Is it ok for an engagement to be postponed for one more year?

Question

I'm the one who postponed it by one more year because I feel it's still a bit too soon. I think I'll be ready by Nov-Dec 2023.

My now fiance had proposed by early Oct 2021 and even though we had talked about wanting kids one day, it wasn't exactly a sooner date. He invited my our parents, friends and others by surprise. So you can imagine my confusion when I returned home and found all the guests there. By the time he was doing his speech, I already knew where it was leading.

For several seconds, I felt like screaming and getting out of the room. Deep inside I was thinking ''(His name) what have you done, did you had to include others... get me out of here''. I said nothing and let him continue his speech. Then he proposed and I said yes after a couple seconds. I didn't want to hurt him and not in front of them. I felt I couldn't say anything else.

Is it ok to be in an extended engagement if you're not ready for marriage yet?

Updates

1 y

We were dating for 13 months at the time when he proposed. I know we had a couple conversations about wanting kids in the future but I still felt he caught me by surprise. I felt as if I was given no choice at that moment but to accept it.
Instead it being my moment of happiness, I felt kind of trapped in that room.

itsalyssaagain · Accepted Answer

If he knew you weren’t ready and he still proposed that’s not a good sign. And I’m speaking from experience. It’s a sign of desperation and a partner who doesn’t listen to or respect the needs of their partner.

You should only ever get married when you feel 100% ready to do so. Don’t do anything you’re not fully happy to do because eventually things won’t work out (for things to work out both parties have to be on the same page), and it will be a waste of time and lot of pain for both of you.

I think you have every right to postpone and you should communicate this to your partner. Do you even want to be engaged? If you don’t then that matters too. Don’t do anything because you feel bad for someone else. Take care of yourself.

SphynxUK · Accepted Answer

Your gut told you weren’t ready. You wanted to get out of the room and felt pressured. This doesn’t sound like the relationship is all it seems. I guess because of your age, you didn’t feel confident enough to say something.
I personally would have asked others to leave the room, or would have said sorry I can’t do this now, let’s do this in private.
If he knows you well, he would already know what sort of proposal you would like, and if it should have been private.
As for your engagement, it can be as long as you like. No one should be proposing after 13 months. Marriage isn’t something to enter into lightly, and honesty, you don’t even sound head over heels in love with him…

JustinTheGreat · Accepted Answer

This is why I feel proposals should always be private and never in front of other people. it puts the pressure on you to say yes. Especially if it’s done in front of friends and family.
I think you should talk to him and be honest that you aren’t ready and only said yes cause he put you in a position where you didn’t really have the option to say no

OddBeMe · Accepted Answer

You never have to get married if you don’t want to. It’s a tax doc in case you want to file jointly. Oh and some religious bullshit.
Having children might be an issue without being married, I wouldn’t know. But just fine happiness. It’s so hard these days.

BlueScorpio · Answer

It's an engagement, you don't have to postpone an engagement cause it's not like you're getting married or planning the wedding right away. You can be engaged for as long as you. I was engaged for about a year or two before we got married.

Adaeva · Answer

It wasn't right of him to put you in a situation that made it difficult to say no. However, I believe you should be strong enough to have said, "I'm not ready to get married and turned him down." He deliberately put you on the spot so he doesn't deserve any consideration to have his feelings protected.

However, at this stage, rather than break the engagement, just don't get married until you are ready and tell him, "I am going wait a year before we marry. Next year, if you wish, you can postpone it again.

Your problem is that you are so weak minded, you let people force you into doing what you don't want to do. If you can't get over that problem, seek therapy.

CubsterShura · Answer

I mean you should be talking to him about it. I personally think it is okay to propose early or get engaged early. You can get married a bit later if that's too early for you.

Where I come from engagement is a big deal and usually happens formally in presence of family and friends. I know people whose engagement and wedding got delayed because of covid as it was difficult for family members to travel and get together to attend the events, and the engagement and wedding got postponed for those reasons.

Labokachulaa · Answer

No, because that's a decision you would have to stick by. It's okay for you to feel how you feel about it because ultimately, you'll be the one stuck with the decision. The only thing I would suggest is having a long talk with him and making sure you two are on the same page.

Rania05 · Answer

In your situation when he proposed I can see myself doing the same, saying yes.
But as soon as the guests left you should've told him about what you left or even a few days later in a serious talk.
Just postponed, my parents had been engaged for 4 years before getting married

DizzyDesii · Answer

Its okay to extend it but its important to question why. I dont want an engagement that lasts longer than a year. If i can't afford the wedding i want, we’ll marry anyways. Im not pushing shit back unless im dumping him

dustybiker · Answer

Maybe let him read this? Tell him you have something to show him that you have a hard time telling him.  Your heart is on your sleeve here. He would have to see that. You need to talk to each other.

Belgie · Answer

It's better to get out of an engagement you're not sure of than a marriage that makes you miserable.

Spiritofn · Answer

I had no idea how engagement shit worked lmao. & ya my stepdad proposed and then it happened 11 years later. As long as you feel loved is the big thing in my opinion but I’m guessing that’s blatantly obvious except to the fool.

Vesuvius87 · Answer

I don't think you're ready nor want to be with him. You need to communicate with him. Otherwise it isn't really fair for either of you.

Anonymous · Answer

Of course, you weren’t quite ready for engagement anyway. If he hasn’t been bringing it up then you don’t need to either. If he does, just explain that you want to get married one day but not yet.

Mangospacho · Answer

If you’re not ready for marriage, end the engagement and postpone it until you’re ready. Your family is expecting you to get married since you’re engaged. Call it off and they’ll stop bothering you about the date.

cryscrys1 · Answer

I don’t think you are ready or even worst love him to be your husband til death.. with no teefies

LazerBean · Answer

If you aren't certain about him yet, then you need to up your communication game by about 300%.

Anonymous · Answer

honestly sounds like you don't want to be with him at all anyways. you're far too young and it's far too soon.

Anonymous · Answer

If you're not ready to commit, leave him so he can find someone better, who isn't afraid of commitment. Honestly, your relationship is doomed to failure. And you're not worthy of him.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

That's a really fucked up thing to do, putting someone on the spot like that.  And yes, it's totally okay for you to postpone the engagement.

Emanon25 · Answer

Off course, this is a long life so you need to make sure you’re taking the right decision.

Clairebear799 · Answer

Shit happens and it sucks. But it happens

In_Trance · Answer

If you're ok with it, then it's ok

Is it ok for an engagement to be postponed for one more year?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Is it ok for an engagement to be postponed for one more year?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.