Do you think that finding someone to settle down with is worth it?

[Anonymous]

I'm in my mid 20s and the idea of spending the rest of my life married scares me.

Yes

No

[zeitgeist057]

I didn't answer, because it totally depends on your personal values and goals.

For some people, all they want in life is to have a family, dedicate their lives to raising kids and building domestic bliss.

Others want to travel the world, or pursue career dreams, creative ambitions.
Some people want to try to do both, or multiple things, which can work of course, but typically if you split your time and energy between two things that demand a lot of time and energy, you won't achieve greatness in either one. (But some people are quite content to achieve mediocrity).

In my mid 20s, I wanted a big family because I came from one and it is wonderful to have a close knit bond with my siblings. Now, I am in my mid 40s and I realize I have had an amazing life already without raising a family, and that many of the things I have done would have been very difficult if not impossible if I had become a father. I am quite happy now to continue as I have been. I have a lot of love around me and no need to build a dynasty.

If you don't want to get married, don't do it. Enjoy your life!

[zeitgeist057]

also, people who get married early tend to get divorced. I know heaps of people in their 40s+ who are married but very few of them are their first marriage.

[Lliam]

When I was in my 20s, I couldn't imagine settle down for the rest of my life. Even though I had exclusive, infatuated relationships with girlfriends from the time I was 16, I wasn't interested in marriage or kids. I didn't want the responsibility.

It wasn't until my early thirties, after I had explored life, had lots of fun and adventure, done what I wanted, had a career and accumulated assets, that I decided to think about settling down. I was ready to start a new chapter in my life with the security of a life-long partner.

I had a couple more long-term relationships that didn't work out, and finally met my future wife when I was 40. She turned out to be the perfect life partner for me. We've been happily married now for over 26 years, gone through thick and thin, had lots of fun and have built a wonderful life together.

It took me from age 16 to 40 to become the man who could be stable enough to be admired and respected by such a woman and to admire and respect her.

[Asker]

Thank you for sharing

[Lliam]

You're welcome, sir.

[wolfcat87]

It's worth it when you can't imagine life being better for YOU any other way. You don't sound even close to ready, so don't feel like it's something you need to do just because others are doing it.

Personally, I've always preferred partners, family, and marriage. I do not enjoy life as much any other way. So, it's very much worth it for me personally.

[Kelly6]

@wolfcat87
well said

[PBandJ_Nerd]

It's best not to settle for something you're not ready for. Most people get married 25-30s years. old. But you can pick any age to get married when you're ready. And how "later" it is doesn't matter, it's about you going at your own pace.

[OlderAndWiser]

You don't want to get married and you are asking other people if that is okay. Perhaps you will be more interested in marriage when you develop more self-confidence.

[OlderAndWiser]

When you are 40 years old, the idea of spending the rest of your life alone will scare you.

[AviatorTom]

Settling down provides stability in life, which reduces stress. It's a good thing.

But not everyone wants to settle down, and that's okay too.

[Flatmanlewis]

Yes. It’s worth it but not now. Heck, not even for years. I sure as heck loved my single days and they are tons of fun. I even have very, very, fond memories of them. Yet…


I never thought of getting married as ‘settling down’ but rather I saw it as leveling up.


Finding someone who is just ALWAYS there. Is amazing. Your friends will slowly fade away as many of them also decide to settle down and your social life will start to become less and less important. The ability to share an income and achieve bigger goals. To share the day to day life with someone. To come home to someone on the great or bad days. Loving other properly means we also get plenty of time alone. I go backpacking or SCUBA diving or drink & cigar night with my buddies which is something she doesn’t care to do. A healthy marriage brings a immeasurable amount of peace, comfort, and security with it.

[molonski2]

Certainly not at mid 20s , but just be realistic and understand , all these " relationships " can people bang on about here , none of them are going to last , that's simply the facts of it.

So , just understand it for what it actually is , all smoke and mirrors.

[Kaamraj]

Men and women work best if both work together. That entails both parties must make some sacrifices to their sexual strategy so that the sum of the union can be more than the sum of the individuals.

But this is nearly 2024 not 1960. Most women want to play a zero sum game here they get to enjoy all the benefits of a relationship but make none of the sacrifices. This is unfair to men. So speaking as a man, in general relationships aren't worth it.

[Fireguy17]

don't be in a rush or feel bad because you are not ready.
it will happen with the right person if and when the time is right.
You can be perfectly happy and be single, which is way better than being stuck with the wrong person just to be married to someone.

[sawno]

Depends on the person, for me its 100% worth it and I have always been the one who desired to settle down. I don't need to have sex with a variety of women, I value the deepest lasting connection I could possibly have.

[Asker]

I wholly sympathize with you, it's just that I think it's impossible to find the right one

[sawno]

I feel you there, mine came out of nowhere in the end. I also fear it taking ages again to find the right girl, rare people need rare people type deal.

[Asker]

I'm not looking for the perfect girl, it's just such a big commitment that if I make a poor decision, I'll ruin my life

[sawno]

What if you find a great girl though? Sleeping around can also become long term if she's nice, if you don't another guy whose willing to do it will take her from you and then eventually your options will be less as more and more girls around you get taken.

[Asker]

I understand, I guess the fear of commitment is taking a toll on me and I don't know how to overcome it

[sawno]

First of all pursue what you want, you just want to keep it casual? Keep it casual, find yourself a friends with benefits and see what grows from there. If you two end up being highly compatible settle for her, if you rather move to another girl move to another girl. If you go this route be up front about it.

[Asker]

This might sound clichéd but I'm gonna say it, love hurts. Thanks for your advice mate

[sawno]

I know, but pain heals. At least for me its worth the risk.

[sawno]

In my personal case it was 2 years that were the best of my life solely thanks to her, compared to a really painful heartbreak that was unbearable the first weeks but healed in the months after. Was it worth it? Absolutely. Would I do it again? Absolutely. Nothing beats that experience for me and the pain was worth it.

[Asker]

Thanks for sharing

[Asker]

What made that experience different from all the other relationships that you've been in?

[sawno]

She fit me absolutely perfectly, when I was younger I once imagined what my ideal girlfriend would be like. You know that 10/10 that you'd never get and consider yourself lucky if she is an 8/10 by comparison? This girl was that perfect 10 for me and even added a few things on to my wishlist. The depth of our love, our bond, our perfectly matching personalities, the thousands of hours of enjoyable quality time together, etc. Basically everything I ever wanted from a relationship she brought to the table and more.

[Asker]

Can you recall the moment you felt that spark?

[sawno]

Kind off but it was different. I never had a spark spark with anyone I don't think I work that way. I liked her a lot from the start and then as I got to know her and she opened up to me more it hit me with a strong sense of happy familiarity. But for the most part it was a very organic development where I just loved her more and more the more I got to know her. Our foundation was true love for the other based on what we valued in others, with everything else built on top. So it wasn't one of those sparky things where it feels like they are the one and it fizzles out. So if the spark is the jumper cable this engine just started properly from the beginning and stayed running for a long time before the gearbox broke down.

[Asker]

Can I ask you a more intimate question?

[sawno]

Might need to ask me in DM's

[Joshydavid25]

I still believe.. I won't give in to this nihilistic, pessimistic view of the world and relationships.. With that being said.. It's fine.. Just make sure not strong along anybody who would want that..

[Joshydavid25]

String along**..

[lightbulb27]

Rethink it as its your person to love. Its good… its work at times and sometimes is hard.
If you want easy then stay single. But that isn't easy either at times.

[TaureanBull81]

Not right now for me in this current dating climate in Sydney, Australia 🇦🇺

You're hard pressed to find a genuine partner who will remain loyal and committed these days so I'm not interested settling down.

[LazerBean]

It is for some people, but not for all people or even many people. Probably would not be worth it for you.

[LiamJHayden]

I would love to do some, except I do not rust the third party to the marriage agreement - the state. I do not see the rules that they have made as being equitable.

[LiamJHayden]

Serves me right for using a small phone keyboard for the response. "so" not "some" and "trust" not "rust."

[Nikki1989]

If it scares you, that suggests you have much deeper issues to deal with. Perhaps you need therapy.

[Crankor]

The idea of it yes but the reality or how messed up people's expectations amd lack of commitment are Def makes it lack in desire

[laly520]

yes but only if the person is the right one for you otherwise its a waste of time

[HighlyQuestionable]

I am in my forties and have never found anyone.

Read the above.

[dudeinohio]

You are still young. When you are older... and ready, your perspective may change.

[Jamie05rhs]

It's only worth it if it's with the right person. That's why you should be very, very, careful.

[Reemaa]

Depends on how much you love them

[Booklover_90]

Well, don’t. Marriage isn’t for everyone.