Should men have to pay child support, if they aren't actively involved in their child's lives?

[Anonymous]

[Screenwriter]

This is a sticky wicket. One side of this is about IF a man doesn't want the child, he shouldn't have to pay for it. Just as if he wanted the child and the woman decided to abort it, he shouldn't have to help with that either.

Now, there's a bill being introduced in the La. Legislature about the man having to help pay the woman's pregnancy costs.

It's a mess, isn't it? Humans love sex and humans are careless. Most people don't want to have a child just to have sex, but it happens often enough because people don't use birth control or use it sloppily, or, in many cases, because there is a margin of error, the birth control fails.

Since a man helps create a child, he is half responsible if it's born and lives, whether he wants the child or not, is involved in its life or not. It's unfortunate the chips fall this way, but they do.

A child needs the financial support of a father, who, in general, makes more than a mother, if she works. Even if the man doesn't choose to BE a father, it IS his offspring, and that is why child support is necessary, unless or until another man chooses to adopt the child at a later date.

It's not the job of the state. It's the job of the people who made the child. Children's needs need to be met.

[loveslongnails]

Interesting reply! Here are the parts I agree with:
A) "Since a man helps create a child, he is half responsible if it's born and lives, whether he wants the child or not, is involved in its life or not."
B) A child needs the financial support of a father, who, in general, makes more than a mother. Even if the man doesn't choose to BE a father, it IS his offspring, and that is why child support is necessary, unless or until another man chooses to adopt the child at a later date.
C) It's not the job of the state. It's the job of the people who made the child. Children's needs need to be met."

Agreed. However, it becomes the responsibility of the state to assist when the father is a dead beat or the mother cannot support it alone. Unless of course, you're a Republican because once it's born, it's your problem. Or if you contact an Evangelist, they might adopt your baby so they can groom it.

If you agree with A & B, you can't agree with this statement:
* IF a man doesn't want the child, he shouldn't have to pay for it * Responsibility is not dependent on the desire to keep the child, so the same would apply to the next statement:
* Just as if he wanted the child, (or didn't) and the woman decided to abort it, he shouldn't have to help with that either. If both agree to terminate the pregnancy, costs should be shared.

Now - I'd like to know EXACTLY what a guy means, or thinks he means, when he says " No, I want to have it". What is he REALLY saying? Is he saying, "I want YOU to have it, do most of the rearing, while I do whatever and contribute whenever, so later on I can say I'm a daddy?" My guess is YES.

What he doesn't mean 99% of the time, in my opinion, is, "if you don't want to raise the baby at all, just give it me, sign away your rights, and I'll raise it on my own." I submit that it's a rare case when THAT situation comes up.

[Alli39]

Generally speaking, yes. Even if it was an accidental pregnancy, he still has as much responsibly for the existence of the kid as the mother.

The only time I'm really hesitant to say yes is if he explicitly did not want a child and she intentionally got pregnant (like, secretly stopped birth control, etc) and for me that's something that should go to court to sort out because it's really all kinds of messed up. In that case I think the guy should probably be able to appeal at the very least on the grounds of due diligence.

(I even have mixed feelings if like he wanted an abortion and she didn't, simply on the grounds that I don't believe anyone should be a parent who doesn't want to be and children shouldn't be a punishment for sex, but honestly I haven't come to a decision on that one, so I'm leaving it alone for now.)

[Anonymous]

It depends. If he didn’t want the child hit she chose to keep it then I think it falls on her. If they Jory agree to having a child then yes of course. If they separated in a divorce or she got custody of the child because she wanted the kid (s) than no. It’s funny most women want full responsibility of the children during separation but they don’t want to bear the full responsibility financially. Give the child to the man and most likely he won’t ever ask her for child support. He’d just want his child and her out of his life, even if it meant paying for everything on his own. All of a sudden she’s not strong and independent anymore lol

[Asker]

What if the guy waited until she was 6 months pregnant to tell her he didn't want kids

[Flatmanlewis]

Yes. 100% yes. Trying to equate it as a way to opt out of being a parent, as the equivalent as a woman choosing an abortion, is idiotic. There simply is no equivalent and it’s pointless to seek one out. Once a child is born into the world BOTH parents should be fully committed to supporting them. If you don’t want kids then plan your sexual antics with sufficient care to have other routes than simply abandoning a child. Any man who fails to support their child is no man at all, in my mind.

[coolbreeze]

Yes because it costs a lot of money to help raise kids.

[petitedollbabee]

If his name is on the birth certificate, absolutely.

[Anonymous]

If the guy is certainly the father, and they where reckless, absolutely.

Why do I say "if the where reckless"? Firstly I define wreckless as either not taking precautions at all, or initiating sexual activity in any way without forethought to the chances of the girl getting pregnant (or worse having forthought and feeling its not their issue / problem)

I say that because in rare ocassions girls have been known to deliberately get themselves pregnant by purposefully sabotaging or avoiding precautions due to wanting children (and they effectively are gaming the guy). In this edge case, where the mother schemed to cause circumstances they would get pregnant with deliberate sabotage to contreceptive mechanisms, then I'm inclined to say that the man should have the right to be uninvolved 100%.

In all other circumstances though, men MUST pay child support regardless of involvement because they knew going into things this was a possible outcome.

Honestly, even when the girl forced the pregnancy, if the guy was seriously involved with the girl, he shouldn't shirk his responsibilty unless he was actively raped.

[OddBeMe]

Honestly there should be a legal escape clause for men, if abortion survives in the US. Logically women have a way out and it’s only fair to give men the same option. But they can’t go back on it, they are strangers to that family. Stalking and kidnapping applies if shit gets real with these guys.

[Asker]

My case is that he and I talked about one day having a family together he even proposed but than when I was 6 months into my pregnancy he sends me a message telling me he never wanted kids. Like seriously why tell me this when I am 6 months into my pregnancy and my pregnancy is high risk and after I have been told the baby may not grow or worse may not survive.

If the guy makes it known from the get go he doesn't want kids, I don't believe he should be forced to pay child support

[OddBeMe]

Well…yeah. And this is a majority issue: absent fathers, and moms trying to get child support.

Way down the list are men’s rights. So don’t worry about that now. Just make sure he’s always in yours and the court’s crosshairs. Might be good to have a lawyer draw up paperwork t scare him into paying child support.

But then again, he might just be jumpy. I proposed to my wife, then had a panic attack. Not that I regretted it. But she was calling all our parents, making huge plans five minutes after she gets the ring and I broke down.

I came to ten minutes later and shook it off. It was am incredibly perfect wedding. Photographer used too high a flash tho. Never let her hear the end of it.

[TheSpaceGnome]

If you have a child, you and the other parent should be financially responsible for raising the child. It is not a problem that fathers have to pay, the problem is that mothers don't. A father who is no longer with the mother, should never be forced ro become the sole provider. He should pay for 50% of the childcare, just like she should.

[Anonymous]

I think if women have a right an abortion (and I think they should) than men should have a right to to a paper abortion (no legal or financial responsibility). It took 2 people to conceive the child and should be the decision of 2 people whether they want to keep it. If one person wants to keep it and the other doesn't than that person has to raise the child without the support of the other, but won't have legal guardianship rights. Women also have many more options of birth control (men only have 2). So, they are more in control of preventing pregnancy.

However, if the father wants to see his child or take part in raising the child (even partially) then he'll need to pay child support. If the mother refuses to let the father see his child she should then have no right to child support unless father is proven to been dangerous or sufficiently unfit to raise or be around he child.

[Asker]

What If he didn't say he didn't want kids until she 6 months into her pregnancy and that's when he decided to say oh I don't want kids with you?

[Opinion Owner]

The father and mother both need to decide during the time where an abortion is possible and feasible. A yes from the father is final and he is responsible for the child because it's no longer possible for the woman to abort now that she knows the father doesn't want to support.

[Kaamraj]

If abortion is legal then so should financial abortion be legal also. If a man has sex resulting in a pregnancy then the woman should communicate that as soon as possible and if he doesn't want to be the father then either abort or not get any child support.

[Asker]

What if she did communicate with him but he didn't to not say anything until she was 6 months into her pregnancy to tell her he didn't want kids

[Kaamraj]

Then if she can prove she tried to communicate then it should be taken as his consent. The same argument can be made when a man has sex but doesn't know the woman is pregnant and years later hit with pending child support.

[tzdc21]

Here's how I see it is if a man and a woman are in a relationship, she gets pregnant and the man outright says that he doesn't want a child, but she does, and she decides to keep it, now she can put him on the hook for child support for a child that he never wanted. She's making HIM responsible, for HER choice, and that's screwed up. So I think that he should have a legal put with child support just as women, in some states still, have a legal out for pregnancy in abortions.

[NobodyXox]

I don't think so. Women can abort the child without the dad's approval. So I think it's fair to give the dad a chance to back out as well.
But if he deliberately impregnated you or accepted the child when it's born I think he should be held responsible and support the mom and child.

[Heolurt]

No, I think men should be able to opt out of child support even if they want to be in the child's life, men have no reproductive rights so technically the kid isn't ours, it just happens to share our DNA, financial responsibility should land on the one who gets to decide if the child is born or not or if they want to give the kid up for adoption, we don't have a say in any of that so why should we be forced to give our money to something we have no say in.

[spartan55]

That's pretty twisted logic.

[serious_miss419]

Blah blah then use a condom

[Asker]

If you don't want kids either don't have sex or go and get snipped. You choose to have knowing there is always a possibility of pregnancy happening so man up and take responsibility

[Heolurt]

No need, I abstain from relationships and sex, for so many obvious reasons.

However my argument also includes all the times females do some shady shit to get pregnant or trick a guy into getting them pregnant, even still I don't think any guy should be having unprotected sex unless him and his partner are aiming for pregnancy, but ultimately it is the females choice who she lets into her body and who she allows to use condoms or not, "oh but he was manipulative" well it was your choice to let the manipulation to work. "He pulled the condom off and I didn't know" call the cops, abort the baby, it's all your choice only one stopping you from making it is you.

[Heolurt]

@serious_miss419 yes all guys should use a condom and bring their own to such encounters, but what happens if the girl pokes holes or tampers with the condom? Still the guys fault right, I bet that's your answer.

[Heolurt]

@spartan55 I think it's pretty sound logic.

[Lionman95]

I say yes because they had their fair share of creating their child. It also teaches a guy a lesson that sex isn´t just pleasure and allows him to prove that he is mature and take the consequences of his actions. It´s not easy being a man I know but life isn´t easy for anyone.

[qwert1234]

Yes.

But Child Support should not be monetary. Or if monetary, should be reimbursable, not in advanced. Reimbursement limit is determined by Judge.

It's Child Support - not ex-wife support.

Child support should be re-calculated the moment the income changes, or situation changes (ie: man/ex-wife now has medical condition.)

Sorry, I am a bit stingy about child support, I know a few women who abuse this and a few men who went "bankrupt" because of this.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

If a child is born, both parents have a responsibility to take care of that child. That includes financial support.

If a father chooses not to be involved in his child's life, he still needs to provide financial support for that child.

So a father has a responsibility to support his child, whether he is actively involved in the child's life or not.

[inhua]

if women have the choice to abort a baby, then a man should have the choice of whether he chooses to pay child support or not

[Asker]

While i agree with what you said. men should also be honest about what they really want and not sit there spending time telling the girl how he one day wants to have a family with her only to tell her when she is 6 months into her pregnancy that he didn't want kids

He is the one who also proposed and asked me to marry him and than he waited until I was 6 months along to tell me he never wanted kids with me. I've kept evidence of this for my baby for when baby is older.

[inhua]

yeah that's a scummy thing to do. no one should have to put up with lies and false promises

dudes like that get kicked out of the brotherhood. can't rely on someone who swears to be ride or die with his bros only to run away when the going gets tough

[rigmarole]

Child support shouldn't even exist. Equal parenting time responsibility is what is needed. Split the time between the parents. When the kid is your responsibility parent them how you see fit and pay what needs paying for.

[panda2712]

Well my farther had nothing to do with me (but he wanted a baby girl) and when he got one he up and left when I was born pretty much (he wanted a baby girl because he had 2 boys already and when he got what he wanted he fucked off and now I have absolutely nothing to do with him I haven’t had contact with him since I was 5) and he never paid child support and my mum was struggling so I’m sorry but not sorry if I come off as rude to your comment as me and my mother went through hell as my farther did whatever he liked with his life (he was working a successful job at the time too so no excuse about money)

[panda2712]

I do agree with you about the split parenting but when one of them gives up completely and doesn’t want you in their life then that’s fucked

[rigmarole]

@panda2712 Sure that goes both ways. Women abort children all the time because they don't want the kid. Some women put them up for adoption because they don't want to care for them. Some women are just absent and disappear for weeks and run the streets as drug addicts and prostitutes while their kids are living in a home in government housing without food or clothing. Other women neglect their children and sometimes use their children to carry out crimes (i. e. shoplifting) and the kids are taken away in put into group homes because the mother is irresponsible and abusive. Sometimes mothers get postpartum depression and drown their baby in a bathtub. Either parent can be a shithead. That doesn't change my opinion on child support or equal responsibility for parenting.

[Sour-rose]

Welll... mmmmm... can't really say yes or no. They pay, and they will be remembered forever, even when they don't want to. If they don't, they live free... but will never forget that they have a biological child... somewhere.

[SashaRose]

Of course he should. He should have have taken that “don’t want to get involved” attitude before he stuck his dick in her. The least he can do is pay child support, if he’s not willing to do anything else.

[Anemone978]

Depends if he wanted the kid or not.. if he told to abort and she didn't that is her fault.. but the guy can always sign his rights away so he don't have to..

[Asker]

What If the guy didn't tell her until her last trimester that he didn't want kids

[Anemone978]

Well if he knew she was pregnant that is just stupid.. but yeah he should have to at that point.. but there are always around it where guys don't pay.. that is why you should never let a man put babies inside you unless married.

[Mansearching]

@anemone978 Not in Texas. State supreme court ruled that the state will not let a child be a bastard child. If father is proven, they will pay child support period end of story. Regardless if father is connected or not.

[Anemone978]

@Mansearching Interesting.. even if they guy lives with his parents and works under the table?

[Mansearching]

Correct. If he's a minor in some circumstances his parents would be paying the support to her parents if she's a minor also.

[Anemone978]

@Mansearching Good to know lol

[Mansearching]

@anemone978 only until he turns 18 then he would have to start paying child support or go to jail. When he gets out he'll have to pay until he catches up past payments etc...

[OlderAndWiser]

Should children be denied support from a parent who simply decides they don't want to be involved? Should taxpayers be required to support children simply because the parents are irresponsible?

[Wonderingguyy]

Yes. even though they aren’t involved In their life, they still made this baby and should help pay to feed it, educate it, and keep a roof over its head. Like I said, the man is the one that fertilised the egg.