How can you gain self-confidence?

Question

I have really low self confidence… it haunts me to talk to new people…

Lynx122 · Accepted Answer

For me I had to overcome trauma, fears shame and anxiety and when I finally completely processed the trauma I saw I had internalized some negative beliefs in the time I was suffering so now I'm trying to internalize positive thoughts about myself. I also noticed I was dissociating when I was anxious like I'd go into my what do I need to do mode and the anxiety would still be there but more in the background. Now I try and be present and calm myself down with mantras like "I'm safe" things like that. I'm less stressed and less exhausted from social interactions now.

Now I'm challenging myself with dating I had limited experience before because I was dealing with a lot of other stuff and dating seemed like an additional challenge that I didn't need at that time but now I'm ready and I'm putting myself out there. I feel so much better already even though my first date didn't work out :) . I think self confidence is a very complex thing it's not just one stat that you can pump up and you'll be fine it's very personal you have to figure out what you're avoiding now what's holding you back and then work through it. And then you'll be like I couldn't do this before but now I feel ok and you're one step further than you were before but there's no magic solution. Some people seem super confident for no reason but they're like coping or bullshitting or they just grew up in a way that made them very confident but if you're struggling with confidence I think it's better to go step by step :) Don't compare yourself to people who never had an issue with confidence just try and improve from where you are now.

Kingofkings1992 · Accepted Answer

Know that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. The key to confidence is just being yourself. People don’t need to like you. Just brush it off when they don’t. You don’t need anyone else’s validation.

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

I think by realizing we all make mistakes. More often than we think, and we all know this (about ourselves), and notice a few times in others, so we all should just be humble lol

All of us just understand small talk isn’t always easy and we all relate a lot more often than not. So have an understanding and respect. Expect others to understand and respect you if you mess up. Worse thing they could do is laugh, and even that will not end us. We can laugh about it too, cause why not.

Also if your body reacts with fast heart rate and all, means could go into fight or flight. Having that adrenaline. And essentially this is where YOU get to be proud of you cause that’s your body looking out for you. It has your back if you really needed it. So now you know that and know you don’t need it in a moment talking to others, so you can calm yourself by taking deep breaths (this really helps- not just “deep breath” for sake of it but the engaging of the diaphragm. Google has more about it than I can really express well lol). And then just say what you want. Don’t have to force it and if you want to say nothing you absolutely can.

Also. (Don’t hate me). One day we will be dead in this life so get the talking out now while you can. If you focus on appreciating it more it won’t seem like a chore or so scary. You know? 😂 So talk. (IF YOU WANT TO). 👐🫵🤙

FreyaRed · Accepted Answer

I'm not looking bad. Some walk in mall or streets of old city is proper selected clothes, not too revealing but not too prude, builds up my self confidence. My dad was earlier a help. If I asked him how do I look and he answered "like walking advertisement of a brothel" I knew it's the right outfit. lol
Seriously. I think you should focus on your strengths but you should look on your weaknesses as well. It's not really relevant if there are more strengths than weaknesses but it's important you convince yourself you have more valuable strengths than banal weaknesses. Our ego works that way and healthy human mind is a little bit narcissists and vain to overvalue own ego's positive attributes, of course this works only at some healthy level.

HawkPerception · Answer

This is all about mind over matter. If it were easy to have self-confidence, everyone would have it. No one would rather have low confidence than high confidence. The way to get over it (just like any fear) is to do it. Train the muscle. Even if it's painful, try to approach someone and talk to them. You'll realize it's not as bad as you think.

Trust me, I've been shy my entire life by nature. When I was in elementary school, I used to cry in front of the class whenever I had to present. When I went into high school, I thought to myself, I'll forever be known as the crybaby and thought my life was ruined. But no one cared. In high school, I gained a little confidence. I still didn't really talk to many people... only the people I played soccer with at lunch. But I never cried. That was a step forward.

Finally, I got into college, and I suddenly became a new person. I was asking everyone for their socials, organizing the class together and was a leader in the year I was in.

I forced myself into sales jobs, both because I believed the skill would take me far in life and because I wanted to get over my fear of talking to people entirely (although I made progress in college, that was only with my specific group that I was in). I was back and forth with it. Always one step in and one step out. And only now... at this part in my life do I think I've almost completely overcome the fear. I've been cold-calling and outreaching to people nonstop.

My point here is that you just need to want to change enough and act on it.

Go on a nature walk and if someone is passing you by, say hi and smile at them. It's really not as big a deal as you think. And trust me when I say, the longer you don't take action, the more regret you'll have later in your life.

Cormac995 · Answer

1. Self-care. Take the time every day to bath, meditate, do your chores drink water brush your teeth etc. This sounds like common sense but in a deep depression trust me it feels very different.

2. Build a skill set. Learn useful things that help you function better and give you a sense of intelligence and self-appreciation. When you have skills, they help make you confident because you know what to do in different situations. Fore warned is for armed, so you won't feel caught with your pants down if you know what to do in an emergency.

3. Be useful and helpful. Find ways to help the people around you. Something as small as taking the trash out for your neighbor can put a smile on their face and anyone who makes someone happy will be valued by that person and being valued by others builds confidence. Doing good in a world of selfish people will make you stand out in all the right ways.

4. Work on yourself and get professional help. Therapy can be incredibly helpful in managing and reducing stress self-hate etc. Most of the time low self-confidence is rooted in something deep inside you and professional help can help you find out what's wrong and address it so you can move foreword healed.

5. Try to cut some stress out of your life. Just being stressed for long periods of time can hurt your confidence. Stress management is very important in maintaining self worth and dignity. Often times when you feel awful you think that you're awful.

6. Love. Love others and find people who love you. This might be the most important one. I'm not just talking about romantic love I'm talking about all kinds. Loving others and being loved by friends, family and yes lovers is a massive boost to self-worth and when you love others it will come back to you.

I hope these help these are off the top of my head.

WonderingManII · Answer

I think this list might help:

Know yourself: Understanding your strengths, weaknesses, and values is crucial for building confidence.

Practice self-acceptance: Accept yourself for who you are, flaws and all.

Set achievable goals: Breaking down larger goals into smaller, manageable steps can lead to a sense of accomplishment and build confidence.

Challenge negative thoughts: Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations and focus on your strengths.

Embrace challenges: Stepping outside your comfort zone and tackling new things can boost your confidence and resilience.

Surround yourself with positive people: Supportive friends and family can help you build confidence and celebrate your successes.

Practice self-care: Taking care of your physical and mental well-being can improve your overall confidence.

Be assertive: Learning to stand up for yourself and express your needs and boundaries can build confidence.

Focus on your strengths: Recognize and celebrate your accomplishments and positive qualities.

Seek positive influences: Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you.

Reward yourself: Recognize and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small, to reinforce positive behavior and build confidence.

Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend.

Develop new skills: Learning new things can boost your sense of competence and confidence.

Be kind to yourself: When you make mistakes, be forgiving and avoid self-criticism.

Celebrate small victories: Acknowledge and appreciate your accomplishments, big and small.

Focus on the present: Don't dwell on past mistakes or worry excessively about the future.

Develop a growth mindset: Believe that your abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.

Screenwriter · Answer

I'd get to a competent counselor right away. There are Life Coaches who focus precisely on such issues.

Lack of self-confidence comes from not having the proper support early in life. This is not to blame anyone in your family of origin. If you weren't GIVEN such support, it means those who were raising weren't either! So you see how this is passed on.

I have a friend who struggles with this at our age right now! So you don't want t his to linger throughout your life or, worse yet, NEVER BE RESOLVED.

A life coach will get to the bottom of the issue and you'll go through exercises to extinguish bad feelings about yourself, unworthiness, lack ofs... And you'll come out on the other side with healthy self-confidence.

And don't be worried about being a braggart or a bore. That's overconfidence with no basis in fact. That is not where you're learning to be. You'll find out your human worth. EVERYONE has worth as a person. You'll also learn to revel in your skillset. And if you have no skillset, you'll learn how to develop one.

Then you can be satisfied that you've done the best you can to feel good about yourself and you're DOING the best you can to be a fully realized person! Good luck!

Finchie40 · Answer

Apparently I gain confidence when I am able to work on myself and feel Good about myself , which I have done for a long time , but now that i am injured in my lower back and waiting to get surgery which is
Taking forever to get, I been becoming
My own worst enemy , because I put on some pounds since I am not allowed to work out per doctors’ orders, so my life right now isn’t going the way I want it to go , without confidence it’s hard for me to pursue a girl because I feel she will immediately reject me. So I don’t even try even though I want to. Plus I am getting older so that’s been a kicker as well, But once I get my surgery and I am healed my goal is to get my ads back in gear and to boost my confidence again , once I am able to don that , I will pursue girls’ again lol

adventurous-1 · Answer

first you have to be happy with yourself, if not then change what brothers you and move ahead, sometimes therapy is a solution for getting to the problem and eliminating what's holding you back. Your self image is a huge part of self-confidence, work on that which you see as needing improvement and your self-confidence will improve as will your outlook on life as well. Knowledge is power so never stop educating yourself and try to be prepared in the areas that affect your life, both business and personal. Just a few thoughts.

Massageman · Answer

Get a copy of "How to stop worrying and start living", by Dale Carnegie. Then read it and apply it. In the practical sense, start by doing something easy, such as mowing the lawn. Write "mowed lawn" on sheet of paper, soon to become your "list of accomplishments". After you walk the dog, add "walked dog" to the list. Those dirty windows? Clean them and add "cleaned windows" to the list.. etc etc. By the end of the day, read at all the things you have accomplished. Personal interactions can certainly be added to the list. "Returned spoiled food to the store for a refund" certainly counts. Keep increasing the complexity of the things you confront and accomplish.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

I'm discarding self-confidence because I don't see it connected to what haunts you, by default. Unless you provide more context...

Simplified, there are two common ways to look at your own fear, psychologically: Either you believe in "exposure therapy", as in pushing yourself gradually to face your fear. Either you believe in introspection, to find out why you fear what you fear in order to find peace. These two approaches can be combined.

DishLady · Answer

Gain? You have to start of by believing in yourself, so if you don't have that you have to build yourself up with daily meditations and mantras that YOU ARE ENOUGH, outline your gifts and qualities, outline your weaknesses and use your strengths as leverage to work on your weaknesses. Improve your network. Shut out negative, toxic people. Etc etc etc. It doesn't happen overnight...

OneViewpoint · Answer

It’s not about gaining something.

Its about losing something.

Stop caring what other people think of you. Just understand that their opinions don’t matter much in the grand scheme of your life.

Stop needing people to like you. Demand that they respect you instead.

SotiCoto · Answer

Don't. No point. People are shit.
You don't need self-confidence to talk to them. Nothing you say to them will matter anyway since people are so utterly self-obsessed that they couldn't spare one single mote of a flying fuck about anyone else. Even if you made a terrible first impression, it would be forgotten within 5 minutes because whoever you're speaking to is most probably mentally masturbating on a constant basis and can't really spare the brainpower to think about anyone other than themselves.

lorenzomichael · Answer

First of all, never try to be somebody you’re not be yourself. Create a new image for yourself whatever that is. If nobody likes it, they can just go fuck themselves. Remember you are you a beautiful person inside and out. Do What you like without fear. Dress the way you like to dress stay positive be optimistic be a little dangerous by being daring and have this sense about you like you don’t give a fuck. Other people’s opinions of you does not matter to you. Listen if you do all that I’ve said you’ll soon realize those around you will think your the epitome of self-confidence. Never be scared! That is only a state of mind.

Now get off your ass and go do it.
BECAUSE YOU CAN!

Makeushiver · Answer

Courage is not getting rid of fear. It's feeling the fear and doing the right think anyway. You've gotten through uncomfortable situations before and the more you do it the easier it becomes

Josey29 · Answer

I am self-conscious about my looks 🙃 Affirmations have definitely helped me. I also try to remember that everyone is human and has doubts about themselves. We're our worst critic!

Hibiscus tea with added whole cloves... speak affirmations as you sip it! It may seem a bit weird but it works!

Nikki1989 · Answer

Simple, it is just a combination of shifting your mindset and taking consistent action.

slatyb · Answer

Have you considered counseling? This often comes from poor self-esteem, which comes from being raised by abusive or absent parents.

DonaldDarko · Answer

Experience, get out and volunteer for something. That'll get you meeting people, speaking to groups of people. Work on your body, run, lift learn how to fight. Accomplishment boosts confidence it teaches you who you are and what you're capable of.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

Fake it ‘til you make it. After about 3-6 months of putting on a confident persona, you start to believe it. That’s what I did to gain confidence in high school.

Jay-_- · Answer

You gain self confidence by forgetting how people perceive you. Forget what their opinion is and know who you are, instead concentrate on how you can be a better you than you were yesterday, that's what is important. People will hate on the most beautiful perfect thing, forget them and be you and be a better you the next day FOR YOU.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Do more things that you’re good at. Talk more about things on which you are knowledgeable. Focus on your strengths and not your insecurities.

dragoblack · Answer

I usually dress up in a way that makes me look & feel good. Finding an outfit style that makes you feel good is always a good place to start. I base mine around my interests which tends to be goth, steampunk, druidics, and D&D

Agape93 · Answer

I just don't feel much, and don't feel a need to. So I don't feel anxiety

Petra07 · Answer

Start with small goals achieve them starts to build up.

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ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

You have to accept yourself, then stop caring about opinions

bddddd · Answer

Speaking as an introvert, my experience is that talking to strangers is partly a muscle to be trained, and partly about forcing yourself to do things you don't want. Nobody needs you to be the extroverted life of the party.

AngryCarl2 · Answer

Step outside of your comfort zone. Don't like talking to new people? Make a point of talking to new people.

NicholasRedone · Answer

@katecrombie self motivation, a smile is tougher than a frown / blank - a religion - a job - either a lover, a pet, family, friends 💕

PaleDale · Answer

Practice. But honestly it's finding a bunch of cool friends

exitseven · Answer

You need to challenge yourself. Find something that you would like to try and prepare for it and see it through until the end.

glennos89 · Answer

I have the same. I'm a mega introvert and I don't know what to say or how to behave. People always find me weird untill they get to know me better

Miristheiss · Answer

By doing things and getting good at them... having success.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Practice making yourself vulnerable &self aware.  Have a wing woman observe neutrally Loosen the inhibitions with alcohol

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

That would depend on what you are trying to do/hope to acomplish and what you are actually worried about.

MinaV · Answer

Analyze where your low on confidence and sort it out

Xalooo · Answer

If you set small goals and achieve them, your self-confidence will increase.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

You just have to interact with people more so you get more comfortable doing it

tfan1 · Answer

Always heard martial arts builds self confidence?

Staximus · Answer

You just have to get better at what you don't feel confident doing

Anonymous · Answer

Paul Mckenna instant confidence, Julien Blanc and Owen Cook (they work together) or theta healing. Your welcome.

Godihateyou · Answer

Delete social media. Smash you mirrors. Listen to people around you. We are all our worst judges. The flaws you see, nobody else sees.

Jennz6 · Answer

Same here, I very submissive

jahaims · Answer

Value the correct things.

wkhan_87 · Answer

Be positive about everything

Anonymous · Answer

No idea, booze helps as does not giving a f**k

Anonymous · Answer

First of all, trust yourself and love yourself.

Anonymous · Answer

I have the exact same issues like you...

dudeinohio · Answer

Me too.

Gabriel-Chicanito · Answer

Having, had believed in yourself.

Anonymous · Answer

Do you have any disability?

HДLILБΞУ · Answer

Confidently..

MasterKS · Answer

Be what you are!

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