Why does my less attractive friend get noticed more than me?

[Anonymous]

I was out with my friend the other day and I notice guys stare at her more... but she is not prettier than me. I know that you guys will say "oh maybe she is" but no, seriously.
I don't get it to be honest, not to be rude but I am prettier than her. I am curvy AND naturally thin, I have an amazing body, boobs, I can eat what I want and don't gain weight I have amazing skin... she has no boobs, can't eat anything because she gains weight, kind of muscular, her skin is wrinkly from tanning so much, she has bad skin and fried hair. she's one year older than me and looks about 5 years older. Her boyfriend EVEN touched my ass behind her back.

I am noticing this pattern with a lot of my less attractive friends. I even questioned if maybe I really was ugly and even went to a couple of plastic surgeons... who all said I was very pretty. I get asked if I'm a model.

I feel like guys ignore me on purpose because I am very hot and they assume I am a brat and a snob. Guys will go out of their way to be rude to me, ignore me and hit on her when we go out together. One time when we were at a club together and this was happening, I went away and sat back and watched her alone. No guy was giving her that kind of attention when she was buy herself, I swear to god it was the weirdest thing. No guy even looked at her. But once I am with her it happens again. It's like its their technique to get to me.

We were crossing the street and a car pulled up and ugly losers in it were saying DAYUMM and not even looking at me and looking at her. like is this reality? I am not an idiot, there is no way this girl is better looking than me. I can't stand this.

She has a boyfriend now and I started hanging out with guy who she slept with a while back. I never hooked up with him but he through parties so we hung out at his house. I was talking about my night with her and one of the guys asked m "is your friend as beautiful as you?" and the guy who hooked up with her was like "HA, no."

Updates

+1 y

Sorry this is so long but I want to include all the detail so you know what's going on. Its actually taking a huge toll on myself esteem and is hurting me. I take pride in my appearance, I don't get why guys either a) avoid eye contact with me or

Updates

+1 y

check me out when I can't see them and turn away when I catch them. Could this be to spite me?

[cdnSpartan]

Well I may be in the minority on this opinion but I think you have a valid point about not getting noticed as much as your other friend. Honestly uglier people are so used of getting rejected by more attractive people so they naturally have a bit of apprehensiveness to even think about giving attention to a hotter person. It's a pride saver for them. I know this from personal experience as I am considered an attractive guy and I've dated professional football cheerleaders, a x-pro volleyball player and a professional model with no trouble. When it comes to the 'average looking girls' they barely even give a glance and act totally awkward as if they know or feel not good enough. I've had people call me arrogant just because I'm quieter and good looking, as if all good looking people are just out going and socialize with the masses...

[Joshua2332]

I get the same reaction with myself. People have told me I'm very attractive and such. However, what is the first thing you ask yourself when you notice a guy who is very attractive. With me with girls, I honestly immediately think she either has a boyfriend or won't even talk to me because I'm out of her league. It's funny because guys are jealous of my appearance because girls say I'm hot behind my back, but when I actually approach the girl she gets extremely shy. I would assume girls ignore me because they think I'm a player.

I'm telling you right know you WILL intimidate guys. It doesn't matter how attractive they may be, but for the reasons stated.

[Asker]

This makes sense. Thank you

[GA701]

Guys approach average looking girls more because they are less threatening and they have less of a chance of getting rejected. Yes, it could possibly be that they are intimidated by you but, as most guys will tell you, they are also looking for energy and personality, not a just mannequin. Perhaps your friend is more approachable in her personality and that makes her attractive to guys. Maybe you don't realize it, but you may be sending off a vibe that is acting as a repellant. I don't know you so I am conjecturing here. If you have guy friends, you should ask them honestly. Remember, it's not your looks that make someone like you/fall in love with you. Guys want a down to earth, real, sweet, kind, independent woman. A cute piece of ass is a dime a dozen.

[Cleveland]

Don't take this the wrong way, but do you think it's possible you come across as arrogant even if you're not? Something you are doing is causing you to be unapproachable. Some people just have the it factor even if not gorgeous. Confidence is key as well, but you sound confident.

[bumblebritches5]

Right? she sounds extremely jealous and vindictive. I wouldn't want to be around her

[SuperNurse42]

@bumblebritches5 I agree.

[washize]

Because you sound like an ass. While your life is drowning in disbelief and bitterness because your less attractive friends get more attention than you, your ugly friends are having fun and living life freely.

Try not to be so petty and see how much life gets better.

[Peter0]

Woman, you've gone way overboard on this. No one's going out of their way to spite you. It sounds like they aren't paying much attention at all >< But if they're not paying attention, they certainly aren't looking to spite you.

Now, besides your looks, what do you have going for you?

Believe it or not, guys care about more than looks.

(And for the record, I am not a fan of what plastic surgeons consider "pretty," so be aware that tastes differ among men a LOT)

[Asker]

They are paying attention all right, because I am naturally hot. I am not stupid, I know what being unattractive is and I would know if I was unattractive. Why would I be asked if I model, be told I'm gorgeous by people who get millions to make people hot for a living and be ignored by the opposite sex. Whats the equation in this? It doesn't make sense. She has no confidence, and is insecure as hell. I know I am hot. I think guys just like to prey on girls with low self esteem as low as theirs, because that way they have a chance. That to me is pathetic.

[Asker]

If they were polite to me, and showed an interest in my friend. I would accept that without a question. If they came up to us and engaged us both in friendly conversation but showed a romantic interest in my friend I would be 1000% okay with that. But they don't, they actually physically push me out of the way, and try to avoid me like a bluntly rude chip on their shoulder from the get go. I don't see guys doing this to fat or ugly girls, if anything they are totally neutral to the ugly friend. To me it seems spiteful.

[Cleveland]

It's your attitude, plain and simple. Stop caring so much and you would be surprised.

[Peter0]

"Why would I be asked if I model..."

I'm not attracted to most models. It's not a look I like. I have a friend who just won a modeling contest, and got some contract... I would never have thought she was even close to being the prettiest in the room. Ever.

So, that out of the way.

You're clearly upset by this. You've also got a lot of your self-image wrapped up in how you look. Looking hot IS going to help you in life, even if it's not now.

Right now, you're comparing yourself to these other girls, and they're getting more attention than you, and it's upsetting. (damn straight it's upsetting. I've been there... but usually b/c a pretty girl is getting the attention:p) You think these guys are doing it to spite you, or to bring you down. It's possible. But unlikely, especially if this happens with more than one guy, which you seem to say it does.

Continued...

[Peter0]

... continuation.

You've got to remember that you can't force guys to look at you. Just because you're model material, doesn't mean a guy has to look at you... doesn't mean he has to care, even. I mean, I don't go by looks when I notice people - I pay attention to the way they move. I like my friend the model because she's a fun dance partner (I totally recommend blues dancing). Guys can base their attention on anything they want, and don't have to give it to anyone. We're not robots :)

... continued again, dammit

[Asker]

I'm not attracted to models - Estandards are high with this one. All models don't look the same. Also, I look healthier than her all around. Acne scarrs, premature wrinkles, dehydrated overly tanned skin or silky, milky even skin tone? Fried hair or silky long hair? My measurements are 34c 26 36. She is flat chested, boxy and has to watch everything she eats.

[Peter0]

Someone mentioned (in jest, I hope) maybe your friend has a reputation for putting out. What kind of reputation do you have? Being concerned about your looks and proud of it is, as it happens, perfectly reasonable. But there's a cachet of snobbery and clique-ishness to people who care so much about their looks. Fair or unfair. Are you feeding that image by acting dismissive to your friends (and you ARE jealous of them, so it might be there!)? Are you going out of your way to be friendly to everyone, and to talk about and be interested in other topics? It sounds like you approve of your friend's bf being dishonest/disrespectful towards his gf; does that anger/spite show?

On the other side of that, does your friend laugh and smile as she walks, because she's noticing the color of the sky, and the feel of the wind? Does she talk animatedly with friends? Being happy is attractive...

You sound really really tense, wound up, and that's not helping :(

[Asker]

They know I'm there, they check me out but its from across the room, or in a sneaky way so they are looking. But they choose to talk to her. Several times when she approaches a guy, he'll hit on me when she goes to the bathroom or sneak looks at me the whole night lol. One time I thought a guy was cute so she approached him for me even though I didn't want her to. I gave him my number and he said I'm glad it was you and not your friend. Tell me more about how unattractive I am ;-)

[Peter0]

If I were going to give advice, I'd say you should find something new to do (take a yoga class, join an ultimate frisbee pickup group, learn to play chess (want a way to get noticed by guys? Join some group w/ weird gender balance. I'd say take up roleplaying, but you'd strangle someone.), SOMETHING. And do it *without* the girls you know. Get some time to be yourself without having them right there. You can get noticed on your own.

And relax :)

p. s. You're probably prettier than my friend :p Want to learn to blues dance?

[Asker]

It's my anger and spite that causes her boyfriend to touch my ass when she's not around? I didn't tell her about her boyfriend doing that because I know it would cause problems between us. I tell her to dump her boyfriend but she doesn't listen. I know she is insecure and it makes her happy to be hit on at clubs. She also approaches guys a lot, and I never approach guys. She actually looks insecure and uneasy all the time. I don't make eye contact with guys much, but she does.

[Asker]

Lol you sound like you are attempting to insult me in a polite way. Gender balance class, is that what you take? You sound like a loser. You have to go to blues clubs with old people because your too ugly to go to a bar with hot people. I instinctively know I am hotter than my friend. She is jealous of me because I can eat fries, ice cream and a hot dog at the beach, and she has to starve herself. :-)

[Asker]

I haven't gained a lb since I was 18 and I am 24. Her own boyfriend doesn't pay attention to her and every guy she sleeps with ditches her. Every guy wants more with me. At least I'm not some club rats last resort.

[Peter0]

LOL! I date a very cute girl 10 years younger than me, and college-age girls seek me out to dance with me. And blues dancing... as close to sex as you can get standing up with clothes on. :p (not my quote) Seriously, give it a try. I'd dance in clubs, but the music's boring ><

You make your friend sound like a crunchy timid little thing. Poor girl.

So you don't sound like you have too much trouble getting *some* guys' attention anyway?

[Asker]

Probably because they feel sorry for you, the old guy alone at the blues club. Maybe thats why you can relate so well with my friend, you are just as sorry as she.

[Asker]

You are in you're 40's. Why are you even on this site and so caught up in this question? How can you even relate? A cute young girl 10 years younger, oh, is she 35 and less than 180 lbs? LOL SCORE!

[Asker]

blues dancing Close to as sex as you can get OH GOD I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU

[Peter0]

*sigh*

I'd pay more attention to your friend, too. You're a mean little thing.

[Peter0]

I hope you can find something positive in your life. Good luck!

[Asker]

Me too, and hopefully its more satisfying than blues dancing and being middle aged on this website LOL

[bumblebritches5]

Asker, this is why no one likes you, IRL or online. stop insulting people, stop talking shit, and just shut the fuck up for a god damn minute. YOU ASKED US FOR ADVICE. WE GAVE IT TO YOU. NOTHING WILL CHANGE UNTIL YOU CHANGE PERIOD.

[SuperNurse42]

You sound arrogant, entitled, snobby, and way too insecure about your looks. And I got that just out of what you WROTE.

All of this manifests itself in the way you carry yourself. Most guys can see this, and it's off-putting. That's probably why they would rather hit on your friend.

[wuhsin88]

Stop being so hyper-competitive with your female friends. It annoys me girls nowadays can't even be friends with each other because of this crap, and so they surround themselves with "guy friends" who only want one thing.

[Asker]

maybe if guys wouldn't alienate one girl and pay attention to the other to mess with the girls self esteem in order to boost their own, girls wouldn't be hyper competitive.

[wuhsin88]

Maybe if girls settled down easier some of them wouldn't get alienated, and everyone would be happier. This is all hypothetical conjecture, though.

[bumblebritches5]

It's not alienation, they simply aren't interested in you, and this whiny jealous toxic attitude of yours isn't helping you one bit.

[Anonymous]

My best friend growing up was the exact same way!! And her personality was so shitty (needless to say we aren't friends anymore haha). Guys flocked to her and just loved her and I never understood why. She had more of a boy's body than most boys I knew. For whatever reason they liked her. Maybe because she could be a guy with them? She also put out quickly so maybe that's why lol

[TheEnding]

Your friend probably has something personality-wise that makes her more attractive to guys. Looks are important, but they're just looks, and they aren't the only way to get someone's attention. I highly doubt that all men are out to make you feel jealous by hitting on her instead of you. It could just be in your head.

[Stacyzee]

The way she carries herself makes her seem more approachable.
If you're a hot girl with a personality, smile, be friendly, instead of standing there
expecting to be approached.
You'll see a huge difference.

[kangy]

sometimes people can sense vibes that we sent out, people can tell whether one is approachable or positive. perhaps your friend come across as friendlier and much more approachable

[kangy]

i think many girls mistaken that looks is everything and henceforth they spend a lot of money/time on looking good but many times looks isn't everything especially when it comes to selecting a potential partner.

[Racecar]

Maybe it's your attitude. If a guy is looking for a girlfriend he'd go for a more average looking girl with a great personality rather than a beautiful girl who he sees as a high maintenance drama queen

[kangy]

true

[Anonymous]

Lmao fried hair I love that part. Sometimes certain girls give off that vibe like easy no matter how ugly they look and guys tend to be more attractive to that

[Jazziinatorr]

Cause maybe she actually goes out of her way to talk to them? Or she has a better personality, and by this input you sound ignorant, and not attractive. Looks and sounds like you just want attention and to be called pretty. It takes a lot more than looks to be considered pretty. So I see why they go after her instead of you. And dissing your so called friend, just shows how low of a person you are

[bumblebritches5]

Everyone has personal tastes, you may think she's uglier but clearly the world disagrees with you, or sh is uglier, BUT she's outgoing and fun.

[Asker]

Ya plastic surgeons don't know what their talking about. A guy who slept with her even said I was way hotter than her.

[bumblebritches5]

What? plastic surgeons?

[Asker]

Why are you spreading your crap all over my question? Are you another bitter loser who gets rejected by hot chicks like me? The world doesn't agree bc her own boyfriend tried to get with me. She gets f**ked and chucked by guys constantly. I get plastic surgeons calling me gorgeous. I know when a girl is hotter than me but she isn't. Hence the confusion with the situation.

[Asker]

Bumblebritches is definitely a girl. What kind of guy says "right?" Why are you posing as a guy? You are probably a real fat jealous hose beast LOL who doesn't know what it feels like to be even okay looking.

[bumblebritches5]

I'm female because I say right? That's literally insane.

[bumblebritches5]

I answered once and agreed with another commentor, you posted t on the internet; you have no control over it now, crazy fucking bitch.

[Asker]

no, because you say "right" in agreement to something some one says lol, like the response to clevelands comment. Thats like a guy saying "like" every other word.

[SuperNurse42]

Yeah it's definitely your bullshit attitude Asker. I'm questioning whether you are a troll at this point.

If that's really you, I suggest you drink bleach or get an attitude adjustment.

[Cleveland]

Shit is getting heated!

[bumblebritches5]

I say like a lot too, problem? where the hell are you from hat dudes don't say fucking right? the bible fucking belt?

[lordAlex818]

You sound very arrogant and kinda bitchy, which is definitely a turn off.

[bumblebritches5]

I don't think I've ever met such an entitled bitch in my entire life...

[Anonymous]

Maybe your less attractive friends have a reputation for putting out.

[Armada]

She might just be more approachable than you are.

[MirinMe]

I think she's absolutely beautiful

[Asker]

Because your the ugly beta who can't get the hot chick lol you are the fool that white knights the average or ugly chicks and still gets rejected... let me guess you call yourself " a nice guy" hahaha