Taking the kids away from their dad if he cheats?

[lizziemcquire]

I know a girl who said she would take her kids away from their dad and change their last name to her new man’s name if her husband cheats on her. It’s in her marriage contract. I feel like that is a very selfish and bitter thing to do. Is it justified? Even if he is a good father to the kids she said she will still not allow him to see the kids because he cheated. All because a man can’t be a father without being her husband. What do you guys think?

Updates

6 mo

I told her that her kids would grow up to resent her and her response was “oh well”

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo, that's a fucked up thing to do to the kids, man. Like yeah the dude cheated and that's wack but taking the kids away from their dad is too far.

Those kids gonna be super hurt losing their pops like that, you know? They didn't do nothing wrong. Plus the little kids probably real close with their dad.

It's selfish as hell for her to make the kids pay for what he did to her. She should be thinking bout what's best for them. And keeping the dad in their life as long as he treats the kids good is what's best.

I mean, talk about messing up those little ones for life. Give them trauma and daddy issues. All cause she can't get over herself. Like damn, co-parent and move on lady.

If it was me, I wouldn't sign no contract over shit like that. You never know what happens in a relationship. She bugging to try take his kids like that if he screws up. That's just wrong.

[lizziemcquire]

That’s what I was saying ! That I’d literally hate my mom if I grew up and found out that’s the reason I don't know my father. But I told her that her kids would resent her and she just said “oh well” . She’s f*cking crazy !

[Oliverlogan263]

That is hardcore messed up! Saying "oh well" about her own kids resenting her one day? That chick is next level crazy, no joke.

I'd stay as far away from that situation as possible if I were you. Who knows what other manipulative shit she might try to pull. She clearly doesn't care about anyone but herself.

I feel bad for those kids being stuck with a mom like that. Can you imagine growing up and finding out the only reason you never knew your dad is because your mom was bitter about them breaking up? Fuuuck that.

I wouldn't be surprised if the dad ends up getting full custody just to get the kids away from her crazy ass. No court is gonna side with someone willing to trash a good parent just for revenge. She's digging her own crazy grave at that point.

Makes others grateful those who have normal, non-psycho parents, you know? Some people just shouldn't have or deserve kids if they're that messed up and selfish. Feel sorry for those poor kids, for real.

[Oliverlogan263]

@DizzyDesii what you think?

[DizzyDesii]

He cheated on her not the kids. She shouldn't cheat them out of a relationship with their dad

[Oliverlogan263]

@DizzyDesii Exactly thank you

[Anonymous]

She sounds selfish as well as I’m immature. Regardless of what happens that’s between them,. The kids, even though the father would be a POS for cheating, shouldn’t suffer. Especially if he’s a good father. Well too when I think about it, w that type of attitude shit I wouldn’t blame him for cheating. So maybe if he did cheat it had to do w her as well as far as her attitude, maybe she’s changed since they got married. So I won’t blame the man completely if he did cheat based on what she said she’d do if he cheated.

[jennifer_bloom]

I believe if a person mistreats another they should give compensation but I think the compensation should be financial and not domestic. I know a guy that cheated and he was not jailed or publicly shamed, but he had to relinquish his joint portion in all their marital assets and donate all his life savings to his wife, but I believe it’s because the cheating had existed over 2 decades in their marriage and was not a singular event.

[Bethany22]

If it's in the marriage contract and he breaches it, then there should definitely be consequences. But the relationship he has with his kids is different than his relationship with his wife, so he should still get joint custody in the divorce.

[AviatorTom]

And what if she cheats on her husband? She then willingly gives up her kids to her husband and never sees them again?

This is wrong on so many points.

[Avicenna]

That’s not up to her. It’s up to the courts.

[ShesRad80]

any man who would sign that is a bigger idiot then the one who thought it up, tbh. kids should never be used as pawns no matter your relationship with the father, or ex

[exitseven]

@shesrad80 You are right.

[love_conquers_lust]

How are they pawns? How do you know she doesn’t want her kids around that as a bad example? How is cheating being a good father?

Kids end up in the crossfire of divorces, there is no way around it.

[ShesRad80]

@love_conquers_lust

lol here we go with the pseudo intellectual, cheating is a moral issue- doesn't disqualify a man from being a good father they are two separate things.

kid in the "crossfire" of divorce is not the samething as being a pawn. no parent has the right to use and manipulate or keep a child away from the parent unless its a abusive situation.
the whole situation wreaks of you cheat on me ill get back at you using the kids. its a power struggle and sick.

[love_conquers_lust]

@shesrad80. This pseudo intellectual has a god daughter whose father became a lazy piece of shit who smoked too much pot and pissed off my sister. I would gave been happy if she’d had a contract like that. Now he blended my niece with a mouthy, insecure single mother who had two other mouthy daughters and it rubs off on my niece. It puts extra work on both myself and my sister, and her new husband to correct her bad attitude going back and forth between two households. It’s not fair to my niece and it’s hard on her.

[ShesRad80]

@love_conquers_lust

and he probably was a pot smoker beforehand and got lazier, prob was always lazy. some woman are so blind to bad behavior just to find a mate, they don't see it till the relationships over and they reflect on the person they once loved. your situation holds no weight to this one. you want answers for your situation ask the community, the two aren't the same.

you asked me how cheating made a good father, re read what you typed.

different situation from what asker asked.

you disagree or question a users comment yet have zero understanding of the situation based on the reply back comments and yet again this comment perfect example

[ShesRad80]

@exitseven ✌😎💕

[love_conquers_lust]

@shesrad80. “different situation from what asker asked.”. This is what I was implying and challenging in your original comment. Kids shouldn’t be locked into a situation because you think they shouldn’t be used as “pawns”. By that logic, you yourself are using them as “pawns” saying all marriages are final and a child should never be allowed to escape a crap situation because one spouse has shit character and the other has poor judgment. A prenuptial would have protected against what my sister and niece encountered. Do you not agree? I don’t agree with how poorly your statement was worded, and I think you know that.

You opened fire with insults calling me a pseudo intellectual not knowing a thing about me. Saying I have ZERO understanding of the issue is being further intellectually dishonest and further evidence of you feeling backed into a corner.

It would be inconsistent to compartmentalize being a “good” father and being a shit spouse then you turn around and try to flip the script trying to conflate the two back into one as if my niece and sister deserve to suffer him because “children aren’t pawns” as if him being a bad father is irrelevant to solutions going forward. That’s the point of such agreements. It protects against bad fathers, AND bad mothers, and is rendered moot in the event both of the are good parents.

[love_conquers_lust]

@shesrad80 If my sister had signed one such perfectly legal prenuptial agreement, this wouldn’t have happened. Implying it’s perfectly fair to me to have to deal with this, something completely out of my control, shouldn’t sit well with you. You’re insulting my sister, thereby insulting me. She did exactly what assholes on here complain about immature girls NOT doing, she judged her poor decisions and sought and found a better life for herself and her kid. She financed her half of this and they cut everything down the middle. She tried to cut out the garbage. You think I should turn my back on either of them because it’s unfair to me? Go back on my commitment to either of them?

I agree with you I’d rather this should have never happened, and children shouldn’t be used as pawns. But it wasn’t the original intent and unfortunately, it would have been better for her if she’d been severed from him. But such is life because people don’t tell the truth, both to themselves and each other.

[ShesRad80]

@love_conquers_lust
you missed the point two comments ago.

if you want your situation answered properly, ask the community.
these are two different situations
children should never be used to get back at your ex

the situation above is ridiculous, as you see from the posters update in the end it is a way to pacify the mothers insecurities, if someone is that immature, they shouldn't be having sex or children.
you keep bringing your situation into this one, again and again two different situations. cheating though a crappy thing to do, has no bearing on a person to be a great father.

you- insulted your sister bringing her into a situation that has nothing to do with this one or the question. yet again ask the community on your situation, your own comment and prove you have zero grasp of the situation asked.

you are so oblivious to the point at hand and yes a pseudo intellectual you are a classic case of it. my statements/comments stand

[love_conquers_lust]

@shesrad80 Stop it. Stop trying to compartmentalize. Drop the condescending attitude and stop giving instruction as if I need it.

It doesn’t matter the OP’s update. MY point would have protected against her as well. My point being is that prenuptials can protect against these shitty outcomes. DO YOU NOT, AGREE?

[ShesRad80]

@love_conquers_lust

you really need to get out and live -see how the world really works.
no they cannot protect against these types of situations, you cannot keep children from their parent for selfish reasons, this post is a selfish reason, based off what has been stated

[love_conquers_lust]

@shesrad80. “ you really need to get out and live -see how the world really works.”. Another insult, two insults actually. What I read to you was “real world”. It implies you call my sister’s life, not real world as well.

“no they cannot protect against these types of situations”. Define these types PLURAL. Not the singular situation in the OP’s post. I’m talking about ALL of them.

If you truly believe me to be a pseudo intellect, you think it wise to argue with me?

“ you cannot keep children from their parent for selfish reasons, this post is a selfish reason, based off what has been stated”. “shouldn’t”. These agreements aren’t all soundly written, that doesn’t detract from ones that are.

Don’t accuse me of insulting my sister by speaking truthfully about her. There’s only one person here who has been slinging insults in this little exchange.

Really, step back and think about what you said. Any man who signs an agreement that says cheating will be grounds for losing his kids in a divorce is an idiot. If he never cheats, that never happens. If they divorce for other reasons, still, doesn’t lose the kids. In a fair agreement, if the wife cheats, she would lose custody. Ultimately I ask, which is where I doubt you know what you’re talking about based on this exchange, what is best for the kids? Is it good for them to be around a spouse who committed infidelity? Be honest.

[love_conquers_lust]

@exitseven If the guy plans to cheat, yeah, I’d say he is an idiot to sign that if he doesn’t want to be held accountable for unethical behavior. The same would go for her. If he doesn’t cheat, that clause means nothing.

[ShesRad80]

@love_conquers_lust

you lack the skills in comprehending the post, my comments or anything even you so have asked, you are one of these pseudo intellectuals with nothing more then round talk instead of grasp on the conversation or question actually asked, yes i was forewarned what a troll you are. you- yourself decided to bring your situation into it. so basically you have wasted my time and reworded some of the things i have already, um yeah true pseudo intellectual at play.

cheating-- doesn't constitute a mother being able to withhold the children from their father.
i see you never attempt to challenge a man with the same thought process on this post? as clearly i am not the only one thinking it's wrong? you always seem to troll woman on here thinking you have a correct and superior intellect, if that makes you feel better princess, do you, but doesn't make you right- ✌🤣

[love_conquers_lust]

@shesrad80 Forewarned by who?

More insults, moooore insults.

“i see you never attempt to challenge a man with the same thought process on this post?”

What does my last reply to @exitseven say? Check my reply history. I have more blocks from guys on here than girls.

“as clearly i am not the only one thinking it's wrong?”. Oh I see what you’re doing. Rallying others doesn’t make you or them anymore right. There was another comment by @BoopBoopBeep that isn’t entirely accurate. “no court would rule "cheating" a valid reason.”. Cheating is considered as part of a spouse’s character when evaluating the child’s best interests. But the act itself is not necessarily grounds for taking custody away. De jure it isn’t, de facto it is.

www.unbundledlegalhelp.com/.../

Incorrect, I am right. I recognize you won’t concede I win the argument. I’m not conceding I lose either. That’s how the double standard goes. I can be right, and still not win, ain’t that a bitch.

I still don’t see how you won’t acknowledge that if a guy signs that, it means absolutely nothing if he doesn’t cheat. You’re trying reeeeeealy hard to defend his right to cheat from his fitness as a father. That’s what I find fascinating.

[love_conquers_lust]

@shesrad80. Here’s a development. Child custody can’t be determined by a prenuptial agreement at least in my state. I didn’t know that. I argued under a bad assumption. I agree with what others said that child interests should take precedence.

bennerfamilylaw.com/.../

[Derekk]

Not sure what laws she thinks apply to her, but no parent is legally entitled to "take" their kids away from their mother/father without proper custody. If she gained custody, it would be because the boyfriend was a deadbeat or irresponsible, and no court would rule "cheating" a valid reason.

[Miristheiss]

It shouldn't be up to her at all.

Custody should be default 50/50 with no child support payments.

Unless it is legally proven a parent is a threat to the child the child should automatically be with each parent equally.

You act as if it is up to you. Like they are YOUR kids and they aren't HIS kids. F that.

[Apple1996]

I don't blame her. Can't let a man that cheats be a father. What will happen is that the kids will see that and follow in his footsteps because they think it has no consequences. Better to punish him and raise those kids right

[exitseven]

That is wrong. He is still their father. He does not get off the hook on this because his kids will know that he cheated on their mother and the relationship will never be the same but kids still need to have a father in their life.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Parts of that, signed or otherwise, aren't legally enforceable because the rights of the child, though limited, are impacted despite being non-signatories.

But I agree with @shesrad80 that the guy's an idiot.

[ShesRad80]

✌😎💕

[OddBeMe]

Marriage contracts rarely last that long in divorce court. Prenups are for material goods. Judge thinks of what’s best for children when deciding custody and visitation.

Unfort women do have the advantage here. But deadbeat (and cheating) dads aren’t helping the situation. The judge shouldn’t be swayed by that shit, just by the evidence in court. But they’re human…

[Anonymous]

She isn't thinking clearly. When she leaves, she's a single mom, i. e. she just disqualified herself from a relationship with half of men. Considering 80% of men she wasn't interested in the first place and then20% left are probably the top guys who can choose to be picky, they are likely apart of the half of men who disqualified her.

Good luck:)

[slatyb]

No, it's not and even if it's in their marriage contract, it's likely unenforceable because the children have a right to see their father.

[Mangospacho]

What kind of marriage contract has this clause? Is this in the prenup or did he promise in the vows “for better or for worse…or else you’ll take away my kids”? Unless she has the same clause if she cheats, this is doomed.

[Luckycharms12]

She can't do that firstly and secondly she sounds like horrible bitch. Whatever happens between adults should never make kids suffer. naturally they miss and want to see there dad.

[lizziemcquire]

That’s what I told her !!

[Luckycharms12]

She will not get any guy like that

[Jumpintoadstool]

Well, if he signed the contract he's just as much to blame as she is. Both are chumps.

[Fireguy17]

Sadly kids are used as pawns in a lot of situations by both parents.
It ends up hurting the kids more than anything.

[Shamalien]

Interesting predicament…I mean he should not cheat nor should she take away his kids but her revenge is worse than the crime in my opinion (even tho the crime is really bad)

[LiamJHayden]

"It’s in her marriage contract."

Doubtful, and even if true it is an unenforceable clause that violates public policy.

[Anonymous]

I agree it's a very selfish and bitter thing to do because it's obviously not what is best for the children and she would be doing it out of anger, not logic.

[Vegasrunner]

That's not uncommon woman are painfully insecure and like to use kids as leverage

[CallmeTheKnight]

She’ll suffer for it when the time comes. Let find out on her own