Do think Americans are commitment phobic?

Question

I think the American marriage failure rate is so high simply because americans dont truly respect marriage and have overly idealistic views of marriage. They like the idea of marriage, but dont Like the reality of it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't say Americans have an idealized vision of marriage, at all.

In fact, the marriage rate in the US is at historic lows, because more people are actively avoiding marriage than ever before. We like the idea of marriage less than we ever have.

Marriage just generally isn't worth it, any more. The nuclear family is less prevelant in American culture than ever before. The "dream" of a one income family is out of most people's grasp, now.

Higher cost of living, and stagnant wages, are causing less people to pursue families, because they can't afford it. Why get married if you can't afford, or don't want, a family?

Add to that the fact that 75% of all divorces are initiated by women, and divorce courts are heavily biased in their favor, and you have less and less men even willing to take the risk of getting married, in the first place.

Plus, more and more women are embracing their independence, and postponing marriage, and families, in favor of their careers, or simply because they just don't want a husband at all. With the change in culture over the past 70 years, they just don't require one, any more.

Put it all together, and it highlights why American marriage rates are declining. It's not because we idolize the idea, over the reality. It's that we see the reality as something different: that marriage isn't all that important to us, anymore.

Stevepro68 · Accepted Answer

Well the 1st question is American divorce rate actually high? If you look at divorce per1k people per year is relatively low 2.4%. If you compared to other countries is not even top 10 for divorce rates. At 46% is only slightly ahead of China and less than Canada Italy Portugal and Russia to name a few.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

i see what you mean. but i don't think it's commitment phobic at all. what i think is that people always have to try to impress social media so they want to get married quick, show off their life and how happy they are, show off their ring, but in reality they married the wrong person and too quick. all because they wanted to complete their life milestones in a "timely manner that society deemed worthy" (aka, not age 30+). it's ridiculous.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Accepted Answer

No, americans are not “commitment phobic” men just manipulate women until they’re married and “locked down” and once they have them is when they reveal their true, shallow, lazy, incompetent selves and the women they married leave them after realizing they’ve been tricked.

genericname85 · Answer

it's stupid to label every shit you don't understand or like "phobic" as to invalidate any possible position from the onset, killing your chances of understanding by making your conversation partner not even want to open up about what they really think cause it has already gotten a bad label. it's a dishonest communication method suggesting interest when the prejudgement has already fallen so obviously. you should instead assume that the other person is acting from a rational and logical point of view. not from a point of hysterical, irraltional fear.

if you are actually interested in truth, you shouldn't give positions you don't understand bad labels. the thing is: there's the concept of the "homo economicus". it doesn't have to do with money, it just means people will generally do what most benefits them and avoid things that don't benefit them. and if there's no benefit from commitment or very little compared with what they get from it, why the heck should they commit? it makes no sense. think from that perspective. in todays day and age you can fuck around as much as you like with little to no social repercussions. so why the fuck should you commit? there's nothing you get for that investment of ressources so that's why people don't do it.

Hellraiser1984 · Answer

It's because of many things, too high expectations and standards. Too little effort. Too much "advice" from "experts". Too little morality, too much pornography. Bad parenting, no parenting, substance abuse, not enough good paying jobs, bad economy (trumps fault), too much religion, too little logic and common sense. I'm 41 girlfriend ever, not because women find me hideous it's because I've looked around at the marriages I've seen in my life. I have rich relatives you'd think it'd be happily ever after right? Nope, lots of cheating and substance abuse, violence and child abuse. My parents marriage is a total lie, my father has told me he never wanted to be with my mom ever he only stayed because he didn't want me to grow up without a father. He never loved my mom. My grandparents marriage was nothing but fighting and infedelity. My sister's marriage is crumbling as he is lazy and overspends on role playing games, my niece fends for herself a lot and she won't come out of her room. My grandmothers sisters marriage ended up with her stabbing her husband because he pulled her off of their daughter that she was beating. Not his fault she had schizophrenia and should have spent her life in a mental hospital. No one is happier being married than not being married. The only quasi relationship I had was with my therapist who wanted a sexual relationship with me and I told her no because I didn't want to get in trouble. Overtime she seduced me and I found out she'd been engaged for 3 years. I'm sorry but I went off on her. She hurt me deep. I turned her in she lost her license and job. I did the right thing. I'm not happy about going off on her but I was so pissed off. I don't see anyone happy being in a relationship. That's why I don't want one.

Anonymous · Answer

Normally a comment critiquing my nation coming from some turd world country would offend me. But I actually have to agree with you.

I think where the problem lies is America is a capitalistic country. Like REALLY capitalistic! In poor countries across the world marriage is exchange g dirtpiles essentially. So in the United States if you want to marry it's only PARTLY about love AT LWAST half of it is, "how much do you increase my net worth". Why do you think so few American men want to marry American women anymore. American women farm American men to get her slice of the American dream. Because there is no shame in American women anymore. Look at Cardi B. She made a sing called "wet a$$ 🐱" and Cardi B for as much money as she has is nothing but low class, high priced prostitute who raps. She has proudly said any guy can f*** her for the right price. And this is what is a role model for many American women today.

contentious · Answer

70-80% of divorces in America are initiated by women. American women are broken. Divorce rates started to rise as socialism started to infiltrate America and demoralize women with feminist brainwashing. That lead to bias laws over time that favor breaking up families. If you want to fix the problem, you have to fix the women's culture.

Friendlybro79 · Answer

I think most young Americans aren't financially stable enough, no fault of their own usually, to make adult like commitments like a relationship. My parents could get married at 18, with zero credit , have kids a house and survive on avg jobs.

Quigly · Answer

Marriage is a government institution based on greed. Not everybody wants to take part in the lifestyle.

It's not about sickness and health

it's not about richer for poorer

It's not about till death do part

At some point you have to ask,

Why am I doing this?

SotiCoto · Answer

Last I checked, isn't reality simply what is? What is and what happens. Actual things that actually happened. What I means is that the "reality of marriage" is that it lasts maybe 2 years and ends in divorce... generally. That IS the norm now, right?

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Most adults in the US are married and stay together their whole lives. Claims to the contrary are just misinformation spread by people who fit outside of that majority.

NicholasRedone · Answer

They can't even stick to one politics party lol 😔😆

Nikki1989 · Answer

Many are dysfunctional in one way or another.

slatyb · Answer

Early marriages fail at a high rate. Later marriages are more successful.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know where you're from, but you're wrong. I think americans really value marriage and commitment. If they don't, they won't stay married for years. By the way I am not American.

jahaims · Answer

Its poor values and morals instilled through propaganda to benefit governments and corporations

Godihateyou · Answer

No. Phobic means afraid. American men aren't afraid of committing, they are too smart too commit to an American woman

Anonymous · Answer

Americans like everyone else have a lot of problems.

Anonymous · Answer

The lesbian divorce rate is notably much higher than the gay male divorce rate... So there is that...

Xalooo · Answer

Are you serious? I wanted to marry an American

WhitneySnow · Answer

What do you see as the reality of marriage?

WonderingManII · Answer