Why are people so against young marriage when that used to be the norm?

[Anonymous]

I’m 19 and not super sexual or into clubbing and stuff. Don’t get me wrong I may not look the type I dress young and enjoy my youth. You only get to live once but, I don’t get the obsession both people my age and even older people have about being against getting married before 25 or in your early twenties.

I understand getting to know who you are and experiencing things but I don’t feel that experience has to be romantically. Also I can’t see how if you choose someone with similar values they would stop you from traveling or discoing hobbies etc? If anything you grow together and a combined income is never a negative. Isn’t the issue just choosing someone compatible, which I think so many people over complicate. That used to be the normal maybe you had a boyfriend or 2 went on a few dates and that was it eventually met someone and got married. Now it’s like people expect you to have fucked half the planet to know what you want on a partner?

Is it wrong to want to marry young, what’s the big deal if it used to be the norm? How do you find a guy in this generation that wants to settle down early?

[BCRanger10]

No, it's not wrong to want to marry young.

The key words in the title of your question are "used to". I say that because today's world is incredibly narcissistic, completely obsessed with itself. The people of today's society have a deep, passionate, intense, and irrational contempt for everything that happened before five minutes ago. I have yet to hear a single reasonable argument as to why "it's x-current year, get with the program" is a valid reason to do anything.

The mentality is go to school, travel the world, "live it up" (whatever that means), and "discover yourself". There is truth to the last bit. You need to have a certain mindset and maturity level in order to be well-prepared for marriage. What many people today don't realize is that your relationship with your spouse will cause you to grow and to change. You'll learn a lot more about yourself in marriage than you will traveling to Fiji, being a CEO, and having 18 degrees. The concern people have here is justified, but still largely misguided.

It's perfectly fine to want to be married younger. It's simply a matter of finding the right person and having the right formation and mentality about it. As for finding the right man? The only place I can think of would be in church.

[handsomelad70]

People used to have lots of kids when child death was much more common and when more folk lived on farms or in small towns, thus early marriage was desirable. Today, most citizens are urban or suburban, early child deaths much rarer, and women much more educated than in the past, plus with many jobs today requiring post-secondary education and the high cost of child-raising (here in Canada, about $450,000 to raise a child to 18), early marriage seems unwise today.

[NamerOfStars]

Because the idea used to be that you'd get married for life. When that started to change- as a social value, emphatically NOT as a legal one- it was alongside notions of a person's place in the world; it stopped being about building things, and became about using what was already built. Eventually, it became "if it's not easy, ditch it and try again".

Make no mistake, a marriage is something you make, not something you find or get or have. It's among the verbest of nouns, if I may so express it. And as that ceased to be something people do, it came to be seen as more of an investment and less of an effort.

[Berweic]

Why wouldn't they object? Marriage at a young age means not learning how to enjoy life alone. I am against getting married early because marriage is an important institution, it is not like a child's play. It is necessary to reach a certain maturity that 80% of those who marry early do not recommend getting married early.

[Asker]

Everyone I’ve met who’s been married early has recommended it. You can still discover yourself while married there’s nothing stopping people from improving themselves with someone else’s. Relationships are marriage aren’t king in your life it’s a portion.

[dustybiker2]

Because back in the day you survived by growing up quickly. You had to take control over the family business, as people didn't live as long. And that is how the world functioned.

These days the world is set up so some people have more opportunities to take their time.

[Avicenna]

The hard part is finding someone compatible and together being financially solvent enough to be able to live on your own at that relatively young age. It's definitely not impossible to find a guy who wants it as well, but you need to be as sure as possible that you share most of the same values and have the same expectations from your relationship. That means a level of maturity that most young people don't have.

[David94358]

The reason that it was common to get married young was because of the reality of child birth before modern medicine.

Approximately about half the kids you would have would die before they reached the age of 3 years old, your chances of even getting pregnant and not having a miscarriage geta crazy the older you get, the chances of you dieing during labor goes up exponentially the older you get.

So our species needed people to start reproducing early so you could hopefully get a few kids to make it to adulthood before you get to old.

Those issues are no longer a problem because of modern medicine, so there is no advantage of getting married at such a young age, so waiting until you are more mature is the better option

[OtterMan68]

not only that, but women had few options other than marriage. It was marriage, maid, teacher, seamstress, and that was about it.
Marrying for a woman was expected more than a woman having a career.

[Asker]

@OtterMan68 I’m talking about baby boomers? Most children from the baby boom were just dropping like flies from polio and the black plague.

[AMS700CX4u2]

I think many parents think that marriage limits your potential, and so they want their children to wait. Young love is strong because that first dose of oxytocin is difficult to ignore. But I think it is designed that way. Also we were taught young that sex was to be avoided, which makes it all the more enticing. My mother was convinced that the only reason girls wanted to date me was to get married and out of their house. It was a toxic situation. But when I found love 52 years ago, it was forever. Children came within two years. They are 49 and 47 now. When I talk to married people who are younger than myself. I don't understand why they speak of the family possessions as Mine instead of Ours. Times have changed

[SotiCoto]

See-saws. The balance of the world tipping back and forth.
Used to be for a very long time that everyone got married young for the sake of their family and community. But then society tipped in the other direction and early marriage became seen as a symbol of the old way of doing things...
... And now there seems to be a lot of tipping back in the other direction.

Of course a sane and sensible mind would realise that these things don't have to be dealt with as symbols of particular mind-sets, nor clustered together as pre-defined groups. You can pick them apart and decide for yourself what does or doesn't make sense. Just don't expect anyone else to treat such decisions fairly.

[TonyMetal___86]

There is no problem in getting married young as long as you're above 18 but these days it ain't the norm to get married young because this generation is totally different than the past generations, these days it ain't even the norm to get married anymore 🤣

There are a lots of needs in this life and a couple takes years of hard work to achieve only the basics of marital life and to be able to create a family, also these days boys and girls do no want to hold responsibilities and aren't brought up on morals and values, do no know what a real marriage is and on the 1st u-turn they surrunder and call it over!

[caitycat21]

It used to be the norm for people to marry young because the life expectancy for humans was literally 30-35 now it’s changed, marriage isn’t something you should rush. When your that young you’re also still figuring out who you are as a person so it doesn’t make sense to rush into something to serious so quickly in your life

[Asker]

60 years ago the life expectancy wasn’t 35? I’m talking about baby boomer generation who not married around 20-25. Most baby boomers are still living now you know? I know who I am and I will continue to learn about who I am but I know I’m a family oriented person who wants a strong family young. For some people early 20s marriage isn’t smart but that’s what I want for my younger years. I don’t see how marriage interferes with learning about yourself when you choose a partner wisely.

[caitycat21]

It’s not impossible to find someone good to marry young but realistically your odds are just very slim so I’m just saying keep your options open because having a kid is a huge responsibility. I mean do you even know how you’ll be able to take care of your kid financially for 18 years at such a young age? 60 years ago was also a significantly different time financially, it was more affordable to buy a house, car, and etc for many people. Now that’s not the case, you just need to be realistic with the current state of the world

[Anonymous]

People waste their youth — drinking, partying, doing stupid things and not wanting to have a loving family I really don’t get it. A lot of people are PETRIFIED by commitment because someone from their past 5 years ago hurt them so they don’t trust anyone anymore, it’s like hey grow up. I don’t get why people view life like that. There are good people in this world. If two people get married by 25 I don’t see an issue with that. If they are mature, have faith in God that financial doors will open and bless them, focus on your health the rest will work out. Don’t delay marriage.

[JacobJordan]

Nothing wrong with it I did it. I'll tell you why people are so against it the real reason. Because you are young they see you as someone they can manipulate into making bad life choices and then convince you it is all someone else's fault when you are late 20s-mid 30s.

[Anonymous]

honestly because it's dumb. you are not fully developed, you don't really know what you're even doing in life, etc. not financially stable AT ALL. no career, nothing to fall back on. probably in student loan debt or will get into student loan debt. i mean, god, most 27 year olds can't even move out of their parents house yet.

[Asker]

I’m 19 with my own condo. Most people who can’t move out by 23 either aren’t managing their money at all or living in the wrong place.

[Opinion Owner]

you probably live in bumfuck nowhere.

[Asker]

I live 30 minutes outside a major city now. It’s really not that hard but people just want to complain instead of working, investing, saving, and moving to wherever works for them. California and Manhattan aren’t the only places in the world.

[DextroShade]

Marrying young is ideal for women and always has been, but feminism encourages women to not get married and ride the cock carousel instead. By the time most women realize they actually wanted a husband and children it's usually too late: they have too much trauma, too much baggage, and too many dicks to pair bond with a man.

[caitycat21]

Man you need to step outside and stop listening to podcast bros

[DextroShade]

@caitycat21 maybe you should get off TikTok

[Anonymous]

I don't get what's the point of asking a question, if you're gonna debate and disagree with all the answers. Sounds like you have your mind already made up. If you wanna get married young, then that's great, no one forbids you to do that. This doesn't mean everyone else has to agree with you or do the same though. Live your life and let others live theirs.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree with this. I got married late in the game and looking back on it, I'd advise someone to get married earlier. I'd say ideal would be mid-20s for a girl and late 20s to early 30s for a guy. I also think it's advisable to have kids early. This is what i'd advise my kids.

[LazerBean]

It's not looked down upon for people who actually seem intelligent enough to get married. Its mostly the young people who are obviously making poor choices that people are against getting married.

[sean1234]

At the age you are talking about, I was broke. One needs to be "rich" for a lack of better words in order to be married. Being rich and being married go hand in hand, ESPECIALLY if you are young.

[sean1234]

I couldn't find a job then, got my first car at 19.

Hey, as long as you BOTH know who Jesus really is, there should be no problem.

[Astarlessnightsky]

If you want to marry young - do it.

Not because "it was the norm", but because you want it.

[itsclearlynicholas]

I'd say for me, if I don't want offspring, there's my answer in today's modern society thankfully, lol devilishly hooray 🎉🥳😈 I could just have a girlfriend aka a relationship and there's my needs satisfied and mutually lol 😆

[itsclearlynicholas]

I'd say it's now revered only for those who are devoutly religious or cultural requirements (including a country that may or may not lack access to condoms birth control legal abortion etc

[laly520]

I will get married before 25

nth wrong with it

just make sure u r with the right guy n that he isn't a boy but a real man

[TonyMetal___86]

And don't forget that a marriage is only considered a real marriage when it lasts forever!

[laly520]

@TonyMetal___86 yes
hopefully it will last forever

[TonyMetal___86]

When a couple truly love each other, will never surrunder at any cost and insist to overcome all opsticules, also have faith in god and keep their promises than the marriage is surely going to last forever...

[laly520]

@TonyMetal___86 agree with u

[TonyMetal___86]

That's the only type of marriage that i'll be in...
Unlike those fake idiots in this generation, who suddenly wakes up in the morning and tell their other half, i have a feeling that i don't love you anymore so let's file for a divorce...

It doesn't works like that at all!

[laly520]

@TonyMetal___86 yes it doesn't
this generation is doomed fr

[TonyMetal___86]

Miss @laly520 i'm happy because real ladies like you still exists!

[laly520]

@TonyMetal___86 thanks I appreciate it ^^

[bobalife]

It’s easy to judge, but I don’t think we should care what others think and just focus on what makes you happy. You do you ❤️

[thatshydork]

It’s not wrong, just not usually considered a smart decision. Also, it was done in the past because people also died young.

[jahaims]

Just because something is the norm or was the norm doesn't mean it makes sense. You're horribly misusing logic.

[Asker]

It was common for a reason, It worked. What issues did early and families face in the 50s-80s aside from marital rape and abuse which now has laws to protect women. The structure of marriage in the past was very successful when done justly (no abuse or shockingly old men with young women) The things that need to be changed have been changed meaning has been fixed and can still be used that’s logical.