When you realize they're not the person you thought they were: how do you handle that?

[Anonymous]

In my case: the guy I liked was super smart and ambitious, but later on I found out that he's arrogant, selfish, emotionally immature and even a little sexist.

I feel super let down and I know it shouldn't bother me this much, but it does :\

[nayyybee]

Well I think all men are a little sexist. Hell even most women are kind of sexist because we live in a society that is sexist. Same thing how they say everyone is a little racist I believe that about sexism lol. Being arrogant comes with being smart. I'm slightly arrogant because I'm smart and I know this. Ultimately people's highest and best qualities always come with some kind of downside. Men aren't perfect because people aren't perfect. You need to find someone who has qualities you can endure in the long term. Maybe next time he's being arrogant you can make a joke like "OMG you're so smart" in a really sarcastic voice. Or if he says something sexist maybe push him a little and try and catch him in his own words. Or just say something snarky back with a smile on your face. The beauty of relationships is that they make us a better person. I'm not saying you should try and change someone but I am saying that meeting someone where there flaws are at and letting them know you "see" them for who they are can humble them and make them a better person. And don't get your hopes up so high next time. People will always disappoint you but you need to find someone who you can deal with.

[nayyybee]

their flaws*

[Nyema]

I was in a similar situation like this not to long ago. In the beginning, the guy seemed so nice, caring, and mature but a few months down the line he was the total opposite. It can be frustrating to deal with because by this time you have already gotten attached to the guy and you really like him. I would talk to him about his behavior because if you dont its only going to worse. But if its becomes to unbearable and you find yourself not happy or feeling comfortable all the time while you are with him then sadly its time to cut the guy off and move on. And it will not be easy because like I said earlier you have gotten attached but maybe the two of you can get back together if he willing to change. Just remember a man that wants to keep you and be with you will try and do anything to make you feel comfortable, not do things to push you away from him.

[Anonymous]

Don't feel like it shouldn't bother you cause it would bother me too. Honestly I think it's just a normal part of getting to know someone. You have this image of them in your mind then you get too close and realize things aren't what they seemed. Dating is like gathering information about somebody until you realize you don't like them. I think you've just hit that point where you realized it haha. I wouldn't worry too much. You can either put up with his flaws or find someone else.

[HOAAH]

I feel the same way as you. When I first got with him I felt that he was "smart, and loving" and then as time went by I found out he is also "emotionally immature, selfish and arrogant" and I am a little bit let down too.

Here is what you do. You figure him out, and you figure yourself out. Like his love language and his myers brigs test scores. I used 16personalities. com Then you just keep loving him, because that builds your character.

[Sorenome]

You feel let down because you imagined him to be a certain way and you believed those thoughts reflected reality. Just see it was your own imagination and it won't bother you.

It's normal when we first get to know people we see the positive sides they present about themselves and later on when we get to know them we also get to know the whole package. Just don't put any false expectations and you can't be disappointed. But don't also go to the other end and expect everyone to be assholes. Just be open for everything and you make life more easy for you.

[bjstevenson89]

You have to be more realistic with people. We all have slightly screwed up ideas on some things which is the whole point of dating, to get to know what those screwed up things are about each other and decide if you can deal with them.

[QooLipBite]

I just felt like something was missing... As if I lost something (but how can I lose something that was never there to begin with?) so I just asked and nagged the other person to return to being what I thought they would be... And they ended up doing so... Which is great so far 😂😂😂😂

[RJGraveyTrain]

Just take it as a lesson; don't fall for feelings of infatuation before you've seen him at his worst, or talked to/dated him even. We can make crushes seem like they're on a pedestal before we even know who they truly are.

[Anonymous]

It's happened, I felt deceived, used, and betrayed. All I can really learn from it is to never get attached until you know a person for awhile because if you do, you'll be very disappointed.

It happened to me with someone who was very cute and had a lot in common with me but then she ended up playing me and tossing me out like garbage in the end.

[glitterberryalisa]

This has happened more than I want to admit... definitely a crappy feeling. I used to really dwell on things like that that I can't change... but I've gotten better about just letting it go.

[palek]

All men are arrogant, selfish, emotionally immature and sexist. Since women are gonna have to put up with all this crap anyway, they might as well at least find one who is also good-looking and rich!

[anaspie]

So break up... That doesn't sound like someone you should be with, resentment will start to build after a while and that just never ends well.

[mooky06]

Just accept them for who they really are. I'm not obligated to like them as a person, but that can be a turn off and it's understandable.

[TubularMindwave]

work through the pain and distance yourself from him. The man you thought he was never existed

[TubularMindwave]

and I'm sorry for that.. no one should be lied to

[lostgirl_searching]

I moved on and was glad that I wasn't in a relationship with him.
Soon it won't bother you anymore.

[CyberToothTiger]

It happens people can change , they can seem one way
and than turn out to be the other way. Yes I've had it happened
to me many times.

[Hihikinn]

It should bother you that much! Being smart and ambitious never shows who truly a person is

[Anonymous]

Yep I thought a girl was sweet, yet she is flaky and inconsiderate with texting etc. Disappointed tbh.

[sallygal]

cut them off little by little and move on or get use to he new person

[babeeeone]

Yeah it'll bother you but you've just got to move past that

[Snwht]

I understand that when we had our first controversy. And i couldn't handle it after that. I know, its looking like childish but our relationship done.

[Adigelunar]

I moved on