason why a husband and wife need to share the same last name.

Amg147 · Answer

Heck no! Why would you not do that, it is just weird when they don't.

SkyCastle90 · Answer

Yes. It's not bad to have your husband's last name, I just wish men would considered taking our last name too.

However, I will definitely hyphened his last name simply because I have important accounts open in my maiden name.

annabananna · Answer

Most people do it so I don’t think it’s outdated. It’s convenient to have the same last name as your children.

whereismyjohnny · Answer

I don't think it's outdated, but I would definitely take my husband's last name and leave my own too, so I'll have both of them as last names.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know but I’m not taking it. I’m giving my children MY last name since I will be the one carrying them for 9 months and birthing them. So they deserve my last name first and then his.

loulove · Answer

No way! I would be honored to take a mans last name if he loves me that much to ask for my hand in marriage and me say , yes!

Diodoro · Answer

That's like Tom Brady going to the Buccaneers and still wanting to be called a Patriot. You're on the team or you're not. To not take on the name is a disrespect to the husband.

Personally I'd never accept it. It's that serious to me.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

No not at all. it’s sort of family unity. unless of course you have a really wank last name, then you would really want to change it. a lad I worked with took his wifes name lol He’s was a Butt

RobT312 · Answer

Yes It is , but it’s also a nice tradition. Then when u have kids you all have the same name and really symbolizes family. I’m engaged and we talked about it, we are taking the traditional route!

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

This ain't outdated and doesn't even have a date or an expiry date, in a real sacred church marriage, the wife takes her husband's family name and that's the norm and god makes them one and a family...

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think so. I plan on taking my future husband's last name .

TrueCaliGirl07 · Answer

Why would it be outdated, there are some girls who use their maiden name and married name.
Example: Amy Smith Jones. I think you should take his last name but if you don't want to then use both last names your maiden/married.

lottiebannotie · Answer

I think it's nice I'm not a fan of the double barreled surname for kids

Melanin_royalty · Answer

Yes. Lol women shouldn't have to take a mans last name in this day and age. He can take her name too.

KatherineJ · Answer

Not for me it wasn’t. I was happy to take his name. But every woman has her reasons for taking, not taking, or hyphenating.

snowboarder720 · Answer

It’s entirely the woman’s decision. Which last name do the kids take? That’s a whole different discussion

NathanDavis · Answer

as many and most traditions... it's an option and a choice everyone can have their own approach to it... and that's it

JSmuve · Answer

No, it's not outdated. If she really loved me and wanted to be with me then she'd have no problem changing her last name to mine. It shows her level of commitment and that she wants to be one family.

Adam1978 · Answer

I would say it's not outdated but no longer required. I can understand that if you don't like the last name you don't want it.

JHNS98 · Answer

It's not really outdated, it's just one of those decisions you make... My mother kept her last name but my brother and I got my father's instead of hers. My parents married in the 90s, I think...

Fireguy17 · Answer

not outdated, but to me much less important than it used to be. It is up to the couple as to what they decide to do. It seems to make very little difference what they do today.

LivingExample · Answer

If it is outdated it should not be outdated. Taking a man’s last name just signifies a New chapter in their lives together. A woman taking a man’s last name does not mean the woman is losing her identity!

Deserter · Answer

It's one tradition I think we should keep and I think it speaks volumes. What woman is really gonna make a big fuss and not do it? Probably a woman you shouldn't be marrying in the first place. It's a loving gesture afterall.

Abc12356 · Answer

I won't say its outdated its really the woman's choice because she'll be the one that will be owning the name. It should be only her choice.

Is taking the man's last name in marriage outdated?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Should a wife take her husband's last name?

Is taking the man's last name in marriage outdated?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Should a wife take her husband's last name?

We're glad to see you liked this post.