My boyfriend said marriage is not important. Is this a common thought for young men?

[Anonymous]

I (age: 23) was casually talking to my boyfriend (age: 21) about his ideas around marriage and he said it’s just “some papers and a ceremony”. He backtracked after I seemed upset but I think he really means that. Although, I’m not upset I’m just kinda shocked. Marriage has always been such an important thing to me for my future because I believe it’s a huge commitment and it’s something I’m really looking forward to. I heard that men usually start getting serious about relationships in their 30s. I’m wondering if this is just the mindset of an early 20s man. Just curious about what other people have to say and if anyone has experiences with this.

[Master_Debator]

I think you might find a lot of us dudes very sceptical of marriage. Like your boyfriend pointed out it's just symbolic, but I'd go a step further and say it's legal. The only benefits are for you. Feminism, no fault divorce, and women before you has turned marriage into what looks like a big scam for a lot of us dudes. I'm not saying you're nefarious like that, but let's talk about it.

If you had a son, wouldn't you be worried? He'd be paying money to basically give her half his shit... and with the number of gold diggers out there... This is his number 1 ticket to losing everything he's worked for. It could also destroy his peace... she can suffocate him during the process and probably will shut down his communication with you as she isolates him from the outside world and suffocates him... once locked in, he could be in a cheaper-to-keep-her situation where he's putting up with shit just not to get punished.

Again, I'm not banging on you or women in general, but we both know those women are out there and marriage is usually their goal. I mean when you take a step back from the dream of marriage and look at it... it really is just a symbolic act that has legal ramifications. You two could literally just be together but then there is reasons marriage becomes a thing too. Medical... good luck getting seen in the hospital if you're not married. My situation comes to mind... military. The so called benefits are simply not there unless you're married.

So yeah, I'm married and even I am thinking "What for?" My situation has all the benefits in my favor and if a divorce happens I'm going to walk away like a bandit. What is your boyfriend's situation though... he the bread winner? I don't know you, but I always suspect women of trying to cut off a man's "other options" while they continue to search for strange on the side. Women have statistically taken over the lead on cheating... so if you're one of those... why get married at all? Time for a random meme.

[Finchie40]

He is young and hasn’t really experienced much in his life yet , so he more than likely heard all the negatives about marriage over the positives , so more than likely in time he will change his mind once he falls head over heels for a girl , whether it’s you or someone else , Marriage unfortunately isn't for everyone , some people aren’t capable of being in a long term marriage , why there are so many divorces these days , I am not saying your marriage is going to end up in divorce but there is a chance that it could if you marry someone that you don’t really see eye to eye with. For a marriage to work both people have to be on the same exact page with things or it’s just a waste of time. Why it’s wise not to rush into marriage with anyone until you really
Get to know each other , past the infatuation period that we all have when we meet someone new that we are attracted to. Marriage and relationships today are a 50/50 chance on whether they will make it or not. I was married for 20 years to a girl that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with , and unfortunately it didn’t go that way when she decided to be selfish and ruin our marriage and family , Selfish people should not get into relationships at all because they only care about themselves and just like what they can receive from someone without giving the same in return. So be careful about who you say Yes to , mark my words

[LazerBean]

It's mainly a mentality among people damaged by fatherlessness or promiscuity. A lot of times they will snap out of it when they meet a woman they really want, which a lot of times does happen in their 30s. The bad news for you is that, if he has told you that or if you have been in a relationship for more than a year with him, you are not that woman. Not that it's a huge loss, it's better not to waste time with such men anyway.

But no, it is not a "young man" mentality. My husband and all of ourale friends that are in theyre 20s and were brought up in good homes want to get married.

[jazzy34]

" Marriage has always been such an important thing to me for my future because I believe it’s a huge commitment and it’s something I’m really looking forward to."

Break up with him now, honey. Anything you do will NOT change his mind. You two are on two different paths when it comes to marriage. I understand you may love him and breaking up with him will difficult and painful, but a lifetime of waiting will be an even bigger heartache.

[HawkPerception]

It is becoming more and more common nowadays. Men are hearing stories all over the place about other men who have gotten married and then their wives ended up never or rarely having sex with them (not making them feel desired), making them feel no control with their life, divorcing them and taking a lot of what they owned, and basically just screwing over their lives. About 70% of divorces are women initiating and when women do it, this is usually how it goes down...

How Divorces Go Down

So, I genuinely understand men that don't see the value in it. It's a human made concept and if you're not getting a faithful wife who brings you peace out of it, then why would you do it? Maybe it was worth it in traditional times, when women weren't competing with men and were actually feminine and cared about what a man wants. But nowadays, those types of women are increasingly rare to find and only some of the luckiest men find those types.

That being said, I still want to get married one day and have a family of my own. I love the concept and I'm a strange guy who's thought about how I want to propose since I was as young as 16, and imagined my dream wedding. But it's extremely hard to someone who fits the bill.

[Anonymous]

A while back men used to want to get married, have kids, a family, etc. But these days a lot of men are realizing marriage isn’t a fair deal, especially when incomes to divorce. Men are starting to realize the law favors women in marriage, there’s no real benefit to them other than maybe taxes. I know some woman is going to say men live longer if they’re in a relationship. But who says they want to live longer. I think more men in general don’t want to get married. I don’t blame them. I mean I’ve seen my uncles go through hell in divorces. In this day of “equality” women still get majority custody of the children, they’re still expected to pay child support. If it was equal then men would get their children half the time, take care of all things financially while the kids are w him to which she should do the same. No child support. I think too a lot of men are looking at today’s women, like this is what I’m getting. A girl who wants to argue all the time, is disrespectful, shames men online, is entitled, wants to be treated like a princess w traditional roles but won’t adhere to traditional roles herself. That’s not to say all women are the same. Sure there’s a lot of men who are just as shitty. But I will say this. As men, there’s always been a lot of shitty men. But these days seems as though the women are getting just as bad. It’s possible he may change his mind later on down the road.

[MrOracle]

Age plays a small role, not a major one. If a guy is in his mid 20s and he's saying he doesn't want marriage, I wouldn't expect that to change. It's not impossible that it will change, but it is quite unlikely.

This is a "life goal" question that you need to ask fairly early on, and the kind of question that you cannot assume you know the answer to. The same thing with children - you cannot assume that someone wants or doesn't want children. It was women (via Feminism) who insisted that these are no longer a standard that could be assumed, but were an individual choice. Men have adapted to the new rules, and so it's an individual choice for men to, and under the current system, men get very little benefit from marriage but must assume the majority of the responsibility, and it's not a very good deal for men anymore, and lots of men are opting not to get married.

[realbiggrin]

Its just some papers and a ceremony? No im afraid its a bit more than that. Its putting your money where your heart is. Its securing your loved ones future... or putting it at risk. Either way its you saying to the world I love this person and although its not proof of love, it is proof im going all in. And that means something, even today.

[BCRanger10]

It could be, but if you ask me, you ought to pursue a relationship with a man who wants the same things as you. You won't be wasting each other's time, you won't be hoping and waiting for him to change his heart and mind. If he says that about marriage and then backtracks, it sounds like he might end up stringing you along.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

This "marriage is just some papers and a ceremony" idea has been trending around me since forever lol, it was already like that in the 90s. And it wasn't gendered. But there's a context, I always lived in the city, in surroundings where no one was really attracted to traditions in general.

[Purpleronnie]

Living a full life , being happy , adventure , travel , experiences , growing , learning and becoming someone I respect.


These are some of the many things in the list I prioritized before marriage.


For me it isn’t that important and likely never will be.

[Cyfris]

Men tend not to aspire to marriage. Most of us feel marriage levels of commitment from the moment we choose you and it really is just paper to us. The thirty thing is about a family not marriage. There are some still raised on the tradition but it just doesn't mean what it used to anymore. Although if it matters to you it is something you should have almost all Men will go there for the right one in time with gentle persuading

[WindAtMyBack]

Not just young men, but us old farts also. I never saw any purpose in me getting married. I don't agree that it's just paperwork and a ceremony either. But it's just not something that's ever been important to me. I really don't see any reason for it.

I've known couples who have been together for decades, and had kids and grand kids, but never got married.

[GrammariklyIncorrekt]

I think a lot of guys in their early 20s aren't thinking about that type of commitment. But if he knows it's important to you and he truly loves you, he will be open to the idea. If it's a pride thing and can't put your needs before his ideas, he either needs to get over himself or you need to get over him.

[Nikki1989]

Common for men that have little to offer or are not marriage-worthy. Men can twist the facts all they want; the reality is they are the men that no woman should touch with a 10-foot pole.

[alice55]

It’s a common thought of men when they re not in love and want to be able to get out of the relationship at the second they want to also when they want to cheat without any conséquences

[KimmySchmit]

he's too young and not ready for it. You should look into older men rather than waste 10 years on a guy who may never be ready.

[DevilishDanni]

I just wasted a few years on a guy who never wanted marriage or kids and I didn't catch on nearly as fast as I should have and he just turned 40...

[GrammariklyIncorrekt]

I didn't realize he was that old. If you're in your 30s and still afraid of commitment then that's a problem for sure.

[DevilishDanni]

@ManlyButFeminine I didn't either at first... he lied about how old he was when it came up the first time because he was worried he was too old for me and then had to admit it like a week later lol

[molonski2]

He is far too young to be thinking about such nonsense , just enjoy your youth , everything does not have to be about marriage.

[RavVid]

The more common thought is marriage is too risky and women are too flaky for marriage now.

It is the #1 way to ruin your life as a guy.

[abc3643]

"Boyfriend", the important part being he's a boy not a man.

[DonaldDarko]

It's more than paper but today the papers are often used against the man. Out of the blue his wife wants a divorce. Then he loses everything.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I wouldn’t consider it a common dismissal, and if that’s how he feels about marriage I would move on

[slatyb]

Marriage is a legal contract with advantages and disadvantages. Is marriage important to you?

[LC75LC71]

He just has the benefit of the internet. Those papers don't work out well for the guy if the marriage fails.

[Anonymous]

I heard someone say once, no advice, "it's all downhill from 30" 😧🫣😆 though some would beg to differ

[Pterodon]

Just some papers and a ceremony huh? Well if that’s all it is he should have no problem getting it

[Anonymous]

You are just 20, why are you thinking about marriage, enjoy your youth for a while,

[Memoo30]

Yes, it's a really common belief that most young men don't want to get married.

[LifeLover91]

Not common i think

[nekkibarbie]

Yes,🤣🤣🤣