I said nothing, was it my fault?

This is a fictional story Warning: this contains strong situations about abuse


I said nothing, was it my fault?

I sat on the hospital bed naked in a hospital gown. I was too nervous to be cold and shaking too much to even tell if I was. I sat there anxious and confused. I kept on saying over and over again to myself, I should have said no. I looked at my arm, it was third time I had cut myself. Thankfully I had stopped this time. I somehow found the strength to bring myself into the ER.

I said nothing, was it my fault?


I touched my face and it was still fresh from the bruise. I needed to be slapped. I was stupid enough to allow him to continue and besides according to him, I wanted it. If I wanted it, I should have played along. I fought for a reason I did not make clear enough to him. We were good friends and he would have been good enough to stop if I told him to do it.


I said nothing, was it my fault?
I was just so shocked I could not move. It was my fault, I went back to his room and laid on his bed. Dam* it I gave so many signals tonight. If I would him, I would have done it too. I looked for something to cut my wrist with again. Then I realized I was in an ER, why did I even come here… This was so stupid. I started to cry about my stupidity.

I said nothing, was it my fault?



Then a male doctor came in. I don’t know what came over me. I pushed back in fear and pulled on all of the equipment behind the bed to pull me back further. I was so scared. He quickly left and a girl nurse came in shortly after. I seemed to feel calmer with her right now for some reason.

I said nothing, was it my fault?


“Can I see your wrist?” I did not talk and I hid it, it was none of her business. She went for the bruise on my head. “Where did you get this?” Falling down the stairs. That is why I came in, can I get something to put on it, I feel so stupid just coming in for that. “You are going to have to reason with me here, there are police out there. The staff here have reason to believe that you hurt yourself. We can do this the easy way or the hard way.”

I said nothing, was it my fault?



I was angry and I reluctantly pulled my wrist out to show her. She started examining it. It was also then that I remembered I told them everything when I came in. I was so confused. “You are not the first girl this has happened to here. And I completely understand why you can’t think straight. I was pulled in here because it happened to me too when I was around your age. You are going to take some time to recover from this. But know this, he had no right to do what he did. Just because you gave him signs and did not say anything does not mean you agreed. And in the state of your confusion it is hard to process that slap but you know it was wrong.”

I said nothing, was it my fault?


“Did you change your clothes before you came in here?” No, I have been so confused… I fell crying into her arms. She tightly held me. We stayed this way for what felt like a half hour. I feel like I fell asleep briefly in her arms a couple of times. “Sweetheart, I understand this is tough but we are going to need to swab you. I am going to do it, is that ok?” I very slightly nodded.

I said nothing, was it my fault?


When the swab went in, I pushed back in fear at first. Then she grabbed my shoulder. “It’s ok, you are safe here” The second time I felt simply uncomfortable with another person touching my private area. I felt like I was being violated all over again. It felt like forever for her to swab. She put it into a bag. “We are going to put you in a safe place for a couple of days. To monitor you and keep you safe.” I started bringing up college and my job. “don’t worry about that, you will still have them when you are done here.” My body gave up and I felt asleep.

I said nothing, was it my fault?

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Jjpayne is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Although painfully realistic, I am extremely impressed with this story. It evokes sympathy, optimism, and strong internal dialogue. Good job Jjpayne

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  • This perspective gets promoted way too much

    There are thousands of kits done form women and men who are aware they were raped and the asshole had no right and they pressed charges and nothing

    The tradegy is not in an Individual feeling like it’s their fault but in rape being blamed on the victim and not taken seriously

    You get interrogated mocked and sent on your way and no one pays more often than not

    And you will lose your job and fall behind in school If you just don’t show up bc you are having some trauma time

    I do not think most rape cases are involving fragile women who can’t tell the difference between consndtual sex and rape.. I think this is promoted or take onus off of failing legal system

    It was not badly written but it gets tiring seeing stories depicting the ‘ average woman’ Being self hating confused and insecure... this gets widely promoted then when women actully turn out to be human beings with confidence certainty and fight in them, the get called feminazis

    I understand you are trying to be supportive and sympathetic... I can appreciate that side of it. Still it’s hard not to find this paternalistic.

    I do enjoy your writing though cheers 😊

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    • . Your opinion makes some very good points, but sometimes women wrongly blame themselves even when it’s clearly not their fault. I have seen this happen more than once.

    • Show All
    • You are being honest and thoughtful. Even if it's disagreement I welcome it because it helps me to learn

    • Awesome 😌

Most Helpful Guys

  • Very good. It touches people but also brings up bad memories.

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    • Yeah, I thought it would help in terms of support of girls that have gone through it but it does run the risk of opening old wounds

  • This was very well written thank you for sharing and
    this was heart touching to read i just pray for each
    and every Woman out there who has been up against
    these issues and i pray for their healing.

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What Girls Said 4

  • This was really tough to read.
    But they don’t give you a safe place for a couple of days. They give you the Plan B pill and send you right back into the harsh light of day.

    Good writing.

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  • The first part of this made me cry. Felt so helpless. Please don’t write these anymore.

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    • The fact that it made you sad, does not mean she shouldn't write those anymore, maybe it's her way of expressing herself

    • Show All
    • I wrote it for the girls that struggle with it. To know they are not alone

    • Thank you 💕

      I struggle with it every day. So do friends of mine.

  • Another well written mytake 👍
    Unfortunately there are some parts that I just couldn't bare to read.

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  • You should've "trigger warning"-ed the fuck out of this.

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What Guys Said 8

  • THANK YOU, I cannot even imagine what you went through, how a person can do this to another. It just gets me so angry the way men treat women , as if they have the right to violate them , to treat them less than an animal. I hope you are on the mend , and can put this behind you , don't let it dictate who you are , if it does , he has won. THANK YOU …..

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    • Sorry to say this, but the user name is blue. It was meant to be a heartfelt and gritty story of what happens to girls... thank you for you for reaching out though! Please do that again with other girls posts that sometimes need that encouragement

    • Sorry , The colour , didn't realise guys use pink , girls use blue , never thought , …...

    • Girls are pink

  • Look you need to stop cutting yourself. You need to cut loose anyone that puts you down. I seen your photo your very beautiful. You really need to say to yourself there is a nice person out there for me. Who will compliment you on you for who you are as a person. Take time out to love yourself first. I doing that I’m taking time out for me. Yes I’m at home alone I have a ex girlfriend who now re taken interest in me again. But yet she’s still living with a guy who lied to her to get her away from me so he can have her to himself and this bloke pulled me down all the time. Now she can see I’m not the person he made out I was. She now can see this in me. Hence she is moving back to me.
    There are a lot of people out there who are jealous controlling and just out to destroy weak people with low self confidence like me. A guy will come along and he will see you for who you are. I can see your beautiful.
    Any questions ask me

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    • Sorry to say this, but the user name is blue. It was meant to be a heartfelt and gritty story of what happens to girls... but please do this when other girls talk about this!

  • It's funny how guys on here think it's real.

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  • This struck ho. e man. Fuck

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  • Why... just why?

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  • So very sad

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  • It was my fault

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  • I'm confused. Why do you have a blue account?

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    • Because I am a guy... and I wrote it. It is a fictional story but it was made to let girls know that they are not alone.

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