Dark jokes time: Post the best dark joke you know?

[Schrodingerscat]

You can post more than one.
More offensive, the better 😏

#DarkHumour

[Sekoy]

Okay, this WILL take a while. One Friday evening
a mother and her elementary school child was walking through a park until the child stopped to see 2 wild chipmunks mating.
"mom, what are those chipmunks doing?"
frantic to come I with an answer, she said the first thing on her mind which was,
"they are making a cake babe"
while going through the park she saw another set of animals (raccoons this time) mating, and asked "mom, are they making a cake too?" the moment answered yes and went finally left the park, seeing as all the animals were screwing each other's brains out. next day the mother sent her little girl to go to her ex husbands house for the day as promised. at the end of the day, when she went to pick her back up, the daughter came running to her mother, happily saying "MOM! MOM! DADDY AND I BAKED A CAKE TODAY!"
taking a few seconds to process what she said, seeing that she didn't see any baking equipment out, the mother asked "Oh really? so what happened to the cake then?"
the daughter then said, " oh when we finished baking, Daddy let me lick the icing off when we were done"

[LucienFolter]

Offensive humor is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.

[Schrodingerscat]

Good one👌

[Edymemelord]

HAHA THAT WAS FUNNY xD
Some dark jokes:
What makes an ISIS joke funny?
the execution.
What's the difference between cancer and a black person?
Cancer got jobs. (so many insults).
How to fit a baby into a small bowl?
Put 'em in the blender.
How do you get them out?
tortilla chips

[fauchelevent]

What was the last thing to go through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their feet.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

The 9/11 jumpers. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.

[karahiri]

I was mildly entertained until I got to Eugene's post... Jesus.

[TheRebelReturns]

A little boy is sat in class crying on the anniversary of September 11th, the teacher who is concerned asks the boy what's wrong and why he's crying to which the boy teary eyed responds "My father died in the September 11th terrorist attacks. Today is hard for me" The teacher shocked, says "That's devastating, was he a fire fighter or did he work at the buildings?" The boy sobs and says "No, he was on the plane. I can remember his last words when he called me before the plane went down" The teacher surprised says "Would you mind telling me what his last words were?"

The boy looks down, wipes the tears from his face and says "Allahu akbar."

[Itsmeyay]

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?”
"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"

“You da bomb!”
“No, you da bomb!”
In America – a compliment. In the Middle East – an argument.

Doctor: You're obese.
Patient: Whoa, for that I definitely want a second opinion.
Doctor: You’re quite ugly, too.

I saw two kids fighting in the elementary school playground. Being the only adult around, I had to step in. They didn’t stand a chance.

What do you get when you cross a rabbit and a pit bull?
Just the pit bull.

[normalice]

this is all I can think of..

https://i.imgur.com/qDAcK1K.jpg

starecat.com/.../...ot-everyone-gets-it-stalin.jpg

[Decentguy]

jokideo.com/.../...the-dark---dirty-adult-meme.jpg

tiredsista.files.wordpress.com/.../...2c8dbb5f.jpg

[lazermazer]

Lol, black girls with blue streak must look like ps4

[Decentguy]

@lazermazer hahahaha
yeah xD

[dolemite68]

a guy walks up to a girl and says "you know how I know i'm getting laid tonight?" and the girl says "how?" and the guy says "cuz i'm stronger than you are" hahaha

[Schrodingerscat]

Lol 👍

[dolemite68]

I love that you said be as offensive as possible and i get thumbs down, bunch of white liberal faggots haha

[Schrodingerscat]

But look at 5 upvotes 😇

[Deadpool76992]

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

[Eugene]

How to make a little girl cry twice? When you're done, wipe your cock off her teddy bear.

[Schrodingerscat]

Whoa👌

[DeLoran]

That's disturbing...

[Eugene]

@DeLoran dark humor is supposed to be.

[lazermazer]

This one was fine

data.iwastesomuchtime.com/...splace1291489054f.jpg

[Decentguy]

hahahaha

[CyberToothTiger]

What you get when you cross a donkey with a onion?
A Piece of ass that makes your eyes water

What's grosser than gross?
Two vampires fighting over a bloody tampon

[ThisDudeHere]

The Holocaust was just a mistake. Hitler said "pass the juice" not "gas the Jews"

[Pac-Man]

One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.

[LucienFolter]

That's a good one haha

[Doffydood]

How many black people do you need to start a riot?

-1

[omgjassy]

I don't get it?

[LucienFolter]

@omgjassy He's talking about unarmed black people being killed and the riots that happened after

[omgjassy]

@LucienFolter ooh man that's not even a dark joke that's just psychotic 😷 That's why he is anonymous, such a coward!

[LucienFolter]

@omgjassy It's definitely a dark joke. In more ways than one

[omgjassy]

@LucienFolter then why am I not laughing? He's just a coward the least he could do is show his face

[Doffydood]

@omgjassy Yo.

[Itsmeyay]

@omgjassy
You should not be looking at these jokes, you just don't get the whole point of them.
And don't even argue, youve proven yourself already. Your opinion is respected but more fitting somewhere else.

[Doffydood]

@omgjassy In my defence, the asker said "More offensive, the better", so I did what I was told. That doesn't mean I think black people should be shot- I don't.

[badboy666]

@omgjassy Why are you not laughing?

Hmmm, i don't know, maybe you didn't understand the concept of the thread...

[catelyntje]

What has six arms and an IQ of 60?
@badboy666 @Doffydood @Itsmeyay
Because you keep on talking to that girl when she clearly only talked to that one guy. Maybe she does like dark jokes and this the only one she doesn't like. I mean I don't find this one funny either but I did enjoy the other comments. But I think it's safe to say that @badboy666 has to lowest, really after 4 days you decide to tag a girl that didn't even respond to the other lmao

[Doffydood]

@catelyntje For the record, I am that one guy.

[catelyntje]

Yeah that commented 2 days again even though she didn't even answer no more. The only guy she talked to was @lucienfolter that also responded normal but whatever don't go and attack me now. I just came her to say a dark jork

[Doffydood]

@catelyntje I don't understand? What's the problem with commenting 2 days later? She's still probably seen it- there was every chance she could have responded. I apparently didn't know that after 2 days it's against the unspoken rules to reply to anyone :/

[catelyntje]

What is the purpose if she didn't answer on your other comment or the others? But don't attack me I'm out! Before you're going to send me a lot messages too and the other guys.

[Doffydood]

@catelyntje Because she can read without commenting. I don't mean to attack you or cause any offence, I just want to know!

[catelyntje]

I just felt bad for the girl because it's been four days and still people are commenting rude things, that's all.

[Doffydood]

@catelyntje Obviously I can't speak for the other two guys, but I'm pretty sure we aren't trying to be rude to her- she said I should not go anonymous, so I didn't, and itsmeyay told her he thought she didn't understand the joke, rather eloquently I think. Again, I can't speak for badboy666, but I don't think any of us were purposefully trying to be rude to her. That would have been a lot more obvious.
It basically stems from thinking she didn't understand the joke.

[catelyntje]

You see this is what I was afraid of!
No they didn't think that she didn't get the joke they immediately assumed that she doesn't like all dark jokes, don't twist their words. Look up read it again!

[Doffydood]

@catelyntje I did- that's what I got from it :/

[catelyntje]

You just can't let go can you, okay this is the last time I'm responding to you and then you can have the last word, that you so clearly want.
"You should not be looking at these jokes, you just don't get the whole point of them" - itsmeyay
This one is telling her bland out that she shouldn't be looking at these kind of jokes, because she doesn't get the point. And then he says that she does needs to go somewhere else.

Hmmm, i don't know, maybe you didn't understand the concept of the thread... -badboy666
Meaning you don't understand the concept not the only this joke.
yeah yeah I already know what you're going to say next "I still don't see them being rude"
I'm done with this I just come to tell a dark joke not to have a discussion. Maybe you shouldn't be looking at these kinda stuff if you're going to react in defensive. Now bye, have the last word. I don't care anymore about this.

[Doffydood]

@catelyntje Um, alright then.
I'm not trying to be defensive or cling to the last word or whatever. I'm just trying to talk to you. I thought we were having a conversation. I'm new to the whole "internet argument" thing ;-;
Maybe it's just difficult to convey tone through text.

[Itsmeyay]

... Really looks they going crazy over here dude... @Doffydood
The weirdest comments... Sorry I didn't mean for everyone to fight with you.

[Itsmeyay]

And your joke is still awesome, maybe even the best one here. Don't mind these crazies

[Doffydood]

@Itsmeyay Nah, she's entitled to her opinion. Seeing as I told the joke, I'm obliged to meet any objection.

[ACrazyHaggis]

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...4201575ab6.jpg

[Liisjak]

The American Police said they'd never forget the 9/11. Pretty hard to I'd guess, it's your phone number.

[ToruMatsuda]

How many kebabs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

We won't know because we keep removing them😅

[Schrodingerscat]

Lol why you anon, fellow KRU soldier? Reveal yourself!

[ToruMatsuda]

Becaaaaaause it's me😅

I've been pardoned so pls forgive me

[badboy666]

What's the difference between Pizza and Jews?

Pizza does not scream when you put it into the oven.

Thank you, I'll be here all week, try the veal...

[JCT666]

What does a Jew with a boner get when he walks into a wall?

A broken nose.

[LucienFolter]

Oh! Did Nazi that coming

[weirdusername]

@LucienFolter haha

[AleDeEurope]

pics.onsizzle.com/...ne-frank-1945-an-13482835.png

[vekin]

images.distractify.com/.../DarkJokes3.png

hope you like it

[JensonStatement]

How to start a Rave in Ethiopia?

Hang a slice of bread to the ceiling

[Anonymous]

I'm just here to be mean to men, they're angry with the world because they don't have their own boobs to play with... and we use them for free food, carry on now.

[Maxemeister]

Oh I dunno about this, I mean I did Nazi this coming, Anne Frank-ly it puts me way out of Mein Kampf-ort zone.

[catelyntje]

Stop bullying fat people they have enough on their plate

[catelyntje]

Oh another one
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.

[Anonymous]

i know someone who's madly in love with you

She's called no one

[DeLoran]

Why did the dead man cross the road?

To get hit by a truck

[LastNightmare]

Me: Mom, I'm gonna eat outside? what about you?
Mom: millions of your brotha and sista

[TheCeiling]

omg. Took me a while to get it 😂😓

[Anonymous]

Why do women have legs? To get from the bathroom to the kitchen.

[CT_CD]

No. I'm against dark humor. It's too offensive.

[Anonymous]

I don't get it?