I´ve had many weird looks when I told people that I don´t like romance, when they asked me about my favorite genres whether it´s about books, movies or even just when it comes to relationship. What they didn´t understand is that I don´t like their and the media´s perspective on it. Some of you who have spoken to me might have noticed that my way of thinking is different. I give a lot of depth and value to words and I connect it with my rationality and my feelings. When it´s about general stuff, I´m usually the one with a different opinion.
I define romance entirely differently. My definition of romance doesn´t come that close to the definition of the public. The only thing they have in common is love. Before you comment that romance is basically for a big part love, I´d gladly tell you that I disagree. To me, romance is more than just love, romance is beauty, mystery and hard work. According to the Oxford dictionary, this is the meaning:
· A feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.
I find the way romance in general is portrayed to be superficial. It´s so regular and boring. Girl meets guy at the bar, goes on a date, brings flowers, jumps in bed, bla bla bla. Or guy sees girl in college, talks to her, goes on a date, and you can guess it already, before you know it they ended up in bed. It´s like it has no deep meaning.
It´s just like how you grab a coffee in the morning without giving it a second thought, sipping it away as quick as possible, scrolling through your phone. Like it´s nothing, just a satisfaction for your thirst.
Now, when I grab a coffee, I enjoy every single sip of it. I love the scent of the aroma. I don´t drink it quick, but slowly, feeling how it goes down my throat and how it warms me up from the inside. I get lost in my daydreaming while I look at the elegant color of my coffee.
Do you see the difference? After all it´s both coffee but the way it is done is entirely different.
Romance to me, takes time, a lot of time, it´s full of mystery, hard work and it´s incredibly beautiful. You don´t jump from bed to another. You don´t leave a person once you think you got bored, because that only reflects that you´re a shallow person. No one could ever know a single human being entirely. There is so much to know. Attraction doesn´t fade away unless you put your mind in to it and you´re seeking someone else because you´re not sure and want to explore other options to see which one you like more, like it´s a piece of clothing rather than a loved one.
Romance is like the seeds of a flower garden. If you take care of it and value it, it will bloom into a beautiful flower field. If you neglect it, it will die or it won´t even bloom. If you pluck them because you like flowers so much (referring to taking things too fast), the flowers will die and the emptiness of the garden will be left. You have to let things grow slowly on it´s own pace. You have to value it. You have to see the depth of it.
You can tell me that we can´t compare flowers to humans, but then you have to realize what´s more fragile? The feelings of a human or a flower? The human is so complex. We are probably the most complicated creatures. We can´t control our subconscious and that´s what makes our feelings extra fragile. Once someone betrays us, it is impossible to connect like before. Once a single negative thought comes up in our minds, it´s nearly impossible to ignore it without making sure.
Femininity and masculinity are also essential when it comes to romance. I don´t think there is anything that fits better than how femininity fits into masculinity and vice versa. It´s not only essential for the chemistry but also the attraction. It´s like two puzzle pieces who fit perfectly together.
Sadly, we live in a world where even non existent genders exist. Where femininity and masculinity isn´t taken seriously. Where they´re considered to be social constructs while biology and our instincts is proving otherwise. I´m not here to discuss this, this is after all about my definition of romance and not yours.
My kind of romance is a long passionate journey.
Another thing is I believe romance is mainly indirect whereas the media and what people in general think is that it is mainly direct. It´s about actions, not words. How many times did people actually say I love you to each other and ended up stabbing each other in the back? I don´t need to be showered with affection, to me, if it´s not compatible with his actions, it´s meaningless. Here plays mystery as well a role in. You just do things for them out of love without having the need to tell them. They´ll discover eventually and that will certainly only increase the love. Actions speak volumes and could show you how much someone loves you. Words aren´t confirming anything. Anyone could talk lovey-dovey. One has to look behind those words and focus on the details because clearly it reveals a lot.
Romance is something valuable to me. Nearly anything I see nowadays about romance reminds me of the garbage can. It´s not as elegant as how it used to be. The reason for this is because it isn´t valued anymore like in the past. The emotions, the feelings, the depth became extremely shallow. It´s just kind of a deal signed by sex.
I haven´t watched most movies about romance, because again to me it´s a big waste of time and there is nothing that makes me cringe harder than such movies do. Plus, I get bored within no time. Same about books.
If I watch or read something romantic, it´s usually historical because the femininity and masculinity is shown well, it usually takes a lot of time and things develop slowly, it usually has a difficult situation (Imagine a Nazi falling in love with a Jewish woman), there is a lot of mystery going on etc. It actually does something with my emotions and there is action.
Maybe I have an old soul and an old-fashioned taste, In the end you can think whatever you want but this is how I define romance.