Is waiting until marriage a good way to ensure your partner's willingness to commit?

Question

Quigly · Accepted Answer

Marriage is about money, It's about Consumerism. It's about buying the house, the car and filling up your house with crap you don't need. It is an institution created by the Government and has nothing to do with Religion. He will commit if he is a selfish, greedy dirtbag. The problem is that selfish, greedy dirtbags are never loyal. They aren't going to stop being that way just because they signed a piece of paper.

Without the blood test you have no idea how many people your partner has been with or is currently with. He could be swinging down at the gay club and you don't know it. Yes, gay men marry women all the time. If they want to have kids. They can't have them with a same sex partner. That's why the blood test was required. However, under the idea that gay people should be able to Marry, the blood test was deemed as Racist Discriminatory cause gay people couldn't pass the test.

The point of me saying this, is that Western Civilization is not a perfect little place where you can measure a person just because he waited. It doesn't really mean anything. How do you really know he waited at all? He could have been with several people by the time you Married.

However, It is difficult to measure a person from a short time. Just because you think you know someone doesn't mean you actually do know someone. Marriage is a gamble and you roll the dice. In the end, it's usually just a desperate decision to Marry someone simply because you needed a second income and a place to live.

This is why a lot of people want nothing to do with Marriage, it's not the Religious institution that's in the Bible. It's not the Glamorous institution portrayed in a Walt Disney Cartoon. You are not a cartoon character.

P. S.

Love Doctor Brad is an idiot. Love has nothing to do with Marriage.

Love is a decision you make that has nothing to do with Money.

Marriage is all about Money and Consumerism.

One of these things is not like the other.

BaronVonBarron · Accepted Answer

Not only I personally believe that 'sex after marriage' is the way to go, but also there are studies that back it up. Testing sexually partners before marriage does not make sexual life better: it makes it worse.

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

Personally, I do not believe sex should be a "test" of loyalty and commitment. It makes it transactional and that's not a good road to go down. I do think that our values and ethics should be respected, though.

If I believe that sex is intended for a husband and wife in the context of marriage, then that belief should be respected and is probably likely to be held by the man as well (values compatibility).

But if I am only using the "sex within marriage" belief to control someone into getting what I want first, that's toxic behavior and will manifest in a marriage later, generally in the form of manipulation (good boys get sex, bad boys get nothing). It can be used, sadly, to control a man using one of his most fundamental needs. That's wrong.

It's no different than a pimp "rewarding" his favorite girls with special attention and favors. He's using their most fundamental need as women (to be treated tenderly and with thoughtful attention and care) to manipulate them.

What I am trying to say is that a deeply held personal conviction (internal value) is different than a "loyalty test" (external manipulation). It's just as bad for a woman to manipulate a man this way as it is for a man to pressure a woman into sex who isn't comfortable with it. Just my take on it... :)

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

For sex? I don't think sex is an arbiter of a good marriage partner. It's only part of the equation. You don't have sex all the time. In marriage you're with someone a large part of the time. What you have to decide is whether you too jibe together.

Do you LIKE each other? Do you have fun together? Do you have a mutual vision of your future together? Do you have individual pursuits that are yours alone? Do you have shared pursuits?

These are all reasons to commit to one another. A lot of commonalities and a few differences for spice. Have you met each others' families? Do both sides like each of you? Do you both have skills and training that mean you'll be able to make enough money to support yourselves? Do you have similar financial goals. Complementary personalities?

Sex is low on the list after all those things. Then you might want to discover if you're sexually compatible too. But line up the other issues first. And, initially, take your time finding out those questions.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, the eternal dance of love and commitment! Waiting until marriage can show you're serious about long-term devotion, but it’s no magic spell to guarantee commitment. Relationships thrive on communication, trust, and a fair share of spicy compatibility. Make sure your connection goes beyond the bedroom talk and covers shared values and goals. If you’re vibing on the same wavelength, commitment should follow naturally—with or without the wait! 😉💍

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

No, I don't think that's a good way to ensure your partner's williness to commit. That is just an unhealthy way to look at sex, and an unhealthy way to look at what commitment means.

I understand the logic. And you're right, a guy who is willing to wait until mariage is going to be a committed. But it's a really unhealthy way to try and ensure commitment.

Waiting until marriage should be a personal decision about what's right for you. Because of your own moral/sexual beliefs. That's fine.

I don't know whether you're a virgin, or somebody who is thinking about doing things differently with a partner. Either way, I think that looking at it in this way is super unhealthy.

You should feel a partner's commitment is secure, even if you're having sex (if you would be having sex with them were it not for the commitment worry).

It is unhealthy to worry that a man will be less likely to commit because you've had sex with him. That is not how commitment works, and it's certainly not related to sex in this way.

I think you should rethink the commitment part. But I also think that nobody should have sex when they don't really want to. It's the logic behind this that I have a problem with. Not the waiting for marriage.

🙂

ohsheeT · Answer

I think that's up to you and only you
You have to go with your heart

I would love to say yes it is.
But for me no it's not.. everyone has there own energy. Some energy's are way better than others and if you wait and you get together through marriage and that's when you start understanding what I'm talking about you then will want to try others. I don't know what the odds of people who wait that get a divorce but I know it's high. . If anything you should maybe role play things out while your single. That way you can feel and experience what I'm talking about through words and energy in stead of real life and marriage and energy

DishLady · Answer

Nope. I waited and ended up with a scoundrel who cheated on me multiple times. You just have to get to know eo WELL and understand eo.

Summeroflove · Answer

If it’s genuine but people need to be careful out there as well. Some people men and women may pretend to be someone they’re not while cheating on someone and getting married too fast.

The thing is I can’t expect anyone to be perfect. But having similar values. I know many people though simply refuse to have that level of self control.

AviatorTom · Answer

Commit and Marriage are completely different subjects. Commitment should come long before marriage. not waiting until marriage.

Lliam · Answer

I don't think so. If a guy is looking to find a wife and settle down, making him wait until marriage won't make any difference.

The main factors are that you both love each other for who you are - your personalities, behaviors, habits, values, goals for the future, etc. You have to be compatible.
People have to be together for quite a while, at least a year or two, to learn those things about each other and decide if they could be happy spending the rest of their lives together.

It's also important to be sexually compatible.

If two people commit to a monogamous relationship with an eye on marriage and like everything about each other, they should, at some point, trust each other enough to give themselves completely to the relationship. That means open, honest communication, tenderness, caring, and sex.

If one doesn't trust the other enough to have sex, then they shouldn't get married because trust is essential to a relationship.

Using sex as a form of coercion in order to get a ring and marriage license/contract is unhealthy, in my opinion.

And I think the kinds of guys who value female "purity" and are grossed out by women who have had sex are probably good to steer clear of. They are immature and tend to be misogynistic and/or religious nuts.

So, to find the right person, one needs to be observant and use common sense rather than withholding sex.

MrOracle · Answer

Yes, but it's only one of many aspects of your vetting process. An important one, to be sure, but it's still important to do all the other vetting, and to expect him to vet you in return.

The most important things are going to be his (and your) morals, values, and life goals. The first two need to be very close to each other, and the last needs to be compatible, though not necessarily the same.

Life goals include things like careers, family, religion, lifestyle, where you plan to live (based on realities of things like cost and job opportunities), will one career require constant travel or will you be home every night, etc.

It all starts with finding a man who WANTS (already, before you met him) to be married and have children (or whatever you are looking for). You CANNOT CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE so if you meet a guy who isn't already actively looking for a wife and marriage, you have to have the discipline to walk away and move on, no matter how attractive he might be on the surface. No man who has to be talked into marriage is going to make a good husband, and likewise a woman.

A man who takes marriage seriously and takes you seriously as a potential wife will be okay with waiting. I'm not saying it will be easy or that he won't be tempted, because he's human, but he will respect you for your boundaries.

All this assumes, of course, that you are either a virgin or have an extremely low body count and were only ever with a serious long-term boyfriend. A casual hookup pretty much invalidates your "New In Box" value premium.

That's not a personal attack - I don't know you and I have no idea about your history, so I'm in no position to make any kind of judgment even if I wanted to - and I don't. I'm just telling you how the world works. Both men and women have expectations placed on us in the dating market, and failing to meet those expectations comes at a severe penalty for both.

PrincessC16 · Answer

I know it goes against the Bible and it really goes against my personal beliefs. But in my experience, I'm really glad that I had sex before marriage. You need to know if you're sexually compatible. It is so important in a relationship. That's just my personal opinion and from my personal experience. Others may think different.

NoDecision · Answer

If he truly loves you he will wait. If he wants you to rush into it he is just wanting sex. But of course we are talking about an engagement of sufficient time before marriage. You have to get to know the person inside and out. If you rush anything you will suffer consequences. The marriage will go bust in short order as more marriages fail within 5 years than succeed. The worst is that you could be married to someone you find out you really don't know. And you don't know a person well in only a month. You can find out how the sex is, but not how you will work together with each other should a crisis occur. A good one is financial health. More marriages fail because of financial problems than any other reason. You have heard the phrase, "All good things come to them that wait." Well in my opinion this definitely applies to marriage. But what do I know? 🤔

lyrem04 · Answer

Well yea, in the sense that marriage is a commitment. I personally think it’s more of a commitment than not being married. But no, waiting until marriage doesn’t mean someone won’t leave. people can switch up on you fr. You know someone until you don’t. But it does bring a certain kind of security. Emotional security, cuz you’re not tying yourself to someone before they’ve actually committed to you. And even financial and life security. Like you’re not out here sharing money, responsibilities, or even kids with someone who hasn’t made it official. That kind of commitment helps protect both of y’all from giving too much too soon and that’s my personal view of that.

BCRanger10 · Answer

Though I am myself a very firm and inflexible proponent of waiting until marriage to have sex, my answer to this question is still no.

One should wait until marriage because it's what they want to do and because it is in accordance with their religious beliefs (or whatever other values inform this decision). As such, they should not wait so as to "test" whom they desire as their spouse. It should filter out prospective companions, yes. But it should not test them. They ought to find someone, if possible, who is also firmly committed to premarital abstinence and doesn't merely "accept" or "tolerate" it.

I realize that that's easier said than done, given the world we live in today. In such cases, one might simply have to "accept the acceptance", if you understand what I mean. That said, one ought to thoroughly examine themselves and be able to explain why they want to wait.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Yes, it is a good way to ensure commitment, but sex is really fun if you do it with a person you love and are committed to and you’ll miss out on that if you wait all the way till you’re married

Miristheiss · Answer

Marriage was the way of life several decades ago. Most men needed to marry their girl to have sex. Now that there is the pill, rampant abortion, hookup culture, most women are super sexually active from age 16-17 on. Men don't need to marry to get sex. Many won't

Anonymous · Answer

It depends on the guy. It says something very positive about a woman when she is willing to wait, but for guys like me, it's not my preference. I have no interest in promiscuous women. But I'm also not willing to commit my life to a woman if she has not proven herself in the bedroom. I'm a believer in making sure we are sexually compatible before I commit. Sexual compatibility is critically important in a marriage, and I'm not willing to leave it to chance. And I have no issues with a woman who has a sexual past, as long as it was in committed relationships.

hahahmm · Answer

let's say you have the perfect personality and he does two and these personalities match well together. That is way more important than early sexual compatibility that some people worry so much about.

But don't play games. Don't be trying to make one guy wait while you are secretly having sex with other dudes. That's not right and it WILL bite you in the butt eventually.

bddddd · Answer

You should do what you want to do, are comfortable doing and have reason to value.

But... I could never bind the rest of my life to someone if I didn't know we were at least adequately sexually compatible. Would you marry someone if you knew nothing about their education, occupation, values, friends? This is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, which is hopefully a very long time. Why would you not want to know everything about them before taking that decision?

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Just intuitively, I'd say it probably isn't... The thing is, people are gonna do whatever they want to do. I feel like it's kind of always been that way. Waiting until marriage (or at least a steady. long-term, committed relationship is probably a good idea for other reasons)

Someone who wants to commit to you is going to commit, even if you have sex on the first date. People will move frickin mountains for the right person, and it's not always obvious if, how, when, or why that person changes.

On the flip side, someone who has decided that they want to stray will be perfectly willing to implode their entire life, even if their spouse/partner is the only person they've ever been with.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Its a way but its a shallow aspect if what chsllenges will be faced to test rhe commitment. If the bed time is no good that marriage wint last.

You must align commitment of heart to the whole person, values, desires in life. Thats the challenge, then h as ve fun and roll w it as best you can.

Anonymous · Answer

Guys be looking for holemates intead of soulmates. Guys fuck & dump women/hook up culture/ONS.

Club girls/baddies get married faster than Chuch girls. This generation is messed up not like in the past. Western men mostly don't care/appreciate virginity except devout Christians & they want to test drive 1st also.

alice55 · Answer

No it's not, waiting until marriage is for god only, you do it because you're a devoted Christian not because of some man. Most men while they want a virgin or low partner woman does not want to wait until marriage for sex until theyre very religious themselves but women are generally much more religious men are just usually conservative / traditional but not os much religious

glennos89 · Answer

I think marriage is a thing of the past honestly. I have noticed first hand what a pain in the ass getting divorced is because my parents weren't mature enough to threat each other with respect during the divorce so I ended up having to mediate them and it's a pain in the ass because of all the documents that have to changed and the amount of money that costs

LazerBean · Answer

It doesn't ensure it, but it is certainly a far step in the right direction that most people with a higher divorce probability are not willing to take.

soe11 · Answer

It is good question, but I don't know how to how to answer or respond. Personally I don't believe in marriage. Me and my girlfriend lived together several years now with peace and prosperity, so I don't believe in above philosophy.

Anonymous · Answer

I guess it depends on the person and what their values are. Personally, I prefer to have sex with someone when I’m in an exclusive relationship with them but I don’t want to wait until marriage because I would want to know that we are sexually compatible before I marry them.

Pohjolan · Answer

Firstly that depends on whether you gave fuckboys the same treatment or not.

Secondly that depends on your competitors.

Guys like girls often rather date someone who is more attracted to them.

But its pretty likely that he will commit if he goes that far.

Kelley1 · Answer

Perhaps wait until you're engaged and the date and plans for getting married have been finalized. Within a country, the percent of virgins at marriage decreases as the average age for marriage increases.

Hellfireandcandy · Answer

No, if he isn't loyal it doesn't matter if you wait or not

MannMitAntworten · Answer

Sure, but only if you have consistently made all the men before him wait as well. Otherwise, he’ll question your motives. It speaks towards your consistency and your own character too.

Jay-_- · Answer

It definitely proves they liked you for you, unless they were so desperate to wait for marriage just for your body, which is insane to do and I hope that's not the case for anybody.

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

From someone who grew up in Asia, where a lot of our grandparents/parents did the SAME thing—waiting for a very long time was NEVER a guarantee. :)

Valdemort · Answer

Yes and no.  Having sex doesn't mean no commitment, not having sex doesn't mean commitment.  It's a good way to test compatibility.

sawno · Answer

With how unfair marriage is to men i'd say no, I am perfectly happy to commit its what I seek. But there's very few circumstances under which i'd marry.

Anonymous · Answer

Absolutely. Saves a girl wasting years on one guy or being used by a succession of different guys

NicholasRedone · Answer

And it also keeps religious, the strict religions, not losing members lol 😆 if anything will grow members thanks to more offspring or more future converts "hey friend have you heard about religion" ☯️ lol

EmmaMary · Answer

I've lost count the number of times this very same question's been asked. smh

slatyb · Answer

It's a good way to drive away a lot of potential partners and end up with a religious zealot who will want to control you.

exitseven · Answer

If you need to resort to those tactics you do not get it.

236color · Answer

No, it's a good way to end up single or married to a sexually incompatible partner.

Anonymous · Answer

Men want something that other men didn't get. Why buy the cow when everyone got the milk for free before him?

DrPepper12 · Answer

Or drive them away... If you're giving tests to prospective spouses that's not cool

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Yes but its also a good way to avoid STDs and single parenthood.

Donalnichualla · Answer

It ensures your willingness to commit but that may or may not be the case for them.

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe , but some men will just give up and find someone else , so it’s a complicated situation unless you find a bible beater.

msc545 · Answer

No, but it's a good way to spend time considering the possibility that you are making a big mistake.

karate_renee · Answer

I think waiting until marriage is a good thing regardless, I've seen too many people who didn't wait and they ended up getting hurt by their former partners.

Anonymous · Answer

For a QUALITY man, yes. But if you're not going to choose a quality man to begin with then it probably won't make much difference.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Nothing is guaranteed but I believe so as it can significantly weed out the bad.

blackeagle007 · Answer

I’ll get a lot of grief about this but… it’s best to try before buying as a way of saying

Nikki1989 · Answer

It is a good recipe for total failure and nothing more.

Smegskull · Answer

Yes and No. The effect porn has on the value of sex makes things very difficult.

DCVsMarvel · Answer

No, because what if y'all get divorced. You can't say you won't, you don't know the future

Credentialmayhem · Answer

No because waiting is for religious purposes

dudeinohio · Answer

It's a good way to not get guys.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

I believe so, also the right thing to do

bralesswonder · Answer

Most guys won't wait that long

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

That's just gonna ensure your alone

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, it can be for some couples.

Account · Answer

Nope.

In_Trance · Answer

No it isn't

shortster · Answer

Yes, of course.

Is waiting until marriage a good way to ensure your partner's willingness to commit?

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