Why can't I seem to attract anyone and yet everyone thinks I'm great for some reason ?

[Anonymous]

So that's what I look like :

I'm 19 in college getting an AA in natural sciences wanting to major in chemistry. I want to become a chemical engineer, researcher or analytical chemist ( I haven't quite decided just yet). I work at a bookstore for a living mainly working cafe and sometimes doing register. I'm honest if nothing else, to the point where I could easily offend someone. My interests include anime, manga, Japan, Art, Chemistry, MBTI psychology, Quantum Physics, learning about history, learning about evil dictators, and random cute things like Pusheen the cat. My hobbies include manga collecting, cooking, reading, drawling, singing or learning random facts. For those who are aware of the 16 personality types I'm an Turbulent-INTJ Female

I look as white as a cracker, obviously I don't get outside much, I'm also fat. My ethnicity is English, Irish and Hungarian although I was born an American in Schenectady NY. I'm very unaware of my emotional and physical state of being and am extremely oblivious. I constantly forget to eat but when I don;t forget I'll eat anything. The last thing I am is street smart. I'm not looking for romance desperately but I do wonder why no one ever seems to be slightly attracted to me. For whatever reason it bothers me, probably human nature. My co-workers, friends, family and professors seem to think nicely of me so it perplexes me to think that no ones ever been interested. I'm no Marie Antoinette or Jenifer Lopez but I'm not exactly a wicked witch of the west either.

Please explain to me what is it about me that deters people away from getting to know me. I may not be everyone's cup of tea however I believe that asking this may increase my world view on myself since I will get to see other people perspective on how I am. I can try to guess at how people see me all day however there will always be a certain level of unpredictability since I can not witness my self for what others think of me. Thank you for helping me.

[hybridhavoc]

I think this is less about you, and more about how technology, online dating, hookup apps like Tinder and others have all contributed to greatly widening our social circles. It used to be that you were limited to the people geographically pretty close to you, in terms of dating prospects. Now we can all hop on Tinder and see a fresh new batch of pretty faces within 100 miles. It causes us to revalue physical attributes and change our standards.

While I try to avoid "ranking" people, for the purposes of this explanation I'll use the common 1 - 10 ranking. I should not be wasting my time talking to anybody that's a 5 or higher. But when I know through dating websites that there are so many available women relatively close by that are very attractive, there begins to be a little voice in the back of my head telling me "There's got to be one out there that will settle for you." Intellectually I know this is stupid. But it's the sort of thing that one WANTS to believe.

And so we keep swiping, convinced that some miracle partner is just a few screens away when, in the absence of that technology, we could find somebody that has a good shot at making us happy right down the block.

[slatyb]

Are you making an effort to be friendly with others? If you are, but aren't getting the responses you would like, then either your approach is awkward or your expectations are unrealistic. You are in college, are you participating in any social activities outside class? That's a great way to make friends. But don't hang back, step up and do the work necessary to make things happen.

[btbc92]

Okay for some things, being an INTJ can be hard because if your not emotionally outward it can turn people away. At the same time they aren't interested because they aren't sexually attracted to you and all they want sex. If you don't try to be sexual with them or dress in a matter of showing skin to seduce men, you can forget it. You should NEVER do it. But that is why. You are less likely to find a guy who is willing to love you for you like this. I'm sorry. It's extremely hard. You look really pretty. You're looks should not be the issue. But sadly too many people are very shallow. If they aren't attracted to your looks, that's okay. But the issue is they're reasons aren't as genuine and they find you boring.

[Anonymous]

Honestly... the look on your face... I think a guy of substance would be very happy with you. I say the look on your face because... it's very different from mine. It's full of joy, excitement, hope... you still trust, have dreams, and you're definitely a thoughtful and go getter type of person. I have dreams too, but the look on my face and feeling in my heart is NOTHING like yours. Don't worry about whoever these guys are... because 1 will surprise you. You have substance... and 1 day, so will your other half. ALWAYS quality over quantity. You'll be surprised. People always are by me when they see how I baby hurt animals and take them in and care for them... it's NOT what people assume of me. I like it that way... it quickly self eliminates those who DONT have any character worth a crap-which is most. You're discovering that. Quality beats quantity... just take some time to unearth it, that's all.

[Nat_Figger]

I'm an INTJ-A, and you have to realise that some of us seem like were on the spectrum.
Cool it with the social obliviousness and autistic stuff.

Also, being smart can be seen as a threat to a guy. They want to be the one in control.

PS - You're kind of hard on the eyes, that's why.

[Loon309]

Maybe they like your personality but are simply not attracted to fat girls. Look for someone fat too or start taking care of yourself better and you'll probably find someone.

[WalterRadio]

Yeah, you are going to have a tough time.

You might find someone when you get to a university or into a lab.

[FxckBoy]

"Please explain to me what is it about me that deters people away from getting to know me." By 'people' do you mean guys or just people in general?

[WayneGolden]

Be patient. Your knowledge and interest may be intimidating men your age.

[Anonymous]

they like your personality but not your look

you can try towork out and lose some weight

[Nahid1234]

You have nice hair