What are good reasons to postpone an engagement proposal?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I was thinking about proposing to my girlfriend by Christmas or around it, but some recent events made me reconsider and postpone it by some months even though I already got the rings. First I want to take care of some business, although the biggest issue is already settled.
I think she's expecting the proposal and maybe even found the rings (maybe, I really hope not - I hid them in a safe place today) but that's not going to happen now or anytime soon. Should I tell her something?

Updates

+1 y

Just to make it clear - I got two rings instead of one because here both the engaged people ("fidanzati") wear one, not only the woman.

Updates

+1 y

Since I have a reasonable suspect she found them and has gotten quite vocal about the topic of commitment, I'll probably make the proposal tonight.

[sejla]

Have you both sat in the same room and talked about marriage, your future together anything of that? If you haven't maybe it is time.

You are 22 you don't have to be ready for marriage if you don't feel like it. This is why sometimes age gap relationships have a harder time because both people are not on the same path at the same time.

If you are fearing that she will leave you if you don't move forward and get married then you should stop doing it. You can rush something just because the other person wants it really bad. It could be very disastrous. Either she will wait until you are ready or she won't but that is her choice.

If you can't have a honest genuine talk to her about this then you are not ready to get married and if you really wanted to get married at this point you wouldn't use the business as an excuse because you would do both the business and the marriage. I will say for some men they want the financials to be set in place before they get married so if that is you then that makes more sense.

You don't even need to bring up the rings just discuss your future. If she has seen them then you can address it then.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

We talked about it a lot of times, and although she's not pressuring she makes it clear that she's ready for it anytime.
I have some qualms because although we have known each other for eight years and she has been my tutor and all, we have been in a romantic relationship just for four months now.
I had planned for the engagement to be after six months and the wedding next summer, if she was okay with it.
But not engagement now and wedding next spring like she tries to suggest.

[sejla]

I agree. You should give it a year. There is a difference between a friendship and a friendship/lover. My parents waited a year then got married. There really isn't any point to being engaged. When you are ready to get married just do it.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Exactly, at least a year of relationship.
She's non-sense and direct, I understand that, but she always rushed things while I need some more time.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

*no non-sense

[sejla]

I'm completely confused by your update. I understand commitment but marriage? As someone who went through divorce of my own choice I'll tell you that it felt like my insides were being pulled out of my body. Don't rush on someone else's schedule. Commit to a loving long term monogamous relationship with the possibility of getting married within a year or sooner if you feel at peace at that time. But you do what you think is right. I have a habit of giving unsolicited advice.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Marriage will still be no sooner than summer, don't worry.
The proposal is of official engagement.

[sejla]

ok..

[Anonymous]

No, it's up to you, don't think so much about it, you've mentioned it in several questions now but as a girl, I would be freaked out if I found rings at any part in the relationship since I expect future boyfriends to know I don't want an engagement ring.
Even as a small child I thought the idea of a classic proposal to be quite ridiculous, so I don't care much about it and neither should you.
How about casually bringing up marriage in a conversation? Making a pro and con list? Talking to her parents about it? All of these things you can do before actually asking her to be your wife.
I also highly recommend going on a camping trip together, because you get to know each other very well when you do.
What do you mean when you say
"[...] maybe even found the rings"? why plural?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Rings because here is tradition that we both wear them.
She's actually the one who costantly talks about marriage and starting a family, while I'm a bit uncertain about it. Her parents seem to be on board with it.
I have doubts, but not because I don't want it, but because I feel it's too soon. Maybe it's because she's slightly older so for her is the right moment.
I got the rings now because I had the money on hand now and wasn't sure I would have them later, that's why I have to hide them. If she finds them she will think I want to propose now or during the Holidays and will be disappointed when I won't.

[Opinion Owner]

Why would she be disappointed?
Think about this: you not proposing shows that you CARE a lot about your future marriage. It means that you put a lot of effort into the poropsal etc.
If you're worried about her being disappointed, try to do some wedding planning (wait for it) so that you can show her that you've thought about the wedding and that this is the reason it took you some time to actually ask her.
If she says yes, you can also tell her about how worried you were about actually proposing and so on and she won't be disappointed.
Don't overthink it!

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

You are right, one of the reasons I want to wait is because I want to do it well and properly.
That's why I want to settle a couple of things before proposing, so there won't be worries that could be avoided.
As for the proposal, I don't want to do those cheesy public proposals, but I want to plan out something special, just for her and me.

[Opinion Owner]

Why do it now then?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

She wants a tangible sign of commitment. I actually think she found the rings and can't wait.

[coachTanthony]

A proposal and a date for a wedding are two very different things. What events could possibly post pone just asking her hand in marriage?

All this just makes you really un-decisive oh how you feel about her and believe me she will feel it!

Hope you reconsider!

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Okay, but asking her hand in marriage here is binding, and knowing her she'll start pushing for a date as soon as possible. I honestly don't feel really sure about marrying so soon like she'd prefer.

[coachTanthony]

When you know you know... shouldn't matter but hey you do what you have to do!

[coachTanthony]

Asking her to marry you now and waiting a while to actually get married is the same thing as waiting to get engaged and getting married right away.

The only difference is you are deciding one way or the other for the wrong reasons. If she pushes... you push back. When you wait all you are saying is you don't want to "deal" with her pushing...

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

It's not that I don't want to deal with it, but also because it seems to soon to get engaged after four months of relationship, even though we knew each other for almost eight years. I honestly would prefer to reach six months of relationship (so around February - March) and then get married in summer if she wants to.

[coachTanthony]

So 2 months will give you what exactly? Just playing devil's advocate here.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

The time to settle some issues and affairs that could be troublesome now

[coachTanthony]

Okay so you don't have anything planned... and you want to do it right... i read the comments below. It's much clearer to me now. You might just have to tell her straight up that that is what you want and need... to make sure it's perfect for her and not half assed.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

It's that, but also because I want to settle things with my ex and another person first. I also have some work trips scheduled that will take me to distant cities in other countries so I want to propose after being done with those.

[coachTanthony]

Just being honest here... love your posts but... if I was your girlfriend and I found out you needed to "settle things" with your ex before proposing to me... I would smack you with a frying pan.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

She already knows, and although she's not enthusiastic about it she's fine with me helping her out with her issues. But now I have to end that it's been four months and now she can go on her own.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

That, and I'm setting up some work trips she won't be coming along, and I still have to tell her about them. She already knows about Prague, but I'll probably spend New Year's Eve in Caracas and in January I'll be in St. Petersburg.

[coachTanthony]

Yes but she doesn't know your dealings with your ex is "one" of the things stopping you from proposing to her so I wouldn't mention it... is all I am saying!

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

No, I won't tell my girlfriend that because my ex would suddenly disappear if she thought I'm not proposing because of her

[coachTanthony]

I just can't imagine neither one of them read your GAG stuff? How is that possible?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

My ex doesn't speak English and while my girlfriend had a G@G account but it's not active and she doesn't like the site very much. Knowing her, she'd have come out about stuff I wrote here a long time ago

[coachTanthony]

Well just be careful. You are like the Truman Show of GAG here. You have your entire life documented.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I know, I should limit it but I like to have everything well documented

[winterfox10]

I think you're smart to get the proposal out of the way. Just because you get engaged, doesn't mean you get married right away.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Exactly. The big change now is that I'll have to settle down, but it's okay.

[LEETSBEREAL]

If she has found the rings then she's found the rings and probably will be expecting it. This will make her less patient. But don't feel this as any pressure she knows its coming and if she is the one it really shouldn't matter when. Do not move the ring as she may think you've changed your mind or asked someone else and get into a panic if she then decides to speak to a friend it could all go tits up. Fingers crossed your being paranoid and she hasn't found it at all. So unless she says anything keep calm and carry on. Work through all the things you need to work out the concerns you have before you pop the question. People normally do this for financial reasons because weddings are expensive but it's not the only reason. Could be the woman is pregnant, family are far away etc. When you are finally ready and only when the time comes. You can have a long engagement. It might make sense to do this when your concerns are cleared up and the only thing stopping you is the business you need to take care of. While your engaged you can take care of all of that. Might take the pressure of you some what. When the time is right. Hope that helps in terms of your options in making your next step

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

You are right, thanks for your insight and suggestions. My reasons are mostly work-related and some personal, but I want to clear up everything so I can do it well without any problem coming up.

[BlackRoseFairy]

A good reason could be that you are not prepared yet for the wedding (I mean the ceremony, not the marriage)
Even if she has seen them and hints on it or if she asks about it in a general way you could say that you don't think that you can financially support the wedding that you have in mind yet and that it would be better to wait a bit for things to go up again so you can have a perfect wedding instead of being on limited budget.

Another good reason could be the wedding of a family member, e. g. Here we have it so that two people of the same family usually leave a few months in between their weddings. Otherwise it shows jealousy and/or will result in less people attending the latter.
Or in a sadder case a funeral...

Other reasons could be that you want to get married at a special time, for example in Summer, or a specific month, or a specific date (let's say your anniversary)

Another reason to postpone it could be that the church it will be at or the minister who will do it doesn't have a date available...

[Porcelaine]

Are you sure she found the rings? If she is expecting a proposal just keep talking about the future in a way that shows you are definitely planning to have her in it, this way if you don't propose soon, at least she won't think you're having second thoughts and she still will know it's gonna happen eventually. A proposal should be at least a little unexpected, if you keep discussing it before it even happens, there is no point to postpone as it would no longer be a surprise so you can just do it in the middle of any day.

[sassygirl13]

Simply don't bring up the topic unless she did then explain how you want a better timing to be fully in the moment. If your head is somewhere else then what color of flowers to use will irritating instead of thinking it's cute of her.

When you are ready do it.

[Twalli]

Not many. You can propose whenever you want. Also proposals don't time out. If you need several years before marriage, that's fine. You can take the time you need while being engaged. The only reason to delay proposing is not being sure or planning to do it on a specific day. I haven't because my girlfriend and I haven't been together for 18 months yet, and I won't propose before at least 3 years.

[lilyanony1]

Going through a rough patch. Financial hardship. Poor health. You're not sure if you wanna marry them

[lilyanony1]

Good luck with your proposal x

[Connor-RK800]

1: Is that Markiplier?
2: I SHOULD'VE bought the rings?
3: Can you please, at least, untie me and get me out of your basement, honey?
4: Ok, the ship is sinking, let's do this on the lifeboat.
5: New batch of memes on Reddit!
6: Martha, for the last time! You're my mother!
7: What do you mean you like Logan Paul?
8: My battery is dead, I can't post this on Instagram.
9: Ok, boomer.

[Massageman]

Any reason that makes you think about postponing the engagement is a good enough reason to do exactly that. This is a serious step and requires serious consideration.

[Lemia]

Much like what @Whiteshoulder said, sit her down and explain it. Chances are she'll agree with you

[LuWe22]

Simple. If you are not ready, events come up, not the right moment

[letssee89]

Unless either of you did something that makes you question your love for each other, I don't recommend delaying beyond your plan.

[ootie187]

How you react to finding them will definitely determine how much you care about this guy lol if it makes you feel bad in any way cut ties and say 2 duece

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

What? I'm not a woman.

[Liam_Hayden]

Besides the divorce laws? Well, if you feel that you are not ready that is sufficient. If you feel you are being pressured into it.

[hsshannah96]

If you’ve been together less than a year

[supercutebutt]

Rings? Don't most people just give a single ring?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

One for her and one for me - here is tradition that we both have wear the same engagement ring.

[supercutebutt]

Since u r buying multiple rings, why stop at two? Get a ring for every finger. Or multiple rings for each finger. You can't put a price on love.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

One for each is good enough.

[supercutebutt]

I respectfully disagree. We have 10 fingers. After thinking about this I have realized that it's not fair for only one finger to get the honor of being adorned by jewelry.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

It's a practical reason.
I work as night security, she's a nurse. Only a ring that's a wedding band or engagement ring is allowed, and even then not at all times. We aren't gangsters or mafia, we don't need ten or so rings, plus I know she'd be upset if she knew how much I spent on the two I got - I remember she told me we shouldn't spend more than 200€, but that was just trashy in my opinion so I got something that was quite more costly. So I don't think she'd take it well if I bought other jewellery.

[supercutebutt]

Are you capable of recognizing humor? I've responded to dozens of your posts over the past months, usually with something absurd or ridiculous, and you ALWAYS answer seriously! :)

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I don't always recognize it, but I do tend to take seriously and answer seriously to humor - there's always a hint of seriousness in it.

[WhiteShoulder]

Tell her the truth

[funkit46]

Any and every excuse you can think of

[Gsm24diecast]

Nope

[Shellyworld]

If you are ill.