Whats it mean when a girl says she doesn't date?

[Metal189]

She told me she doesn't date, yet shows me all the signs

Updates

+1 y

should mention she works 3 jobs

Updates

+1 y

signs: she initiates pretty much everything from just talking, to touching
she stares (not like stare stare but looks) and has even winked at me, while talking to another guy at the same time
compliments me
wants me to be around her

[Ildskf]

It means what she said...I don't believe there is any hidden meaning. The reason behind it could be that she is busy focusing on herself and doesn't want distractions...maybe it is for religious reasons...

I actually used to tell men I don't date before meeting my BF...it had nothing to do with the guys...it was because I was raised in a very religious family and dating is not allowed...so I didn't want to deal with the consequences if my family found out I was dating...but now since I don't follow the religion anymore I do date...

[Metal189]

why dont you follow the religion anymore? thats a pretty pathetic reason to not date by the way

[Ildskf]

That is not a pathetic reason at all...I'm not sure if you are familiar with Islam...but dating or being alone with a member of the opposite gender (who isn't a family member) is strictly prohibited. It's not something that is up for negotiation, and there could be consequences. I don't follow the religion anymore because it's not how I want to live my life anymore...and I don't agree with some of the teachings...I'm not sure what I believe...but I know what I don't believe.

[Metal189]

so you went against your parents basically. also, if they forbade it, and their islamic, why are they together? and yes, i do believe its a pathetic reason

[Ildskf]

You mean why are my parents together? Because they got married. They did not date. They were never alone together until they got married. They got to know each other a little at the mosque and married soon after meeting. A family member was always with them when they were together. Why do you think it's such a pathetic reason?

[Metal189]

then they are "dating", theyre together, female and male, if they're married. the rule says girls and guys can't be together, so why are they married?

[Ildskf]

I meant gu

[Ildskf]

**Sorry...I thought it was implied...but I meant Islamically men and woman cannot be alone together if they are not close relatives and if they are not married. Obviously if they are married they can be alone together.

[Metal189]

that makes no sense. dont you see that. how can they be married, if they can't be alone together?

[Ildskf]

I'll try to rephrase it for you...once a man and woman are married then it is acceptable for them to be alone together and be intimate. If a man and woman are not married, it is not Islamically acceptable for a man and woman to be intimate (ie alone together, dating, touching). Marriage is allows for this intimacy between a man and a woman.

[Metal189]

that doesn't make sense, you realize how illogical that is, right?

[rialeilei]

That means she doesn't date anyone including you. She isn't that into you but she enjoys your attention. She is flirting because she knows you like her.

[existing_not_living]

It means she doesn't date. It means EXACTLY what she said.

[Metal189]

but if she shows signs, why would she say she doesn't date

[existing_not_living]

You can like someone and not want to date them. It is as simple as that. Stop wishing for something that obviously is not going to happen.

[Metal189]

how can you like someone but not want to date them, thats illogical

[existing_not_living]

Its not illogical. I like people but I don't always want to date them. I like a guy right now but I'm not interested in dating him.

[Metal189]

why? gf?, long distance? work? what is it thats "oh so big that its getting in the way of you and him being together". honest to fucking god

[existing_not_living]

Because maybe I don't feel like dating. Why am I not allowed to have feelings for someone without dating them? I like being single right now. It's nice. I'll date when I'm ready.

[Metal189]

oh, so when you're ready, he'll be at your beckoning? if you like him, date him. why wait?

[existing_not_living]

I never said he would be at my beckoning. If he starts dating someone else then fine. Why do I have to date him at this moment? I like him but I don't want to date thats why I'm waiting.

[Metal189]

because thats illogical, if u like someone, you date

[Metal189]

something is obviously holding you back. what is it, is the question, and i dont think its "i dont want to date". if you like a guy, why not date?

[existing_not_living]

It is not illogical. Sometimes you can't help but develop a crush on someone but that doesn't mean you want to date them. Say the person is my best friend and I started liking him but I was fine with just being friends. Why should I date him if I did not want to and the crush happened gradually but it's not like I meant for it to.

[Metal189]

because you fear the friendship being gone, if you were to ever date and break up...the question is, is it logical to crush on your best friend (it proves that guys and girls can't be "just friends")

[existing_not_living]

guys and girls can be just friends. Most of my friends are guys and I love them to pieces as if they were my brothers. I would not fear that the friendship would be gone either. I had a guy friend who was crushing on me and I liked him too but I didn't want to date. It wasn't because I was afraid of our friendship being destroyed, I just didn't want to date.

[Metal189]

is that cause you're a "tomboy"? and refuse to be girly

[Metal189]

and yes, i do think you were afraid of it, otherwise, you would have tried it out

[existing_not_living]

No. I was not. And I'm like half tom-boy. So yeah I guess. I'm not really into all that girly stuff. I was not afraid though. I did not want to deal with all the crap that came with dating. So I didn't

[Metal189]

i just think if you like this guy, you should take a chance. you like him, so why not?

[existing_not_living]

Because I don't want to date. I just felt content being single and still do. I'll date when I feel like it. I'm not asking him to wait for me. If he moves on fine, I'll move on too. No biggie.

[Metal189]

that doesn't make sense. if you like him, date. why dont u want to date?

[existing_not_living]

Because I just don't. I don't see what your obsession is with people having to date just because they like each other. It makes sense, you just don't want to see it.

[Metal189]

i want you to tell me why you won't date him if you like him. "i dont want to date" is a stupid reason because if u liked him, youd date him

[existing_not_living]

I already told you though. It's because I don't want to have to deal with all the crap that comes with dating.

[Metal189]

dating is essentially being with your friend, but kissing and sex...thats what dating is

[Metal189]

why are you afraid to be physical like that with him...and its because u fear losing him as your friend

[Metal189]

if u didnt, you wouldn't care

[existing_not_living]

I don't fear losing him as a friend. I have dated my friends before and after the breakup we still remained friends. Maybe I don't care about being physical with him. I'm not interested in that right now.

[Metal189]

but you just said you didn't date your friends...

[Metal189]

im just saying if you like the guy, date! see if it goes anywhere...

[existing_not_living]

But I'm comfortable where I'm at. And I never said I didn't date friends. I said that I had a lot of friends that were guys but I only saw them as brothers. If I do fall for a friend I will date them but sometimes I just like being single.

[Metal189]

so basically you're being a bitch to them?

[Metal189]

u sound like a great person

[existing_not_living]

How am I being a bitch?

[existing_not_living]

Ok, first you call me a bitch and then you say I sound like a great person? Why?

[Metal189]

why not?

[existing_not_living]

Well how am I being a bitch to them? Just because I'm not interested in dating?

[Metal189]

you're basically, denying him

[Metal189]

without even saying no

[existing_not_living]

Well I am saying no. I'm saying no to dating him. I don't see how I'm being a bitch. I'm denying him from what? Having sex with me?

[Metal189]

you're denying them, the chance to date you when YOU LIKE THEM. why?

[existing_not_living]

Because I don't want to date. I'd be denying them the chance to date me if I didn't like them so I don't really see how this is any different. Just because I like them doesn't mean we should automatically date.

[Metal189]

if u didn't like them, u wouldn't be their friends

[existing_not_living]

I mean romantically like them, not just a friendly kind of liking.

[Metal189]

i get that. im saying, if u didnt, you wouldn't be friends with them

[existing_not_living]

I don't have romantic feelings for all of my guy friends unless they were someone I became friends with specifically because I had a crush on them. Besides that my guys friends are just that, friends.

[Agrojag]

I got an answer like this from a girl once. In her case, it meant exactly what she said: she's not looking for a relationship and i just happened to be the unlucky bastard who met her at the wrong time. She showed me "signs" and everybody thought she liked me but she chose to push me away. Some girls just don't let themselves fall for a guy.

[TedStar]

I'd take it at face value. Having said that I know many people including myself who have said that but actually meant "I do date, just not you". Although I had taken a break from girls at the time, if a truly remarkable girl came into my life I would have cut that break short.

[Metal189]

like i said, she shows signs, yet said she doesn't

[TedStar]

Even if she showed signs I wouldn't waste my time on someone who explicitly told me she doesn't date. Some people may show all the signs in the world, but human behavior tells us the we have the ability to consciously not pursue those signs.

Curious though. What signs is she showing that couldn't be classified as friendly?

[Metal189]

what signs do you think are meant as more than friendly?

[TedStar]

I asked youfirst :P. Your answer will lead to my answer

[Metal189]

lol, i wanted to see if ud answer

[TedStar]

Advertising availability, Talking Intimately, Comparing Interests and all the things you said. even though she is showing signs you need to respect her word

[Metal189]

yeah, basically. so. like i said, whats it mean when a girl says she "doesnt date", even if she's showing signs. it's ridic. why show signs, if she's not dating

[Honestyxrespectx90]

As someone who "Doesn't date" I can give you my point of view. She has probably been through a lot of broken hearts. And not dating is her way of protecting her heart. She can flirt and keep her distance. Not getting close enough to develop feelings for anyone. All the while still having a little fun. Dating is the stage of getting to know someone. Its getting closer to them. That closeness can lead to other feelings. Some of us ladies would rather avoid those feelings entirely. So we choose not to date. We choose not to allow anything deeper than meaningless sexual encounters or casual flirting.

[LookatDuhDonkay]

Honestly, I can tell you really like this girl but just move on. If she can't make time to hang out with you, find a girl that will. Plenty of fish in the sea and typically when you have a crush like this, your next crush tends to be even better.

[Metal189]

if she's showing signs, she likes me, right/

[LookatDuhDonkay]

No. I was in a similar situation as you a few weeks back and I'm telling you man, when a girl likes you she'll take the initiative to take you up on your offer regardless of what bullshit excuse she makes up. She likes you possibly as a FRIEND, not a love interest. It happens, The "signs" that you see are mostly in your head, she might just be nice to you and not even realize the way you're perceiving her "signs". Just move on bro, I know it hurts but it's the truth.

[Metal189]

she won't take you up on her offer, right away. she'll say no bat first if she's playing hard to get.

[LookatDuhDonkay]

Yes she could be "shit-testing" to you but there's really nothing to shit test about you. She knows you, opens conversations with you there's nothing to necessarily chase there. The mystery is gone which further gives credit to the idea that she's not interested in you in the way that you would like.

[Metal189]

there all there, all the signs. yet, she said she doesn't date. you're not answering the question, you're saying im undateable basically. why would she say i dont date, if she shows all the signs

[AndyWes]

A. She isn't interested in you.

B. She is one of those "I kissed dating goodbye" people.

C. She likes sleeping around and having fun, but nothing serious like dates.

[Metal189]

how could it be a, if she shows signs

[AndyWes]

I meant, those are three possibilities.

[Metal189]

but if a's the most likely answer (which is what you put first), how could it be a, if she shows signs?

[Boose]

Caught a girl staring at the gym, got the snap and tried to set something up. She says she doesn’t date, so I said “You trynna F*ck then?”. She’s says “Nah, I’m good”. I’ve never been more confused. Was she just trying to boost her self esteem or something?

[springocelot]

She might be from one of those countries that do arranged marriages; or

She is not interested in your or has given up on the idea of dating

[Metal189]

she's here in america, she's interested in me (thus her signs). but i could see the idea of giving up dating. i mean, she basically told me she doesn't date because of how busy she is but, i find that to be even a bit of crock. even the busiest people, still can find time, right?

[characterdeelaa]

depends... some people are busy but are willing to find time. Some actually can't and are not willing to put in the time. So I see it as she doesn't want to put extra time into a relationship.

[Metal189]

or feels like she couldnt, not that she wouldn't

[harakiri]

It means she has given up on men but still likes socializing with them and being flirtatious.

[Indigo_Moon]

It does'nt mean anything except what it is...she does not date. Admirable, and simple. I think I would like this girl.

[Metal189]

why, are you the same way?

[Indigo_Moon]

I really have not given it much thought, but if I did, I would have to say yes...I don't date ; ), ahhhhhh...that felt really good!

[Metal189]

why dont you date?

[Indigo_Moon]

I don't it just felt good to say it, like a weight had been lifted off me. I am free to do as I please, I really like this girl...she is an individual. Good for her.

[Metal189]

why dont you date? you're avoiding the question

[Metal189]

are you saying she doesn't need men, are you saying you dont need men. are you gay? is she gay?

[Indigo_Moon]

No I am saying I don't date...you are reading way to much into this simple statement.

[Metal189]

why dont u date?

[Sex_Panther]

I presume it means she doesn't date regardless of what signs you see. Take people at face value.

[sammy_31]

She isn't interested at the moment to date simple, but that doesn't mean she won't flirt.

[Metal189]

shouldn't be flirting if she's not going to date. you flirt, to date

[sammy_31]

Yep true, but how many people just flirt and don't date? There are tons of people having f**k buddies, friends with benefits, side chicks/guys, etc. That sucks not a lot of people want to be faithful and it's hard to really trust people, no one wants to settle, they want to taste every flavor before picking one in the end or never having a favorite. I hope you got what I was trying to say.

[Metal189]

think she's just scared that she may have found me so early

[sammy_31]

Hum maybe that could be it. She isn't ready that's for sure or at least to be with you for the moment.

[Metal189]

thats what i think

[zombiebabe]

means she does not date=she isn't interested in you

[Metal189]

but she shows signs

[zombiebabe]

fuck signs..they don't often mean what they seem to

[Metal189]

ok? then how did you know to get with your current bf?

[zombiebabe]

its something different...we were friends before we dated each other

[Metal189]

yeah..and you showed him once you were friends, that you wanted more, by what? SIGNALS

[zombiebabe]

it was not just about what i wanted...it was mutual

[Metal189]

what he wanted to. you both sent SIGNALS

[zombiebabe]

he made the first step then i made the next one

[Metal189]

signal, signal

[PhiOmega]

Girls round my age say that means they just wanna F

[Metal189]

really?

[PhiOmega]

I can only speak based on what I've seen, girls my age r, F'ing, getting a ring, or other

I'm 21

[Metal189]

i see

[Keyspirits]

She doesn't go out wif u cuz she's a good gurl and only want to stay home.

[Metal189]

oh? how do you know that

[Keyspirits]

she's a mommy's and daddy's gurl. Could be she's worken hard for her family and ain't got da time to date and go out since u mention she got 3 jobs? If she also have college, i'd be like..what da "L" is with dis chix *-*

[Metal189]

she's not get post secondary education

[Keyspirits]

3 jobs is enough to keep her occupied. Could be that she's thinken she won't be able to be a better gf for u since she barely have anytime if she's worken dat hard. Dats one of the very reason why i rejected all gurls cuz im afraid ill not be a good bf and will not be able to pleased her..

[Metal189]

as long as you try, that's all they want. they dont care about perfection, nor should we

[Keyspirits]

Could be she's having doubts. U can always reassure her that its fine. What i can tell from this infos is dat she doesn't have da time to get into relationship so that could be it.

[Metal189]

youd think, right? but i still think the busiest people will find time

[Keyspirits]

Yas cuz sum people put their careers and everything before relationships.

[Metal189]

but theyll find time, even 3 jobs

[Keyspirits]

she's afraid that she can't always be there for u or when u need her.

[Keyspirits]

The only time is when they're off work. Other than that, there's really no time to make luv and develope trusts.

[Metal189]

yep, probably

[BC1001]

She's probably a lesbian Amish lol.

[Metal189]

lol, nah, she's jewish, like myself

[Metal189]

and straight

[BC1001]

OH lol. Can't the amish be jewish?

[Metal189]

not necessarily

[Cyrus7V2]

Its a nice way to reject a guy

[WaterNymph611]

She doesn't date.

[Metal189]

why? i mean, if she shows signs, why wouldn't she date me

[KhaysunDei]

hmmm... i think sex