To say my life hasn't gone as planned would be an understatement. I've always been the type of person who thrived on predictability; knowing what, where, and when something was going to happen gives has given me great comfort, and it still does. So quite naturally, after I had graduated high-school, I devised a "master plan" for my life. I would work hard at my education, obtain a PhD, get a high paying job, meet my soulmate and get married, buy a nice house and start a family, all within my twenties...but this did not happen; my master plan had failed.
I'm now in my thirties (31 to be exact). I just finished a Master's degree last year (after previously failing to complete another one a few years prior). I have been unemployed for over a year (since graduating and spend my days job hunting in a less than ideal economy and competitive market. My long-term relationship of five-and-a-half years recently ended after my boyfriend "couldn't handle the stress" anymore and broke up with me. I am single, and currently living with my parents.
This is definitely not the life I had planned over a decade ago.
Now I know what you must be thinking; This myTake is nothing but a pathetic sob-story. Although this may be true (in-part), that is not my objective of this piece. I have struggled with, and still continue to struggle with, this issue and am no way an expert on life. I have my good days and my bad days. As downright-shitty as these experiences have been, I have learned a lot about life from them. The point of this myTake is to share some important life lessons that I have learned through struggle. By sharing these personal lessons, my hope is to help others who's lives aren't going according to plan.
Here are 5 life lessons that I learned the hard way:
1. Life is Unpredictable & Unfair
We all have goals and ambitions in life; it is a healthy and normal aspect of life. We have dreams and visions of what we want in life and work these into plans for the future. And if you are anything like me, these plans are unchangeable and set-in-stone. However, there are two major problems with having a plan in life; life is both unpredictable and unfair. Plan as we may, life always has a way of throwing curve balls at us, and they are often devastating. We get let-go from our jobs. Relationships end. Loved one die. Life can suck!
The truth is, we cannot always control the bad things that happen in our lives, and we certainly don't expect them or even deserve them. I planned for only the good things in life, not the bad; My life-plan was too ridged. Life may not go in the direction we hoped it would, and that's okay. Much like a roller-coaster, life has its ups and downs. You just need to roll with the punches and not let them knock you down and out!
2. Failure is a Part of Life; You WILL Fail At Some Point
It seems as if all Millennials have been taught from a young age that they can achieve anything they want in life; you can do anything if you work hard set your mind to it! For the longest time, I was disillusioned by this myth, which is what motivated me to be successful in my education. Throughout University, I devoted my life to my education, studied hard, got top-grades, and received many scholarships and awards. I believed that all of my hard work would surely pay off; I would get into a clinical graduate school and achieve my dream of becoming a Psychologist. That didn't happen.
I was devastated. After trying my hardest and devoting so much of my time and effort, my dream was not fulfilled . Even my alternative plan, getting into another graduate program, did not end up working out for me. I didn't know how to handle these failures; I even began to believe that I, as a person, was failure.
What I didn't understand is that failure is a part of life. There are times in your life that, as hard as you may try, you WILL fail. Unfortunately, this is something that we are never taught in school growing up, and it has resulted in a generation that does not know how to deal with failure, only success. It is through failure that we learn, we change, we grow and become more resilient. And remember, failure defines events in our lives, not us as a person.
3. There is No Timeline You Must Follow; You Are Never Too Old to Start Something New
Part of having a life-plan is setting age-related milestones. I was convinced that I would complete a PhD by the time I turned 30, and at the very least, be happily married. And with pressure from family members asking when I would graduate, or when I planned on getting married, these things seemed inevitable. I felt like everything I wanted in life was set on a timeline. So when these big milestones didn't occur within my expected timeline (as well as within the societal norm), I thought it was too late to ever achieve these things. My time had come and gone.
It is only recently I have come to the realization that it is not too late to still achieve my goals and dreams. They may have not happened on my watch, but it is something that I have come to accept. You can achieve a dream or goal at any age. I may get a PhD when I'm in my forties, or I may find love and get married even later than that; and that's okay. Just live your life at your pace, and remember, age is just a number.
4. Don't Compare Your Life with Others; Everyone's Life is Different
I'll be the first to admit, I have always had the habit of comparing myself to others, especially when it comes to success. So when my life took a turn for the worse, and my self-worth was at an all-time low, it made me feel even lower to see others successes in their lives. Of course this was fueled by following friends through social media, like Facebook. People were graduating, getting jobs, getting married, have children; all sorts of happy life events. Meanwhile, my life seemed like a complete train-wreck in comparison.
I came to the realization that comparing my life to others was unhealthy and fueling my depression. This realization actually lead me to take a break from social media, deleting my Facebook and other accounts (having only recently returned). Although I regrettably cut myself off from my social supports, It was the only way that I could stop myself from slipping deeper into a depression.
I have learned that comparing yourself to others is counterproductive, and it something that I am continuing to work on. I know that everyone's life is different; there is no comparison. We all have successes and failures in life, but it is only our own that we should be concerned about.
5. Take Nothing For Granted; Appreciate The Things You Have In Your Life
Throughout all of my struggles, I think the most important life-lesson I have learned is to take nothing for granted and appreciate the things I have in my life right now. I have the love and support of my family and close friends. I have a place to live and money to pay bills right now. I may not have everything that I want in life right now, but I am thankful for what I have. So appreciate everything that you have in your life right now, even the small things, because they could all be taken away in an instant. Nothing in life lasts forever.
Life is full of important lessons that are sometimes only learned the hard way. I know there are many people out there in similar situations, who's lives aren't turning out as they expected. I think my life (and many other's lives) can be summed up in a single sentence "It didn't go as planned, and that's okay".
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