In your opinion, is there such a thing as being too open and honest in a marriage?

Question

CaptainOverthink · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't know to be honest.
But I'll speculate..

We all grow up making mistakes, learning and adapting. I remember plenty of times when I was in a dark place and did a bad thing, learned from it and changed. I am who I chose to be and who I chose NOT to be.
Our past helped us decide where to go next but contrary to belief we are not defined by our past, we are defined by how we decided to move on from our past.

It's a bit unfair to share some of our mistakes without it's full context and without taking into account what event or uprising made us act the way we did (which is impossible) and including how we learned from that.

I think sometimes it's just unecessary to tell eachother the brutally honest truth because you can't guarantee understanding will be there.
And sometimes like when let say one partner say to the other how many partners they've had or say who they are then even if it's in the past way before they even met jealousy emerge and their image of you is shattered.
Sometimes people see eachother in a light of their own mind but can't handle the truth.

But then maybe a storm is healthy to test the relationship? But maybe before you're married?
If you already have kids then they take priority and the time for testing relationship-stability is over, playing it safe is better.

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

The object is to be considerate of all involved. Not all information is necessary to share. Do you announce to everyone every time you go to the bathroom and what the results were when you return? Many times, people seek irrelevant details. For the most part, knowing those details will be more likely to limit than enhance your life, for it will lead to comparisons or refusing to go somewhere the person went with another.

The best things to share are what we've learned from our experiences and changes we've made as a result of that acquired knowledge. Numbers from our past or details of what we did with each past partner will never add to a relationship. There's nothing wrong with saying you believe someone looks better in a different outfit, but you have nothing to gain by tearing the person down for choosing what you wouldn't choose.

On the other hand, never ask a question if you already know the answer. If you know how your butt looks in a particular pair of jeans, don't ask. Never ask your kid "Did you get into the cookie jar?" if their face is covered with icing. Say, "It looks like someone got into the cookie jar." Asking a question when you know the answer will often set the other up to lie.

Kaytiee · Accepted Answer

I can't think of anything I'd need to hide from my boyfriend. He knows my sexual history, dating history etc and I think thats important. You can argue body-count doesn't matter, and that may be the case to some and that's okay but for me it is important as I'm a relationship person, Once I tried to send nudes after a breakup to a friend, and after I felt absolutely worthless and cried a lot, I deleted them and he consoled me.

Some people just aren't made for the high body-count lifestyle, so I'd want to know if my partner has one and how long ago he gave up his playboy lifestyle. Because to me it shows we see sex differently, we are both very kinky but at the same time believe love has to be a part of sex, I couldnt be with someone who used to have casual sex.

lilyanony1 · Accepted Answer

I think there is such a thing as being too open/honest full stop.
I don't know why butost guys prefer to know everything but also don't.
When you free up the info they lose respect for you.
When you act like a closed book they get a kick out of pricing information from you.
But you have to know what to share with the right guy!

It's always a game and it's headache tbh.

I say take me as I am.
Either you love me and like me or you don't.
We all have our secrets and our flaws...

You gotta take the good with the bad

Pinay_ako · Answer

Too open? Too honest? Sorry no. Can’t tell you all my thoughts. You won’t like it 🤣

worldscolide · Answer

Absolutely not. I hide NOTHING from my wife. There is a very good reason for that. Im her support structure and she is my support structure. I can't be a good support structure if things are hidden, and she can't be a good one if i hide things. Plus if things are hidden trust cannot exist. My wife is the one person on this planet which i trust implicitly. There is literally no other person in existence i trust like that.

My wife has something called Asperger's syndrome. She takes everything that everyone says at face value because of that. Its part of why i refuse to hide anything or be dishonest in any way. On that same token, because of how she is, i always know where i stand with her. she's never dishonest about her feelings, thoughts, intentions, or anything else. Which is something i had never experienced from the opposite sex before.

she's honest with her criticism too.. Which i value greatly, even if it hurts, I want to know where i can improve. Same with me though im honest with my criticism too. Neither of us take it personally. Not to mention she's like WAY smarter than me lol. Its not an exaggeration either.

In any case, TLDR, No, i do not believe there is such a thing as being too open and honest in a marriage. That might not be what you agree with, but i would rather have honesty..

WindAtMyBack · Answer

I think every couple has to find their own balance. I think it's totally OK for people to have secrets. But if one person has some secrets, and their partner is the type that thinks everything should literally be out in the open, then it can cause problems.

I'm actually kind of surprised how many people think everything should be open. I think it's important to give your partner whatever privacy they need. Learning how much privacy your partner needs is part of getting to know them and part of a healthy relationship.

I know people are very divided on this, and that's why couples need to find their own balance. It's part of compatibility.

There are millions and millions of couples out there. There is no one-size-fits-all rule for anything. It's whatever works for them.

Finchie40 · Answer

Not if you want your marriage to survive and love to grow between you both , when married couples keep secrets from each other all that does is add fire into the relationship if one of those secrets comes out over time , it can break the trust and foundation you were supposed to be building with each other. Secrets are just making Resentments grow and breaking the trust you should have with your spouse. The only relationship I will get involved in these days is with someone that is honest with me the same way I am honest with them , without honesty their is no relationship, so what would even be the point, when you learn to remove selfishness for each other that’s where love grows

DaveJord · Answer

So I got to be the guy to say No, but yes.

So in a good and healthy marriage then "No" you can never be too honest even when you know they disagree. Because in a good marriage they will respect the differences without judgements.

But in a bad marriage, yes being too honest can be a handicap. I have personal experience in this. If you're too honest then they will use it against you, or take everything you say and weaponize it, or use it to disrespect you at every opportunity.

So I error on the side of caution and just be 100% honest about everything from my opinions, politics and everything. If the can't respect that then I would break up with them, or let them break up with me if they are that emotionally immature or insecure.

Lliam · Answer

Yes. People have no obligation to spill their guts even when married. There is no benefit in talking about certain things from the past. Some things are better left alone.

Marriage isn't a confessional and your partner isn't a priest.

I actually think it's crazy for someone to expect their partner to be an open book. It's not constructive or beneficial. You have to use come common sense.

Nobody can possibly know everything that another person has experienced or thought.

EmbraceThePain · Answer

I mean, I don’t need to hear every thought my wife has throughout the day, but here are the things I think both people should be open about 100% despite embarrassment or humiliation possibly being a factor.

-sexual stuff
-finance stuff
-moral and political stuff
-marriage
-having children
-major crimes

-Yes, it is important to mention that time you drunkenly hooked up with someone. I don’t care how long ago it is, how big of a mistake it was, how much you don’t care about her/him, etc.

I may break up with you so I need to know and why not just be honest…

-We’re married, finances are important for all sorts of reasons. If you’re too closed or secretive about it, I’m out.

Everything else is self-explanatory

Jay3344 · Answer

Just because your honest doesn’t mean your right or helping something. Honesty is essential but to confuse it with truth and think that something needs to be said because it’s what you believe can be harmful. Sometimes comments said to a partner that are honest can do more harm than good when given at the wrong time or in the wrong situation. So it’s not good to never criticize or speak your mind, but weighing the timing and situation would be wise. An example could be - at a funeral, your significant others parent had died…someone asks you about them and the fact is that the parent was terrible to you…you could say “they were awful” or you could soften it up a bit for the sake of your partner.

Blueeyes81 · Answer

Yes. Imagine if, lets say you do the cooking. Your spouse gives you an honest critique after every meal. "It was good but a little salty.", "It wasn't as good as my mothers recipe.", "it was kinda tough." They are being 100% honest but do you want to hear that after every meal. It wears on a person, makes them feel unappreciated. Sometimes a white lie or omission of truth is a good thing. Be open and honest on things that matter. Being knit picky in the name of honesty only harvests resentment. Some things are best left to ourselves.

Jrock33 · Answer

Marriage or any relationship- sure

i learned the hard way. I had a great girlfriend in high school and college. A younger girl from my high school attended my college. My girlfriend was in her 3rd year trying to get into business school. I was young and upset that she didn’t want to go out and party. ( she was a year older )

this other girl was a freshman and thought I was so cool taking her and her friends to these parties.

she threw her self at me and I ate it up.
after a few months of juggling 3 girls my guilt set in. My girlfriend knew nothing. Girlfriend 2 knew about girlfriend 1. Girl 3 knew about the other 2.

I told my girlfriend that I had cheated. I did this after I stopped it with the other 2. The damage was done. 5 months later we were over.
If I had to do it again- I would have been silent. Or not have let the seduction take place

I had thought all women were the same emotionally. I had a good one and found out the hard way.

McKellar · Answer

I did this once to someone who was incredibly important to me. We were both very much in-love. I once thought it was a good idea to be completely open and honest with her considering I didn't want to lie nor hide anything from her at all. Keep in mind this was the same woman I wanted to marry.

Apparently that was weighing her down, she couldn't take much more of it, didn't realize as to what I was doing wrong (at the same time, she wasn't communicating with me about this major mistake that I was making) and she inevitably left me.

That had taken a bad toll on me, unfortunately this completely changed me and unfortunately I haven't been the same since. ... and this is something which I'll have to live with.

Now every time I meet another woman,... I'm iffy about telling her anything and concerned as to how she's going to take the type of openness and honesty which I will have to inevitably give her.

BlueScorpio · Answer

No? I mean maybe you don't have to tell your spouse about the bean burrito that gave you explosive ass juice half the day at work. That can be your little secret, but other than that what is there to really hide? Secrets and dishonesty is what kills a relationship, it kills it even faster when the other person finds out before you tell them.

wolfcat87 · Answer

If you cannot be 100% open and honest with your spouse, then you shouldn't be married to them... I've been married 14 years and with him 16. We don't have to lie about anything. I've never been in a relationship where either person had to lie or hide anything. That seems like a severe character flaw to me as well as unfair and unhealthy for the relationship and the partner things are being hidden from.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

There should be no reason to not ask a question in earnest, and every question should be answered completely honestly. You shouldn’t have to be untrue to yourself either though. If holding something back builds resentment, you should get it off your chest. Resentment is destructive.
Not every single thought needs to be said aloud though. Some people like to use “honesty” as an excuse to be cruel. That’s obviously not necessary, or conducive to a long, happy and healthy relationship.

Crafteroon · Answer

Honesty is telling the truth. When that truth is causing problems in a relationship it should be addressed. When that truth only hurts one person and isn't an action done by the other person in a relationship, is it a truth worth listening?

So if you cheated, tell your partner. If you don't like the clothes your partner is excited about buying (because you dislike the color yellow, keep your mouth shut.

Fireguy17 · Answer

Yes, if you get the standard do these jeans make my butt look big, you don't even have a nano second to get the no out.

Or is my sister prettier than me, or here is the trick question, are my sister's boobs nicer than mine?

The correct answer is I wouldn't know, I've never noticed her boobs.

If you answer no that means you have been looking.

Questions like those are where it's best not to be honest.

Other than those it's best to be honest.

freewife · Answer

I like openness and honesty, secretiveness I find really disturbing. But you sometimes have to moderate what you say to soften it and not cause unnecessary hurt. My wife and I put all cards on the table from the start including past history and it's a great feeling to talk about all our experiences together without judgement. It also provides a benchmark so if the other starts to close up you know something has changed.

ArtemisSilver · Answer

No. But just because you're truthful does mean you have to be tactless or abrasive. I always cringre when people act proud of being "brutally" honest, it's just another way of saying you are an inconsiderate asshole lol

convo_king89 · Answer

Ideally no, but we all got to have our boundaries and limits. A guy can’t explain why he likes to to go out with the guys on Friday at the bar or why he likes to jerk off. And women dosent have to let her man get involved with some of her shit like a girls night out at the local deli eating sandwhich or her period.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes and no. I had a horrible case of limerence while married to my ex. It was in my head and neither myself nor this person had acted upon the attraction. There was no legitimate threat to my marriage since we were on vacation and the person was across the ocean. I kept it to myself and turned all the pent up lust towards my then husband. He actually wasn't happy about it but that's a whole other story. So, yes, some secrecy and omission is needed in a marriage.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Yes. I think you want to be open and communicate I. A loving way as much as you can. You don’t want to be a clear filter for every thought feeling or memory. You do want to share more intimate details as appropriate.

ZS007 · Answer

Its better to be honest and open about stuff. Some things are hard to share though. I feel like everyone has secrets nobody knows cause if not they would be completely exposed. But I don't mean anything that could ruin you. Just thoughts.

Southcoastradwolf · Answer

Yes! I made the fatal mistake of being completely honest with my now wife once when she asked me who gave me the best blow job ever. She unfortunately didn’t even make my top five. It didn’t go down well. In fairness, those five women gave me absolutely next level blow jobs that even a veteran porn queen would concede to. Polly, Helena, becky, Rebecca, Katherine. I salute you. Sorry babe. 😂

Anonymous · Answer

Completely depends on your partner. Will they go crazy if you tell them you used to have a bunch of threesomes with football players? Or will they think lesser of you if you used to eat your boogers when you were younger? Are they open to you? Is the information important for them to know? Do you like just talking with them about anything and everything and they don’t judge you? Are they your partner in crime who you can confide in anything with? It all depends on the person.

slatyb · Answer

Yes. Don’t tell your partner the things you don’t like that they can’t change. I once heard a woman say “Jeff thinks I have ugly feet,” Never tell your partner something like that.

petitedollbabee · Answer

If you’ve married the right type of person, there’s no such thing as being too open and honest. The right type of person will value openness and honesty.

dustybiker · Answer

To the point of killing mystery, yes. It’s important to stay open to trying new things, not just with each other, but separately too. Keep challenging yourselves.

NathanDavis · Answer

not sure on the subtle details or the circumstances you mean by this... but I will guess... the delivery does matter and it can make the difference, lol

Adam1978 · Answer

Yes because most people can't handle unwanted an unecissary truths, it will only cause problems that didn't need to exist.

exitseven · Answer

Everyone has an inner life that is private. I have things that are going on inside that I do not share with anyone.

Emilyis · Answer

My husband and I are open and honest with each other but anything that happened before we were married is none of the other's business.

Light909090 · Answer

Being Too honest uses up too much energy, Burns too many Calories and isn’t good for Muscle building.

mobiusforniner · Answer

Open and honest is what saved my marriage, more than once

loveslongnails · Answer

There's only a certain amount of "truth" that each individual can handle. Without going into examples or specifics, certain things should be taken to the grave

fonduegirl · Answer

Yeah definitely. Some things you should be private about. Your partner doesn't have to know everything about you. Trust me, it's only going to land you in hot waters.

Beatrix7 · Answer

thats the way it should be married or not honest trudt worthy loved truth msy hurt but it myst be said

Revenant_Titan · Answer

I think a marriage like any relationship worth having should thrive on honesty, no matter how blunt and cruel it is. Hurt me with the truth rather than lie to me!

likelyOK · Answer

I wanna say no but I have not been married. I would say that you want to express the truth with sensitivity to their feelings

YollyM · Answer

I personally believe that you don't have to tell ANYBODY everything,  not your mom, dad, best friend or partner whether you're married or not. So yes, you can be too open.

RavVid · Answer

I've said before today that if men and women truly understood each other then the world birth rate would plummet.

LordOfThePines · Answer

At the most basic, no. Honesty is paramount and partners must be able and willing to be fully open and honest. In practice it can go wrong but that is more of an issue between partners than the concept itself.

nawtee_me · Answer

Not at all. If they don't really want to know they shouldn't ask. And, if they ask they shouldn't get mad if the other person id open and honest about the answer...
Lies and misinformation only leads to trust issues...

butterfly113 · Answer

being honest is not always a good thing you should keep somethings for yourself too

Anonymous · Answer

Knowing what I KNOW my Mistress does and doesn't tell our Master, I think certain things need to not be brought up. Granted, if he were to ever ask, neither of us would lie, but we aren't bringing it up ourselves.

EndGame55 · Answer

I don't think so. But I'm kinda known for being honest to s fault.

MemeSupreme · Answer

i think in general in relationships some stuff is better left unsaid

DizzyDesii · Answer

Yea, dont ask, dont tell unless its something that could physically harm the other person

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Yeah! You can do serious damage to your relationship if you don’t speak to your partner the right way

Lionman95 · Answer

I´d say yes because there are situations where guys shouldn´t be saying the truth.

LazerBean · Answer

Nope, as long as you are expressing yourself not in an inconsiderate way.

Nikki1989 · Answer

No. There is no such thing as being too open.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

Probably. Most people don’t want those two together because it doesn’t end well. They want to Mirage of having that but actually hearing what they want to hear. It’s sad.

Ezra_lila · Answer

Yes I sure do. Some marriage that start being friends first is one way to be open and honest.

sheikalana · Answer

I believe you should always be honest to your partner.

SolitarySolace · Answer

Yes. People don’t like to hear the truth. Watch episode 5 of The Sandman on Netflix. Everyone being brutally honest in the cafe ends up dead.

maximumpower · Answer

YES!! Bear in mind EVERYONE has something to hide. Just bc a SO says they're being up front and transparent doesn't mean they truly are. BELIEVE me here.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

"Does this dress make me look fat"? "No honey, your big ass makes you look fat". Answer your own question.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Yes. You don't need to point out every attractive person you see.

HaveNoName · Answer

Imagine giving your honest opinion to your wife about anything that you do not find perfect about her.

anylolone · Answer

The difference between poison and medicine is frequently in the dose. Even too much water can kill.

In your opinion, is there such a thing as being too open and honest in a marriage?

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