So here I am once again sharing my stupid funny (yeah not funny to all of you) myTake as I usually (well, maybe not that often) do. It's a bunch of mixed ones this time. Hope you enjoy!
First of all Let's start with the LINGUISTIC one:
We all know English is a funny language, what I call a vest, my British friend calls a singlet and my American friend calls a wife-beater 😂
But Hey! It's a complex language and it differs from one region to another.
Once I got stuck wondering the difference between "Completed" & "Finished". Referred a dictionary - which was useless. Then I asked @Political_dude about it and he gave me an epic answer:
"If you marry the right woman, you are 'Complete'. If you marry the wrong woman, you are finished. And when the right woman catches you with the wrong woman, you are 'Completely Finished'"
Due to a power outage, the house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3 year old girl to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. When little Connor was born, the paramedic lifted him by his feet and spanked him on his bottom and he began to cry. The paramedic then asked the wide-eyed 3 year old what she thought about what she witnessed. She quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place, spank him again!"
🙈 I Saw Them Doing "IT" 🙈
So the other day I saw two cockroaches having sex. I wanted to spray aerosol over them but I thought twice, maybe he has been chasing her for years, and she has been leading him on for a long time without letting him get "down there" - being single myself, the thought changed my mind and I let them enjoy.
Later I thought to myself, What is he was raping her? I allowed the rapist to get away!! I confessed to @BellaIsQueen and she gave me a fantastic idea.
She said that next time I witness such a situation I should act fast. She said,
"Separate them first.
If one walks towards the other while the other walks away - it's definitely Rape!
If they both walk towards each other - then it's Love!
And if they both run and hide - it's definitely an Illegal Affair!"
As curious as....a lil' kid
A four year old little boy was at the doctor's office with his mother in the waiting room when he spotted a pregnant lady on the other side of the room.
Having nothing better to do, he walks over to her and inquisitively asks, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes he replied, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She said, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look on his face, asked yet another question, "Is it a good baby?"
She replied, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
At this point the woman is thinking the little boy is incredibly cute and looks forward to what he has to say next...
And, much to her surprise, with an even more surprised and shocked look than before, he asks..."Then why did you eat him?"
MEN WILL BE MEN!
A girl checks her weight.... = 58kg
She removes her boots.... = 56kg
Then she put her handbag down... = 52kg
Takes off her heavy scarf and now she is... = 51.5kg
But then she realizes that she has run out of coins...
A guy from behind says,
"YOU CARRY ON...I HAVE COINS"
Mr. Dickson 😡😡
So we had a teacher named Thomas Dickson. His name kinda suited him.
Mr. Dickson had a habit of asking daft questions to his pupil.
One day he asks his 4th graders if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.
Since no one was able to answer, he old the kids to go home and ask their fathers.
The kids came back the next day. No one knew the answer.
"Look," said Mr. Dickson, quite enjoying himself while holding his ndex finger against his thumb, forming a 'zero'. "This is a hole, my nose has two holes, and I can put my hand over my noseand make the nose holes appear inside the other hole."
"Ahh, right" said the children.
The next day, Cheeky Gary stood up and said, "Mr. Dickson, my daddy wants to know if you know how to put 7 holes in one hole."
"How to put 7 holes in one? Well I'll be darned. I don't know how to do that. Did your father tell you how to?" enquired Mr. Dickson.
"Yes," said Gary, "He asked me to tell you - 'Take a flute and shove it up your ass!'"
Probably the dog wasn't well trained
Two female police dog handlers were walking their dogs
One says to the other, "I'm cold, I left my panties at the police station." The other says, "Let the dog have a whiff of you down under and he'll go fetch 'em for ya."
Fifteen minutes later, the dog returns with her panties, her baton, a broom handle and two of inspector's fingers!
That's all for this time.
And apologies if I offended anyone.
This take is only for entertainment purpose. Hope y'all enjoyed it