10 years together and still not married: What's holding you back or defining your commitment?

[circle]

I've always found it fascinating how some couples can be together for a decade without taking the plunge into marriage. Is there something holding them back fear of commitment, financial struggles, or just not believing in the idea of marriage? I get that marriage isn’t for everyone, but I can’t help but wonder: at what point do you start asking yourself, “Why haven’t we taken this step?” Is it because you’re genuinely happy as you are, or is there some unspoken hesitation? If you’ve been in this situation or know someone who has, I’d love to hear your take. Does being together for so long without marriage make the bond stronger, or does it leave some questions unanswered?

[MrOracle]

The idea of a religious marriage is a great idea. The problem is that the state gets involved with marriage, and the LEGAL marriage contract is so incredibly one-sided that more and more men are simply unwilling to sign on for that deal.

No one in their right mind would ever sign a BUSINESS contract as one-sided as a marriage contract - even the crappiest lawyer would strongly advise their clients to walk away from the deal.

Here’s the thing about modern marriage laws

[MrOracle]

Not sure how the second half of this post got lost...

[Anonymous]

Take a look at all the jaded, bitter people on here saying a man doesn't want to lose his assets.

Let's be real here: MOST men nowadays don't even have assets. Their wives work full time jobs to help him pay his mortgage because he can't afford to pay it all by himself.

Reality is... there are a lot of men who are willing to settle for someone in order to have companionship, sex, kids, a woman to wash his underwear, cook for him. But deep down, he knows this person is not fully what he is looking for.

I have seen plenty of men who would live with a woman, pop out kids but refuse to propose for 10 years. Later on, he marries a girl he just met 8 months ago.

[JamesRandiDebates]

There's nothing "bitter" about not wanting to be divorce-raped, sweetheart.

[Opinion Owner]

@JamesRandiDebates

You have no assets for her to rape. You can barely pay for your own mortgage

[JamesRandiDebates]

House is paid off, sugar-tits.

[Opinion Owner]

@JamesRandiDebates

assets made PRIOR to marriage won't be lost upon divorce.

It's assets that you made DURING the marriage that you can lose upon divorce.

But chances are, if you bought the house DURING the marriage, its likely your wife HELPED YOU PAY FOR THE HOUSE.

[LazerBean]

Ain't that the truth lmao

[JamesRandiDebates]

That's not how it works in reality, honey.

[Opinion Owner]

@JamesRandiDebates

just cuz u said its not true, it doesn't mean its false

[Jessica405]

I have been with my partner for over 8 years. We do not want to waste time and money in having a wedding. It just isn't necessary.

[nastyb]

it doesn't take money to get married. Just go to the courthouse and tiny fee and you can now call him your husband.

[Jessica405]

@nastyb Even so, marriage does not make me any happier, live much longer, richer. It does not exempt you from breaking up and divorcing. There is no point in marriage if you are living together happily.

[nastyb]

If you truly loved your man, it would be the greatest privilege and honor of your life to be able to call him your husband.

You just dont understand this because you dont truly want him 100%.

There is a huge difference between someone settling and trying to get by in life versus someone being the "love of your life"

[Jessica405]

@nastyb Don't be silly! You are indoctrinated into believing marriage is the only way.

I never dated through school of the first four years at uni. I wanted to get the best qualifications I could. I found my guy at the start of the 5th year. He was alsoma post grad student. We have been together over 8 years. We live and work together as part of the same research team. Our love is strong and won't change, DESPITE WHAT YOU THINK.

[nastyb]

If it was so strong, you would actually want to call him your husband.

Since you dont, it already shows its not as strong as you like to delude yourself to believe

[nastyb]

Your love for him is strong but not strong enough to want him as a husband

[Jessica405]

@nastyb Why not call him my husband anyyway? We live as husband and wife. As I say, you are indoctrinated into thnking marriage is the only way. Marrige was invented by people of the Christian faith. I am not Christian. We are Pagan, and may have a Handfasting when we have been together 10 years.

[nastyb]

@Jessica405

Thats what make it so much more funny

What person who is madly in love with her man, prefer to play house rather than to be a wife?

You do realize once he ever dies, his family has the ultimate say in how he gets buried? Not you.

You're not his family, you're just a roommate

[nastyb]

If he dies without notice, all his assets will be taken up by his family, not you. You're not his family.

[nastyb]

You shouldn't call him "husband" because he would never make you his wife.

[Jessica405]

@nastyb Don't you understand that Pagan people have their own ceremonies? I think you need some education on Wils, other religions and ways of life. We have both made wills, lodged with our solicitor, that state what happens to our assets if one or both dies. Our families have no say in it and cannot overrule what our wills say.

[nastyb]

@Jessica405

why would you go through the length, complicated process of writing several wills and filling out tons of paperwork to assign each other as health care proxies,
if everything would've been handed over to each other if you just got married?

it speaks volumes...

it shows there is an UNDERLYING REASON why you both dont want to get married.

you rather take the complicated, long route rather than the shortcut.

[Jessica405]

@nastyb LOL! I am a genealogist. I understand wills. Everyone should make a legal record of their wishes for when they die. For example, I will be leaving some cash to the UK RNLI. The life boat institution.

[nastyb]

@Jessica405

thats not the point.

isn't it easier to transfer assets if you just got married?

isn't it easier to have a say in what happens to your husband if he ever gets sick or dies if you just married him? than to fill out tons of lengthy paper work to become his Heathcare proxy?

[nastyb]

there is a clear reason why you wouldn't marry him...

[Jessica405]

@nastyb ROFLMAO!! If you say so!!

[nastyb]

@Jessica405

it almost seems as if you would rather go out of your way to never get married. this itself says a lot

[Jessica405]

@nastyb Neither my guy nor I want to marry. We are not religeous. We do notvwant kids, either. We both spent 7 yrears at uni to get the best qualifications we could, getting huge student debts along the way. Thankfully, our salaries enabled us to pay them off in a few years. Neither of us wants to give that up just to look after screaming kids.

Now this above is my last comment on the matter. I have other questions to deal with. You go talk to someone else.

[nastyb]

@Jessica405

You dont want to marry cuz you dont truly want him

He is just a place holder till you find someone better.

[nastyb]

Look at you, desperately trying to change the topic to salaries... what are you trying to avoid?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

10 years spent with someone is a lifetime, it is marriage already, in the sense of relationship stability. When viewing Marriage as an institution used to make people more secure about their relationship, then marriage after 10 years seems really redundant.

[candycane]

As a woman, after 10 years, I can’t help but feel frustrated that we haven’t taken the step of marriage. I get that some couples just don’t believe in marriage, but for me, it starts to feel like a lack of real commitment. The years have passed, and the relationship hasn’t moved forward in any tangible way. It makes me wonder if we’re truly as serious about each other as we say we are, or if there’s some hesitation that’s not being addressed. I’ve always believed that if you're in it for the long haul, marriage should eventually come, so when it doesn’t, it feels like something’s missing.

[circle]

! It’s reassuring to hear that others can relate to this feeling. I guess sometimes we can get stuck in a loop of uncertainty, wondering if we’re both on the same page. Your input helps me feel less alone in this, and I’ll definitely keep it in mind moving forward.

[fairytale]

As a woman, I understand that marriage isn't for everyone, but after 10 years together, I do start to question why we haven’t taken that next step. It sometimes feels like there’s an unspoken hesitation or fear of commitment, even if things seem fine on the surface. While we might still be happy, I can't help but feel that not making a formal commitment leaves some doubts lingering, especially when others around us are moving forward in their relationships.

[circle]

It’s comforting to know that others understand how I feel. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s just me overthinking, but hearing your thoughts makes me feel like my concerns are valid. It’s definitely something I’ll keep in mind as I figure out what’s best for us

[jonsnow]

As a man, staying in a relationship for 10 years without getting married is about each couple finding their own path. Marriage doesn’t have to make the relationship strong. If you are truly happy and committed to each other, marriage shouldn’t be a pressure. Maybe the bond in the relationship doesn’t need marriage.

[circle]

I agree that as long as both partners are happy and committed, marriage shouldn’t be the defining factor. Your thoughts have definitely given me something to think about in terms of what really matters in a relationship.

[Peridot25]

Here’s the thing: Men don’t want marriage because, if they do get married, bad shit will happen. They rather be considered unmarried for 10 years than get hurt or used.

[Peridot25]

They I don’t know why they would want to stay with a woman that long anyway.

[Peridot25]

*though

[Anonymous]

A man with self-esteem wouldn't voluntarily sign up for financial obligation, under penalty of imprisonment, if the other half of the agreement decides to end it at any time and for any reason.

[LazerBean]

99% of the time, it's because they're from a broken home, and deep down know that they have poor judgment and are unlikely to find someone they want to stay with for the rest of their life.

[Nikki1989]

Some people are simply not marriage-worthy. They fear the commitment and responsibility that comes with marriage and are riddled with other insecurities.

[exitseven]

A lot of people have a very negative view of marriage. They may be products of a broken home and have seen the horrors of divorce up close. I never expected to ever get married.

[Anonymous]

They probably don't want to combine assets and income and have to involve the government in their relationship. There's nothing stopping them from living the rest of their lives together though. A marriage license is only a financial commitment.

[Nikki1989]

LMAO.

[Opinion Owner]

@Nikki1989 you laugh, but you don't have an argument to make back. Which means you weren't really laughing. Good game, sport

[Unit1]

there is no point in getting married. There is nothing a girlfriend and boyfriend can't do, that married men and women can do except getting a divorce and getting your passport permanently tainted.

[HighValue]

If women want marriage, they need to get laws changed so they can't use it to harm men anymore, but they won't because women hate fairness.

[LiamJHayden]

As I've said before, for a lot of guys if he is already getting the benefits of marriage without having to sign up for the legal obligations, he is not going to sign up.

[Anonymous]

For us we’re happy. We’ve been together for 16 years. No need to get the government incomes w some legal paperwork. We know we love each other. We’re happy w that.

[Anonymous]

From a man's perspective, marriage is scary af today. Half of marriages end in divorce, women file 80% of them, and men get screwed in divorce court and child custody. That the biggest reason for men.

[Peridot25]

That’s why I’m rejecting men. If I reject them, they won’t get their hopes up.

[hotman5]

im assuming their irreligious or simply dont care, muslims and christians have "no sex before marriage" rule

[Anonymous]

Probably because the legal downsides of marriage for men especially, make marriage an unworthy investment from a cost benefit analysis

[Peridot25]

So, if a woman is looking for marriage, that’s a red flag?

[Opinion Owner]

Nope.

[Peridot25]

Really? How is that possible?

[FunkyMonkee]

In my case, HER!! And, around year 8 or 9, she started cheating on me!!

[chocolatetwopointo]

bc they dont wanna get married? ever thought of that?

[itsannalee]

They don’t believe in marriage maybe.

[CarolinaGirl5]

The woman is too stupid to leave lol

[kaucky1]

Is there any chemistry🤨🫣😏😳

[Sabretooth]

a waste of time.

[Sabretooth]

if you don't know if you're gonna marry that person within a year... you're not in a position to be able to date.