What are the steps to picking out an engagement ring?

[debbiedenise]

I know that my man is going to propose to me. What are the steps for me to pick out an engagement ring for myself? Should I go to several jewelers? Details would be great for those who have done this recently. Thanks.

[osmanthus]

Generally, the man picks out the ring for the woman and the woman doesn't accompany him to the jewelry store or he has an heirloom ring he is thinking of giving. However, if he has spoken to you about wanting to get a particular ring you would like, then you can tell him the particular details you might like such as leaves, engravings, etc. or, if you choose to accompany him, in the more modern way of obtaining rings, then the first is to have the ring finger measured and the second is budget. Most engagement rings aren't very expensive compared to marriage rings, promise rings, and all other types of rings, so, you'll probably find something easy on the eyes worth several thousand bare minimum on the cheapest end. What you're looking for is about 2-3 and at most 4 years of repair and replacement on the ring, too, from a reputable jeweler in case anything happens to it which usually includes free readjustment on the ring size and the rare cleaning and inspection of damage, if any. For very obvious reasons, some rings are more expensive by diamond cut and quality, if you're going the more traditional route. Lab-created diamonds versus real diamonds are chasms apart in terms of pricing. Other gems might be cheaper and some substitutes, dependent on culture, can be pale opals, lighter green jade, ruby, and emerald.

[osmanthus]

Most people don't go too fancy on the engagement ring and stick with diamonds, so, the only other details are whether you want silver, rose gold, gold, or titanium bands to accent the gem.

[osmanthus]

There are other band types but these are the generic ones you'll likely find at the nearest (local) store near you. The stores usually have a specific section for engagement rings, so, it's never hard to find one amongst more than a case lot load to a window.

[osmanthus]

Jewelers are usually knowledgeable about what a customer is looking for, so, if you give them a budget and tell them what details you want it's usually easy for them to suggest to you several options. Sometimes, the options aren't at the store, so sometimes you can go online to peruse. I would not go online to look for a ring, because there is no absolute certainty of quality and no damage during transport for people to inspect until it gets to the store. The jewelers always inspect before they give it to their customer, so, if by chance it isn't up to snuff on the day you need it... well... out of luck, unfortunately.

[osmanthus]

I would say, if you're on a very tight budget but want to go the traditional route, there is no harm if a lab-created single-set diamond on a silver ring is bought. It's popular and low risk and low investment in case the marriage doesn't occur.

[osmanthus]

However, this doesn't mean the repair offer is likely going to be more than 2 years for the fact that it is on the cheaper line of engagement rings. Each to his/her own, I won't tell couples how much to spend on their engagement rings as it's a matter of debate between couples though a reputable jeweler would not hype up a customer to buy beyond a budget and the more sleazy jewelers are more likely to chomp the heads off an indecisive customer who is willing to spend a crazy amount.

[osmanthus]

Single set lab created diamonds probably aren't going to be in the big name brand stores as it is more so old-fashioned nowadays, particularly in large metro cities within a large shopping complex, so, if that's what you're aiming for, visit a small town or hamlet instead and you're likely going to be offered these options. It's a lot harder to find a simple engagement ring these days as much as it is to find an old-fashioned flip phone without all the bells and whistles but they still exist.

[osmanthus]

Nowadays a promise ring appears similar to an engagement ring and as more people go straight for engagement rings jewelers won't call them promise rings anymore. Promise rings are a lot fancier nowadays than they used to be with deeply set diamonds around the bands. You might get the odd jeweler from a small town who goes on and on about the days of promise rings and jewelers will know what a promise ring is but most will outsell engagement rings. They probably make more sales on engagement rings than marriage rings on any given year.

[jazzy34]

Being proposed to is an unexpected surprise. Therefore, if you picked out the ring, it ruins the whole surprise. More importantly, how do you know he’s going to propose? Please don’t say it’s because he’s dropping hints.

[BetaBucks]

Shop around FOR SURE. Some jewelers will absolutely screw you over. And first steps are for you two to learn about diamonds. At minimum, learn about cut, color and clarity. That way you can evaluate if the price, for the weight, is worth it. A one carat diamond can be worth $1k or $50k, so you need to know enough about the color and clarity to know if it's worth it. Knowledge about cut is a preference thing. It's not a major impact on price. Small modifier.

As some general pointers, you don't want clarity worse than VS2, or color past H. That's when diamonds start looking like shit and essentially become worthless for the task. Certification is important. GIA and EGL are super reputable. GIA is a little stricter in my experience.

Also, synthetic stones are starting to look really great these days. No shame in them.

Feel free to ask more questions here. I used to be a jeweler.

[BetaBucks]

Commenters, it's normal for women to pick out rings. Especially when they have already discussed engagement and marriage. It's not always a surprise. I've sold many engagement rings to women/couples.

[osmanthus]

I second this, particularly if you're going the more traditional route with the diamond cuts. There are jewelers ou tthere who would dope customers into buying subpar rings, so, it pays to be aware.

[osmanthus]

Especially if the customers look young or are in their 20s. Most often, if you look like you're younger than 30, they'll try their luck with you.

[osmanthus]

I'm not saying it's a good way to go about their business but every industry has their respective share of pariah workers (people who prey on certain types of customers for max. profits). They have a type or types.

[osmanthus]

Now, if somebody is in 20s but has a parent or guardian or other there with them who is knowledgeable then this is less likely to occur (the attempts at swindling low-key by the jewelers; they have a reputation to uphold and if they get called out on their BS it tends to harm them and gets the employee a kick out the door of employment. No jeweler wants to risk this, so, they're often aware to ask who the person accompanying them is or they look for cues or clues as to who the person might be to the customer. Yes, jewelers aren't dumb people, otherwise, they wouldn't have been entrusted to look after the goods.

[osmanthus]

You'd be hard-pressed to find a jeweler who was an antique dealer, too. More often, it's more lucrative on average to deal in antiques and if the person downgraded to jewelry, well, that's a bit of a red flag. People don't usually on a whim of fancy go out and buy rings, so, when an opportunity does present itself, they put on a show. Antique dealers don't usually need to do this but even so they often have more skill in doping customers who look young, so, that's also a tick on their resume.

[osmanthus]

This isn't to say jewelers don't try their luck with much older customers either; if the person demonstrates some degree of cognitive impairment, it doesn't prevent these types of workers from trying to butter them up and taking a bit out of their biscuits (bankroll). Always be aware and ask questions of the jeweler, their name, years of exp., exp. the more you come to know about them the less likely they can come up with lies to smear their crap on you with. Yes, there will be honest jewelers but I wouldn't go out and buy the ring on the first visit. The first visit is like an impression interview for you to suss out the workers and scope out the establishment practices. If they're not reputable, you don't have to showcase them to the public but you can politely back out and look for the ones that are.

[osmanthus]

I would say, ask about and at least 5 questions of the jeweler that seem very casual and none consequential and look plain and normal, so the next time you go in they likely won't remember who you are after several months in. And when the next person asks them these questions and its different, well, you do the math on how trustworthy the establishment is. I'm not saying play detective, here, but there are some shady jewelers out in these here parts and more often in the US. If they see you got moolah (you're willing to spend a lot right away), well, they'll get their ass on you like an investment banker to a profile.

[osmanthus]

It's just the way these people are primed by experience in the industry. Nobody is saying purposefully embarrass these people for behaving like most top-notch salesmen and women would do but all the same go in with eyes wide open. It's why so many people despise salespeople and that's what jewelers are, salespeople, just titled in a fancier style.

[BetaBucks]

Great points all around 🤝

[osmanthus]

So, if your spouse to be, appears or is mid-30s in age, or above, and is knowledgeable then have this person accompany you. Don't go in all by your lonesome.

[osmanthus]

Jewelers typically are more likely to try and swindle a single than a double visit, especially if there are only 2 workers on the floor and it's moderately busy. They have to simultaneously keep an eye on the goods and lying is a lot harder to do at that stage if they have to entertain other customers.

[osmanthus]

And for very obvious reasons, if you and somebody you know, almost got swindled, twice, by different workers within 1-2 years apart, from the same establishment, it's worth reporting the establishment to authorities. At that stage, it's an employer problem in that likely the employer knows their workers are doing this and are encouraging them to do so. If not, well, you can chalk it up to a one-off and leave it.

[osmanthus]

This poster is likely an honest jeweler. You can bank on his advice.

[osmanthus]

Not all jewelers and their employers are scumbags but you're going to run into some rotten apples here and there.

[osmanthus]

We (replyers) in all likelihood hope you don't become the next victim of said scumbags. Good luck.

[osmanthus]

If you by chance find a reputable jeweler and its employees, stick with them but always be wary of new employees or management at a particular store in case you want to revisit for other types of rings. If you shop there often and are close with management, some jewelers you become familiar with will give you first dibs on a new case lot of prime real estate, especially if you live in a small town or small city. It's rare but it happens and usually its for close friends, family, colleagues, etc. so don't expect it but accept graciously if they direct your attention to a steal (great price to value ratio).

[osmanthus]

I don't want to say it but some jewelers, even if they are honest, if they dislike a customer upon first meeting them, they won't give you first dibs on anything much less direct your attention to the good stuff. They will casually guide you to the moderately high-priced rings and even talk you up a bit to seal the deal. It's business. The sleazes won't tell you it's moderately high priced, so it's up to you to scout the market before you show up at the store.

[osmanthus]

We're not saying all jewelers do this to be malicious but there are some customers some jewelers just don't care for and probably think they won't ever see again, so, if your budget allows for a bit higher wiggle room I wouldn't go accusing these people of being or acting pretentious or as assholes. More often these staff are not the swindlers as you get to talking to them, less spoken BS, but more omission of facts rather than outright lying to you.

[NathanDavis]

I think the first step should be to talk to your man about it... lol

[Anonymous]

The man is supposed to choose the ring. It's a gift from him.

[exitseven]

I thought the guy picks out the ring.