Caring about what other people think about you is almost never a good thing. However, in this MyTake I am going to share with you what it`s like to view it from a different perspective; almost making it a good thing at times. I know that a lot of you have struggled with the same thing, and hopefully, you don`t feel so ashamed about it after reading this. Here are a few things I`ve learned from caring what other people think about me!
Okay, so firstly, let me make something clear. Through my ENTIRE STAY on this earth, I`ve dealt with the questions: "Oh, no, how will this make me look? WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF ME!?", and let me be honest. It`s not fun. Everything you do, say, think, mean... it will be reconsidered at least a hundred times.
Today, I feel great about myself because I`ve learned to stand up for what I believe.
Caring what other people think can never be fully avoided. You just learn to deal with it.
1. People kept telling me "stop being so insecure".
Yup, I`m insecure! Thanks for reminding me! This especially was a big problem for me. I didn`t share my feelings with people often, but when I did, this was what I heard. Every. Fucking. Time.
2. I became excessively self- conscious.
Everyone should be A LITTLE self- conscious. It`s healthy because it means you care about how you present yourself. However, people like me, become excessively self-conscious. I`d notice straight away when I would say something "wrong" in a conversation. Something that I feared could make the person think "what the actual fuck" (most of the time they never thought that).
3. A lot of the things I did was for other people or/and their attention.
Places I went, people I spoke to and befriended... you name it. I usually had some kind of point I needed to prove. I wanted to prove things like: I`m social, cool, active... Basically, you could say I had an agenda for all the things I did.
4. I felt exhausted all the time, and I never really knew why.
I could come home from school one day and feel completely drained for no clear reason. When I`d think about it, all the things I tried to prove that day to people who didn`t even appreciate it, were the exact reason, and it was a VALID reason. It`s like people kept pulling my string as a Chatty- Cathy Doll because they thought it was entertaining how I tried (and failed) to make them laugh.
5. I attracted some really toxic relationships.
...both when it came to friends and romance. I just wanted to make my friends happy, but I forgot to please myself during the hard times. I put myself aside completely, which did some pretty good damage to others and my well being.
6. People took advantage of my kindness.
This braids in with point #5 because toxic people love stability. I come from a stable family and I`ve enjoyed sharing love and interests with others. However, it has bit my ass on numerous occasions. Sometimes I found myself to be too nice, and I just ended up giving in to everyone.
1. I encouraged myself to be the best I could be
This helped me learned a valuable lesson in life. A lot of people live great and careless lives without having to consider other people`s opinions, but it helped me to understand that it`s important to see other people`s examples, learn from them and try my best to be the greatest version of myself. Yes, the process was exhausting and perhaps unnecessary to an extent. Still, I value the times I tried to be my best and proved my worth.
2. It made me appreciate my intended good nature
So, no matter how screwed up it seems, people who care what others think have a pretty good nature. They live by making other people happy (that`s at least what they intend to do, sometimes it ends terribly). Through all the hard times whilst pleasing others, I learned in the process that my intentions are good, and I`m only trying my best.
3. I learned significant life lessons early
Things like: "You have to make yourself happy too", is a regular quote shared amongst parents. This is because a lot of parents forget themselves while they have children. Of course, this is normal, but not necessarily healthy. My own mother dedicated her life staying at home, raising my brothers and me, but I noticed from a young age that she missed the times she could be out and shine the way she used to. It is possible to do this while you have kids (now my mother has a kickass job and she`s shining like never before! She`s still the best mom ever!).
So, what I`m saying is, I`ve learned that it`s important to consider yourself in any situation. NEVER forget who you are. If you forget who you are as an individual person while having kids, you shouldn`t really have kids, to begin with (the kid thing is just an example, don`t get too caught up in it). You should be allowed to keep your individuality and shine while caring for others.
4. Since I cared what other people think, I appreciate other people who do the same thing
I know how hard it is to try getting out of this difficult situation. Not a lot of people understand. It`s just how it is. Since I am no longer a hardcore people-pleaser anymore, I can value other people who are going through what I did. I know that they need time and understanding, not to mention a little extra love. Instead of calling them insecure, be inspired by them for at least trying.
People who care so much what other people think, don`t feel valued. That`s why they seek such great acceptance from others.
5. Finally feeling that what you do shouldn` t please the rest of the world, is THE BEST FEELING.
Once you get over that phase of pleasing others, you REALLY feel that freedom. You also feel like you`ve earned it. After all that hard work, anxiety and pressure, you feel free. And you`ll go on in life rocking that freedom.
Sorry if this came out as cheesy or irrelevant. I hope you guys enjoyed regardless! x