Why I'm a Lone Wolf/Hermit

I read somewhere in another myTake someone saying they think people who are lone wolves are socially inept, they stated we make excuses for our inability to socialize by giving ourselves a more endearing label. I didn't respond because not only was it wildly inaccurate, but also opened old wounds from my very social days.

I am a very social, funny, easy going, confident, outgoing and giving Virgo. Because I am good looking people tend to push up on me, then turn very jealous and spiteful quickly. I always had friends then suddenly found myself with my back against the wall, not knowing what I had done to deserve it. These same people would come back looking for me, often obsessed with my presence but just cannot seem to refrain from the unwarranted attacks.

My exes craved everything about me but very often play games to make me think they can do better, and then take the sides of those who offend and harm me, even if they never met these people. I just can't seem to get anywhere with people, or stop them from treating me the way they do. So I gave up and cut everyone off.

I need sleep because I work hard to provide for myself. One of the reasons I cut off contact from everyone including family was, people seem very inconsiderate of this and it almost seems like being around others interrupts my rest. I could never be that way but still those who have done anything for me, throw it in my face. I once had a male friend push to do me a favor then bragged about giving me 1 dollar. I watch these same people and they do not treat others like that, it is just me but they moan and bitch when I don't want to be around them.

I invited two people to my house, I told them they could come stay because I recognized they like my company. I thought it was only for one night, what harm could it do? They first helped themselves to food which I don't mind but they wasted my well prepared food, by the way I am a great cook, something they know for sure.

My food is also very expensive and tastes far better than the garbage we bought days ago, that they ate, it was dry and had no flavor but I ate it because I wasn't gonna waste my money and I had a headache. They then spent the whole night slamming my doors, scrambling god knows what, giggling and whispering in the other room. I got no sleep, I do not want bags under my eyes and I have a full day tomorrow which is my day off before it's back to work again.

I do not know why I am so different from other people, that is why I stay away. I look different for this reason too. I am often told I look rich but it is because I care for myself and don't have bad practices. Socializing is just too wearing on my body, psyche and pocket. I am not broke and have money just in case something goes bad in my life. Many people I know are worse off than I am, and the minute I invite them around my life falls a part.

People who are lone wolves don't sacrifice peace of mind and a stable life for friends that could rob you of money, peace, and happiness. People are inconsiderate and make bad decisions like they have more than one life. This is an experience that totally seals it for me, so many years of going in hiding and this is what I get.

I am pretty sure Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates get exactly what I am saying. Not to sound mean, but I think you should leave pigs in the mud or they'll bring it in your house.


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What Guys Said 33

  • 4d

    I can relate

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  • 7d

    I totally get it with needing alone time. I also get it with needing the sleep, and the presence of others can interfere with that. I can see being in a relationship with a woman who really "gets it" and might even be a bit introverted herself. I'd be what you might call an "extroverted introvert". A lot of people who know me think I am real funny and outgoing. But then I go back to my living alone and loving coming home to an empty house. LOL Much, but not all, of the traveling I do, I do alone. I do like it when I go with a friend also, but I have not major problems alone most of the time.

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    • 7d

      Update is they are still wasting my food, reheating it inside a pot instead of microwave but leaving a lot of it burnt inside the pot. Ignoring me when I talk to them and just acting weird. I talked to one of them about this experience with a family member and she still did it :)

      I was cleaning even though they helped to make the mess, they acted lazy and unwilling. I am done with people.
      I'm not cooking shit more until they are gone, they will know not to waste my hard earned money.

  • 7d

    - Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance
    - Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
    - Exaggerating your achievements and talents
    - Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
    - Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
    - Being envious of others and believing others envy you
    - Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner

    You're displaying many symptoms of NPD and It's quite common to see here on GaG. I hope you overcome it one day, should you choose to seek someone to help you.

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    • 6d

      Yes I am sure that is what I have.

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    • 6d

      @Kataclyst Considering humans are social creatures and not lone "wolves". Yes, there is something wrong if you shun all social interaction, or are not very good at it.

      Like i said, there are a lot of you guys on GaG. I wish you nothing but the best and hope you overcome your conditions at some point.

    • 6d

      While its true that we're social creatures not all of us can take it a lot, thats why there's asocial humans as well as social. and an in between of both
      And then there's introverts. they dont shun it, it tires them. there's people that can't handle the energetic outgoing nature of extroverts as well. I dont know of any other animals that have introversion/extroversion, but there's bound to be some, if not now there will be some depending on how long life has left on earth.

      Another thing, most introverts (Pretty much because they don't have to directly interact)
      are much more social online, be it in voice calls or in text i haven't met any asocial introverts as of yet, tho i probably will.

      Lone wolves are not non-social creatures, they just prefer quiet. but hey the chances of us ever agreeing is miniscule so lets not get too crazy and get into a stupid argument about our views, gave our opinions and thats that blablabla. have a nice day o/

  • 7d

    I agree with this 100%. Im the ssme way when it comes to people and inviting them over. Sleep is important to me, our bodies are not like machines as most of us treat them. They need there "down time"
    My cousins understand this as well so we get along really well. I'm the same as you very social, outgoing funny, great cook and I do enjoy cooking for others but not for the ones who go and help themselves to anything in my fridge. I'd be so pissed if someone came in my house and ate some of my meals for the week that I've prepped. Hope you find some other people like yourself!

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    • 7d

      I am trying, twice I thought I met someone but one embarrassed me at restaurant talking down to chef when the food was great, she was just showing off, I wanted to disappear.

      The other tried to sell my boyfriend's best friend some p*** because he had an American accent. I took her on a vacation in the country side, she was not hungry and never needed to do that. The American guy said what kind of girl did you take here with you. I'd never seen that side of them so it's like they wanted me to look bad.
      They were clean girls, seemed pleasant and we looked close alike of all women I've been friends with.
      I sometimes think it is my culture because I am from a third world country. I used to see psychics because I thought I was cursed. I am just gonna chill alone or move out. I've had opportunities to marry and move but that's a big change.

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    • 6d

      If I went to the resorts more often I think I'd be married to a foreigner by now, but I don't go often and was never interested when I had the chance.

      Yes I think so many guys wanting to marry me is strange, that is why I turned them down. I am a small girl and people view me as cute, I am treated like a pet and get no respect, so maybe they wanted a pet. I am smart and strong and do not want to be viewed in that light.

    • 6d

      Yeah I probably wouldn't want to go to a resort in the place I live, I've already seen everything lol.

      Ahh I see. Good tjinking on turning them down! They sounds controlling if they like you because of your small size you know? Maybe not do much already already pet but control what you do.
      Well its already good think you are smart, I coukd see other not so smart women fall victim to these types of men.

  • 7d

    "The more I know about people, the more I like my dog."
    "It's better to be alone than in bad company."

    I don't know who said the above quotes but I whole-heartedly agree with them, as well as your Take. I don't know how old you are, but in my limited experiences as an adult, I can say that the adult world is nasty. It's like high school drama and gossip on steroids - except that you have to work and pay your own bills. Those last two things are already stressful as is. I'd rather not have to deal with that extra layer of strife, which is people in general.

    People are selfish and ungrateful, no matter how much or what you do
    for them; nothing ever seems to be enough. And I understand, as someone who has been burned (figuratively) by others. I've lost money to people, I've had to pay for damages on their behalf, I've helped people with their work, basically I give my heart and soul with zero gratitude in return. No surprise, I cut these people out of my life, it became too stressful. But having experienced this, I learned that you have to take care of yourself first and learn to be happy with and by yourself. I live alone, I sometimes go on vacation alone. Don't feel bad for me, because I'm having a blast having my own apartment as well as when I'm wandering around on my own during vacation.

    True friends are hard to find. I only really have 2 true friends, and haven't made any others since my college years. Don't get me wrong; I still socialize with my co-workers and classmates, like going out to happy hour and to the lakes on weekends. I'm not socially awkward and am not afraid to speak to people.

    But given the choice, I'd rather be by myself - along with the peace and quiet, I don't have to be bothered by anyone else's disagreeable behavior. And it's made me much happier in life and better able to focus on my own business. I hope you can find the same (or similar) for yourself!

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    • 6d

      Thank you, I am the same. I still talk to people and act social but I still want to be alone most of the time, less drama.

  • 4d

    I understand that you have had some bad experiences with dating and with friends taking advantage of you. One choice is to shun the company of others, and another is to change your strategy for choosing friends and romantic partners.

    I have no illusion about you being antisocial. indeed, it seems that you have some anger about your social needs not being met through others. One day, the sun will come streaming into your cave, you will wake up and look out upon the world, and you will hear the opening fanfare "Dawn" from Also Sprach Zarathustra.

    You can rationalize your choices but will you be happier 20 years from now because of these choices?

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  • 3d

    I was a social party animal when I was younger. I went to hundreds of parties, maybe even thousands. Now I'm pretty much a loner and hermit. There is no reason for it other than I no longer have the desire or energy to be out constantly socializing.

    There is no reason I "withdrew" because I didn't withdraw. I still like to be around people, but it's just not an everyday thing like it used to be. I don't "need" to be around people every day. Socializing with neighbors a few times a week, and going out with friends a few times a year when they are in town is good enough.

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  • 5d

    You sound how I feel about a lot of people, so many are such drain on us, I always do better on my own it seems, when I had a family life they were very inconsiderate of my sleep and I was the one making the money and taking care of everything. Now I'm single again and doing things on my own terms and going to sleep when I need to

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    • 5d

      People just don't understand that some of us actually care about having priorities. I get nervous and my heart feels weak when I am tired. I cannot function without sleep and I have a lot of responsibilities. It's stupid that the same people who depend on you won't respect that.

    • 5d

      Yeah I kept telling them I drive for a living and need enough sleep to function, it would be deadly for everyone on the road if I fell asleep. Luckily I'm always active and stop a lot so I never get like that

  • 7d

    I don't think you're a hermit.

    You don't sound like one.

    Instead you sound like a person who simply doesn't like the popular mindset but given the opportunity to meet likeminded individuals I think you would flourish.

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    • 7d

      I think so too but I am ill-lucked. My mother used to tell me I am too friendly growing up, I had friends everywhere and didn't even remember where we met, but people get mean to me for no reason and make me regret knowing them.
      I just got tired of it because I am not doing anything wrong, and they pretend the things they do to me never happened as if they are trying to convince me that I am crazy when that fails they apologize and do it again.

    • 7d

      I'm sorry to hear that. It isn't beyond the human being to feel no remorse and become so conceited as to violently harm others and then deny their behavior. That said I think you'll find others like yourself someday as times goes on; you aren't the only one out there. If nothing else you can take comfort that eventually you'll gravitate to where you want to be if you choose to search.

    • 6d

      I am hopeful because I always fight for my happiness, that is one thing I will never give up on.

  • 7d

    Sleep, rest, and peace of mind. I have ended many a relationship with people who rob me of that. I NEED 8 hours of sleep a night, a daily workout, and 2 hours of chill time. If your presence robs me of those. Bye

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  • 7d

    Sounds like we have a lot in common, at least previously in terms of quality of friends. The only thing I can really say is I got better at weeding out the ones who would turn on me at the drop of a hat and finding the ones who would have my back like I have theirs.

    The old saying those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind rings true.

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  • 7d

    Either this is fairly one-sided, or you've had quite some growing pains in your past to have gotten in this exact position. You must have SOME good friends, like minded people who you trust and enjoy their company.

    I also feel justified in calling you a hothouse flower. You seem overly intolerant of the sheeple, which is a bad thing. It can be useful to learn to get along with them sometimes. By all means, stay away for the most part, but learn to act like one of them when the occasion arises.

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  • 7d

    I am a very social, funny, easy going, confident, outgoing and giving Virgo. Because I am good looking people tend to push up on me, then turn very jealous and spiteful quickly. I always had friends then suddenly found myself with my back against the wall, not knowing what I had done to deserve it. These same people would come back looking for me, often obsessed with my presence but just cannot seem to refrain from the unwarranted attacks.
    My exes craved everything about me

    ^^^^i hope you realize part of being socially inept is not realizing how offputting you can be. stop qualifying yourself to us its unattractive

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    • 7d

      oh i see :)

    • 7d

      Also people don't copy, envy and chase off putting people :) took me years to stand up for myself and learn to cut people off. You will not twist my brain into thinking I am the problem, that phase is over, and so is this conversation.

  • 5d

    I am antisocial, I only came here for the 5XP.

    Good day.

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  • 5d

    Wow! I found grown female version of myself!!!

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  • 3d

    this is basically just a very elaborate excuse to stay in your comfort zone. your life would benefit so much if you just left that comfort zone once in a while. you can prefer being a lone wolf but that doesn´t mean you have to be that 100% of the time. bring more facets into your life.

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  • 5d

    It's not to hard to end up being a lone wolf. Im a leo/virgo cusp, so i vary between outgoing and lone wolf... But it really is better to not be alone.

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  • 21h

    I'm with you, I have few friends that are close. And they're in different states. Of the friends I have in the area, we don't hang out regularly.

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  • 6d

    The term narcissism comes to mind.

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    • 6d

      Thanks for stopping by, don't come again.

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    • 6d

      You are a sick old man that needs to leave this site.

    • 5d

      This is typical behavior for the SJW. If you don't like what someone has to say then they should be eradicated. And THAT is what's sick. I really do hope you're getting the mental health help you need.

  • 4d

    ok i can understand ur reasons but u need to change:
    http://vocaroo.com/i/s1QcIjrAbfpL

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  • More from Guys
    13

What Girls Said 13

  • 7d

    I've kind of become anti-social. I just don't see the point in socializing with people who judge me or don't understand me (or who don't even try). I find people are very critical of me and I just don't have time for that.

    Who wants to be around people who make you feel like crap? Or who wants to be around people who don't approve of your lifestyle? Don't like my life, don't be in it!

    I'm not a miserable person. I've just spent too much time worrying about making other people feel comfortable that I sacrificed my own well-being and comfort level. Never sacrifice any part of yourself for other people's sake. They can take care of their own selves.

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  • 6d

    I agree with what you say, and relate to you a lot. For my example my mums partner says I don't know how to socialise with others, but in fact i do, I'm pretty fun and outgoing but it just depends on who you throw me with. I see myself as very different to the majority, and for awhile gave up on trying to make friends, and then I finally figured out a few years back the reasons why I had trouble making friends, I changed who I tried to make friends with, instead of the majority i now look for the minority personalities like me, this realisation then allowed me to be myself and I became a lot happier. Its funny you say about the being called rich because i had the same once by a girl who i asked what her thoughts on me were, and stupid thing was that at the time i was wearing all secondhand clothes, its just how a person chooses to present themselves. Oh and yes that "Browneye57" I have never seen one opinion that was useful or not rude.

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    • 6d

      I realized Browneye is a creepy evil person, he can go to hell. Yes darling contrary to what people may think, being perceived as rich when you're broke hurts.

      I was raised poor and just chose to present myself in a better light to make way for greater things. I also wear cheap clothes because I save my money, and often go to the half price store, but I am told I look like I shop abroad then everyone tries to use me because I guess I should look a mess to be left alone.

      My old hairdresser started ripping me off and talking down to me, so I stopped using her. She used to say that, people treat me funny because I wear nice things, I was wearing a 15 dollars dress, leopard tights and nice sandals and she was talking about dressing like a foreigner. I use someone else now and she is nice, let's hope she stays that way.

      But you are right, I might not be searching hard enough for like minded people. I must admit I don't go out much, I should explore more.

    • 6d

      As an idea perhaps go or do to things you like with people of similar interests. Thats how I figured it out, i was at a camp alone like usual doing photography, a hobby of mine and I saw someone also alone doing the same and now they are my boyfriend, so now when looking for friends I ignore thous who join the crowd and look for the ones standing alone to the side like i use to, I have made a few great friends this way. Well i wish you luck with it. Could you follow, i'd like to see what else you post.

    • 6d

      Okay no prob

  • 1d

    I used to feel this way. I've changed a lot.

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  • 5d

    I'm a lone wolf too :-) ♥

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  • 7d

    I tend to avoid people because I have really bad social anxiety that comes from me being transgender.

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  • 7d

    People get tired of bullshit after a while. It's nature's defense mechanism.

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  • 2d

    I totally understand wanting to be alone, I'm not a big people person even though I'm pretty good at socializing. However, you're coming off as pretty snobby in your explanation...

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  • 6d

    it just sounds like you chose your friends poorly. that's entirely on you.

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  • 7d

    don't view your differences as necessarily a bad thing. you could just be introverted

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  • 6d

    I appreciate that each to their own :)

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  • 4d

    society is for retards. they gossip, destroy their health with night life, smoking and drinking, mindlessly date, consume trash tv programs. whoever stands for higher values is deemed antisocial by them. if its true then i consider it a compliment.

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  • 5d

    Yeah this is me essentially

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  • 7d

    I agree with you. My friends and even some family members seemed to be too greedy of my attention. I mean I cared about their feelings and needs, trying very hard not to be a burden to anyone. But when the time comes they don´t seem to care about my needs they just do as they please. I spend a lot of my time planning and working but they just want to abruptly change everything without asking me first. I just cut them off a bit and suddely in their eyes I became cold hearted and distant but the minute I tell them I just want to do my thing they start all over again.
    Friends too seem to care more about my looks than my personality, I cut them off because I feel no one knows the real me so why should I work so hard to meet their expectations about how social I should be?
    And you are right if they wanted to share some of your food they should have being more mindful and caring about it, afterall they were your guests.

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    • 7d

      I think people push others into a state of exile and then pretend they have nothing to do with who you've become.
      I quite often wonder if it's a head game and then sometimes I think we're just treated according to the world's perception of you. People just don't think our kind has feelings.

      I give long stares to people who mess with my head now and their response is I am crazy, of course they can say what they want but they will never get that if that is the goal.

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    • 7d

      I am just sitting here after reading those comments of those of other threads of nasty comments from people denying that good looking people have difficulties overlooked. And I am just drained... but only for now. I go to sleep now to recharge and face the world later, it is already 1:21 AM, thanks for the talk :) good morning to you.

    • 7d

      :) Thanks for the talk too.

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