Generally what's the timeframe to become a man's fiancee and then wife?

[Vesuvius87]

I was once stuck on the ''forever girlfriend'' position until leaving the station that won't advance nor take you to your destination. With my current man, I'm a fiancee after 16 months. Well this counts from the time we started talking. If it's from the time we started dating then it's shorter, it's under 12 months. My parents got engaged after 2 1/2 years of dating and married after 2-3 months. One of my mother's friend got engaged after just 7 months of dating and married within a few months. A female cousin got engaged after 5+ years of dating (rumors has it that she was already ready but had to either nag him or give an ultimatum and she had issues with conceiving because of that long wait; their twin boys had to be via fertility treatment) and shortly married.

I'm curious because there are a couple women waiting after 3+ years and others are still the girlfriend after 8-10 years. Off course if neither want marriage it's fine but the stories I hear and read are about the woman wanting it and he gives excuses or takes too much time. I can't help but feel bad for them and their good years getting drained. I've been there before and it's a shitty position to be as a marriage-minded woman. It feels we're unloved, insecure, unwanted, not trusted, not respected enough, etc. Imagine hurting a man by saying he's too small, is a loserm sucks in bed and fights like a girl. That's pretty how I once felt when my first ex boyfriend said in a mocking tone ''You're not ready for marriage'' and then tried to change the topic to his sexual adventures with an ex girlfriend. I blocked him immediately after that.

For men that want to get married (whether to form a family, for religious reasons or non-religious, etc), what do you think it's an accurate timeframe to get engaged and then get married?

[TheRealPepperPotts]

I don't believe in soulmates, which sort of informs my perspective here. I think we are compatible with any number of potential partners (8 billion people + logistics). But, once we commit, we are committed to that one person, barring exceptional circumstances.

That being said, let's assume two people are in love. It should be extremely motivating for them to tie the knot, because people who love each other want to belong to each other. She wants to be his wife and he wants to be her husband. They don't want to lose each other. If they've dated and have the basics covered, mutually decide they don't want to live without the other person, and then a proposal happens and is accepted, there isn't usually a legitimate reason to delay the nuptials. A proposal starts the clock ticking. A wedding or visit to the registry office should happen within six months to a year and a half, depending on the situation (military schedules, final year of college, etc.)

Some reasons to wait are:

1. Education. Completing higher education is a reasonable delay.

2. Financial stability. Making sure both make a livable income and are prepared for the possibility that the wife may prefer to stay home with baby a little longer than her work leave permits. However, there must be active progress toward the goal, not just a vague "Yeah, if I ever make management...".

3. Housing. Housing is a basic need and it's naive to marry and have kids without that piece of the puzzle being considered and planned for.

I call BS on any guy who proposes and then refuses to discuss setting a date. He wants his cake and eat it, too.

[Vesuvius87]

Yes those are great points. Indeed it's BS if he proposes but leaves her hanging around with the ring, waiting for the wedding. That's the same as the lifetime girlfriend that's waiting for the proposal. In both of those cases, he's absolutely wasting her time. I can't help it but laugh out loud at those claiming to be so much in love, can't be without each other, he expresses how she's the love of his life but she's still his girlfriend after 8 years or so. If she was the so called "love of his life he can't live without" then there would be trust and he would already make her his wife.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Vesuvius87 Agreed and thank you. :D

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Vesuvius87 Thanks for the MHO!

[IslaTheWitch]

I think it depends on the couple...
in my first relationship, marriage wasn't even a topic to talk about, we both didn't want it :D
in my second relationship, I proposed to my man after 1.5 years of living together... and it was purely for taxes :D

[Vesuvius87]

Honestly there was no actual romantic surprise. If I were passively waiting for the man to surprise me and do nothing but wait; I might as well continue being a girlfriend. It was a conversation where we stand at and if he was into marriage, which would favor both of us (I can relocate to his place with marriage) and we both agreed at the same time. Then he proceeded with sending the documents for our wedding. Now the only thing delaying our wedding is the mail carrier delivering a couple missing documents to my address. I'm glad to hear you took actions and it worked out.
Yeah all this ''wait for him, just wait for him'' gets us nowhere. If we want something, we have to be verbal about it and speak up.

[hahahmm]

1. First I had to earn the kind of money I thought I could support a family with before it was a serious idea in my head since I didn't want to be a guy who lived off his woman or even split 50/50 with her. I'm old school.

2. I had to really know who I was to understand who I wanted to be with. This didn't happen overnight. But from the time I knew and was with a woman who was top level girlfriend material to when I asked her to marry me was around 3 years. And we got married around 3 months later. Which I don't recommend because it's not easy to plan a wedding, get venues, invitations out & all of that in such a short time period. Most people give 6 months to a year for that stage.

3b. Actually, we had been together for many years even before #2 but since I wasn't really sure what I wanted, how could I & why would i try to turn 'it' into a marriage?

Other people take different routes tho. I was a VERY VERY CLEVER guy when I was young. I thought I knew way more than my parents. So then I spent a lot of time going down dead ends. If I had trusted the wisdom of my ancestors more then maybe I would have gotten married in my 20s. But probably that would have resulted in things not working out too because I would have later found out that what I wanted was different than what I had.

[meepmeeperton]

I think it depends how old you or the person you're dating are. If you're late 20's-30's the time frame seems to usually be 1-2 years or less. In your late teens or early 20's it can be 5+ years and that time just flies by and you aren't really in a rush.

Personally that's where I'm at now being a younger guy. We've dated since teens and it may take 3-5 more years for me to really have enough money and a good enough job for marriage, and in our case marriage will be the precursor to having kids right away so it's a big commitment I don't want to half ass at all or jump into unprepared.

[Vesuvius87]

That's a great point. At our ages (I'm 37 and he's 50), we're definitely at a different stage in life than if we were your 20. I'm already ready to settle down and feel too old to be in the ''forever dating'' stage and doing to the movies every single weekend with a boyfriend, then returning back home and exchanging ''I miss you'' (and other trivial conversations among younger folks) messages for 3-5 years. To me that would feel childish, as if I was in a room full of HS students. I feel many things in life has its space and time.

[Vesuvius87]

**than if we were your age

[meepmeeperton]

Yeah I can imagine at 50 he wants to waste no time and even at 37 you don't either.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, the magical mystery of love timelines! 😍 You've touched on a topic that's hotter than California in July. Honestly, the journey from first date to "I do" varies as much as Netflix's repertoire of rom-coms. Sounds like you've sprinted, jogged, and strolled through different love timelines yourself. Engagements can pop up quicker than a surprise love song on the radio, in under a year for those who are really tuned into each other, while others might take a scenic route, spending years before deciding to slide into the forever lane. It's all about hitting those relationship milestones at a pace that feels right for both hearts involved.

Now, onto the main act: how long until the proposal and then the walk down the aisle? If both people in the partnership are humming the same tune about marriage, there's no one-size-fits-all answer, but the beat goes from a few months to a few years. Love isn’t a race; it's more like a beautifully unpredictable dance. The key is communication, and making sure both dancers feel the rhythm. If you're vibing on the same wavelength about the future, that's when you know the timing's right, whether it's lightning fast or a slow and steady waltz. 💃💍🕺

Remember, it's not about how fast you get there, but that you're both grooving to the same love song. And hey, if you're feeling like you're stuck in the "forever girlfriend" groove, it might be time to switch up the beat and have a heart-to-heart about where the track is headed. Love is all about feeling cherished, secure, and in harmony. Keep the lines of communication open and your shared dreams in sight, and you'll find your "forever" tempo.

[DishLady]

It basically depends on the couple. Some folks get engaged and it takes longer to marry for different reasons (money, family, school, work, relocating, etc. etc.). There isn't one set formula that works for all people.

[Vesuvius87]

That's true. It's different for everyone. Age is one of the factors in my case. I'm 37 and he's 50. This is different than 18-24 year-old thinking about the butterflies in your stomach, being dreamers, wondering if one day you guys will have kids, enjoying the great dates, etc.

[DishLady]

Hmm. 37 is still young...

[Caroline91]

My engagement and marriage went like this:

We knew each other for 4 years and were close friends. About 10:00 one morning, over coffee at the our favorite cafe... He said "Marry me?" I said "Yes" He said "When?" I decided I didn't believe in long engagements so I said "Now." Both put coffee down, rushed to door, drove to County Clerk's office, took out license, found a judge in his office. We were married before noon.

Oh, I left out that he stopped at a flower shop on the way to the courthouse and had a bouquet made up for me on the spot.

It's 10 years, two kids, and counting...

[Vesuvius87]

That's wonderful. I wished it was that fast. We're solving the long-distance issue (we've already met in person and spent quality time) and it's the mail carrier taking longer to deliver the missing docs to my address. Otherwise we would've already set up the wedding date within the next days-weeks.

[Caroline91]

Sounds like you guys have it all together. Congratulations to you both!!

[bobby_bush_eater]

It definitely depends a lot but I'm hoping the 12-18 month range.

All the hard topics, goals, future planning (ie kids and education) etc will have been spoken of and laid out in the beginning to avoid those issues in the future. I also don't want to have sex again until marriage to avoid infatuation (got burned twice in the past).

[Vesuvius87]

Exactly. Infatuation is simply a strong physical attraction. It doesn't mean love. You can be infatuated (aka falling in love but it's not real love), only to end up wasting time on someone that doesn't even share your same goal on important things and you don't even know them at all.

[Vesuvius87]

Just selecting someone just because of attraction and emotions without even knowing them at all ends up being a headache in the end.

[bobby_bush_eater]

@Vesuvius87

I've seen many of my friends be with women they basically hate just for sex because she's pretty. I roughly did it myself twice and it took some one night stands to say yeah this isn't for me.

A lot of people tend to disagree with me though, I think they just don't want to give up sex temporarily.

[Vesuvius87]

yeah sex can be like an addiction, similar to being hooked up on alcohol and drinks. It can make you think you're feeling good and high at that moment but it's short-lived. Afterwards, you're back to your reality.

[Anonymous]

So in my honest opinion, I think you’re going to be on that shelf for a long time. Maybe for the rest of your life. I read this before I looked at your age. I thought maybe you were in your early 20s. But at your age if it hasn’t happened by now there’s probably a number of reasons why. Have you been married before? In answer to your question about how long a girl should be married after being w someone. I’d say 2-3 years. Some maybe a little longer. But I think 2-3 years is an appropriate time. Maybe two years of dating, marriage than kids. I hope I’m wrong, hopefully he actually marries you.

[Vesuvius87]

No, I have never been married before. Two past ex bfs wasted my time. To be honest, the only thing keeping us from getting married is a couple remaining documents need to arrive in my address. He already sent them over. Afterwards, we're going to proceed with the wedding ASAP. It's really the mail carrier delaying things.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok well than you’re all set if that’s all you’re waiting for. Assuming something doesn’t change. But yes I think 2-3 years is a good time frame for a female to get married.

[loveslongnails]

The average length of engagements, according to TheKnotWorldwide, depends on your country and culture. It's anywhere from 5-6 months in places like India and parts of Asia, to 15-16 months in the UK, USA and Canada.

[Vesuvius87]

True. Personally I think an engagement should only be a brief overview of the whole relationship and how marriage would be like. Obviously if a woman is stuck in the boyfriend and girlfriend for 5+ years or as a fiancee for 3 years, that would be something isn't going right.

[loveslongnails]

Agreed. If you can't pull the trigger within a year, I think you're done.

[4ngelic]

depends on how old you are. like if you're in your 30s you should be engaged in like 2 years, if you're in your late teens to mid twenties when you start dating a dude, should be much longer than that. would say you should wait like 4-5 years to get married (you can get engaged when your pushing 4 years at earliest).

[4ngelic]

*for 30s: engaged 2 years, married in 3 ideally

[4ngelic]

*wasn't paying too much attention. so for whats generally the norm i dont know really since i'm in my early 20s. but from what i've seen people typically meet their future husband in their early or mid 20s and marry them in their late 20s or early 30s. so i'd say a good couple years before any serious talk happens for most people

[Vesuvius87]

That's a very good point and ages matter. I'm 37 and he's 50 years old and already feel ready. This obviously makes it different than if we were in our 20's and still wanting to spend more time in the ''butterflies in my stomach and romance'' falling in love/dating stage. Our conversations about mainly about our workplace routines and its struggles, where we plan on residing after the wedding, saving money, etc.

[HighValue]

After living together for a year first and HER offering to sign a prenuptial agreement, then it would be time to get married.

No matter how long people date, if they don't live together they don't truly know if they would be compatible for long term or not.

[Nirmroth]

Your age matters a lot in that aspect. Younger people usually take their sweet time while older are more quick to marry.

[In_Trance]

Generally speaking it's probably 1 to 2 years. But that's exactly why most relationships fail; people rush into situations without actually knowing what they're getting into.
It should be a minimum of 5 years before you think about marriage.
Rhetorical question: if you're really in love then what's the hurry?

[Vesuvius87]

I guess it depends on the age too. I'm 37 and he's 50. We're at a different stage in life, we did the vetting process (it's not just being in love but seeing compatibilities too) and don't feel like dating for too long.
If you're in love but have no compatible goals and there is nothing beyond, only passionate love and nothing else, it's pointless.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the guy. But I would assume the older the guy the longer it is. The reality of the matter is SOCIETALLY speaking a man's value increases with age while a woman's decreases. Don't like this? Lock a good man down before your value decreases.

[Vesuvius87]

I'm 37 (but look younger) and my fiance is 50.

[Opinion Owner]

Guys want to marry when they feel safe. The older a man is the more he generally has to lose and the more shenanigans he's seen with other women.

[Vesuvius87]

The municipality already has his electronic documents. He already sent the remaining paperworks for our wedding and it's really the mail carrier delaying things.

[skyman5000x]

It depends on a lot of factors I started dating my ex when she was 20 years old and things ended when she turned 27. We didn't really start having a serious conversation about getting married till we had kids and were in our 5 year of dating.

I say if teenager or early 20s easly 5-10 years if the relationship is health with no issues.
If in 30s I say 2-5 years only because people wanna start a family and running out of time.

[Vesuvius87]

The age definitely matters. I'm 37 and he's 50. We've reached a stage in life where we're not HS teens nor young college aged students that want to continue going on dates for 2-5 years, return home, text our ''I love you, I miss you'' every day and live off on just romance (oh the butterflies in my stomach, fantasizing about him 7/24, thinking of forever in dreams) but no plans of something permanent.

[Vesuvius87]

By now, dating just to date without intention would feel like I were in a room full of young 18-20 year-old students; every one of them a dreamer with goals and aspirations and me the oldest one in the group acting like them.

[BonzoInBitburg]

For a guy, I wouldn't recommend anything less than 3 years to be engaged and then a year or 2 engagement. Nothing good happens when you rush it and you don't really know someone in less time than that

[Vesuvius87]

I think it depends on the age. We both feel ready. Then again, our ages are 37 and 50. This is different than if I we were 20-25 year-olds.

[BonzoInBitburg]

The vast majority of divorces are initiated by women so as I guy I don't see the point in rushing. Better to wait a couple extra years and be sure because the guy always loses more in a divorce.

[Vesuvius87]

I have no qualms over signing a prenup. It's really my father and I that will be paying for the wedding and party (he doesn't have to pay for it... it'll be free for him) and it'll be a cheaper, non-religious ceremony. I never asked for an expensive ring and it's a cheap one Is fine with me.
How much easier can I make it?

[Vesuvius87]

If it makes you feel better, I know how it feels getting used for money. My ex boyfriend scammed me and once even told me to research on my father's living will; a con-artist. I gave him money, dammit. Never got it back, lol.

[BonzoInBitburg]

I think anything you can do to build trust can shorten the amount of time needed to get married. You sound like you've done that. There is no rule that fits every couple

[ehatsham_hussain]

Your age is already very perfect for being wife now

[Vesuvius87]

Exactly. We're both on the same page on this and trying to proceed with the wedding ASAP, after the remaining documents arrive on my address.

[ehatsham_hussain]

Good 👍 best of luck

[Iron_Man]

Probably around four years in total, maybe 3 1/2 years

[SugarSugarplum]

About one year before your first child.

[OhLongJohnsoning]

There's no "timeframe". And i highly suggest you not marry this guy

[paledreams]

Some in a year or less like months lol 🗓️

[kmg9150]

Why do you need to be married?

[Vesuvius87]

Since I'll also be relocating to his place, yes I do.

[kmg9150]

So you need to be married to live together? Is it a citizenship thing?

[Vesuvius87]

Yes to both but we want to be together and be life partners too so at the same time, I'm doing it for the traditional reasons.. with the exception that it'll be a non-religious wedding at a courthouse. I've always wanted to get married. It's always been my dream to have my wedding.
He already booked his flight tickets and is coming on Sept 10 at 5:40 am. Our wedding was calculated to be set for Sept 20.

[kmg9150]

Very nice! Every woman has dreamed of a wedding since they little, its your guys special day.

I understand the all the reasons why people choose to get married, its just for me they all seem, to invite impureness into the relationship. I see it as an alternate form of slavery. “Bounds” the two parties together, gives one party leveraged power to keep the other party from initiating a divorce or initiating it themselves. It can become the mere thing that keeps them together, even if both are unhappy. It puts pressures and stress onto people seeing that as the goal as its proof to what ever reason they think they need it..

here's the thing, money binds you to work, otherwise most people would rather not work. If something has the freedom to leave at anytime and never come back, yet it choose to stay in your life, it doesn't get more real, more pure than that in my eyes. It would keep peoples actions more pure, otherwise it can lead to people acting shitty and thinking they won't leave because of marriage. I want the person laying next to me because they want me, not because were married…. Again this for myself, I dont discourage anyone who doesn't see it as I do, and to which I address as they do. So , if you choose to share the experience, Id like to hear how it went down, if we interact again, then Congrats!

[Vesuvius87]

Thank you. Here is the update as of now. We got married on Friday, Sept 20 and now we're going to be parents for the first time. He impregnated (both of us planned it) me 10 days before our wedding. We're back on long-distance again but will get this solved. He'll come again to be on my side during our baby's delivery.

[tzdc21]

Until he's ready. Simple as that.

[Vesuvius87]

Thanks. I'm married by now.

[Vesuvius87]

and pregnant too

[tzdc21]

Well congratulations. But that wasn't an attack on you. I'm just saying that there is no time frame of a year, two years, six months or whatever. It's when he feels ready for that next step. You can't put a time frame on that.

[DrPepper12]

18-24 months MAX from ring to fling

[Jennz6]

Too long

[Vesuvius87]

How long is too long for you? I've just answered a woman who is waiting after 3 1/2 years and the man keeps ending the conversation about getting married. I feel sorry for them.

[Jennz6]

@Vesuvius87
I have never been asked

[Vesuvius87]

You don't have to keep on waiting and waiting for the surprise. It can be a conversation where both of us come to a mutual agreement or set up a timeframe.

[eagle1951]

depends

[Vesuvius87]

true, it depends on many factors
I think one factor that's expediting things for us can be our ages. I'm 37 and he's 50. We're at a different stage in life than 20-25 year-olds, have different needs and mature conversations.