Self confidence is something people either seem to lack or have too much of. I want to talk about what it's like from both ends; how I had no self-esteem to how I grew to love myself.
I used to have absolutely no self-esteem. I hated everything about myself, when it cam down from how my hair looked everyday to how my voice sounded. I never talked to anyone, I was constantly reading my books and dressing in the most unflattering clothing.
Due to my fathers emotional abuse, that only worsened any confidence I would gain. For a few years I would "hoe around", sending nudes to guys and girls alike not caring who they were or how old they were. It made me feel good about myself, even though i now realize I was being used as a sexual object and not a human. The only good thing to come from this was I realized my sexuality as bi.
I did not sleep around but I was not coping in a healthy way to deal with my low self esteem. After I moved out of my fathers house to live with my mother, I talked to her about how much I hated myself, and I told my friends too. Talking about it helped, as I had friends who would reassure me of my worth everyday.
It was not easy in doing so, but eventually I began to believe them. Now as I am graduated from high school, i recognize that a lot of my coping mechanisms were not healthy. I am still working on that but I have come to learn that my stretch marks, my acne, my belly pudge do not make me ugly. I am wanted and loved no matter how I look.
I have a few tips on how you can battle your self hatred;
1. Look in the mirror and point out one good thing about yourself everyday
2. Take care of your hygiene - being clean and feeling clean will make you feel better
3. Don't wear the same clothes multiple days in a row without washing it
4. When you have a negative thought about yourself, "rebuttal" it. (If you think "Oh my acne is disgusting, I look terrible" think instead "shut up craig, i look great") you may not believe it but the more you speak positively to yourself the more you will believe it
5. Mediation is a great way to help you focus and find peace with flaws you make think you have
6. Accept compliments, instead of refusing them it can go a long way
7. Spite, if you are a spiteful person and someone tries to make you feel bad, love yourself in order to say 'fuck you' to them! (tbh.....this works for me when people try to hurt my feelings)
8. Because someone else - my boyfriend tells me everyday how beautiful I am and how much he love me and how amazing he finds me, it helps me a lot in remaining confident in myself. I love him a lot and I completely trust him n the fact he believes I am beautiful; even without makeup, in my bum clothing with my hair in a bandana.
The process may take longer for some than it does for others, but it is just that, a process. There is no reason to be cocky, but to be confident is to love yourself, and be who you are. Everyone gets jealous or insecure so that won't always mean your process isn't working, it just means you're human.
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