Does resentment eventually end a marriage?

[Anonymous]

So my husband got in an argument on Friday night, we were at a Halloween party and he was drinking, and got shitfaced and he told me he resented me for my wild streak in college. We’ve been together 12 years, just shy of ten years married, we have three kids. He’s recently been distant for the past few years, doesn’t give me a ton of attention. Seems like we’re just existing. I asked for consoling in the past and he says nothing is wrong.

I called him out on today cause I recorded him and showed him and told me he was sorry, and he’ll try and do what it takes. I told him I’m going to still be planning and set myself up in case he doesn’t change, this is his last shot at this. He’s mentioned this in the past being passively aggressive about it, but this time I could tell he really means or feels that way.

Should I hold my hopes up that he’ll change? Or is the resentment that far gone?

[slatyb]

Sorry you are going through this. I don't that your behavior before you meet him it's the real problem. He's unhappy about something else but can't talk about it. I'm not optimistic unless he decides her really wants to be I'm the marriage.

[Asker]

I’m a woman for some reason it says I’m a man lol. I grew up in a religious household and when I turned 19 in college I had a wild streak and went through my hoe phase. But the last few years he’s been working a ton and hasn’t spent much time with the kids and I. I mentioned to him about spending time with us and was like bleh. He got to the point where he rarely even goes to bed and sleep with me, for a few years I felt unattractive and not even sexy at all, like I’ve been unwanted. Our sex life isn’t all that great I’m 35, he’s 41. He’s kind of vanilla. He rarely helps around the house. Honestly I feel like we’re friends and not spouses. I tried to mention consoling and he was like meh, I love him, but when I saw it in his eyes when he mentioned the resentiment I knew he meant it. He said he’s going to try and be a better man, but I don’t really think he’ll really change, but I’ll try for the kids until I set myself up so I can move on if I have to. Another question is how long do I really give him, before I know it’s enough?

[NathanDavis]

resentment could end anything... if it goes long enough to grow into hatred and other very inconvenient things, yes

[Asker]

Yeah he’s mentioned it over the past five years or so, usually I just chalked it up to him being drunk or intoxicated, Friday I could tell he meant it tho.

[NathanDavis]

it doesn't sound promising...

he sounds immature, and not willing at all to grow up, nor out of this, so... even if he did, doesn't seen to be that much of interest on good or great things with you, so what's the point of that?