If a man accidentally conceives a child with a woman, and does not want to raise the child with her, what are his choices? Surprisingly, he has few options in the United States. He can urge her to seek an abortion, but ultimately that decision is hers to make. Should she decide to continue the pregnancy and raise the child, and should she or the government attempt to establish him as the legal father, he can be stuck with years of child support payment
Many women have the reflexive answer that if she accidentally got pregnant, he should be on the hook for it. But that doesn’t quite hold up logically. He can’t have a say over the birth of the fetus (because it’s her body) and she can just get an abortion but she can have a say about whether he supports the accidentally conceived child for the next 18 years?
You could argue that men should be able to opt out of child support. I personally disagree with it, both parents are needed there for the family unit and growth of a child. I'd rather just make abortions harder to obtain.
yes, even with contraception use I believe that both men and women are effectively consenting to potential pregnancy in principal every time they have sex. People who believe otherwise are ducking personal responsibility.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Why don't these men take responsibility and wear condoms!!
@OreoMilkshake I haven't heard of 1 person getting pregnant because the condom was used correctly! And the lady should be on birth control too Or these men really shouldn't be sleeping around!
Why don't women take responsibility and stop fucking dead beats and then murdering their babies because they're too much of a coward to take care of them or give them up for adoption?
"If a man accidentally conceives a child with a woman..." There IS NO ACCIDENTS with sex. Period. That is a weak excuse from a man or woman. You chose to have sex, deal with the consequences of having premarital sex. You don't want to get married, yet you want to bang the chick. Then when she gets pregnant, even if it's proven she was a virgin when you met her, you swear to your mother's grave that it 'ain't my baby'. Then when it's proven, your pissed. Grow up.
" He can urge her to seek an abortion, but ultimately that decision is hers to make." So you want to murder your child so you can continue being Casanova, blatantly selfish, and ruin other women's lives besides your own? That is destructive behavior. Then when so called religious organizations make the effort to teach the opposite, you claim how it's religious dogma. Abortion also comes from my hard working paycheck through taxes. Your making other people pay for your garbage when we have families of our OWN to feed and take care of.
" Should she decide to continue the pregnancy and raise the child, and should she or the government attempt to establish him as the legal father, he can be stuck with years of child support payment." Too bad. It takes two to tango. Both are responsible. But it's easy for a man to claim this since he is not the one carrying a child to fully term of 9 months. Even if she does get an abortion, there is always a possibility that the scar tissue from abortion can possibility make her infertile or have a very hard time getting pregnant in the future. And even if things all good and gravy, and she still can have more kids. Abortion is a spiritual manner for mothers more than just the father. It's a void that can never be filled and no other child can replace that void.
"Many women have the reflexive answer that if she accidentally got pregnant," Since this is mostly true, then why oh why, dumb dumb's would you be stupid enough to drop your pants and put your fiddle sticks in a hole it doesn't belong in? Especially one who is what? NOT. YOUR. WIFE? I watched more than enough Maury, Steve Wilkos etc, growing up usually not in my place and hear all sorts of drama and excuses.
" He can’t have a say over the birth of the fetus (because it’s her body)" I didn't make the law. I don't even agree with this. But this is the choices you decided to make when you don't want to wait. You make excuses as to why you can't, shouldn't or wouldn't but blame women. Both sides needs to
take responsibility. Are you not an adult or are you children who needs to be disciplined constantly? I'm speaking to both so-called men and women who thinks pridefully and haughty. If both parties are whoring around, you know what's it's going to be. No child asked to born in these situations. And no child asked to be aborted because their parents cant' learn to control their lust. Then when the truth gets out, it's either pity me or don't judge me and dictate 'my life'. And I just see it like this. You made your bed hard, now lay it. People today obviously lack common sense. If you cannot be responsible for sex, don't have it. I don't care what your body wants. If you can't control your body, then your body controls you. And therefore you have every right to be subjected under that law.
Both men and women are being slimy, conniving, wicked, and evil. But if you don't think rationally about your choices, and you refuse to do it God's way, then stop whining like a baby. Both of you.
Yes they should. You have every option to protect yourself by putting a condom on yourself, asking her if she is protected or simply not fucking. Anytime you have sex you are agreeing that you are accepting any consequence that come of it if you don't take the proper precautions.
@CT_CD I don't think that is right either. I think that if the man wants the baby and the women doesn't the same thing applies above. Just law doesn't except it. I'm all for the "it's my body" thing but if he wants she should have it give it her rights and let him take care of the baby. I think both actions are selfish.
They should have to pay child support by government force to all those single mothers of children that they never met or even know exist, oh wait, they do already, taxation without representation. I guess your example is taxation on sex oops with representation but of course with no choice. No matter how you look at from all angles, men pay no matter what monetarily for sex that they are involved in or is happening around them. No escaping it $$$$=SEX. The mere fact that you or anyone have to ask “should they?” indicates all this equality crap sure is unilateral.
Yes, they should. If you agreeing to have sex with her, you have to accept all the consequences. It's a father responsibility to support the child as much as it's a mother's responsibility to take care of the child.
You can say exact same thing about women, why would a woman have the right to chose to abort and opt out of all obligation when they can use contraceptives. Women even have much more contraceptives to chose and they are more reliable than condoms.
Well, even if those women take contraceptives it doesn't mean it's 100% effective. Contraceptives are 91% effective, not 100% 9 women out 100 women gets pregnant even if they take pills. Condoms aren't 100% effective either. Many women got pregnant even if they use condoms. So, when you're having sex with someone , you've got to keep in mind that even if you use protection, the RISK of her getting pregnant is still there. And It's her body, it's her decision what does she wants to do. If she doesn't want to abort it, it's her choice. Besides abortion has also some risks like Perforation of the uterus wall and difficulty in conceiving. After abortion, many have difficulty in future childbearing and some are unable to conceive.
To be honest, I don't do hookups. But suppose if I did have casual sex with someone, I wouldn't abort it.
First of all, we talked about the financial abortion that has nothing to do with women body she could do whatever with her body just she know she will not receive any money from the father and second with contraceptives are not 100% effective applies again to both men and women (most men since they are fewer and lesser effective for example an iud have 99.9% of success condoms have way lower) so is not fair that a women can give up all the responsibilities but men can't, women should not know the risk of pregnancy and is only men who need to take responsibility after you?
Okay, first of all, you did mention contraceptives abd abortion in your comment. Hence, my last message was about abortion and contraceptive. Many guys urge women to have abortion since it's the easy way out for men. But those guys also gotta understand that abortion involve many Risk. So, do you think it's fair men likes to only have the fun part and they don't have to go through all the pain? Second, of course women should also take responsibility for their actions why is why many women decide to give birth even though the baby wasn't planned. It was an accidental pregnancy. Their life changes, they have to make lot of sacrifices all their life or maybe for at least 2 decides. Because for initial years of the child's life, a mother's presence is the most crucial. Men can leave a woman and can have a normal life. But women can't lead a normal life once she has a baby. She has to take care of the child. Feed him, take care of him 24/7 while the baby's father doesn't change much
Women can't go out and socialise because their baby needs them. If a woman is working (some even does 2 jobs or some even go to classes ) , do you realise how difficult it gets for them to take care of the baby when the baby's father isn't around to take care of the child even though it's as much as his responsibility to take care of a child. So the least he could do is pay for the child support. Women go through pain and discomfort in all those 9 months of pregnancy and the horrible pain during the time of labour. It's a struggle for them. Some women died while giving birth. So do you think that's fair? Men can have sex and then leave... Refuse to accept the responsibility of supporting the kid, when women went through all the pain and complication of giving birth because they are accepting she did the deed with him, now she gotta face consequences It's disappointing that many men just want to have the FUN part and not want to take the Responsibility.
If the woman don't want the child she could simply give up if the man don't want the child he is forced to support to child witch is not fair, men cannot live a normal life because they need to give a third of their money for the rest of their lives for a kid that they don't even want. If the woman want to continue having a baby she should take responsibility. There are lots of women who get pregnant from a drunk man who is unable to consent a baby, women who raped a man or women who use and used condom to impregnate themselves or the contraceptives might fail. Why is fair for women to oblige men to do something that they don't want like having a kid but a woman can even take the responsibility of taking care of the kid alone without the help of the man who didn't want the kid to begging with.
And that stupid excuse that women take pain to give birth and carry the child so they need money from the father, IT IS HER CHOICE NOT THE FATHER TO HAVE THE CHILD.
Lol, seriously, bro, did you have to bring up the topic of rape? That's like the weakest attempt to win an argument. Men can live a normal life all he has to sacrifice is some amount of money while women has to give her time, put her full effort into raising the child. Those women makes more sacrifices than you guys do. If you don't want a kid, then STOP putting your seeds in her. But if you like to hookups then Grow Up, take responsibility. Be a man.
Oh and you don't need to use full caps to write down a sentence dude.
If guys want to fool around but they don't want the high risk of pregnancy they should get a vasectomy. The excuse that birth control methods for men aren't as effective as the ones for women simply aren't valid while that option is on the table.
No. If women can decide not to have a child, men should be able to make that choice too. I've seen a case where a woman stopped taking pills without warning his partner (who trusted her) and told him she was pregnant 4 months later (wayyy too late for abortion). Now he's forced to pay child support because of her being a selfish bitch. That's unfair
shouldn't he be responsible in avoiding pregnancies too? There are condoms and operations. Why does she solely have to change her hormones or risk her body? What that woman did was wrong but why is it always, "blame the woman" when the man never wanted a baby either. Sex is serious. It goes beyond trust. Would you jump out of a plane with your partner without a parachute even if they said they had one ready? I wouldn't. You never know what people are thinking. Be cautious.
They both knew that there was the risk of pregnancy when whatever act happened. It really boils down to this. Both parents should offer their support in whatever way they can to ensure the kid has a good life. It's not about the mother or father or if who's right or wrong, or who caused the pregnancy, blah blah blah. The child deserves the best both parents can give. It is the morally correct thing to do.
Seriously, its not like the child asked to be born into that mess. I once had a professor explain that children were never seen as people and citizens until quite recently in our generation and arguably our parents generation, evident by common accepted rules of "children should listen not speak" and "spare the rod, spoil the child". But these conversations make me think that people still could careless about the life of a child.
@stormyclouds, most irresponsible people are too selfish to think about their children and what they could do to make their lives better. For these people, it's always all about them, first and foremost.
Nah. They should be able to do a kinda financial abortion where they make it known that they're not going to support the child and that should be accepted. However, I'd say if they do that, they should relinquish any future access to the child (unless the child comes to them at 16/18/whenever and asks if they'd like to get to know each other) since you don't get the fun part of interacting with the kid without also putting in the hard work and financial support.
The fairest thing is to have a finantial abortion for men, just like women should be able to decide by themselves if to physically abort or not. Both of them should be allowed to decide if they want to be the parent of the child (and live with the consequences. od that decisio )
As long as abortion is purely up to the mother I think it's justifiable to argue men shouldn't be forced to pay. If nothing else it will serve to increase safe sex, because women will know of the man does get her pregnant she'll have the knowledge he has no obligation to help and while she can get an abortion all on her own she will still be the one to pay for it alone. The whole situation is up to her.
it's a complicated question.. like my instant answer might be no.. he shouldn't have to pay for a kid he doesn't want.. but then what if she didn't want the baby either but she has to keep it due to come complications.. something like it's too late to abort the fetus.. ? then what? bottom line.. if you're having sex.. you might as well take the responsibility for the consequences
Agreeing to have sex means agreeing to ALL the consequences even if you avoid pregnancies. If you didn't want a child, dont have sex. SIMPLE. Be an adult.
@JohnDoe3000 LOL. But it's true. If you're gonna have sex, there's a chance you're going to have a baby. It's basic sex ed. If you can't take care of or dont want a baby, even if you're avoiding consequences, don't have sex OR tie yourself up. Half of that baby is yours. But half of that baby is hers, plus her body is 100% hers, so you can't force her to have an abortion (which is actually damaging and thats why you can only have so many). You still need to take care of the 50% of the mess you made. Make a mistake, own up to it. Don't act like a child because life didn't go your way. If you don't like the argument, than make a better comeback besides that because it just reveals immaturity. Besides paying support while is the least you can do if you're not taking care of a child who just made her life much harder and changed her body.
@stormyclouds So if a woman makes a mistake she can just get an abortion but if a guy makes a mistake he has to pay for it for the next 18 years of his life? Why doesn't the woman have to own up to her mistake but the man does?
First off, not every woman wants an abortion or can have an abortion so she will be taking care of a child for 18 years too. Probably by herself if thats how you would respond. She will spend more time and money then the few hundreds you will spend. Second, do you realize what an abortion does to a woman's body? Would you want someone to go into you and scrap out a child? It's surgery. A surgery that you can only have so many times AND can lead to scarring. Not scarring on the outside, on the inside. Do you know what happens to scarring on the inside if you have too many abortions or c-sections? It builds up and literally glues your intestines together. I know of women who are in there 40s who suffer from pain everyday because of that but you can't do anything because if you remove the scar tissue then it builds up again OR its so bad it's connected the organs and you would died if you removed it. The visits, the time, the pain AND $... all of that is taxing.
The little you know about a woman "making a mistake" is frightening. A woman can't just have an abortion and everything is okay after. She pays for it clearly more than you know. Men need better sex ed and chastity belt until they figure this out. My god.
"First off, not every woman wants an abortion or can have an abortion so she will be taking care of a child for 18 years"
maybe she should've though about that before having sex
The few hundreds? Some guys are forced to pay ridiculous amounts of money for child support. And you make it sound like it's all the man's fault. It's just as much her fault as it his that she got pregnant.
"Agreeing to have sex means agreeing to ALL the consequences even if you avoid pregnancies. If you didn't want a child, dont have sex. SIMPLE. Be an adult."
Does your original comment apply to women too? Should women not have sex of they don't want a child?
LOL thats what I've been saying the whole time! Sex has consequences. If you can deal with the consequence then go for it, if you can't abstain. And obviously its directed towards women as well because I said be an adult (gender neutral). If I wanted to direct this towards guys i would have said, "Be a Man". In addition, I said pay several hundred a month. The average is 500 per month but never more than 1000 per child. Logically, the argument changed from avoiding consequences to abortion so I had to explain what happens after sex. Wow. Keep up.
I'm not really either. I don't have a political agenda I'm pushing if you're asking that. I'm pro "don't do what you don't have to your body unless its absolutely necessary". I'm pro "do whats right and healthy". If that makes me pro-choice or pro whatever than sure? However, how does that have ANYTHING to do with this conversation? My view on child support would not change no matter what my view on abortion would be. If there's a child, then support the child. Be an adult.
Though I think there should be some circumstances where you should be able to wave parental rights. Like if she lied about birth control or if a man was taken advantage of. But such things would be hard to prove.
@CT_CD ahhh that's a hard one. Unfortunately sex is for the purpose of reproduction so pregnancy is pretty much something you consent to. Then again there is the grey area of: a woman has the choice to abort the child because it's her body but the man has no say. Unfortunately because it is her body.
@Vacuum-Rats Rape involves sexual penetration, you can't rape an unborn fetus (if it even reaches the fetal stage) that's physically impossible and the two aren't comparable. If you choose to not want to pay child support then why care if she decides to abort?
Unfortunately it is her body, and in this day in age trying to impose your will on someone when it comes down to what they physically are and are not allowed to do is a difficult thing to sell to people. I support the right to abort strictly for the fact that there are some circumstances where I think some people are better off not being parents.
When a woman rapes a man, his seed is his body, yet he would have to pay child support. So basically women get to rape men, get pregnant and the law is so sexist, make him pay.
The reason I care is because the law doesn't make it even.
If people don't want to be parents, they can just not have sex to start with. They're so selfish, they have the sex and avoid the responsibilities.
@Vacuum-Rats Don't get me wrong I understand that female on male rape is rarely talked about but the question is just about child support, it isn't about rape laws so why you keep bringing this up is a bit confusing to me. Maybe you ought to write a mytake or make a question about it?
@Vacuum-Rats Yeah but you're on my opinion talking to me about it and I myself can't change the law for you. Lol. I can only state what I believe is morally correct so getting upset with me about it doesn't change anything.
If a woman gets pregnant, doesn't want to keep the baby and the guy does she gets rid of the baby anyway because "it's her body & her choice". So, If a woman gets pregnant wants to keep the child and guy doesn't she gets to keep the child but the guy should have the right to refuse paying child support because "it's his hard earned money & his choice".
Do the crime do the time. You don't want kids, don't put your dick somewhere. Condoms and other proflactics break, pills don't always work, so don't assume there is no risk.
No, if he was aware of the pregnancy before the legal abortion limit was up and officially voiced his refusal at that time, he shouldn't be forced to pay child support. Of course in that case he does waive his right to see the child as well.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
The only time I think it's really a question is when it's through deceit. Like I know a guy whose then-girlfriend wanted a baby when he did not, so she stopped taking BC and lied to him about it until it was too late. But then I think it'd be hard to make fair rules that would address that.
Sex is reproduction. .. i think he should because number one. .. if you didn't want a baby but you wanna act wild and have random sex , you pay the consequence. Either don't have sex with a woman you know you don't want kids with or get a vasectomy.
in my opinion yes. having sex to me comes with the inherent obligation that you will deal with any and all consequences that may comes with that sexual encounter
Since sex has responsibilities, why do some people try to get out of those responsibilities by using condoms? Seems they don't truly believe sex has responsibilities but what they want is better.
@Vacuum-Rats they are attempting to avoid the consequences. what's wrong with that? there are potential consequences of driving a car. we try to mitigate those consequences by following traffic laws and driving safely
sex doesn't have responsibilities but having sex can come with consequences you would be responsible for. in order to avoid those outcomes people take measures to stave them off. what's wrong wtih that?
Well it means that people who use condoms don't want the responsibilities that comes from sex. Didn't say anything about being right with or wrong with. Just stating that they don't want the responsibilities but want to do the action.
First off, the man and woman should raise the children together, not get a divorce over simple crap like spilled milk and disagreements. Your pledge was until death do us part, so stick by that and quit entering marriages lightly.
Maybe the way it's been lately, like the last 40 years but that's not the way marriage was instituted. Marriage was intended to benefit the man and woman equally.
No they shouldn't considering women have all the say on whether a child is aborted or not, so if women can opt out men should be allowed to opt out. Men in exchange for say signing their parent rights away will be able to opt out of having to make child support payments
I guess it depends on if the woman deceived the man or not making him believe that she was taking the pill. But if he was just to lazy to put a condom he has to
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