Growing Up British Pakistani

[MissPeach35]

#GrowingUpBritish are memes I see a lot around the internet so I thought to myself "hey why not write about growing up British Pakistani because I'm British Pakistani?" Now, if you're also British Pakistani reading this do not be all "that's wrong it's not like this" because I'm writing about my personal experiences which may be different to yours. And if it is different then please share in the comments it's always nice to know different experiences and to discuss them. I've never actually been to Pakistan, well, I've never been out of England so before you ask that question - I've already answered (sound a little too cocky here I know). So let's just dive into this thing:

1) Barely Knowing Your "Second Language"

Now me being an ethnic in England, a lot of people expect me to speak another language. Now where I'm from in Pakistan we speak a mixture of Urdu, Punjabi, and Mirpuri, but to shorten it we just say "Punjabi" They're all really similar languages.

Now when I speak a little bit of Punjabi to my English friends, I feel great because I seem really fluent, and to them, I seem like I could be a translator. When I speak Punjabi to my Asain friends most of us are in the same boat, as in we can't really speak the language that well, but we can understand it okay, so it's really relatable. But when I have to speak to a relative, say an elder who's English is limited... Let's just say I try. Or I'll resort to speaking English in an Asain accent because they might understand me then.

When I was 13 the only words I knew how to say in Punjabi were "Gee" and "Nay" Gee means yes, Nay means no. So when I went to the shop with my grandma, who can't speak English very well, she spoke to me in Punjabi, I understand her but all I could reply back was either "Gee" or "Nay" so as you can imagine, we had a fun conversation.

I should really learn Punjabi, I know, and after my exams are over I'll spend the summer trying to learn it. My parents were also born in England, so Punjabi is their second language, and so we speak English at home. But one of my new year's resolutions is to learn more Punjabi so, wish me luck!

2) Some People Automatically Expect My Dad To Have A Long Beard and Be Strict

Now, this isn't everyone, but some of my friends have been really shocked when they've met my dad.

"Oh my goodness! Your dad doesn't have a beard?"

"He doesn't make you clean the house 24/7?"

"He doesn't mind that some of your friends are boys?"

For some reason, some of my friends expect my dad to be this really strict guy who will kill me if I even look at a boy who isn't related to me. It's not their fault though, I guess that's all they've heard about Asain men.

But Asain people like anyone else are human and will have their own personalities. My dad can be strict when it comes to grades and schoolwork. He does shout at me when I do something wrong. But he doesn't completely try and control my life. He lets me wear my hair how I want to wear it, he lets me dress how I want to dress, he doesn't mind me being friends with the opposite gender. Dating is a no go zone, but to be fair I don't want to date anyone at this age anyway. The only place I really meet boys in school, and I'd rather have happy memories with all the people from my school not making things awkward because somebody is my ex. Anyway, schoolwork is way more important to me than looking for a boyfriend. One of my friends said to me: "I was really shocked when I saw your dad I expected him to be one of those guys with a beard" but not all Pakistani men have beards lol.

3) The Parents Wanting You To Become A Doctor Phase

Now, this is one thing most of my friends who are British Asain like me have experienced. At some point, their family has wanted them to be a doctor. I remember looking through one of my baby books which my parents are supposed to write in and then when the baby is older they read through it.

And for the "When my daughter grows up she will be a _____________" No prizes for guessing what my parents put: "doctor". Now when I was younger I did want to be a doctor because that's all I was told, that I was going to be a doctor. But when I got older I started getting an interest in other things, like computer science and writing. My parents are actually way more supportive of me wanting to go into computer science than being a doctor, my dad and I both agreed that being a doctor may earn you a lot of money, but it's just not for me. Writing is more of a hobby for me, and right now I don't think my parents would be really supportive for that, as it's not a reliable career which I understand, not everybody makes it in that trade. I would like to pursue writing as a career, and if I proved to my parents I could become successful in that trade, then they would have no problem me going into that trade. But I understand it's more sensible for me to study something like computer science so I always have a reliable career to fall back on.

4) "Learning" To Cook a Curry

My parents constantly kept on nagging me about how I should learn to cook because it's a good life skill and all, and we eat curry as our dinner time meal so it was natural for my mum (who is a great cook by the way) to teach me how to make a curry.

So a few times I went into the kitchen with her expecting to learn how to make a curry. She showed me the first time and I just watched, I understood that I needed to watch and learn the first few times. But I became sick of watching eventually and wanted to try to learn myself, so I asked her if I could do something so she let me stir the pot the next few times.

But I wanted to do more than just stir a pot, so I asked if I could try and make the curry myself. So my mum just gave me a carrot to chop. I got annoyed and just didn't bother trying to learn considering my mum wouldn't let me actually try and make a curry. I was about 11-years-old then so maybe she just didn't want me to hurt myself. Truth be told, I've been lazy ever since and not even shown any interest in learning to cook. Part of it was the last time I tried to learn but most of it is just my own laziness.

After my exams I'll try and learn to cook as well, I'm getting older now so I should really know how to. Well, after my exams I've got almost 3 whole months free from school, so I'll try and learn to cook then. It's a basic life skill :P

5) Being Able To Handle Spicy Foods But Loving Traditional British Food

My parents have been giving me Roti and curry for as long as I can remember so spicy foods don't really bother me and when I eat a curry which is basically every day, I don't have problems on the toilet.

I can easily handle spice, as can most of my Asain friends but at the same time, the traditional British foods like Yorkshire puddings and Fish and Chips are also great. My mum will make an English dinner as a treat or we'll order fish and chips every once in a while.

It's been awesome having the privilege to have all these different kinds of food.

6) English Clothes vs Asain Clothes

If I'm honest with you, I prefer the standard English clothes i.e. leggings and a jumper to Asain clothes. I just find them easier to take off and put on and more comfortable. My mum is opposite she prefers Asain clothes.

I do have a few salwar kameez which I don't wear often, they are pretty but sometimes they're just itchy and a nightmare to take off. On special occasions I will wear salwar kameez I'm not dead against it or anything, after all, it is what my ancestors would have worn but I just wouldn't want to wear them every day.

To conclude, I'm proud to be British and proud to be Pakistani. It's who I am. And if you're one of those people thinking "well Pakistani men are _______, and Pakistani women are like ________" Don't because there are actually some really good Pakistani people out there starting with my parents. I;m proud of who I am and where I come from. Both England and Pakistan. Remember to celebrate who you are too! Thanks for reading! :) <3

[Drifter83UK]

First off, hello @MissPeach35 👋.
Was a wonderful read (I'll get back to the writing part later lol).

Since you're 16, Are you parents first Gen British?

I ask because I was also born in England, my pops from Azaad Kashmir. My father came to England age 6 and my mom came to England aged around the 15 mark...

My father grew up with English mentality, a bit of a playboy and jack the lad; he spoke immaculate English and many other languages. He completed high school and did not continue further. A creative genius though, but not academically inclined.

My mother came to the UK not speaking even a word of English.
She didn't have much education either but was quite remarkable when it came to mathematics discipline, the ability to mingle with educated people with a linguistic barrier.

There's some backround, that brings me to this day.

1. Second language - there was a time when English was my second language. Before I went to school I spent a lot of time with my mum. I learnt many languages and could speak fluently. Then I went to school and learnt English which began to take over as first language. I spoke to my father in English and to my mother in many other languages. When we grew up we tried to teach my mother English (by this time she was getting on; the brain absorbs more at a younger age). This day she can converse but has an accent.
As a child I had mostly white & black friends, so no chance to speak any Asian languages until I left high school.

I could still however speak, just not as fluent as English. Having English taking over as first language though I started to speak a little "tooti pachji" (remixed dialects lol) so to speak.
P. s. Gee is not really yes, "Ha gee/gee ha" (ha is yes) ☺️, gee makes it polite.
Kind of like japanese where they say san/chan/tan etc...

2. My dad was mostly clean shaved. My dad was strict and he was feared and respected lol. My dad was fine unless someone pissed him off. Apart from that really fun guy and just wanted to enjoy life. When girls would come knocking at my house (the girls would find out from yhe boys where I lived), my dad would laugh and be fine with it... My mum would be pissed off. So other way around for me.

3. The doctor phase
Yep, I know that feeling. I still know an alarming amount of things about the body for an engineer lmfao!

I was my old man's 2nd favourite (he adored the youngest, but couldn't take him out places and relate; youngest was favourite due to being the youngest and many years difference from the oldest to youngest). Reason why after school i would help my old man with his job, when there were school holidays I also helped too. I got to stat out and he took me to pubs with his friends etc... Was cool, I had free reign with him and he spoilt me a lot 😁.

Getting back to the point... My parents were pissed when I made my choice... They thought of hard intensive labour... No parent that has worked hard labour wishes that for their own. I pursued this on my own...

[Drifter83UK]

... While everyone was accruing heavy debts and student loans, I was bringing the "bacon" home - so to speak lol.

My mother is very proud of me now, but was afraid when I began my journey.

Following my passion, I've worked around most continents and lived it up.

Never let anyone tell you what you can't achieve. You'll be surprised what you can do if you dig deep, then dig deeper. I'm currently not in the UK and spend a lot of time living in hotels at 0 cost.

If you want to write, follow that passion for free. Hell! Do it in your spare time and send me something to read (costs nothing, just some time) ; I'm pretty much an avid reader.. Done a bit of writing in my spare time that people have read and enjoyed.

[Drifter83UK]

4. Learning to cook a curry
Weird one here.. I never actually tried to learn; wanting to spend time talking to my mum or making her laugh, meant I spent a lot of time in the kitchen with her. I would do the things that caused her pain or stress like stirring pots for long durations of time.

I accidentally learnt cooking by stirring pots... I used to see what my mum would put in and in what order: I would ask what she's putting in; why she is putting it in etc... I got to taste the foods throughout the process. People back in the day learnt by just watching and doing some. Got to the point where she'd do all the prep and I'd throw everything in.

Probably same way your mum was taught to do so. Now with all these safety laws, children are molly cuddled a bit much.
Times have changed... maybe you should just tell her to do the prep and you stand at the pot and you'll throw things in when they're ready (just a suggestion if you truly want to learn)?

I'm glad I learned to cook; as much as I love room service... all the travelling to different countries meant making my own food at times for that taste of home.

We didn't just eat traditional foods growing up. My mum did Sunday roast, English deserts, Christmas dinners, jamaican foods (she was a culinary master and quick learner).

She still does those Christmas dinners that I miss so much, but my siblings send pics to taunt me...

[Drifter83UK]

5. Being able to handle spicy food and love English food.
Yes I can eat extremely spicy and fresh chilli... I love English foods for the fact that you don't feel sleepy... But I love spicy food.. Especially since being in Japan and tasting all the crazy flavours... I do however miss my mum's cooking as I've been away for a majority of my life travelling...

[Drifter83UK]

6. English clothes vs Asian clothes
I've worn English style clothing majority of my life. Asian clothing is great for hot environments though. Many of my travels to Asia... I felt like I was dying in jeans and t shirt lol.

[Drifter83UK]

I started making things shorter as there is a word cap... I could have wrote a decitation on growing up... But stuck to your points also for comparison sake.

[MissPeach35]

Hi! Thanks for the replies!

My parents were born in England so they're 2nd generation :)

[Drifter83UK]

Their birth in UK makes them first Gen like me, you're second gen 👍🏼.

No problem, the replies were a bit lengthy so I cut down a lot and started giving the edited highlights to compare with lol.

[MissPeach35]

Great!! :)

[100lbguy]

Born in Netherland, raised in England and my parents are Somalis.

[MissPeach35]

Cool :)

[CandacePerry]

Hi, I am from UK was born in Warrington. My mother was born as in England. She has a half Irish. My nanny did rip. My Nanny was Irish. I was quarter Irish. I am lucky. That I have a learning disabilities called 18p. I always like the austic guys.

[MissPeach35]

Good to know :P

[A-man-22]

I'm fully British and I think everything in here is a great take a part from 1.

This is why cultural dilution is happening in Britain.

This is England, you should speak English when in public.

You should be at least decent in English by 16.

Maybe it's a failing if the educational system but English people should be able to speak English with confidence.

A side from 1, it great to see that you enjoy British culture in our food.

(It's french slander that our food is bad)

[MissPeach35]

My Grandma came to England when was way over 60. I know English, it is my first language but there is no harm in learning the language elders in my family speak, my other language, so I don't lose my heritage.

We're not trying to dilute anybody's culture, how is me learning a second language diluting the culture of Britain just because my heritage leads to somewhere else?

Though you make think you are "fully British" that is extremely rare if you took an ancestry test there is a possibility your DNA may well lead back to another country.

[A-man-22]

Fully British means to me that I have been born in Britain and lived in Britain my entire life.

Why is this? because if we all were super specific we'd all be African because that's where humans came from.

By all means speak your preferred language to your friends and family but the problem comes from when people speak non English in public.

I'm not saying that learning a second language is dilution at all. Infact many people in Britain are encouraged to do that.
What I am saying is that you should be a little more fluent in English than what you said you are and use the correct language where appropriate.

I have seen plenty of foreigners yelling at British people in other languages, it's not nice.

You can be sent to jail for saying certain horrible things in English but in other languages it's like a fake censor. British people don't understand what you are saying so you don't get punished for some of the things you should be.

I don't think people should be able to get away with that.

[MissPeach35]

Oh, I see.

Well, I am fluent in English, considering that is mine and my parents' first language is English. I too am born and raised in England, I've never even been out of the country.

I can see where you're coming from when foreigners speak a language other than English in public, but the majority of the time, it will be because they are more fluent in the language they are speaking.

Like my grandma, she didn't use Punjabi because she wanted to say awful things about people, I understand Punjabi and she can speak it, so it just makes the shopping trip faster.

And the people around us didn't care, like us they were just continuing with their shopping.

[A-man-22]

Thanks for understanding.
From your initial post it didn't seem that you where that fluent in English.

I agree that if you want to communicate more effectively then you should speak to your family in whatever language is best.

It have just seen it abused a lot.

If someone yells at you in a language you understand then you know how to react.

But if it's a language you don't understand they can get away with a lot more than they should.

Thanks for the great mytake😁

[Drifter83UK]

The English language is not failing due to foreigners (blame this texting, tweaking tworking world we now live in) ... You need to rethink your argument. Cultural dilution? Most foreigners have their kids grow up with English values; this is a majoroty, not a minority. Also, you believe sticking to one thing or set of values and not growing as acountry is a good thing? If we think about "keeping things pure"...
We'll end up back in time, to the likes of German Nazi regimes, the slave trade etc...

Also, if you truly want to know about cultural dilution... There is no such thing as pure English. Only true people left in UK were the Scots as a Hadrians wall was built by the Roman empire to keep them North.
Please refer to history books going back to see how everyone got there. This is not an assault, so please take it with an open mind, not a closed heart.

[A-man-22]

If we took everything to the extreme you are looking at, everyone is African because humans came from Africa.

I'm not saying remove other cultures but British should be the main culture in Britain.

It's just common sense.

The British shouldn't have to move for other cultures in their home country.

In other countries that is different.

I wouldn't expect the people of Dubai to drop their culture just because 5% of their population was British.

A culture that has been in Britain since the industrial revolution has a right to stay here.

It may have changed slightly but it's clearly separate from other cultures and it originated in Britain so Britain should be the place where it's strongest.

[Drifter83UK]

Yes if you go to depths of extreme we are from the supercontinent Pangea.

I never said anything about toppling British culture either; rather, human progression.

Some cultural traditions do not allow integration (am sure you would agree, it can keep people separated somewhat).

Apologies, if something I said hit a nerve. That was not my intention.

When there are a group of people who speak only English, it would be polite to speak said people in their preferred language.. Nothing about being British here, but simple etiquette.

Also about being fluent, it takes people different amounts of time to become fluent. If you fly to Japan to live. Can we expect fluency once your over 45 years of age; within a short period of time?

Also if people do not integrate with, or have the means of social integration with people outside of their racial/cultural environment... How do you expect certain things?

I've ttied to put myself in other peoples shoes to answer this.

Yes, I would agree if you had said,
"There are people living here, that have lived here their entire lives and can not speak English; merely because one hasn't tried to."

That's something that yes, pisses me off a little.

Do me a favour. Please provide a list of what it is to be considered British.
It would be really interesting to read the outcome from one British born to another British born and bred.

N. b. This is for the sake of intellectual conversation and debate, please don't take things the wrong way. Everyone has different life experiences and deals with things via their own perspective. 😊

[Drifter83UK]

One final point I will raise is "fluency".
Majority people speaking English in the UK make abhorrent use of the language.

Most British people can neither appropriate English language whether written or through verbal communication.

Hence why I mentioned the texters, tweeters and "twerkers" of the world (somewhere above).

I have seen on many occasions where people with accents (from outside the UK) speak more appropriately, but British people have heckled them for their accents. This behaviour causes some of the shy personalities to restrict their use of the language.

You have to have the ability to wander in someone else shoes for a mile or two before making some judgements right?

Food for thought.

[A-man-22]

It's all good, I'm not the sort of person to get angry at these kind of things.

Try not to use open minded thought that did slightly hit a nerve. Too open minded and you get taken advantage of and betrayed ( cough cough Sweden).

I agree that you can't expect a foreigner to be fluent in English with in a week.

However I feel that learning/testing basic English should be part of the visa process, this would make sure everyone in the UK could at least speak with the majority of others.

As well as this much stricter laws on fluency for foreigners.
Currently if you are a foreigner you can't get into university without passing a fluency test.
I feel raising that bar and including an accent assessment would be better.

Everyone's been in the position where they are doing an important telephone call but they can't understand a word the other side is saying due to them having the thickest eastern accent.

You could say that with all accents but English works better with European accents as that's what it was made with
It's very hard to understand English spoken fast with an eastern accent.

What I consider British.

Food is easiest,
Fish and chips, bangers and mash, roast dinner, full English breakfast.

Celebrations
We do celebrate
Christmas, Easter , st George's Day, bonfire night, remembrance day

We don't often celebrate
Thanks giving ( for obvious reasons)
Chinese New year

Any Muslim, Buddhist , Jewish versions of Christmas/ Easter.

This isn't because we are Christian we removed that a long time ago but it's because Christianity shaped British history.

Other miscellaneous British things.
Using a mix of imperial an metric.
Typically
Speed- mph
Distance- miles
Weight- kilograms but people sometimes still use pounds
Height of a person - feet
Height/length of a building - metres
Temperature- Celsius

BBC is part of British culture
Top gear, great British bake off
Don't need to have watched them but knowing a few popular British TV shows is a plus.

[Drifter83UK]

I left the schooling system at a young age... Yet people think I'm well educated when speaking with me, even my clients think I'm educated.

Schooling has nothing to do with how we speak. Also, accent correction takes a long time. I can speak several languages, yet I've seen many Brits that can not speak their own language properly... (mny Brits butcher English, am sure you'll agree?)

For the aforementioned, we may need our own to sit fluency tests lol.

Yes we all been in the situation you mentioned on the phone, you know the calls are transfered to off shore call centres? So they aren't even in the UK; there is no relevance here...

Quote, "it's very hard to understand English spoken fast with an Eastern accent."

It may be difficult, at least they try.

Next thing isn't to be awkward. You're 21 years of age, and an intelligent young man so far to keep your wit about you and not begin to hurl any abuse. I'm 36 years of age, seen quite a bit. You can not picture what it was like growing up in the UK for our parents and first generation Brits.
I've been stabbed by Brits not once, but a few occasions because I'm not "pure" or "English" (apparently you have to be white to be English lol)
My friends accept me as being from their; I've met some racist Brits even on my travels that do not accept me as a brit although I was born and bred in the UK.

I previously talked about, putting yourself in someone else shoes. I do, hence why I can spend time with anyone and make it a learning experience.

Lobe the foods sellected, hate bangers though, prefer yorkshire pudding, you misses out curry & beer (it's actually a British thing, apparently...)

Remembrance day is an interesting one to put up, it's pretty ironic to forget the foreigners that helped liberate the world from Nazi occupation, no?

[Drifter83UK]

...
Ok it made me laugh when you said Brits don't celebrate anything but pagan rituals... Yes I did say pagan, (i think you need to carry out some self education to enlighten yourself on what you were taught in schools) 25th was used as a DoB and took over from "Saturnalia" (Roman festival - the only difference from Christmas is there were also sacrifices).

All my Brit friends celebrate everything no matter on religion, maybe they're not Brits either?

The metric and imperial part yes, clients and colleagues raise that about my measurements 😂.

You need to know TV to be british? This is a bit dumbfounding, maybe even absurd.

[Drifter83UK]

My father could tell you more about British than the 2 of us put together and he weren't born in the UK; rather he was raised a Brit.

[A-man-22]

We do sit fluency test they are called GCSEs and a-levels. Why do you think we made a-levels compulsory now, because our level of education was slipping compared to the amount in other countries.

Some call centres are based in Britain yet they employ individuals which have accents that are unsuitable for the average British conversation.

That's the companies problem but there are laws saying they have to employ a variety of people.
Which is silly, a clear accent to British ears is necessary there, yet they have to be 'fair'.

I know some of those celebrations are pagan.
The Christian versions of the pagan traditions shaped Britain.

What really bugs me is that some people who come to Britain don't want our traditions.
Yet we have to accept theirs.

Double standard much?

Colour doesn't matter at all, that's actual racism. Lewis Hamilton is one of most British icons I can think of yet he isn't white.

Yet he doesn't have a problem standing to the British national anthem or with the British flag.

You heard about the restaurant closed in London because it served union jacks on the sticks in there burgers.

That's what I'm talking about.
This is Britain, foreigners have to adapt to us. Not the other way around.

In ww2 if Britain fell like France did. Odds are the allies would have lost, Germans put a lot of effort into invading us but it was due to the British people (with some foreign help) that survived.

The axis cut off most of our support so it was mainly a British effort in surviving.

That's why we celebrate remembrance day.

[A-man-22]

(Over 2000 character limit) this is the last part of the last comment.

One last thing, I found a loop hole in your logic.

You say it takes time to adapt to culture, if that's true then if foreigners come here and have a child with in a few months of moving here , is it British?

Obviously yes , but raised by parents that haven't had time to adapt to British culture. Then you create young that don't feel British and don't act British but are British.

That's why schools have to use British values. So that children grow to accept British values.

Because if they don't that's when you get the serious racism from both sides.

I'm all for teaching British children to accept non British culture but if you teach them to be too accepting that when they get taken advantage of and stomped on.
E. g Sweden.

[spunkygiraffe]

Wow! Nice take, this was very interesting to read! :)

[MissPeach35]

Thank you!! :)

[Anonymous]

Would you prefer living in the UK or in Pakistan?

[MissPeach35]

UK, I have never been to Pakistan :)

[John_Doesnt]

Russians are Asians too.

[MissPeach35]

I never said they wasn't :)

[Ultimate_Gohan]

What is curry

[MissPeach35]

[Ultimate_Gohan]

Looks like butter chicken.

[Secretgardenblood]

Loll

[MissPeach35]

Thanks for reading :)

[GayHowellMeme]

Interesting myTake

[MissPeach35]

Thanks! :-)

[killer4212]

Asian*

[MissPeach35]

And that's why I need to proofread. I guess fast typing has its disadvantages.

Thank you.☺